Kids and luxuries...

[The Captain]

So growing up we had what we needed, but not a lot of extras.  For DD (only child, only grandchild on my side) it's a bit different.

Well, it's really different.  DH and I try very hard not to spoil her but don't know sometimes what is reasonable and unreasonable.

Take mani's and pedi's for example.  I didn't have my first professional manicure until I was 27 (the day of my wedding).  My first professional pedicure was to celebrate my 35th birthday.  Even now I only treat myself to them maybe 2-3 times a year (I may be upping that though).

Had a pedi yesterday.  DD saw my pretty toes and said she wanted a pedi also!!!  She's 11 for pete's sake.

She wants one for her 12th birthday.  Says she has friends who go and have them done with their moms all the time (and I believe her).

Have times really changed that much?  Am I spoiling her if I start letting her get pedi's at the age of 12 and ruining her chance to be a good YM'r for life?

[ArchietheDragon]

Sept 17, 2014 7:17:10 GMT -5 The Captain said:

So growing up we had what we needed, but not a lot of extras.  For DD (only child, only grandchild on my side) it's a bit different.

Well, it's really different.  DH and I try very hard not to spoil her but don't know sometimes what is reasonable and unreasonable.

Take mani's and pedi's for example.  I didn't have my first professional manicure until I was 27 (the day of my wedding).  My first professional pedicure was to celebrate my 35th birthday.  Even now I only treat myself to them maybe 2-3 times a year (I may be upping that though).

Had a pedi yesterday.  DD saw my pretty toes and said she wanted a pedi also!!!  She's 11 for pete's sake.

She wants one for her 12th birthday.  Says she has friends who go and have them done with their moms all the time (and I believe her).

Have times really changed that much?  Am I spoiling her if I start letting her get pedi's at the age of 12 and ruining her chance to be a good YM'r for life?

Times have changed, but that is progress.   The next generation hopefully always has it better than the previous one.    

That said, both my girls have had multiple professional mani-pedis and they are 5 and 2.   It does make me a little crazy. 

[wvugurl26]

Sept 17, 2014 7:17:10 GMT -5 The Captain said:

So growing up we had what we needed, but not a lot of extras.  For DD (only child, only grandchild on my side) it's a bit different.

Well, it's really different.  DH and I try very hard not to spoil her but don't know sometimes what is reasonable and unreasonable.

Take mani's and pedi's for example.  I didn't have my first professional manicure until I was 27 (the day of my wedding).  My first professional pedicure was to celebrate my 35th birthday.  Even now I only treat myself to them maybe 2-3 times a year (I may be upping that though).

Had a pedi yesterday.  DD saw my pretty toes and said she wanted a pedi also!!!  She's 11 for pete's sake.

She wants one for her 12th birthday.  Says she has friends who go and have them done with their moms all the time (and I believe her).

Have times really changed that much?  Am I spoiling her if I start letting her get pedi's at the age of 12 and ruining her chance to be a good YM'r for life?

Full disclaimer of I don't have kids. I do see my aunt struggle with this with her two daughters. She makes very good money by herself and her husband also works. She wants them to have nice things but she doesn't want them to be bratty about it.

For manicures/pedicures, she takes them with her sometimes as a treat. She doesn't always take them and they know that. Like before they went on vacation this summer all three of them got pedicures. It's a mommy/daughters thing for them.

I know it's a hard line to find but my thoughts are if they know it's a treat and don't expect/demand it then you are doing fine. I think that varies from kid to kid and only you know how your daughter is. My aunt's kids know she works hard to earn that money. The oldest has a part time job at JC Penney. Both kids pet sit for her coworkers when they are out of town.

[billisonboard]

A thing that I thought about was a progression of activities and material goods.  "If they get this now, if they can do this now, what will they be allowed to have and do next year, and the year after?  Is there going to be anything left for them to mature into when they are fifteen, sixteen, seventeen? "

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 17, 2014 7:17:10 GMT -5 The Captain said:

So growing up we had what we needed, but not a lot of extras.  For DD (only child, only grandchild on my side) it's a bit different.

Well, it's really different.  DH and I try very hard not to spoil her but don't know sometimes what is reasonable and unreasonable.

Take mani's and pedi's for example.  I didn't have my first professional manicure until I was 27 (the day of my wedding).  My first professional pedicure was to celebrate my 35th birthday.  Even now I only treat myself to them maybe 2-3 times a year (I may be upping that though).

Had a pedi yesterday.  DD saw my pretty toes and said she wanted a pedi also!!!  She's 11 for pete's sake.

She wants one for her 12th birthday.  Says she has friends who go and have them done with their moms all the time (and I believe her).

Have times really changed that much?  Am I spoiling her if I start letting her get pedi's at the age of 12 and ruining her chance to be a good YM'r for life?

She's just asking for one on a special occasion and since she will be getting presents on her birthday this counts as a present. What you do from that point on is your choice, you control the situation. And yes times have changed like ArchietheDragon says. Nothing new there, it's just the natural order of things  

[whoisjohngalt]

I remember getting my manicures when I was young with my mom.  The funny thing is when I got older, I never thought of it as pampering or anything special.  Same for pedicures.  I just went to get it done for the end result, not to sit there and "relax"

As far as spoiling kids - I think it's less about what they get and more about the attitude and the idea behind it.

I pretty much brainwashed   taught my kids at this point that anything beyond the very basic - is what we WANT to give them, but we don't have to.  It is at our discretion.  And so is every gift they get from anyone else.  People don't have to give them anything.

I can't think of an example that would be comparable to meni/pedi thing, but when it comes to activities I try make it happen. 

May be look at this as an opportunity of some quality time with your DD?  Something she can look back at and say "yeah, I always did this with my mom and had the bestest time" ?

[Deleted]

My kids have lots of things I didn't. But they are exceedingly grateful. They always say thank you. They always ask and don't assume. 

Some of that might be because they have cousins that still live in a Romanian village? Some of that might be because we are around lots of kids who aren't as lucky? Some might be because we talk about it a lot? And if they weren't grateful and good kids, the extras would stop? 

Eta: Oh, and work too. My kids have always worked, chores around the house, pushing lawn mowers by ten, 14 with the business...

[The Captain]

Sept 17, 2014 7:41:00 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

A thing that I thought about was a progression of activities and material goods.  "If they get this now, if they can do this now, what will they be allowed to have and do next year, and the year after?  Is there going to be anything left for them to mature into when they are fifteen, sixteen, seventeen? "

Yea, this.  I couldn't put it into words as well as you did, billisonboard. 

Though to be honest, so far DD is pretty modest (as was her cousin whom she adores THANK GOD) when it comes to clothing.  Now granted, she's only 11 but I  that doesn't change.  She doesn't seem to be in as much of a hurry to "grow up" as some of her friends.

[zibazinski]

Whew! You are lucky. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Actually, I don't think the pedicure is such a bad idea, from a health standpoint, if you want to justify it. It teaches the girls how to properly cut and file their toenails (you'd be surprised how easy it is to mess this up and give yourself an infection) and also teach good foot hygiene. It's mom and daughter bonding time, and also time for a little girl-to-girl giggle time.

I'd say treat her on a special occasion like her birthday, but if it's to become a regular habit, then she should earn it (with chores) or pay for it out of her allowance. She should understand that it's indeed a luxury, not a need, and she is fortunate to have parents like The Captain and Mr. Captain who love her.

[The Captain]

Sept 17, 2014 8:27:32 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Actually, I don't think the pedicure is such a bad idea, from a health standpoint, if you want to justify it. It teaches the girls how to properly cut and file their toenails (you'd be surprised how easy it is to mess this up and give yourself an infection) and also teach good foot hygiene. It's mom and daughter bonding time, and also time for a little girl-to-girl giggle time.

I'd say treat her on a special occasion like her birthday, but if it's to become a regular habit, then she should earn it (with chores) or pay for it out of her allowance. She should understand that it's indeed a luxury, not a need, and she is fortunate to have parents like The Captain and Mr. Captain who love her.

I've already been accused of child abuse due to the amount of chores she does.   We have a point system and she can "earn" up to $7-9 a week for doing the extras.  She is expected to do a decent amount of chores as her contribution to the household/her cell phone.

Here's her list:

Chores as part of family/cover her cell phone:

1.  Give cats fresh dry food and water every morning
2.  Take out garbage and recycling as needed
3.  Give cats soft food every evening (with joint supplement)
4.  Clean litterboxes daily.
5.  Homework

(Note there is a reason most of the chores revolves around taking care of the kitties, we want to make sure she knows what it's like to be responsible for someone/something that can't speak for itself).

Chores to earn extra cash:
1. Sort, wash, and fold laundry
2.  Take the mail in everyday
3.  Empty the sink and dishwasher as needed
4.  Brush cats
5.  Weed garden beds
6.  Straighten house as needed.
7.  Clean up cat puke (she gets a buck per puke, we both consider it a bargain! , it being shedding season she's raking in the dough!)
8.  Cook dinner (so far she knows how to do one thing - Matzo ball soup)

Now honestly, I usually end up rotating the laundry and helping her fold, but she gets full "credit".  I'm more interested in her knowing how to do laundry and being aware that it's not easier to put something in the hamper as opposed  to hanging it up or putting it away.  We also usually work on the other chores together, which is fine. 

So - what else would you add to her list of "abusive" menial tasks?

[NancysSummerSip]

Sept 17, 2014 8:43:26 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Sept 17, 2014 8:27:32 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Actually, I don't think the pedicure is such a bad idea, from a health standpoint, if you want to justify it. It teaches the girls how to properly cut and file their toenails (you'd be surprised how easy it is to mess this up and give yourself an infection) and also teach good foot hygiene. It's mom and daughter bonding time, and also time for a little girl-to-girl giggle time.

I'd say treat her on a special occasion like her birthday, but if it's to become a regular habit, then she should earn it (with chores) or pay for it out of her allowance. She should understand that it's indeed a luxury, not a need, and she is fortunate to have parents like The Captain and Mr. Captain who love her.

I've already been accused of child abuse due to the amount of chores she does.   We have a point system and she can "earn" up to $7-9 a week for doing the extras.  She is expected to do a decent amount of chores as her contribution to the household/her cell phone.

Here's her list:

Chores as part of family/cover her cell phone:

1.  Give cats fresh dry food and water every morning
2.  Take out garbage and recycling as needed
3.  Give cats soft food every evening (with joint supplement)
4.  Clean litterboxes daily.
5.  Homework

(Note there is a reason most of the chores revolves around taking care of the kitties, we want to make sure she knows what it's like to be responsible for someone/something that can't speak for itself).

Chores to earn extra cash:
1. Sort, wash, and fold laundry
2.  Take the mail in everyday
3.  Empty the sink and dishwasher as needed
4.  Brush cats
5.  Weed garden beds
6.  Straighten house as needed.
7.  Clean up cat puke (she gets a buck per puke, we both consider it a bargain! , it being shedding season she's raking in the dough!)
8.  Cook dinner (so far she knows how to do one thing - Matzo ball soup)

Now honestly, I usually end up rotating the laundry and helping her fold, but she gets full "credit".  I'm more interested in her knowing how to do laundry and being aware that it's not easier to put something in the hamper as opposed  to hanging it up or putting it away.  We also usually work on the other chores together, which is fine. 

So - what else would you add to her list of "abusive" menial tasks?

Does she enjoy the cooking? If so, I'd start adding more dishes to her repertoire. She'll have to know how to feed herself someday, and it's never too early to learn the healthy basics.
I'd make it fair, though. She can cook both what she wants and what you want, as long as it's scratch, or mostly scratch. And do the basics, like how to make a good omelet or scramble eggs (harder than you think to get them perfect, and for her first real boyfriend, she will want to be able to do that. Trust me. ), simple sauces and gravies, maybe roasting a whole small chicken or some red potatoes or root vegetables. Your girl is a pre-teen, right? That's getting old enough to learn some basic knife skills (with you there, of course) and how to pick perfect produce at the farmer's market or grocery store. She may roll her eyes now, but someday, she'll thank you. I learned all my foodie skills very, very early. I am grateful every single day.

[Deleted]

Mowing. Window washing. Vacuuming. Mopping. Clean the car (beyond her own contribution to the mess). Toilets. Cooking.

[gooddecisions]

I look at these things as chores rather than "treats", so no I wouldn't consider it spoiling. I'll make an appointment if I must look nice for an event. If my daughter wanted me to take her, I would but I can think of a million more exciting activities than paying for painted nails. Manicures are right up there with doctor's appointments and car maintenance. Since I don't get my own done, I doubt my daughters will think twice about it unless there is social influence from peers.

[Chocolate Lover]

I think as a one time event/gift it'd be ok. If she was expecting you to pay to have her nails done every couple of weeks, that'd be a different thing altogether.  

I have a bigger issue with the "every day" wants. Like a smart phone. DD is 12, she bought her own iPod touch after Christmas and now she wants an iPhone. She has a stupid phone with a slide out keyboard. The same kind that I just replaced for her older brother who is 17, and will be 18 in a few months. He didn't even want a smart phone, just to replace his because the screen quit. It was cheaper to upgrade to a not iPhone than to replace the dead one. Our plan cost didn't go up so it was a no brainer really. He was happy with the $100 phone though, she wants the $600 one. 

[gooddecisions]

Sept 17, 2014 11:07:27 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I think as a one time event/gift it'd be ok. If she was expecting you to pay to have her nails done every couple of weeks, that'd be a different thing altogether.  

I have a bigger issue with the "every day" wants. Like a smart phone. DD is 12, she bought her own iPod touch after Christmas and now she wants an iPhone. She has a stupid phone with a slide out keyboard. The same kind that I just replaced for her older brother who is 17, and will be 18 in a few months. He didn't even want a smart phone, just to replace his because the screen quit. It was cheaper to upgrade to a not iPhone than to replace the dead one. Our plan cost didn't go up so it was a no brainer really. He was happy with the $100 phone though, she wants the $600 one. 

This lifestyle creep scares the crap out of me. I've never had a smart phone and currently don't have a cell phone at all as of 5 months ago when I lost my reliable 2005 flip phone and decided I didn't care enough to replace it. My husband has a smart phone and his work paid for the phone and pays for the plan. If my kid came to me with that, I'd say "you can have one when you have an important job like Daddy and they pay for it". But, then I try to lead by example and do without as well (although it is no big sacrifice).

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 17, 2014 11:19:16 GMT -5 gooddecisions said:

Sept 17, 2014 11:07:27 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I think as a one time event/gift it'd be ok. If she was expecting you to pay to have her nails done every couple of weeks, that'd be a different thing altogether.  

I have a bigger issue with the "every day" wants. Like a smart phone. DD is 12, she bought her own iPod touch after Christmas and now she wants an iPhone. She has a stupid phone with a slide out keyboard. The same kind that I just replaced for her older brother who is 17, and will be 18 in a few months. He didn't even want a smart phone, just to replace his because the screen quit. It was cheaper to upgrade to a not iPhone than to replace the dead one. Our plan cost didn't go up so it was a no brainer really. He was happy with the $100 phone though, she wants the $600 one. 

This lifestyle creep scares the crap out of me. I've never had a smart phone and currently don't have a cell phone at all as of 5 months ago when I lost my reliable 2005 flip phone and decided I didn't care enough to replace it. My husband has a smart phone and his work paid for the phone and pays for the plan. If my kid came to me with that, I'd say "you can have one when you have an important job like Daddy and they pay for it". But, then I try to lead by example and do without as well (although it is no big sacrifice).

My general answer to "I want this expensive thing when this less expensive thing will work" is "I don't have one, you're not getting one" OR "Get a job and buy one"  My 2 oldest have laptops because they saved up their money and because DS knows how to find a good deal. Both of them have refurbished ones and he will replace parts (keyboard, hard drive) if needed. He found his and hers when she decided to buy one. DS didn't see the point of having a smart phone, he has internet access wherever he is at this point because they have laptops for school (school provides, we pay a fee) and access at home. DD isn't so practical.

I just got MY smart phone this past Feb because my 5 year old one finally literally fell apart.

ETA: my kids have phones because I don't have a landline. They each got one as they got old enough to leave at home alone and the phone had to stay at the house, not travel to school with them in the beginning. 

[suesinfl]

Middle school are peer pressure are terrible. When my DD was that age, she wanted to get all her clothes from the mall, get mani and pedis because all her friends were doing it. Well I was not a good parent for a couple of years because I wouldn't fall for that crap, plus I couldn't afford it. She has had them for homecoming and prom as a special treat.

Fast-forward to the 11th grader. She works pt on the weekends, plays HS volleyball, softball and is on a traveling volleyball team in the winter/spring. She can't stand the mall (too over priced), cannot not wear fake nails because of sports (and she now has to pay for them herself). She now pays for her gas(gosh mom, it's so expensive), pay for any extras that she want (gosh mom, why is everything so expensive).

It was a different story when I was paying for things. She is even refusing to go to some of the food places that her teams go to because "the food is over priced crap". Well, she goes, she doesn't get anything to eat.

She and her brother have always had chores, but she could not make the connection between work and the cost of wants. I'm still working on her brother, but he's not as bad.

All that to say, that as a special treat, not spoiling, expected event possibly spoiling.  

[Deleted]

where do all your under 18 kids get money? gifts from relatives? jobs in the family business?  I'm not up for making up jobs around the house for them to earn money - too much bookkeeping....while she's only 11 now that may work.  so if your kid needed a computer for school and didn't have the money would you just tell them too bad?  I've purchased my kids' phones, laptops (DD's was a BD gift, but it was still $600), clothing, activity fees, grooming (DD needed her eyebrows waxed starting around 13), etc.  I don't understand why everything must be earned instead of just being able to give your kid something without thinking they're going to becoming a spoiled brat.

also to me, luxuries are designer clothes or a sports car when you're 16 or something like that but then they're also the kinds of things to get your kid as a birthday or christmas gift.

[suesinfl]

Sept 17, 2014 17:15:22 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

where do all your under 18 kids get money? gifts from relatives? jobs in the family business?  I'm not up for making up jobs around the house for them to earn money - too much bookkeeping....while she's only 11 now that may work.  so if your kid needed a computer for school and didn't have the money would you just tell them too bad?  I've purchased my kids' phones, laptops (DD's was a BD gift, but it was still $600), clothing, activity fees, grooming (DD needed her eyebrows waxed starting around 13), etc.  I don't understand why everything must be earned instead of just being able to give your kid something without thinking they're going to becoming a spoiled brat.

also to me, luxuries are designer clothes or a sports car when you're 16 or something like that but then they're also the kinds of things to get your kid as a birthday or christmas gift.

Well in my experience, kids under 18 who are not old enough to have a job, do extra around the house to compensate for not being able to make money. Once old enough, they get pt jobs to cover their wants.

Computer for school need-I pay for, phones-need, I pay for (I don't have a landline and am gone 12-14 hrs. a day), activity fees-want, but I pay for, grooming-want/need-I may or they may pay for depending on what it is.

It has also been MY experience, that kids that don't do chores or have a pt job and are given all they want, don't understand the value of a dollar or having to work to receive what they want. They are the ones who are usually spoiled. YMMV.

[Ryan]

My parents were the type that made me earn money to do stuff and didn't indulge in "treats" very often.  I actually hated it growing up and even looking back I'm not sure it was the best approach.  Even when they were making good money, my parents would have an attitude that went like this.  If we wanted to go the pumpkin farm, they might say "It's overpriced. You can get pumpkins at the grocery store for 1/3 the price".  While I understood it from a rational standpoint, it means you miss out on a lot of potential fun with the kids.

I used to be so envious of my friends who would do stuff like that as a kid (apple picking, pumpkin farms, trips downtown, museum, trips to the movies, etc).  Even if we went someplace cool, we were still kinda constrained because my parents were cheapskates once we got through the door.  

I don't hold any ill-will towards them because they were good parents and I had all I needed, but at the same time I don't want my kids to constantly be thinking about money in every situation since you miss out on too much.  

[Deleted]

Sept 17, 2014 21:25:42 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Sept 17, 2014 17:15:22 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

where do all your under 18 kids get money? gifts from relatives? jobs in the family business?  I'm not up for making up jobs around the house for them to earn money - too much bookkeeping....while she's only 11 now that may work.  so if your kid needed a computer for school and didn't have the money would you just tell them too bad?  I've purchased my kids' phones, laptops (DD's was a BD gift, but it was still $600), clothing, activity fees, grooming (DD needed her eyebrows waxed starting around 13), etc.  I don't understand why everything must be earned instead of just being able to give your kid something without thinking they're going to becoming a spoiled brat.

also to me, luxuries are designer clothes or a sports car when you're 16 or something like that but then they're also the kinds of things to get your kid as a birthday or christmas gift.

Well in my experience, kids under 18 who are not old enough to have a job, do extra around the house to compensate for not being able to make money. Once old enough, they get pt jobs to cover their wants.

Computer for school need-I pay for, phones-need, I pay for (I don't have a landline and am gone 12-14 hrs. a day), activity fees-want, but I pay for, grooming-want/need-I may or they may pay for depending on what it is.

It has also been MY experience, that kids that don't do chores or have a pt job and are given all they want, don't understand the value of a dollar or having to work to receive what they want. They are the ones who are usually spoiled. YMMV.

so doing chores around the house that parents pay for still means that parents are paying.  like I said, I'm too lazy to come up with things my kids can do for money around the house - they've already been doing their laundry for years, they aren't touching mine, they do the dishwasher and litter box when told, take out trash/recycling, do yard work, etc. I also take issue with activities being a want - I expected my kids to be in sports and do other things - if I told them they had to earn money to pay for it they would have said not interested.

and your experience would be wrong.  I didn't do too many chores growing up and my parents paid for gas and car insurance and even gave me spending money when I went out.  I didn't have a car until I was almost a senior in college - my dad thought it would be stupid for me to spend money I earned on a car when there was always one available for my use. 

[suesinfl]

No MY experience is not wrong. It is what I have seen, not always, but in so many families. YOUR experience may have been different, but not MINE. I"M not paying for the chores to be done, they had to be done anyways, but I was/am teaching MY kids that you have WORK for extras that they may want. MY kids know that if they want extras that I am not willing to pay for willingly, they have to "earn" their wants and then I will pay for them.

You can take any issue that you want, but if MY kids want something bad enough, the have to show me that they really do and not just "say" they do and then I pay for said activities and then they don't give said activities their all. Waste of my time and money and doesn't teach kids that sometimes they have to stick with some the decisions that they make.

It's a about one's perspective, we all lead different lives, have different experiences and have different priorities. What works for one person, does not mean that it works for all. It is what sets us apart and makes the world a wonderful place to live. Imagine how boring life would be if everyone lived the same way.

[Shooby]

Our lifestyles are different than our parents. I take DD for mani/pedis now and then. Why not? It's fun and she enjoys it. And, yeah, the kids have a lot of STUFF. But, they are also required to contribute at home. I do not pay for chores. Part of living in this house and being a family is that there is work that has to be done and no, they don't get paid for that. Sometimes I might pay them for doing some above and beyond things, but doing chores is part and parcel to live here.
And, if your kids are starting to act entitled and bratty, then maybe you need to scale back a bit on the stuff. But, if not, then it isn't wrong to give them those things.

[whoisjohngalt]

I had such totally different experience growing up that I am ubberly fascinated with the "american way".

I can't see myself paying for anything house-related.  It just doesn't make sense to me.  But I also don't see  myself "charging" my kids for things before they are legally able to work. 

But then again, I also don't like the whole "allowance" idea.

This shall be interesting....

[Deleted]

Well, I think there should be things I won't pay for, that if the kids want they need to either wait for (birthday/Christmas) or earn it themselves. I don't know that it matters so much where that line is, so long as there is one....? So long as they started to understand words/concepts like priorities and delayed gratification, and what the process of spending money looks and feels like. 

I ran into the 6 year old neighbor boy at the fair last night and he excitedly told me what he 'spent his OWN money' on... It's different when it's yours...

House related, I don't pay for the tasks of daily living. We all pick up after ourselves and kids do dishes, laundry, take out garbge, feed dogs, clean their rooms... 

But irregular tasks, I pay for... Even if I'm still paying, once it becomes their 'own' money, it's different, their thoughts and actions about it are different. How they spend it, how they value it, are a bit different...  I think that's important.

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 17, 2014 17:15:22 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

where do all your under 18 kids get money? gifts from relatives? jobs in the family business?  I'm not up for making up jobs around the house for them to earn money - too much bookkeeping....while she's only 11 now that may work.  so if your kid needed a computer for school and didn't have the money would you just tell them too bad?  I've purchased my kids' phones, laptops (DD's was a BD gift, but it was still $600), clothing, activity fees, grooming (DD needed her eyebrows waxed starting around 13), etc.  I don't understand why everything must be earned instead of just being able to give your kid something without thinking they're going to becoming a spoiled brat.

also to me, luxuries are designer clothes or a sports car when you're 16 or something like that but then they're also the kinds of things to get your kid as a birthday or christmas gift.

Birthdays, Christmas, random gifts from grandparents, participating in the county fair baking/art/photography contests every year.

My kids wanted laptops, they didn't need them. I can feed them and house them and clothe them and cover some wants, but I had no extraneous electronics myself when it came up (no smart phone, no laptop, no Kindle....) so why should I buy them any? There's a desktop computer they can work out sharing. And they did for a while until DS did his research and found something affordable since he was spending his own money. DD followed suit as soon as she gathered enough money to do so.

Just buying them new expensive toys wasn't in my budget so they made it happen. What's so evil about that? 

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 18, 2014 8:21:34 GMT -5 oped said:

Well, I think there should be things I won't pay for, that if the kids want they need to either wait for (birthday/Christmas) or earn it themselves. I don't know that it matters so much where that line is, so long as there is one....? So long as they started to understand words/concepts like priorities and delayed gratification, and what the process of spending money looks and feels like. 

I ran into the 6 year old neighbor boy at the fair last night and he excitedly told me what he 'spent his OWN money' on... It's different when it's yours...

House related, I don't pay for the tasks of daily living. We all pick up after ourselves and kids do dishes, laundry, take out garbge, feed dogs, clean their rooms... 

But irregular tasks, I pay for... Even if I'm still paying, once it becomes their 'own' money, it's different, their thoughts and actions about it are different. How they spend it, how they value it, are a bit different...  I think that's important.

I considered paying mine to stay outside so I could get stuff done without interruptions. But mine grew up in the "olden days" so I just told him to get outta my way   

[zibazinski]

I did a lot for my kids while they were in my home. I loved them and showed my love for them the best I could. I still do. That being said, these are different times and different ways of bringing up your kids. I'm sure there are parents here and out IRL who think I was a terrible parent because they played outside with other neighborhood kids so were basically free range. When I hear parents talk about having to entertain their kids, I'm clueless as to what they're talking about. Granted, the older my kids got, the more I liked them. I do plenty for them now, still, and am glad I can. I don't think doing without and worrying about every dime builds character.

[suesinfl]

Ah, the country song:Bucky Covington "A Different World" comes to mind. We have had several post about this. What great memories!