countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 22, 2017 20:45:15 GMT -5
She had from 11 to about 3 to do as she wished today. Hubby said have her go get a job at Walmart or something if she wants to meet people her age. He said she wouldn't like working for long.
Little guy is in bed with grandpa, he can use a computer better then me. He is playing games, looking at maps, knows what he wants with it.
I see a visual problem, the 7th we go to that, but I don't see anything else. Oh temper but that is kids. She has people feeding her information about what their kids can do. I think its more about the competition then the child.
I'm trying to stay calm, I really don't need the stress and I don't want son to have it right now. He called just briefly tonight and said he is covered up and couldn't talk. They just started the wargames over there and I know he and his techs do all the set up, running, etc of all the computer stuff for all of it. He gets really nervous with all the demands and bites his nails to the quick. Poor guy is under a lot of stress and this year is a big one and mostly done by top of the line gaming type stuff from what I've read so I know he is busy. He always gets commendations from the military for his work there.
He is 1 of 5 for the army that has his job, he will be over training for the northeast quadrant when he comes back to the states. More stress and traveling for him.
I will be calm and civil, likely she will get over it tomorrow, I hope.
I keep saying its culture shock, like I said didn't expect her to like it here. Wonder if she understands why we got her a car, because of distances to everything here.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Aug 22, 2017 21:01:21 GMT -5
You keep talking about cultural differences and how she doesn't understand things and was never taught basic skills. So sit her down and tell her that this is how your household is run, and you need her help. Being passive aggressive and trying to lead by example is only making you resentful and exhausted. She's not going to magically pick up on your cues and do everything (or anything) to your liking. Let her know how glad you are that they're there, but it's been an adjustment for you and a lot of extra work at your age and that you need her help.
You come across as so competent and capable that I would hesitate to go into your home and take the initiative to jump in and help lest I do something wrong and not up to your standards. And I don't have the cultural issues or worry about my child. I don't know that she's totally lazy or ungrateful, I think she's just completely out of her depth.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 22, 2017 23:13:03 GMT -5
You are likely right, I intimidate people or so my husband says. I'm sure she is having a rough time, things not like she thought, worrying, lonely, trying to adapt.
Don't worry I will not say what I think at times. LOL! I will do nothing to damage the relationship. Even she admits with grandpa he acts like a normal little kid, I said well, maybe its us and got a laugh.
We only see the vision issue or something, will find out what it is.
I'm glad I have this board to sound things out on.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Aug 23, 2017 6:16:28 GMT -5
Pat, your DGS would probably benefit from being around other children. Maybe a play group or something at the local Y? Story time at the library?
Something where he can interact with other kids.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 23, 2017 18:22:29 GMT -5
You keep talking about cultural differences and how she doesn't understand things and was never taught basic skills. So sit her down and tell her that this is how your household is run, and you need her help. Being passive aggressive and trying to lead by example is only making you resentful and exhausted. She's not going to magically pick up on your cues and do everything (or anything) to your liking. Let her know how glad you are that they're there, but it's been an adjustment for you and a lot of extra work at your age and that you need her help. You come across as so competent and capable that I would hesitate to go into your home and take the initiative to jump in and help lest I do something wrong and not up to your standards. And I don't have the cultural issues or worry about my child. I don't know that she's totally lazy or ungrateful, I think she's just completely out of her depth. What is above is what I would say if I could write as well. I knew niece-in-law's sister moved in to the Russian community in Lincoln NE. She didn't have to be so alone. She was able to find the food she likes. If you are going to Indianapolis (I think that is the big city near you), check to see if there is a Russian community. She could get some food there and cook the things she is missing. How did your son meet her?
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 23, 2017 20:18:11 GMT -5
In S Korea, she had left Russia to come and work in Korea, she thought for people in restaurants and other places but of course ended up in a bar. After she got there the guy was trying to force the girls into prostitution, she fought back, reported him, etc.
In the interim she met son, I don't know all the details but somehow she ended up staying with him and cleaning his house for him. Believe me son was dirt poor at that time was out of the military did not have a decent job, etc so it wasn't for the money. She went back to Russia and she said surprisingly some people actually got arrested, she could hardly believe it. But along came 9/11 and she could not get back out, everything clamped down. Son was very worried about her, he called me and said he was going to marry her, they really hadn't known each other long but that she was a nice girl. She is 10 years younger then him. I'm sure there are a lot more details but I haven't asked.
Anyway, he went there, she couldn't believe it, took vodka and stuff to pay off a few people and they got married. He said they had to go down through the country and got out around Vladivostock and got to S Korea. They got married again in S Korea so it would be legal there. I'm sure I don't know all of it, haven't asked, if they want me to know they will tell me.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 23, 2017 20:45:47 GMT -5
We are doing ok. We went to the local fitness center, she does not need to lose weight just likes to work out. I think 115 pounds at 5'3 or so, but wants to stay fit. I applaud that. We found out they have a day care in it, I was very surprised, so she can take him and work out. It's a very nice facility is close to our community hospital, I had no idea they had something that nice there in our small town.
She, DD, and I can all join since I'm a senior for $60 a month to use it. We are going to, DD really needs it. If nothing else just walking.
Called the really nice daycare in town, the one section prekindergarten is only for those at least 3. They have another section for 2 and below but is full. But the person I talked too said since we are just interested in a few days a week for reduced hours and just basically for him to have other kids to be with they might work something out for us, so that is encouraging. They do have a story/play time at the local library too, I can't do it this week, but will have them go next week. At least its something.
We went across the road today to a center we have in a historic building and had a really good lunch, of course its all old people. She doesn't understand that most women with kids work. She is seeing that everywhere its mostly older people as most of the younger ones do not have the luxury of not working. Our son wants her to be home with son, he has never wanted her to work. She couldn't in Korea. She wants to go to ESL classes and will at Ft Drum. She said her diploma isn't good here and she is going to go get a GED after she does that. She does want an education, since she is only 38 I think she does need one.
Just see how it goes.
Grandpa and the little guy are attached at the hip. We went to have medical stuff done and to the next town and he and little guy spent the day together, man is he going to miss him when they leave. She said son told her to be sure and change his diaper before we leave, she said she does but she told him why worry grandpa changes it, I don't think son could believe it. LOL!
We hope he starts getting ready to potty train soon, but honestly its not a mess like it used to be we buy pullups and they are easy to change. Still we all want to see it happen.
He is learning more words, can identify and say, not 100% but getting better and better numbers 1 through 5 pretty consistently, grandpa works with him daily. He knows a lot of letters and is really good on computer games. He is more interested in that then other stuff. I don't think he heard enough English. He does have the odd eye movement problem, not as often though. she can tell him to stop and he does, but there is something not right with that. Not sure what it means, waiting to have him tested.
She also said I'm making their little dog fat!LOL! He really likes me! He is having a ball, loves staying outside, doesn't even want in when it starts to rain. He is going to end up an outdoor dog. LOL! They didn't feed him a lot as they had to take him down 12 floors to outside and he only went a couple times a day. Here he is free and eats what he wants, just downed cornbread of all things.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 24, 2017 8:17:34 GMT -5
You might see if there is a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group in your town. Usually they meet at churches but I wouldn't call them necessarily religious (could depend on the area though). I'm roughly the same age as your DIL and found the MOPs group to be super welcoming as have several of my friends who have moved to new areas. It was a nice way to meet other mothers with children the same ages (0-5) to make friends and to hear that they too were struggling with bedtime, bathtime, mealtime, etc. Meetings are 1-2/month and usually have childcare. There may be a slight membership fee to cover materials, etc. They also often have moms night out events for just the women (no kids) to play games, craft, or just have a small party. www.mops.org/groupsearch/index.php
The things you are describing about him seem normal, typical milestones. I've heard several times that kids tend to develop strong verbal skills or strong physical skills in that 1-3 year old range. They have so much to learn, it's like their brain can only focus on one at a time or maybe they are just naturally more verbal or physical. And not to speak in stereotypes but it tends to be a boy-girl thing as well. My DDs both had large vocabularies very early, but neither of them would ever think about pulling out a chair to stand on or to climb on the table like I've heard other parents describe. Even just to scoot a chair over to reach the counter didn't cross their mind. Neither did walking on the couch or jumping on stairs. Anyway, just something to think about and may make her feel better to focus on the skills he does have.
I'm sure you've heard that reading is key for ages 0-5. We read to our kids constantly and talk to them like little grown ups for the most part. I think both are key to developing language. Sometimes boys won't sit still to be read to, but just keep reading around whatever they are doing. They are still listening.
I don't think the multiple languages is messing him up at all. Maybe it delays speaking just a bit, but he clearly understands you so the cognitive ability is there. And again, if she's giving him what he needs/wants before he has to ask, then what's the point in asking.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 24, 2017 18:26:28 GMT -5
Nephew and his Ukranian wife married in the US. Her parents, sister and baby came for the ceremony. When they were having problems with her immigration and green card, our Senator's office told us that made it much easier for her to immigrate than if they had married in Ukraine.
She is hot and cold on Ukraine. When they got married, she said she would never go there again. This summer, they spent about 3 weeks there. Time passes and I hope she realizes her elderly grandmother isn't getting any younger and won't be there forever.
There are bribes in Ukraine also. She has said she used some to keep nephew out of dicey situations and some at the airport. Don't want to know the details.
I do think it's smart of DIL to learn English and get her GED. She will get better jobs with those. She hasn't lived in US before, right? Does she need to get a green card?
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 25, 2017 14:12:48 GMT -5
She is a citizen, she stayed with her sister a year 5 years ago to get her citizenship completed, they had been married for 10 years before that and she was traveling to Guam annually to renew and last time they said no more.
Man, he is having tantrums, she thinks because he is there is something wrong with him, its being 2, damn lady every milestone for every kid is different. He is like his dad, hard headed. The last few days in changing his diaper he is mad, he tried to bite me, I smacked his butt. He just bit her in 2 or 3 places and she smacked it good, we want to stop that for sure. I did the same thing when little and an uncle threatened to pull my teeth out with pliers, sure stopped me from ever doing it again.
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vetswife
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Post by vetswife on Aug 25, 2017 14:24:21 GMT -5
Well, DH is now on his 4th chemo regimen; the oncologist also scheduled a consult with the palliative care doctor. At least he feels pretty good with this chemo, and it's only every 3 weeks, so that's something. We just take things a day at a time, knowing we are in the Lord's hands.
Right now we are in a tropical storm watch with hurricane Harvey. There's been light rain on and off this morning; ate lunch out with DD and DGD and DGS. Guess we'll keep an eye on the weather all day today; at least as long as we have power!
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 25, 2017 14:46:19 GMT -5
You guys be careful, having lived down there and went through quite a few hurricanes I sure respect them. If you are very far south, honestly I would go north.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 25, 2017 15:05:01 GMT -5
The whole tribe went with hubby to the city, we bought countertop for his moms old house yesterday. We ended up with one set only because the other had messed up ends where it joined in the corner. We got it there and set them on the cabinets, I didn't like it at all. So today got hubby to go to the 2 lumber yards north instead of south and found the one I thought would match better. It looks beautiful, more brown tones, the other was white and grey mostly and this one really set the kitchen off.
So we all went out for lunch, DIL said she never tasted barbecue like that, she really really liked it.
We got home, I went with him to the other house to look at it then he took the other back to return it to the store 30 miles the other direction. But we all had a good time not doing much of anything but just around.
I'm folding some clothes. Last night about midnight DD got really sick, came out of both ends, what a mess I had to clean up. Once she did, immediately felt better, she got a bath then back to bed, poor girl.
I am dealing with my poor foot, since I'm taking aspirin daily bleeds under the skin easier I think, my foot, is bruised up by my big toe, across the top, dark bruising and really hurts. Going to have to watch it, the foot is so compromised I'm not sure what is happening. Once in awhile I get tingling in it, will really watch as I think circulation will eventually be affected, need to find an accessible podiatrist locally, not many of those around.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 26, 2017 14:53:21 GMT -5
Went to a small town nearby, they have a seafood festival there yearly. The food was awesome, all fried sadly. But you got 3 pieces of fish, clams, and shrimp plus cole slaw and beans or applesauce. I didn't realize the crab cakes were extra, were going to buy some but the line was out the door to the road so did not. It was $10 each.
Had some live music and listened to it for a bit, just a nice small town day.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 27, 2017 23:10:04 GMT -5
DIL and I went fishing today. I caught 12 catfish, they were small and I thought there were size limits so threw them back, later found out there were not. But I would have hated to clean some that small, what a pain. The wind was blowing just a tad but made it really hard for me to line up the boat and trailer. I wasn't perfectly straight, hubby had to go back to take it off and reload it more square, well it was only my 3rd time to load it. I think I can do better though. DIL wants to go fishing again next Sunday, we shall see.
We enjoyed it a lot, grandpa babysit, he and little guy get along great. He is a pain in the a** with us gals anymore, damn, getting mean. My husband has no problems with him at all, just wow. Son says he doesn't want to listen to women, oh really!
Talked to son, he said they are not going to replace him with a civilian equivalent, said its too dangerous there and its going to be a military person instead. I thought that should have been that way quite some time ago.
Well off to bed, taking my truck to get a bed cover put on tomorrow. Hubby got all the bling on the truck, except the 2 back door handle covers, should be here this week.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 28, 2017 8:30:33 GMT -5
Was getting my sofa cleaned but he canceled. Prayed it'd keep raining so my handyman would come here instead of his painting job but the rain stopped. I have things I could do if I had some things done so I could do them.
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vetswife
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Post by vetswife on Aug 28, 2017 10:41:17 GMT -5
We are still dry and safe here in the northeast part of Harris county, aka Houston. We've had around 20 inches of rain, more expected today. So far so good.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Aug 28, 2017 11:31:17 GMT -5
Great news! Keep us updated.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Aug 28, 2017 19:33:14 GMT -5
Very tired tonight, hubby got pizza. I am making a pineapple upside down cake, but I'm done for the day, just beat. Haven't done much physically, vacuumed the garage, took some trash out, some laundry, to town to move some money to another bank and get the cover on the truck. Feel like I've worked hard today.
Oh I chopped some ice out of the freezer, was a band about a foot wide across the front and back, no I haven't defrosted it since being here. I pried with a knife and it just popped off in sheets so that was good.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Aug 28, 2017 21:43:52 GMT -5
We are still dry and safe here in the northeast part of Harris county, aka Houston. We've had around 20 inches of rain, more expected today. So far so good. I'm glad you aren't dealing with all that crazy flooding going on. You have your hands full already. Hoping your husband is feeling better.
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vetswife
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Post by vetswife on Aug 29, 2017 15:22:58 GMT -5
As of right now we are still okay. DH is feeling a little better ( he slept most of the day yesterday), probably because DD and her kids came by; they were able to get hamburgers today! We are still having intermittent rain; the suburb across the river from us is having flooding, and the river is cresting at record levels and is not done yet. DS2 and his family are also safe, although they have a roof leak, but that's minor compared with what is happening to so many. If we can make it through tonight the sun is actually supposed to come out tomorrow, that would be a welcome sight!!
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 2, 2017 17:06:25 GMT -5
This was the cutest thing. Last night I came in and sat down beside hubby in bed. Gave him some kisses like I do at night. Little guy was on the other side of grandpa, crawled up and gave him a big kiss on the other side. Now that's sweet.
He does not see DD as different. He runs up and hugs her, goes in her room and sets with her and plays with her on the computer or watches. Today I saw him go in the kitchen and grab her leg and give her a big hug. This is just making her so happy. She played with him for awhile in the living room, but she isn't feeling totally ok yet. Much better though as she is making bathroom trips. Miralax is good stuff apparently.
He has seen so many different looking kinds of people don't think he sees anyone as different, that is a good thing in my book.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 2, 2017 17:55:26 GMT -5
DD didn't feel like going to the rodeo and I'm staying home to babysit. So we decided to invite our tenants little girl, she is 10 to go with them. DIL is like a big kid, so delighted in everything that she will have a ball with her I'm sure. The little girl was so excited, I know hubby will show them both a fun time. Gives him something different to do also. Little guy, DD, and I are having a pretty good evening.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2017 18:14:28 GMT -5
I took my four-year-old granddaughter her birthday present today. It was two books and a video that her mom had picked out. She REALLY wanted to watch the video. It is her very favorite. It's recorded on the dvr, but this was to watch it in the dvd in the van. Her mom said she couldn't watch it until Grandmother Susan went home. She immediately asked me when I was going home. I told her that wasn't very nice and made me sad. Fifteen minutes later she asked me if I was going home yet. Her mother told her that if she asked that again, she couldn't watch the video until tomorrow. The video would be going into time-out because it was making her behave badly. I was leaving about an hour later. I said, "Emmy, I know how sad you will be to hear this, but I have to go home now." Her face lit up, and she ran to give me a big hug. Then she walked me to the car. I am still laughing at how happy she was that I finally left. It wasn't personal. That danged video was making her behave badly. I truly do understand.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 2, 2017 20:01:45 GMT -5
I think little guy is doing ok, but honestly just don't remember what a 2 year old should know.
He can identify 8 shapes and fit them in a block puzzle, we are up to 8 on saying and recognizing numbers. We haven't done much with A,B,C's at this point. His mom does, he can sing most of the song. He likes baby TV, I heard him in there counting with it, they are working on numbers on it now. The Ipad is no challenge he goes where ever he wants on it and plays games. If you tell him put something in the trash he does, puts his dirty cup in the sink yes. Sometimes when he is hungry he will go get a bag his mom takes so she has food with him in the car. He will feed himself with spoon and fingers, but likes to be fed also, uses a sippy cup but can carry a cup and drink from a straw. Today he brought me Cutie oranges, loves those things. He will climb up in a chair to eat, we are using the booster seat but not much longer I don't think. He loves cucumbers, tomatoes, bell peppers, will eat bunches, oranges, also macaroni, one of his favorites. I fixed hamburger, mac, and stewed tomatoes, he sure likes that. Drinks fruit juices, not drinks, milk, lots of water. Let him have a few chips he can take them or leave them.
He gets mad in the car, tries to sit in a regular seat and put the seat belt on, of course he can't fasten it. He goes to bed easy at night, will cover himself up. He does have a piece of cloth he likes to chew on in his sleep, we keep it away from him when we can. He wakes up singing, I think that is sweet.
Today I'm baby sitting, when changing pull ups he will put one leg in then the other, sometimes tries to pull them up, I said oh really you need to be using the potty. If he is laying down raises up his butt so you can pull them up, come on now. She is getting him to sit on it more, then he goes in his pullups, sigh.
He understands what you say to him, says some words plainly but not a lot, maybe 20, doc wanted to know if he said 50, really, well no. He understands what she says to him in Russian and what we say to him in English. He chatters all the time and man when he gets mad he really goes off but what is he saying.
The eye issue is less, but its there. He sits to close to the TV, he will sometimes look sideways and follow a line down the floor. He likes lights and ceiling fans, but not fixated on them. And sometimes he will do that eye thing like he is scanning a page, you call him on it and he stops. Really odd.
So does that sound like what a 2 year old does? She thinks he is learning in leaps and bounds since being here.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 2, 2017 20:15:59 GMT -5
He sounds normal. Good at some things, not so good at others. Typical of most people. Don't let that potty training become an issue. He'll win.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Sept 2, 2017 20:30:48 GMT -5
Hand therapy 4 times, too much time on internet, forced to quickly shower when someone coming to see H. The man didn't come in. Nap, eat.
I did not exercise all of my body much today.
H's. life exciting for 4 days. Salmon fishing, grilling salmon, canning with a friend and then ours, smoking salmon then storing. I was so glad to see them so excited as a group on this project. I got great food to eat!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2017 21:52:09 GMT -5
He sounds normal. Good at some things, not so good at others. Typical of most people. Don't let that potty training become an issue. He'll win. I agree with Zib. You are looking for stuff to be wrong with him. When my kids (and probably yours) were that age, we just celebrated everything they COULD do. I never counted how many words my kids could speak, whatever. My kids potty-trained at two-and-a-half, if I remember correctly. It was pretty natural. However, my son wet the bed until he was nine or so. He was a deep sleeper. He finally WANTED to quit wetting it because he was doing sleepovers. So he learned not to drink after 7 p.m. And that sort of thing. Just relax and enjoy your grandson for who he is. Sure, have the eyes checked out. But quit looking so hard for what's wrong. It sounds like he can do a lot for his age. He's definitely attached to your husband. Autistic children don't attach easily. He's not autistic from what you describe. It will be ok.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Sept 3, 2017 6:04:24 GMT -5
I actually accomplished some things yesterday. Made a Walmart run for a Brita water filter and bought some ammunition while there. Dusted the guest room including the floor, then moved onto the guest bath. The hall way that runs to my little office space needed it too, so cleaned the granite counter and organized the few things that need to stay there. Even managed to work my way into the office and dusted everything in there and cleaned off my desk.
Since I'm off today along with Monday and Tuesday I just may get the rest of the house done.....it's not as though it's big, I'm just usually not motivated.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Sept 3, 2017 8:34:50 GMT -5
He sounds normal. Good at some things, not so good at others. Typical of most people. Don't let that potty training become an issue. He'll win. Agree. Mine did more talking at 2, but they were not exposed to any other languages. Maybe that has something to do with it? Or maybe mine were just exposed to a lot of people so they picked up more from all of them. They all learn at different speeds, so sounds pretty normal to me. I know kids who never did learn to put their dishes in the sink. He's way ahead of them and they are adults now lol. Mine weren't potty-trained till 3. I guess they were slow with that, but I never gave it much thought. I never compared them with anyone else. Your hubby seems to be enjoying his retirement now!
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