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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 1, 2014 11:54:30 GMT -5
I have a friend that I met on one of the hip groups I belong to. We met in person a couple years ago when she and her DH drove to Niagara to meet up on one of my trips up to NY. She's Canadian, about 20 years older than I am and has kids my age but our medical issues have given us a common interest.
She has had a really hard couple of years. Her first and second hip replacements were failures. It took 3 years of coming to the US for treatment that she was finally able to get a hip to work, that she paid for out of pocket. She had no more than recovered from her third hip replacement on the same hip and her knee failed spectacularly such that she was wheelchair bound for the 8 months it took to get in and get it replaced in Canada.
Her knee was a successful surgery and she rehabbed from this, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through treatment, was doing well and got hit with kidney stones. She finally recovered from several attacks of these and was planning a trip to Vietnam.
Last summer, when I was moving I emailed her and didn't hear from her for awhile. I figured that she had gotten a last minute deal that she and her husband jumped on and took off on vacation. After about 4 weeks, I tried calling her and there was no answer. I left a message on her voicemail that it wasn't fair that she and her DH were gallivanting around while I was unpacking boxes. Her DH called me back and told me that my friend was in intensive care and had been there over a month. She had an E. coli infection of her colon, was septic and nearly died. The antibiotic that she was given caused her to lose her hearing. She plays a flute in an orchestra. She finally got out of ICU, was sent to rehab for nearly a month and finally got home. The infection damaged her kidneys and for some reason has left her with a severe case of pseudo gout. The meds used for gout are really rough on her kidneys and the joints affected are in her hands, so she can no longer play her flute.
Then to top things off, she's found another lump in her breast......
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 11:58:19 GMT -5
Wow! I don't know what to say either. Just wow...she is one strong woman.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Apr 1, 2014 12:03:06 GMT -5
Oh that poor woman. That is a lot to handle.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2014 12:08:44 GMT -5
Dayum and double dayum. Your friend got hit with crap enough for a boatload of folks.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 1, 2014 12:10:11 GMT -5
I've got to email her back and I just don't know what to say to her. My original intention was to call but she doesn't want to talk so I'll respect her wishes...for the time being. I may call tomorrow or the next day though.
With everything she's gone through in the past, I've never been speechless before.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2014 12:19:22 GMT -5
I've got to email her back and I just don't know what to say to her. My original intention was to call but she doesn't want to talk so I'll respect her wishes...for the time being. I may call tomorrow or the next day though. With everything she's gone through in the past, I've never been speechless before. Start with "I'm sorry for what you are going through; I had no idea." Then go from there. You've been through a lot, and I'd normally say don't share your issues. Your case is a little different, because you do already have shared medical history, in a sense. I think it's OK to be brief, but share some of what's happened with your situation. I'm assuming you are not within traveling distance of where she is. Can she, and is she willing to Skype or email regularly?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 12:20:58 GMT -5
Ugh. I couldn't imagine and I wouldn't know what to say to her either.
It's hearing things like this that reminds me to not feel sorry for myself. I'm healthy, the kids are healthy and really when it comes right down to it, that's all that matters.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 1, 2014 12:28:16 GMT -5
I've got to email her back and I just don't know what to say to her. My original intention was to call but she doesn't want to talk so I'll respect her wishes...for the time being. I may call tomorrow or the next day though. With everything she's gone through in the past, I've never been speechless before. Start with "I'm sorry for what you are going through; I had no idea." Then go from there. You've been through a lot, and I'd normally say don't share your issues. Your case is a little different, because you do already have shared medical history, in a sense. I think it's OK to be brief, but share some of what's happened with your situation. I'm assuming you are not within traveling distance of where she is. Can she, and is she willing to Skype or email regularly? She knows what I went through with my infections....in fact, she was one of my touchstones while I was dealing with that mess. She's in Toronto, I'm in WA. It is not easy for me to fly alone, especially into a strange city but I'd do it in a heartbeat if I felt like I could help her. Best I can provide is emotional support right now and as bad as I had it, I can't imagine getting repeatedly knocked down like this.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2014 12:30:48 GMT -5
Start with "I'm sorry for what you are going through; I had no idea." Then go from there. You've been through a lot, and I'd normally say don't share your issues. Your case is a little different, because you do already have shared medical history, in a sense. I think it's OK to be brief, but share some of what's happened with your situation. I'm assuming you are not within traveling distance of where she is. Can she, and is she willing to Skype or email regularly? She knows what I went through with my infections....in fact, she was one of my touchstones while I was dealing with that mess. She's in Toronto, I'm in WA. It is not easy for me to fly alone, especially into a strange city but I'd do it in a heartbeat if I felt like I could help her. Best I can provide is emotional support right now and as bad as I had it, I can't imagine getting repeatedly knocked down like this. But you have been knocked down, nonetheless. Since you cannot do in-person time, see if she is willing or able to Skype. At least some face time with someone she knows might help. You can email, of course. But the sight of a known person, who has been down a rough path, might help as well.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 1, 2014 12:31:35 GMT -5
What else can you say except 'I am here for you"?
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 1, 2014 12:35:31 GMT -5
Wow.
I don't know why it happens this way, but I've known a couple people that seem to have a continual stream of medical issues.
It isn't fair - there should be some way to parcel these problems out so that no one person gets more than her share.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 15:03:20 GMT -5
I would tell her this:
"It is not easy for me to fly alone, especially into a strange city but I'd do it in a heartbeat if I felt like I could help her. Best I can provide is emotional support right now and as bad as I had it, I can't imagine getting repeatedly knocked down like this."
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 1, 2014 16:01:24 GMT -5
I'm sorry your friend's having a royally tough time. That's a lot for anyone to endure.
On a side note, it's interesting that in her particular case, the Canadian healthcare system isn't the pancea that many here make it out to be.
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gacpa
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Post by gacpa on Apr 1, 2014 16:46:28 GMT -5
I will keep your friend in my thoughts. Will send prayers her way.
My dad is having a kidney removed on Friday. It is the C word. My parents do not want me there for the surgery. They finally agreed I could drive them home from the hospital and stay with them for awhile to make sure he is recovering.
I will be flying there on Monday. Not sure what I am going to face. I will miss the boards because they don't have internet at their house.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 1, 2014 17:18:27 GMT -5
That is absolutely terrible. What an awful experience for her. She sounds like a rock... I would be speechless as well. All you can do is try and be there for her when needed.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 18:06:44 GMT -5
Oh Mich that is awful. I think you have to say that you don't know what to say (because you don't) but that you are here for her, as she was for you.
Might her hearing come back? Would hearing aids help? Could you organize some sort of charitable collection if they can and if they can't afford them?
Please let me explain why I am asking this. You know that DH had a grave bike accident in Sept 2011. He was (still is) in a band, he used to play keyboards and acoustic and steel guitar. After his accident, he started singing, playing harmonica, and ukelele. Trust me, that did NOT happen overnight. He hated the harmonica, he wouldn't even sing in the shower, and it took all his self control to not smash his friends' ukeleles against the wall when they forced them on him. Now, he happily sings, plays harmonica, and ukelele.
So I was initially thinking you could give her a penny whistle (or a nice boxed set of them in different keys).
But, there is obviously a very long mourning period involved, from going from playing the flute to playing a penny whistle, and if she's deaf now, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Sadly, it sounds like your friend may not have that time.
I think I would ALSO contact her husband and ask him for suggestions on how best to help her / be there for her. And I would definitely try to visit her if it was feasible, because it sounds like this woman really means a lot to you, and I'm sure you do to her too.
Hugs to you Mich, I'm sorry that you and your friend are going through this.
ETA: Another thing that happened a few months after DH's accident: his cousin (like a brother to him) and his wife and kids came over. It was SO NICE to have guests, and to have to "act normal" for the space of a long weekend. They brought their own ingredients, they cooked up a storm for us, stuck half of everything in the freezer, and left us their favorite cookbook.
You just need to be there for her / them. It doesn't really matter how, you'll figure it out.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 1, 2014 22:27:40 GMT -5
At this point, what hearing she has is all that is remaining. She recently got hearing aids and that has helped quite a bit.
Her infection took a lot out of her and left her with a possible bowel obstruction as well. She has had one partial obstruct last month that put her back into the hospital for a couple days.
Fortunately, money is not an issue. My friend took retirement after her first hip replacement, and her husband recently retired. The game plan was that they were going to travel the world and she has a dozen places on her bucket list that are impossible now.
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