And this is why

[TheHaitian]

I do not understand women that stay in a abusive relationship long after they should have left.

globalgrind.com/2014/09/09/janay-rice-breaks-silence-instagram-statement-after-ray-rice-domestic-violence-elevator-video-details/

The video leaked of her husband (then boyfriend) knocking her out... Not only she still married him but she is standing by him now more than ever.

Guess she is a ride or die chick!

[Sam_2.0]

Unless you've been there, you won't understand. It's not logical at all. But that's the key - they aren't thinking logically. They've been abused physically and mentally and are not thinking like you would.

[TheHaitian]

Sept 9, 2014 15:28:31 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Unless you've been there, you won't understand. It's not logical at all. But that's the key - they aren't thinking logically. They've been abused physically and mentally and are not thinking like you would.

Then I cannot feel sympathy or empathy because I feel they are willingly putting themselves in that situation over and over again.

Look at the video: he knocked her out! And she married him a month later...a month later!

m.tmz.com/#Article/2014/09/08/ray-rice-elevator-knockout-fiancee-takes-crushing-punch-video

[Peace Of Mind]

That was my mom 100%.  And she would take the abuser's side even with her own kids when they would try to help her after she had the shit beat out of her.  The cops came to her house so many times they finally told her they had enough and until she's ready to testify against the last guy she was with they would stop answering her calls.  We did too.  She would turn your life upside down in the middle of the night only to run back to the abuser and then turn on you if you tried to "break them up because you are jealous of their awesome love" and "don't understand because you never loved like they do"  (thank God!) or whatever sick conclusion they come to.   

Then the abuser leaves them and they find another one even worse and the sickness continues.  There is not much anybody can do until they've decided they've had enough and break the cycle or they get killed.   Or in my mom's case she died of cancer before she found the next psycho to "love" her. 

[Abby Normal]

They are not willing doing it.  Often times the abuse starts so slowly, that you start to expect it as the norm.  It's about control and power, neither of which abuse victims think they have.  Think of it like erosion.  It happens so slowly that you don't realize it is happening, until one day you realize you are in a ravine and you have to find the strength to get out. 

[TheHaitian]

Yep, she wrote on Instagram :

"Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!"

Honey if that is real love I don't want it for any of my female relatives.

[Sam_2.0]

What makes me sad is the NFL did nothing until the video came out. There were more before him, and he won't be the last. What we really need is the rest of society to step up and say this is unacceptable and start treating it like the serious issue that it is. You can say the victim is stupid all you want to, but the reality is that he chose to hit her and he should face consequences for it. No one deserves to be treated like that. If she's mouthy and annoying, then her and move on. It's no excuse to ever physically harm someone. 

[Abby Normal]

Sept 9, 2014 15:44:39 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Honey if that is real love I don't want it for any of my female relatives.

You are right- you don't.  But until you have gone through it you will never truly understand their mindset.  I watched my sister go through it  and I can't imagine being in that place mentally.  But now, many years later, it is interesting to have a conversation with her about it.  It's a strange perspective.  She'll often say she doesn't know why she put up with it, or why she didn't see what everyone else was seeing.  It's just what their relationship had become- so it was normal for her.

[muttleynfelix]

Remember her meal ticket just went away.  I don't mean to be crass or unsympathetic towards her, but I think that is what her response is all about. Ray Rice has been suspended indefinitely. He's reaching that age where running backs can no longer be productive/earn more than the league min (which is still a chunk of change) and he is now a parriah in the NFL.  Who knows if he plays again.  Maybe she wanted the prestige of being a football players wife.  I don't know. She is reacting to having her whole concept of what she married into upside down.  From the moment that video came out, the world has been telling her get out, get away.  She's taken a fighting stance to try to get the life back that she wants for her and husband. For better or for worse.  JMO.  (I'm not saying she is right. I personally think her response is idiotic, but that is my take on her response).

[TheHaitian]

Sept 9, 2014 15:50:30 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

What makes me sad is the NFL did nothing until the video came out. There were more before him, and he won't be the last. What we really need is the rest of society to step up and say this is unacceptable and start treating it like the serious issue that it is. You can say the victim is stupid all you want to, but the reality is that he chose to hit her and he should face consequences for it. No one deserves to be treated like that. If she's mouthy and annoying, then her and move on. It's no excuse to ever physically harm someone. 

But here the issue and I have talked to cops that deal with it:

When they arrest the scumbag, remove him from the home... Guess who comes and bail him out?

And when they try to make a case against him... Guess who refuses to testify? Doesn't appear in court?

So what can they do? If the victim is unwillingly to press charges because she "lllloooovvvveessss" him or let him seat in jail for a couple of days: what are law enforcement to do?

I know how we handle it in my culture but it is not "legal".

[TheHaitian]

Sept 9, 2014 15:52:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Sept 9, 2014 15:44:39 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Honey if that is real love I don't want it for any of my female relatives.

You are right- you don't.  But until you have gone through it you will never truly understand their mindset.  I watched my sister go through it  and I can't imagine being in that place mentally.  But now, many years later, it is interesting to have a conversation with her about it.  It's a strange perspective.  She'll often say she doesn't know why she put up with it, or why she didn't see what everyone else was seeing.  It's just what their relationship had become- so it was normal for her.

I've seen my mom go through it and I told her she would have left long before she did. She stayed for me... Yep not worth it!

My cousin stayed for her kids to... How they are orphan because he finally punched/kicked her one time to many and she died.

Don't worry, he died a few months later, but the kids are now orphans. Was it worth staying?

[simser]

As a former abused spouse I can tell you that in that life, your whole sense of reality goes wonky. I got out only after living on my own for 2 years while still "being married" and I was finally able to relax in my own house, rather than not doing things because they would set him off. My coworkers saw me change into a different person. I had a really good friend today ask me about my new boy. He actually said "let the judging commence". He was trying to make sure that I don't fall into the same trap as I did before.

It's not something you will understand until you go through it. And may you never have to. But my biggest recommendation to anyone is that one of the most HARMFUL things you can do is say "well I have no sympathy because she chose to stay". It's victim blaming.

Although something similar is how you think your family is normal, and we all think it's not normal? It's kinda like that.

[Sam_2.0]

Part of the problem is we need to stop letting the victims decide if they want to press charges or not.

I am honestly worried for Rice's wife. If he was an asshole when he was on top of the world, things are only going to deteriorate from here.

[Abby Normal]

Sept 9, 2014 15:58:52 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Sept 9, 2014 15:52:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

You are right- you don't.  But until you have gone through it you will never truly understand their mindset.  I watched my sister go through it  and I can't imagine being in that place mentally.  But now, many years later, it is interesting to have a conversation with her about it.  It's a strange perspective.  She'll often say she doesn't know why she put up with it, or why she didn't see what everyone else was seeing.  It's just what their relationship had become- so it was normal for her.

I've seen my mom go through it and I told her she would have left long before she did. She stayed for me... Yep not worth it!

My cousin stayed for her kids to... How they are orphan because he finally punched/kicked her one time to many and she died.

Don't worry, he died a few months later, but the kids are now orphans. Was it worth staying?

It never is worth it.  But they don't see that.   Think fun house mirrors.  The image is there but the perspective is wrong. 

[Abby Normal]

Sept 9, 2014 16:00:17 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Part of the problem is we need to stop letting the victims decide if they want to press charges or not.

I totally agree.  I think many women would come out of their "haze" much faster if there was some mandatory jail time involved. Gives them some time away to get some perspective.

[sapphire12]

People have to make their own choices. But, it doesn't sound like she wants sympathy or empathy. She wants people to leave their family alone. And, I agree. Leave them be. Sheesh. Enough with the trial by media.

[Sam_2.0]

Sept 9, 2014 16:03:33 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Sept 9, 2014 16:00:17 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Part of the problem is we need to stop letting the victims decide if they want to press charges or not.

I totally agree.  I think many women would come out of their "haze" much faster if there was some mandatory jail time involved. Gives them some time away to get some perspective.

And mandatory counseling for the victim. Otherwise they just move on to the next abuser. It's time we start taking mental health seriously and realize we have to get to the root of the problem to fix it.

[ArchietheDragon]

It seems to be really hard to be a victim of domestic violence.  Even harder when the world is watching. 

[Peace Of Mind]

Sept 9, 2014 15:53:42 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Remember her meal ticket just went away.  I don't mean to be crass or unsympathetic towards her, but I think that is what her response is all about. Ray Rice has been suspended indefinitely. He's reaching that age where running backs can no longer be productive/earn more than the league min (which is still a chunk of change) and he is now a parriah in the NFL.  Who knows if he plays again.  Maybe she wanted the prestige of being a football players wife.  I don't know. She is reacting to having her whole concept of what she married into upside down.  From the moment that video came out, the world has been telling her get out, get away.  She's taken a fighting stance to try to get the life back that she wants for her and husband. For better or for worse.  JMO.  (I'm not saying she is right. I personally think her response is idiotic, but that is my take on her response).

Yep!  When I told my mom  that my abusive step dad was touching me inappropriately I was sent to my Grandmother's at 14 years old to live.    I didn't bring in any income for the family yet.  I was too busy buying all my school clothes and shoes since I was 13 with my babysitting money.     Her excuse was that because there were still 5 kids at home she had to stay married and could never leave for the money.  So when we all got old enough and ran she was still there.  Then he died and she found a younger worse version of him.    

All of us kids would talk later and realized how much she instigated the fights and sickness.  My step dad once yelled at me "How come when your mom attacks ME you don't call the cops or try to help!"  He was right.  She did just as much as he did but she'd come crying to us or start yelling when he got sick of it and he was bigger and stronger and we'd just know about that part. 

I'm not saying all abused women's situations are like these but I've seen many of them and it's usually sick at the start before they even marry or move in together.  Mom had many marriage counselors and therapists and what it boiled down to was that she liked the "passion" and "excitement" of the fighting and she said she would find my DH boring and she'd die of boredom being in a normal relationship. Her words.    

So I told her that she was an adult and had every right to choose to live that way but that I had had enough and I was out and not to call me again when she got hurt again.  The last episode was when the hospital called me at 2:00 a.m. because she was in the hospital with a concussion and huge gash on the back of her head.  She said she hit her head on the freezer door and refused to believe it was John that bashed her in the back of the head.  Everybody knew including the hospital but she refused to say it.  I told the hospital to take my name of her contacts list and told her to find another idiot to deal with her b.s. and dysfunction or "excitement" as she called it.

[stina72]

I never post over here, so forgive me for invading your space so to speak.

A) I think everything we know about this case indicates that she is a long time sufferer of domestic violence. She was paraded around by the NFL/Ravens to make public apologies for HER part in HER abuse. His actions in the video are not that of someone who punched his fiance for the first time ever. He doesn't even care that she is lying unconscious on the floor of the elevator. Then he just drags her out and leaves her spread eagle on the ground with her dress lifted as if he doesn't even care about her. I don't think this has anything to do with the money, the fame, his name, etc., it has everything to do with the fact that she is a victim of domestic violence and is scared. Now she's been completely humiliated publicly, numerous times, and is probably even more unsure of what to do now. Plus, if she is apologizing for her role when he still kept his job, can you imagine what she is going to have to do now that he lost it so he doesn't take out his anger on her? I'm betting the Instagram post isn't the last we will hear/see of her to try and clear up his image.

B) My mom was in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. Her BF had me in a choke hold and attempted to push me over a second story balcony when I was 12, and she didn't even bat an eyelash. My father obviously kept me from ever being around him and my only contact with her was Saturday mornings outside of their home. She didn't care, he had manipulated her so much that she didn't see anything wrong with what he did and the fact that she wasn't able to see me. She finally saw the light and moved on from him, but it was a long road of becoming totally free from him. 

People who haven't been in abusive relationships cannot judge those in them. It is a form of manipulation that the normal person cannot even imagine.      

[zibazinski]

You haven't needed a woman's consent or testimony to pursue and arrest someone for abuse for a very long time now.

[billisonboard]

Sept 9, 2014 15:34:12 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

...

Look at the video: he knocked her out! And she married him a month later...a month later!

m.tmz.com/#Article/2014/09/08/ray-rice-elevator-knockout-fiancee-takes-crushing-punch-video

Yes, please watch the video. She hit him in the face twice and was coming at him when he hit her. Looks mutually physically abusive to me.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Sept 9, 2014 16:29:49 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Sept 9, 2014 15:34:12 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

...

Look at the video: he knocked her out! And she married him a month later...a month later!

m.tmz.com/#Article/2014/09/08/ray-rice-elevator-knockout-fiancee-takes-crushing-punch-video

Yes, please watch the video. She hit him in the face twice and was coming at him when he hit her. Looks mutually physically abusive to me.

I didn't realize she was a threat to a professional football player.   

[movingforward]

It is something completely beyond my comprehension.  I try not to judge because my guess is these women have such a low opinion of themselves that I will never be able to understand their mindset.  I personally think he is a despicable human being and she needs years of therapy. 

[billisonboard]

Sept 9, 2014 16:32:05 GMT -5 Rocky Mtn Saver said:

Sept 9, 2014 16:29:49 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Yes, please watch the video. She hit him in the face twice and was coming at him when he hit her. Looks mutually physically abusive to me.

I didn't realize she was a threat to a professional football player.   

So since she wasn't a "threat" (whatever that means), it is okay for her to physically attack him?

[Sam_2.0]

Sept 9, 2014 16:26:05 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

You haven't needed a woman's consent or testimony to pursue and arrest someone for abuse for a very long time now.

If that's true, then why isn't it prosecuted more often? Serious question.

And no, it's not ok for her to hit him either. He should have walked away instead of hitting her back. Their whole relationship is a complete mess, they both need some serious help.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Sept 9, 2014 16:36:31 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Sept 9, 2014 16:32:05 GMT -5 Rocky Mtn Saver said:

I didn't realize she was a threat to a professional football player.   

So since she wasn't a "threat" (whatever that means), it is okay for her to physically attack him?

Is it justified for someone who's professionally trained to knock someone else who is not able to render them real harm, completely unconscious?  He didn't retaliate in kind, he used his professional force to overwhelm the other even knowing that she couldn't do him real damage based on training and physical prowess. 

[billisonboard]

Sept 9, 2014 16:49:44 GMT -5 Rocky Mtn Saver said:

Sept 9, 2014 16:36:31 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

So since she wasn't a "threat" (whatever that means), it is okay for her to physically attack him?

Is it justified for someone who's professionally trained to knock someone else who is not able to render them real harm, completely unconscious?  He didn't retaliate in kind, he used his professional force to overwhelm the other even knowing that she couldn't do him real damage based on training and physical prowess. 

Female violence against males isn't an issue that many wish to deal with.

[Abby Normal]

Sept 9, 2014 16:26:05 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

You haven't needed a woman's consent or testimony to pursue and arrest someone for abuse for a very long time now.

True- it's up to the DA.  Unfortunately the police aren't always involved.

[billisonboard]

Sept 9, 2014 16:45:09 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

... He should have walked away ...

He was cornered in an enclosed space with her coming at him.