Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 11, 2014 17:11:19 GMT -5
My step mom is about 15 years older than I am. She's in fairly decent health, so it could be awhile. It might make more sense in the long run to sell the house and just let her take her 1/4 of the proceeds and be done with it, but I do not think that she has the other finances to be able to compensate for a place to live...at least not without dipping into the cash my dad will be leaving. If she is open to renting, she might have affordable options....
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 17:27:58 GMT -5
Well, I would. I'd also mention your concern about drug use, them moving in and trashing it, and all the rest. While he is still able to do something about it. I would be hesitant to discuss this now. What can he do at this point? Exactly. I really doubt that they'd move in and trash the place. They *might* smoke, and I'd like to avoid that because it takes a long time to get the scent out and smokers make the house less salable. About the narcotic use, they do know that this is an issue and any narcotics are going to be kept under lock and key. I need to worry about the things I have control over. I do not have control over their drug use. I do not have control over whether or not anyone else moves in. At least, not right now.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 11, 2014 18:13:49 GMT -5
Well, I would. I'd also mention your concern about drug use, them moving in and trashing it, and all the rest. While he is still able to do something about it. I agree with mentioning your concerns. Your father wants to take care of his wife for the rest of her life. Perhaps the cash should be put into a trust which would give her a monthly distribution.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 11, 2014 18:16:07 GMT -5
OK I'm done with my deck.
I'm assuming a couple of things; 1. Property is in WA and WA is a community property state. I can look that up. 2. Regardless of who paid what, your parents held the house as community property and when your mom died everything went to your dad. Therefore your dad can/could deed the house to anyone he wanted. And regardless, unless your dad paid property taxes from separate funds your stepmother actually has some kind of fractional interest in the house by virtue of being married to your dad for ten years and living in WA.
So it looks like your dad deeded some portion of the house to your stepmom and they both agreed to the above written agreement. The good thing is that none of her interest will go to her kids so that's a plus.
Under the above scenario, each of the 1/4 owners are responsible for their share of the upkeep, costs (such as taxes and insurance).
If it were me, I'd probably leave it alone. Your father is focused on making sure she can stay there as long as she wants/can. Pushing him on the issue is likely to have him deed the whole thing to her.
After your dad passes, I do think you and your siblings should sit down with your step mother and reach some kind of partnership agreement. The law does not like to see an unequal division of costs and benefits without prior agreement. Specifically it's not fair that you all would have to pay 3/4 of the cost but only your stepmother gets to live in the house. So my goal in your situation would be to say that if you're going to paying 3/4 of the cost there has to be some house rules (such as no guests longer than 14 days), no smoking, expenses over x must be approved by a majority, no illegal narcotics on the property yada yada. There should also be a provision if the terms are violated and that continuous violation will result in the sale of the property.
Yes, you should consult with an attorney to get this worked out.
I wouldn't waste a lot of time worrying about forfeiture of the property due to narcotics by non-owners by the police authorities unless you have a publicity hound law enforcement officer like Sheriff Joe Arpaio (the toughest sheriff in the country ) who likes to make a big deal about nothing. It's an expensive process and rarely used except for big fish.
And if you'll permit me a bit of humor about this serious subject, keep in mind that as a 1/4 owner you do have the right to live there. You and your siblings could take the offensive position and move in before the sponges!
I know this difficult Mich and I wish you the best. Enjoy your father while you can. As someone who inherited a giant horse pile from my mom, I can tell you that despite it being a big pain I did find a pony.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 11, 2014 18:50:53 GMT -5
Step mom has 4 children to support her. I would start talking to them and asking them to each pitch in $500 a month for her support. They will stay far away if asked for money.
Sorry about your dad, last June 5-25 my mom had pancreatic cancer. It is supposed to be long and painful but she was nearly pain free. Hospice will leave medicine for him perhaps you need a small safe to keep it in so it isn't liberated.
Speak to step mom about keeping the house nice, not allowing smoking or anyone to live with her without it being to take care of her and they need to pay fair rent.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 19:20:16 GMT -5
Bonny....the house is not in WA, but in NY. Neither me nor my sibs live anywhere near my dad. In fact, I'm probably as far away as I can get and still remain in the continental US. I have absolutely NO interest in moving back to NY. In fact, once all 3 of us graduated from college, we all moved out of state and other than visits, none of us has been back.
The one thing that I know is that all expenses for the house were paid out of my dad's accounts. There has been no mingling of funds. She has her account, my dad has his.
There is no doubt in my mind that my dad wants to keep this as simple as possible, and I really don't see any animosity. As far as I am concerned, as long as stepmom wants to live in the house, I will make sure that she has the wherewithal to do so. She has been VERY good to my dad and is a beautiful person. However, her being such a nice person means that she is easily taken advantage of, and she is....by her kids. It pisses me off to see it, but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't believe that her kids treat their mother like this, but they do - so I stay out of it, usually.
I did step in a bit last January when we were dealing with the initial mess. Her daughter (the addict) went on a bender and I played linebacker in order to keep the stress off of stepmom. I had to intercept phone calls and play nice until she could get her bearings back. I hated doing it, but didn't see anything else I could do because stepmom was thisclose to losing it. It was hard enough with dad being ill, I didn't need any more drama. I have some ideas as to what's going on, and suspect it'll get worse as dad gets worse. I'm almost positive that she does it as an attention ploy, when my dad winds up sick, she does something really stupid and winds up in the ER. Every single time dad has been in the hospital, she's wound up in the ER. Yeah....I'm looking forward to that. I'll also be the first to tell addict that unless she can keep her drama to herself, to go away. I think her other sibs are onto her too, so I will get some support there. My biggest support while I was there in Jan. was her son's g/f. But she has been diagnosed with end stage heart disease (and she's 44 and skinny as a rail). She's not a transplant candidate and her numbers are not looking good these days. I hate to ask her for any help, she does not need the stress.
Bonny....I was in NY for a month, which was the longest I have been there since I escaped left after college. After the first week, I was going nuts. By the end of Jan. I bought a one way plane ticket 2 hours before the flight left to WA, leaving all my stuff there and traveling with only a backpack. Once dad passes, I will likely never go back.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 19:28:23 GMT -5
Sorry about your dad, last June 5-25 my mom had pancreatic cancer.
Most people are diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when the cancer has spread to the point where it causes problems. In my dad's case, the only symptom is that it caused a duct to block up. A stent was put in and he has had no symptoms. This is why we have been so befuddled about this, because he has had NONE of the symptoms of pancreatic cancer.
Not seeing cancer cells on his initial biopsy, and seeing nothing on his CT scans complicated the issues too. So this apparently is a very slow growing cancer, which seems unusual. 6 months after the first mention of pancreatic cancer, he still has had no symptoms of it.
Step mom has 4 children to support her. I would start talking to them and asking them to each pitch in $500 a month for her support. They will stay far away if asked for money.
LOL.....they'd probably agree, then renege! They are usually very amenable, until it comes to money and then they don't have it. Thus the reason why my dad has picked up the slack for their poor money management skills. When he goes, there goes their bank.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 11, 2014 19:32:47 GMT -5
Bonny....the house is not in WA, but in NY. Neither me nor my sibs live anywhere near my dad. In fact, I'm probably as far away as I can get and still remain in the continental US. I have absolutely NO interest in moving back to NY. In fact, once all 3 of us graduated from college, we all moved out of state and other than visits, none of us has been back. The one thing that I know is that all expenses for the house were paid out of my dad's accounts. There has been no mingling of funds. She has her account, my dad has his. There is no doubt in my mind that my dad wants to keep this as simple as possible, and I really don't see any animosity. As far as I am concerned, as long as stepmom wants to live in the house, I will make sure that she has the wherewithal to do so. She has been VERY good to my dad and is a beautiful person. However, her being such a nice person means that she is easily taken advantage of, and she is....by her kids. It pisses me off to see it, but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't believe that her kids treat their mother like this, but they do - so I stay out of it, usually. I did step in a bit last January when we were dealing with the initial mess. Her daughter (the addict) went on a bender and I played linebacker in order to keep the stress off of stepmom. I had to intercept phone calls and play nice until she could get her bearings back. I hated doing it, but didn't see anything else I could do because stepmom was thisclose to losing it. It was hard enough with dad being ill, I didn't need any more drama. I have some ideas as to what's going on, and suspect it'll get worse as dad gets worse. I'm almost positive that she does it as an attention ploy, when my dad winds up sick, she does something really stupid and winds up in the ER. Every single time dad has been in the hospital, she's wound up in the ER. Yeah....I'm looking forward to that. I'll also be the first to tell addict that unless she can keep her drama to herself, to go away. I think her other sibs are onto her too, so I will get some support there. My biggest support while I was there in Jan. was her son's g/f. But she has been diagnosed with end stage heart disease (and she's 44 and skinny as a rail). She's not a transplant candidate and her numbers are not looking good these days. I hate to ask her for any help, she does not need the stress. Bonny....I was in NY for a month, which was the longest I have been there since I escaped left after college. After the first week, I was going nuts. By the end of Jan. I bought a one way plane ticket 2 hours before the flight left to WA, leaving all my stuff there and traveling with only a backpack. Once dad passes, I will likely never go back. swamp can be your attorney!
ETA: Both of my parents "escaped" from NYC. Moving to San Diego WAS as far as they could move within the continental US!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 19:33:10 GMT -5
If I was you and your siblings I would sell the house once our father passed and give your step mother 1/4 of the proceeds.
Let her and her kids worry about her welfare, you cannot take on that extra responsibility.
And do you really want to deal with her and the kids for another 20-30 years? I wouldn't .
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Jun 11, 2014 19:48:48 GMT -5
First, sorry to hear the news about your father. Second, I think you're right to be concerned about this situation. You have a good heart, and I know you want the best for (step mom?) dad's wife. That being said, my first thought is: Protect Your Assets. You want a bright line- clear separation between yourself, your assets, and her- regardless of how much you like her, or how close you are. In fact, BECAUSE you are close, and want to keep it that way. I like the suggestion that you gently get her out of your house, and downsize to a condo-- though perhaps "downsize" isn't how you sell it. You might say it would be better for her to move someplace that will be easier to take care of, and to maintain. You obviously don't want to be viewed as "throwing her out" or any such thing. If you need an excuse, you can always say that for your own reasons / financial concerns you need to sell the property or rent it out. Again, it sounds like you want to do right by her- tell her what you told us concerning her, and I would suggest LEAVING OUT the concerns about her kids. You don't have to voice every thought you have to people- just tell them what they need to know, and skip the drama. But protect your assets.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 19:53:18 GMT -5
And do you really want to deal with her and the kids for another 20-30 years? I wouldn't .
Carl....she is VERY good to my dad, and deserves to have the same care that she gave for him. I can't in good conscience let her want for something if I have the ability to make things easier for her.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 20:21:42 GMT -5
Mitch, pretty easy, sell the house, she can move into senior housing. It's something like 20% of her income per month, she can handle that. Most is one bedroom either apartments or something like duplexes. She cannot move the moochers in either and will ensure her having a place to live free of them and enough money to live if she doesn't give it to them. I can't see her paying heat, lights, food, insurance, and supplying moochers with money, if she is a soft touch, she won't be able to pay her bills for long. They will run through whatever money is left quickly.
Sell it, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sorry about your dad, but you will be aggravated with this crap the rest of your days. And I assume the house is across the country so you can't see what is happening to it. I imagine the freeloaders will all flock in the minute he is gone.
Be forewarned. This is not my choice to make, Stablest. My step mom has the right to live in the house as long as she wants to live there, this is what my dad wants and I am not about to go against what he wants for her. She owns part of it too, so this has to be HER choice. While she is older, she is in no way incapable of living in the house.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 11, 2014 20:32:13 GMT -5
Mitch, pretty easy, sell the house, she can move into senior housing. It's something like 20% of her income per month, she can handle that. Most is one bedroom either apartments or something like duplexes. She cannot move the moochers in either and will ensure her having a place to live free of them and enough money to live if she doesn't give it to them. I can't see her paying heat, lights, food, insurance, and supplying moochers with money, if she is a soft touch, she won't be able to pay her bills for long. They will run through whatever money is left quickly.
Sell it, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sorry about your dad, but you will be aggravated with this crap the rest of your days. And I assume the house is across the country so you can't see what is happening to it. I imagine the freeloaders will all flock in the minute he is gone.
Be forewarned. This is not my choice to make, Stablest. My step mom has the right to live in the house as long as she wants to live there, this is what my dad wants and I am not about to go against what he wants for her. She owns part of it too, so this has to be HER choice. While she is older, she is in no way incapable of living in the house. Actually you may have the legal right to force the sale if you want. I understand that you are trying to honor your father's wishes but she does not have a life estate. She has a 1/4 ownership interest. As I pointed out earlier there's a case to be made that her living in the house but only paying 1/4 of the costs is not economically fair to the other parties.
While she's been wonderful to your Dad it's not fair that you guys should support her for 20(?) years and especially not her kids. Try to work out a fair agreement with her. If you can't, then keep the documented attempts in order to support forcing a sale.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 20:49:12 GMT -5
This sounds reasonable.
I would prefer for her to have the living arrangements that she wants, not those forced on her. However, that is going to be balanced by the need for additional funds.
In any case, conventional wisdom suggests that no major changes be made for at least a year after a life changing event, so we do have some time to sit on this and see what happens.
She mentioned to me while I was out there that she was trying to talk my dad into selling the house and buying a condo. However, my dad has absolutely no interest in this, his goal forever, while he was in the military was to own a house on a lake. He owns a house on the lake now. The house is actually well set up for being disabled in, it's all on a single level, very few stairs.
I suspect she's going to want to sell sooner rather than later, but will let the decision come from her.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 11, 2014 21:10:01 GMT -5
And a couple more thoughts, Mich.
1. Do your siblings understand the 1/4 interest and their obligation to pay the expenses? Are they in a position and are they willing to support her for as long as she wants to live there?
2. Be prepared for this "nice" lady to change after your dad passes. We always thought 3rd wife was wonderful for DFIL. But then 3rd wife became super sweet to DH about six months before DFIL passed. I noticed and made a comment to DH that I thought it was a little odd. It turns out that DFIL had amended his Trust (for the 5th! time) and in that amendment not only did he grant her a life estate in the house but also added a clause that DH was to support DFIL's 3rd wife "from his own funds if necessary". While DFIL had discussed the life estate with DH he did not discuss expecting DH to support 3rd wife. When DH visited DFIL about a month before DFIL, 3rd wife showed DH the document. DH stated that while he agreed to the life estate he never agreed to support her. When he spoke to FIL he said he didn't see why supporting 3rd wife was his responsibility given that she had two healthy sons of her own.
Ms. Sweetie did a 180 and when DFIL died we were not welcomed to stay at the house. We had flown 500 miles to attend the funeral but she needed the house for her family (who lived 75 miles away). (Edit to add the second home was 45 minutes away.) Fortunately they all went home and we were allowed to stay in the basement. That was pretty much the last time we spoke with her. After that everything was funneled through her son, the Fire Captain.
When it became quickly apparent that she could not (or would not) afford to maintain two houses DH became the person "who kicked her out of her house". Never mind that DFIL owned the house before they met.
I'm not saying this is going to happen but there are certainly some issues that should be worked out in the near future.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 11, 2014 21:21:58 GMT -5
This sounds reasonable. I would prefer for her to have the living arrangements that she wants, not those forced on her. However, that is going to be balanced by the need for additional funds. In any case, conventional wisdom suggests that no major changes be made for at least a year after a life changing event, so we do have some time to sit on this and see what happens. She mentioned to me while I was out there that she was trying to talk my dad into selling the house and buying a condo. However, my dad has absolutely no interest in this, his goal forever, while he was in the military was to own a house on a lake. He owns a house on the lake now. The house is actually well set up for being disabled in, it's all on a single level, very few stairs. I suspect she's going to want to sell sooner rather than later, but will let the decision come from her. A couple of comments; With respect to the 1 year rule; we did something similar. DFIL died October 30 2001. 3rd wife asked for and we gave her through Sept 30. We wound up paying for some repairs and a year's worth of property taxes (both of which should have been her responsibility). In exchange she left most of his family furniture and the 10 year old washer, dryer and refrigerator.
Stepmom is probably going to need some financial guidance with her new reality especially given that she will no longer have DF's pension payments. 3rd wife had some very unrealistic aspirations of selling both properties and buying a condo at the beach in LA in the art section. In other words cashing in two properties with a net equity of $200k and buying a $500k beach condo. Ummm yeah.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2014 21:50:51 GMT -5
OP I understand... So if your siblings and you are in need for nothing how about just "gifting" her the house after your father passes?
The thing is after you have describe the kids of your step mother, I can easily become "vultures" circling her in her old age and taking advantage of her and as long as your siblings and you have a stake in the house they will keep on dragging you into the drama.
We are talking about folks in their 40's and 50's so expecting them to change is hopeless. And while your MIL I have no doubt is a great woman, she raised those people that have managed to live through adulthood without supporting themselves, she in someway help create those little monsters.
I think the best way to stop the gravy train and not let your sibling and you get dragged into the drama are the following: - sell the home and give her 1/4 or 1/2 of the proceeds (1/2 is being generous). - gift her your 1/4 of the house and if your sibling can do the same have them do it since she was so great to your dad. - buy her out of her 1/4, hire a management company and charge her only enough to cover property taxes and some maintenance aka CHEAP RENT.
This way you guys can distance yourself from the drama that is sure to come. Because those little monsters will know mama got money from your dad passing away and will suddenly be hit by the worse luck of all and need money from her or need to move in. And if I go by history (them still being moochers at that age) she has a hard time saying no to them.
So before long they would have sucked her dry and if you don't keep your distance they will start sucking you dry through your desire to help her.
I love a cousin dearly, but she willingly made the choice to marry a man lazy as hell and does nothing but smoke pot. And worse got 3 kids by him... I refuse to help her because helping her means supporting his lazy ass. So I have to be a by standard and listen to how she is suffering financially but won't that loser. So her choice, her bed... But as long as he is around I am not giving her $1.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 11, 2014 22:23:46 GMT -5
OP I understand... So if your siblings and you are in need for nothing how about just "gifting" her the house after your father passes?
I explained this further up. The house was paid off before my mother died, and the down payment for it was the inheritance my mom got from her mother.
The idea of my mom's inheritance winding up in those losers hands galls me, and tht ish at would happen if we gifted the house to their mother.
It is not all the money, but the principle.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2014 0:04:21 GMT -5
OP I understand... So if your siblings and you are in need for nothing how about just "gifting" her the house after your father passes?I explained this further up. The house was paid off before my mother died, and the down payment for it was the inheritance my mom got from her mother. The idea of my mom's inheritance winding up in those losers hands galls me, and tht ish at would happen if we gifted the house to their mother. It is not all the money, but the principle. I understand... So have you considered option # 3 I listed above: - buy her out of her 1/4 share - hire a management company - rent the house to her at a rate to cover: property taxes + maintenance a + management company = CHEAP RENT - you are not making a profit out of her, thanks to management company keeping your distance and respecting your dad wishes by giving her a place to stay. Also this way even if she runs out of money you and/or your sibling can just write a check to the management company this way guaranteeing she always have a safe/good place to call home. Win - win and make it a condition only her as your father surviving spouse is allowed to live in the house: no kids or grand kids or long lost cousin. Just HER
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2014 2:42:33 GMT -5
The Walk of the Penguin Mich I am sorry that your father is facing such a serious cancer and hope the best for you all as you help him with the health issues. In your post you said "The papers I have are for a real estate transfer from my dad and his wife to his wife and me and my sibs as joint tenants with the right of survivorship." Is this a will, or is he transferring the home ownership now? If now, don't sign it and don't accept it without more discussion and consultation. I would really encourage him not to do this. If he's transferring the home now you lose the estate benefit of stepped up basis in the asset. You also now own all the liability for the home. This is not a good situation because any liability incident on the property now opens up all 4 of your assets to seizure for reparations. You would all have to get umbrella policies to cover you. This arrangement is just going to keep piling costs on to you. For what you describe as the situation the best way for your dad to protect the home and any cash he leaves his wife is to put it all in a trust. He can do that now or make it a testamentary trust. The trust instructions should allow that cash is to be used to pay for the normal upkeep of the home (repairs, insurance, property tax, assessments) and with permission of the trustee(s) could be used for medical costs should the step mom have expenses that can't be met by her monthly stipends of SS and pension. It also needs to provide that if step mom wishes to sell the home, after costs of sale, 25% of the proceeds remain in the trust, 75% is immediately paid out, divided equally between you and your siblings. The trust also needs to provide use of the assets for step mom to procure a new home of her choosing and the trust to continue to pay for normal upkeep and include flexibility to pay HOA dues or assisted living costs. It can also contain provisions for exceptional circumstance consideration on behalf of stepmom only and allow trustee discretion to fund unanticipated expenses at her request. Adding: oops I forgot to add that in the event of her death the trust is immediately dissolved and assets distributed to you and siblings, including the home.
Her monthly income from SS and the pension should be sufficient to cover food, entertainment, utilities, auto insurance, clothing, eyeglasses and normal medical co-pays, and maybe some savings. Structuring it this way prevents others from eroding her assets due to her good nature or desire to help her children. It also protects your interest in the home without burdening you with expenses or liability. Honestly this would protect her so much better than what he is trying to do now. If he transfers the home as joint ownership it does not protect his wife from numerous ways this could go bad, and exposes you to liability that you have absolutely no way to control or manage from a distance. I do not think he is working with an estate attorney to make his current plan with the house. He really needs to do that and invest a couple thousand in making a trust and pour over will that will be better for everyone involved. Good Luck with this. These are such hard topics to have to deal with when a family member has a potentially terminal diagnosis.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 12, 2014 8:17:54 GMT -5
And do you really want to deal with her and the kids for another 20-30 years? I wouldn't .Carl....she is VERY good to my dad, and deserves to have the same care that she gave for him. I can't in good conscience let her want for something if I have the ability to make things easier for her. I would like to say that I agree with Mich's stance on allowing the step-mother to stay as long as she wants and not forcing the sale. My mother died 16 years ago and my father remarried in 2008 to a woman who was also widowed with two adult children. They sold both their houses and bought a new one and we (both sets of children) were informed that when the last person dies, the house will be sold and the profits split. My SM is much healthier than my Dad and I would be surprised if she died first. I have no problems with this arrangement at all; she is a kind and generous woman who has been wonderful to my Dad. If a situation arises where the house has to be sold in order to pay for excellent long-term care then so be it - that's life.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 12, 2014 9:19:00 GMT -5
OP I understand... So if your siblings and you are in need for nothing how about just "gifting" her the house after your father passes?I explained this further up. The house was paid off before my mother died, and the down payment for it was the inheritance my mom got from her mother. The idea of my mom's inheritance winding up in those losers hands galls me, and tht ish at would happen if we gifted the house to their mother. It is not all the money, but the principle. I understand... So have you considered option # 3 I listed above: - buy her out of her 1/4 share - hire a management company - rent the house to her at a rate to cover: property taxes + maintenance a + management company = CHEAP RENT - you are not making a profit out of her, thanks to management company keeping your distance and respecting your dad wishes by giving her a place to stay. Also this way even if she runs out of money you and/or your sibling can just write a check to the management company this way guaranteeing she always have a safe/good place to call home. Win - win and make it a condition only her as your father surviving spouse is allowed to live in the house: no kids or grand kids or long lost cousin. Just HER Let's remember this is a woman who loved her husband very much, is currently dealing with her spouse's terminal diagnosis and likely will be a grieving widow. All advice I've ever seen for someone who loses their spouse is to make no major changes for at a year. Secondly, if the house is rented to her at less than market rate, it's considered a gift and may have tax consequences.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 12, 2014 9:32:50 GMT -5
I get the principle, too. My mom via my dad has given everything to her second husband and his kid who moved in with him the minute my mom died. Supposedly after he dies, the rest comes to me and her former stepson. Guess what? All the real estate is being sold off so nothing will be coming to me-ever. Not what is right or what my mom planned but it is what it is. My aunt is more upset about me getting screwed than I am. Not dealing with those assholes is worth every penny I don't get in inheritance.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 12, 2014 9:40:58 GMT -5
Let's remember this is a woman who loved her husband very much, is currently dealing with her spouse's terminal diagnosis and likely will be a grieving widow. All advice I've ever seen for someone who loses their spouse is to make no major changes for at a year.
Thank you, GG. This is where I sit right now. If stepmom wants to move after the dust settles, then we will make it happen.
My biggest concern is for her future. She cannot depend upon her own kids for help, and where ever she settles (I very much doubt she will want to stay in the house indefinitely), I want to make sure she as the resources, and that the few resources she has left will not be mooched away by her kids.
In reality, I know I don't have the power to stop her from doing this. She has to protect her own resources. But with my dad alive, he could cash flow vehicle purchases and his finances were not dependent upon my dad receiving timely payments. If she tries to help her kids this way, she could find herself in trouble.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 12, 2014 9:50:56 GMT -5
Let's remember this is a woman who loved her husband very much, is currently dealing with her spouse's terminal diagnosis and likely will be a grieving widow. All advice I've ever seen for someone who loses their spouse is to make no major changes for at a year.
Thank you, GG. This is where I sit right now. If stepmom wants to move after the dust settles, then we will make it happen. My biggest concern is for her future. She cannot depend upon her own kids for help, and where ever she settles (I very much doubt she will want to stay in the house indefinitely), I want to make sure she as the resources, and that the few resources she has left will not be mooched away by her kids. In reality, I know I don't have the power to stop her from doing this. She has to protect her own resources. But with my dad alive, he could cash flow vehicle purchases and his finances were not dependent upon my dad receiving timely payments. If she tries to help her kids this way, she could find herself in trouble. Mich, After an appropriate time I would recommend that you set up an appt. with a wealth advisor from USAA for her. They are free and they are not paid on commission. They'll take a holistic view of her finances and run different scenarios for her. Depending on your relationship with her you may or may not want to walk her through the process.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 12, 2014 9:55:13 GMT -5
Excellent suggestion, Bonny
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 12, 2014 10:42:07 GMT -5
Bonny....do you know if those services are available to her if she does not bank there? They only have their insurance through there, they bank locally.
I do have my banking and insurance through USAA though.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 12, 2014 10:53:01 GMT -5
Bonny....do you know if those services are available to her if she does not bank there? They only have their insurance through there, they bank locally. I do have my banking and insurance through USAA though. I think you have to have a brokerage or savings account with them. But it's worth a call to ask, especially given the circumstances. And you might encourage Dad and her to open an account now so she's eligible to bank at USAA in the future. Does she have an IRA or any kind of retirement accounts?
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jun 12, 2014 10:55:49 GMT -5
Let's remember this is a woman who loved her husband very much, is currently dealing with her spouse's terminal diagnosis and likely will be a grieving widow. All advice I've ever seen for someone who loses their spouse is to make no major changes for at a year.
Thank you, GG. This is where I sit right now. If stepmom wants to move after the dust settles, then we will make it happen. My biggest concern is for her future. She cannot depend upon her own kids for help, and where ever she settles (I very much doubt she will want to stay in the house indefinitely), I want to make sure she as the resources, and that the few resources she has left will not be mooched away by her kids. In reality, I know I don't have the power to stop her from doing this. She has to protect her own resources. But with my dad alive, he could cash flow vehicle purchases and his finances were not dependent upon my dad receiving timely payments. If she tries to help her kids this way, she could find herself in trouble. The way my Dad and his brothers protected my Grandmother from a sibling who was always asking for money was to convince my Grandmother to have them "invest" the money from the sale of the farm and send her the "interest" every month to cover her living expenses. That way the brother couldn't spend the car payment on beer, then hit Grandma up for money to make the car payment. Another version of this strategy would be to convince your stepmom to invest any money in something like an annuity, so she has lifetime income, but she doesn't have control of the principle to gift it to the kids.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 12, 2014 11:01:25 GMT -5
She is eligible to bank there now. Apparently having their insurance products is the driving force, or at least it is now. Once upon a time, anyone could get a bank account there but I think that they closed their membership several years ago to those who were not associated with the military. TD has an account there and he was notified by USAA that if he closes it, he can no longer get it back.
I've banked at USAA since I moved to San Antonio in 1986. Never bothered moving any of my accounts when I moved. However, it wasn't until recently that my dad actually signed up with USAA, which allowed me to be able to get my insurance through them.
I really do doubt that she would open an account with them though. Both she and my dad refuse to use an ATM card, they will only write checks (don't get me going here.....I have tried.....). They are not a proponent of online banking (even though I demonstrated how easy it was to pay bills when I was out there). This means that they will only deal with local banks, even though most of the local banks where they live are slimeballs.
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