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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2013 9:46:17 GMT -5
Do you remember the elderly woman that I took care of when I was in KY? When I went back in March, there was someone new in her apartment and at the time I just didn't have the time to track down what happened.
Not long after I got out here, and was released from rehab, I got a call from Betsy wanting me to pick her up some groceries. At the time, I told her that I was sick myself and not in town, that I could not help her. That was the last time I heard from her.
In the months leading up to me getting sick, there were several incidents of her having cognitive problems. She told management office that someone had been in her apartment (I had a key, but hadn't gone in there), so they rekeyed her door. I found out this right before I got sick, when her son called me and asked me if I could go feed her cat while she was in the hospital. I had to call him back and tell him that I could not get in.
Anyway, when I was in KY last time, I ran into a woman who apparently took up the challenge to try to help her after I left. In the next year, she was in and out of the hospital many times. Her brain was not getting sufficient oxygen, she would go on the O2, become mentally clearer and decide that she did not need it anymore. Lather, rinse, repeat.
During this time, she wound up hospitalized many times, and was combative enough that she wound up getting put into a psych unit. Towards the end, she was later diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis, where her lungs were not just taking in sufficient oxygen to feed her brain unless she was on oxygen 24/7. It didn't help that she had totally alienated her daughter such that she wanted nothing to do with her mother, but her daughter's husband (who Betsy HATED with every cell in her body) busted his butt to take care of his MIL. Betsy also alienated all of her friends, and played one against the other. I had a good idea that this was happening before I left, when I ran into one of her friends in the apartment parking lot, started chatting with her and realized that she didn't hate or resent me (as Betsy told me.....and her that I disliked her), but it was a petty old woman who was playing games. But as this started way before she started having cognitive difficulties, I am just not sure what kind of game she was playing back then.
Long story short, Betsy died last November during one of her hospitalizations. It does feel better (at least for me) to know how things ended and that she had help....even though I could not help her.
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Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
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Post by Jake 48 on Jul 9, 2013 9:55:12 GMT -5
 for being a good person
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2013 10:00:39 GMT -5
Wow! I do remember you talking about her. Thanks for the update.
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Jul 9, 2013 10:01:56 GMT -5
Mitch - What you tried to do for your neighbor was really great.
I must say that it was probably a really good thing that you were out of state towards the end. I believe you would have been sucked into way more drama than before with her. And how your hips were acting up I could see that really causing problems for you when trying to assist your neighbor.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2013 10:18:13 GMT -5
Actually, before I got the septicemia that infected my hips, they were working perfectly. I really didn't have any problems at the time that would have prevented me helping her.
At that time, while I was helping her, and keeping an eye out for her well being, I was disengaging emotionally because I had found out she was playing some sort of sick game, playing one friend off another.
As it turned out, she had some pretty incredible friends that would bust their butt for her. I really wish that I had not listened to what Betsy told me, but had spoken to some of her friends directly. During those last 6 months I was living there, it would have made my life a little easier.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2013 10:26:41 GMT -5
Mich, you did your best under very difficult circumstances - for you and for her. |
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jul 9, 2013 10:29:26 GMT -5
Mich, you did your best under very difficult circumstances - for you and for her.
 You done your best.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2013 10:35:57 GMT -5
to all of it. 
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Jul 9, 2013 12:20:59 GMT -5
Mich, you are the kind of neighbor everyone should have!
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Jul 9, 2013 12:27:32 GMT -5
Mich you are a better person than I. There is no way I'd go out of my way to help some mean old lady who liked to play games with people.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2013 12:45:55 GMT -5
Mich you are a better person than I. There is no way I'd go out of my way to help some mean old lady who liked to play games with people. Not really. I didn't realize that she was playing games until the end......maybe a couple months before I got sick. She bad mouthed a lot of her friends, and that should have been my first cue. She was especially hard on her daughter. But it wasn't until I actually talked to her daughter (I had always talked to Betsy's SIL) and heard a different side that I started to wonder about Betsy's reality. Not long after that, I spoke to Becky (the friend who supposedly didn't like me) that the pieces started to fall into place. Both of these incidents happened late summer. I still helped her out, but was skeptical of the stuff she'd talk about. A couple times I tried challenging her on things she said, but she would get so agitated that I'd back off. I got sick 3 months later. |
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 9, 2013 15:15:19 GMT -5
You did more than most would do - including her daughter but I'm sorry she made life harder for you all that were trying to help her.
But all I care about is her cat. Did somebody take her/him in?
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Artemis Windsong
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The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 9, 2013 16:07:36 GMT -5
You are a blessing.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2013 16:28:44 GMT -5
You did more than most would do - including her daughter but I'm sorry she made life harder for you all that were trying to help her. But all I care about is her cat. Did somebody take her/him in? Yep, someone took in Shannon for their pet after Betsy died. She was probably about 10 years old and would have been a difficult placement. Had they not, I'd have taken her. |
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Sammy
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Post by Sammy on Jul 9, 2013 20:13:12 GMT -5
No doubt you have a 1st class place in Heaven Mich.  |
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 9, 2013 20:30:58 GMT -5
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 10, 2013 10:59:38 GMT -5
I think any other person on this board would do similarly if they were in my situation. How I helped her over the years really wasn't that onerous (ok, I would have preferred sleeping a little later when her car got towed).
I parked next to her since I knew she would not ding my car, so when I went out to scrape ice off of it, it was easy enough to start my defroster, scrape off he car, then finish up mine. Tossing a bag or two in the dumpster wasn't a big deal, nor was picking up a few groceries.
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