Legal questions...

[Deleted]

@ the cousin was scheduled to come visit next week but it seems she has to cancel because her mom cannot come with her. It seems in the custody thing, her husband asked that she not be left unsupervised with their son.
-> how can a judge really enforce that when the kid is with her mom 4 days one week and 3 days the next?
-> so gramma really cannot run to the grocery store and pick up a gallon of milk unless she brings the kid with her?

@ seems from the time he tried to hit her she filed a restraining order. He claimed in court this week that the restraining order is keeping him from finding a job.
- how is that possible? Is a restraining order a criminal record?
- how does a potential employer find out you have a restraining order against you?

@ custody. She plans on going to Haiti next month with my MIL (ticket already purchased). But it falls on the days she usually has the kid.
- can she just ask him to switch days ?
- can he use that against him?
- she is not telling him she is going to Haiti but a conference for work.

@ child support
- who pays child support when both parents are unemployed?
- can not having a job hurt her since he doesn't have a job also?
- she told my wife she doesn't plan on looking for a job till summer, that she needs some time off to relax/take care of herself.

[Deleted]

She can't be alone with the kid because she is crazy.
He cant' be alone with the kid because he is violent.
They can't be together and be alone with the kid because they are crazy and violent together.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 11:03:35 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

She can't be alone with the kid because she is crazy.
He cant' be alone with the kid because he is violent.
They can't be together and be alone with the kid because they are crazy and violent together.

Yep basically this. Both grandmothers have to always be present and they are the one that exchange the kid every week.

I guess a parents job never ends, who said 18 again?

[Deleted]

@ the cousin was scheduled to come visit next week but it seems she has to cancel because her mom cannot come with her. It seems in the custody thing, her husband asked that she not be left unsupervised with their son.
-> how can a judge really enforce that when the kid is with her mom 4 days one week and 3 days the next? 
-> so gramma really cannot run to the grocery store and pick up a gallon of milk unless she brings the kid with her?

@ seems from the time he tried to hit her she filed a restraining order. He claimed in court this week that the restraining order is keeping him from finding a job.
- how is that possible? Is a restraining order a criminal record?  Here there is a website that you can see any judgements against a person.
- how does a potential employer find out you have a restraining order against you? If they do a background check, I guess they would find out.

@ custody. She plans on going to Haiti next month with my MIL (ticket already purchased). But it falls on the days she usually has the kid.
- can she just ask him to switch days ? She can but he doesnt have to say yes. It is best if they can agree on these things, if not I think they have to stick to the custody agreement. Is it specified who watches the kid if the other parent is not available. There is something called the first right of refusal or something like that. It means if you cannot have the kid on your scheduled day/time, you have to ask the other parent first before asking a babysitter/relative/etc.
- can he use that against him? It probably always looks better if you try to cooperate with the other parent. If they cannot ever agree on things, it is more likely that they will not have shared legal custody.
- she is not telling him she is going to Haiti but a conference for work. Why? It is probably not a smart move.

@ child support
- who pays child support when both parents are unemployed? It sounds like they have 50/50 time, do you know if they have shared legal custody also? It really depends on the specifics of their case. So I dont think anybody could tell much on this.
- can not having a job hurt her since he doesn't have a job also? If he can show that she is doing this on purpose to avoid CS or something, I am sure it can hurt her. 
- she told my wife she doesn't plan on looking for a job till summer, that she needs some time off to relax/take care of herself. This is dumb as I am sure you would agree.

I am not a lawyer, just went through a divorce. My answers are based on my experience as a divorced person and some guessing.

[whoami]

No offense, but for someone who supposedly doesn't want to be involved in a situation, doesn't want to here about it from his wife and doesn't give a rats ass about the people involved, you sure post a lot of scenarios involving this situation you don't care about.  

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 11:20:40 GMT -5 whoami said:

No offense, but for someone who supposedly doesn't want to be involved in a situation, doesn't want to here about it from his wife and doesn't give a rats ass about the people involved, you sure post a lot of scenarios involving this situation you don't care about.  

No offense taken.

Those were the questions I was asked 5 minute inside the house last night and now on my lunch; might as well try to get some answers.

Wether I like it or not, between cousin calling and my MIL visiting/staying over for 2 weeks I will not hear the end of this thing till it is over.

She goes off to Haiti Next Month , YEAH!!!!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Mar 26, 2013 11:00:44 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

@ child support
- who pays child support when both parents are unemployed?
- can not having a job hurt her since he doesn't have a job also?
- she told my wife she doesn't plan on looking for a job till summer, that she needs some time off to relax/take care of herself.

You can't get blood from a stone. If a person can't pay their court-ordered child support, I think it just continues to stack up until someone can get it from him/her.

[midjd]

Do either of them have a lawyer? Third-hand legal advice from the internet isn't going to cut it, as well-intentioned as we may be.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 11:45:12 GMT -5 midjd said:

Do either of them have a lawyer? Third-hand legal advice from the internet isn't going to cut it, as well-intentioned as we may be.

I think she has a lawyer; don't know about him. I would guess yes.

Question: how can you say a kid cannot have unsupervised visit when he is at his mothers house?
- how can you even enforce that?

[thyme4change]

They ask you under oath.  If you lie, and the other parent can prove it, your case will go badly.

[Deleted]

Guilty!

[midjd]

Question: how can you say a kid cannot have unsupervised visit when he is at his mothers house?
- how can you even enforce that?

It's not the court's role to proactively enforce anything in the custody/CS agreement. If one of them is in violation of one of the provisions outlined by the court, the other can file a petition to hold them in contempt, and the court will take action at that time. But if one of them is in violation of the order and the other one just complains about it and takes no action, there's not much the court can do... they are busy enough with what's brought in front of them without having to go out and monitor people.

[Phoenix84]

"she told my wife she doesn't plan on looking for a job till summer, that she needs some time off to relax/take care of herself."

Are you serious?  Your wife's cousin (and her husband) all need to stop acting like little kids and grow up and start acting like adults.  Taking time off to relax and take care of yourself is something you do after your're employed, have your shit together, and your kids needs are being met. 

[thyme4change]

When does she consider "Summer" to start.  I mean, here, we count May in summer - because it is already 100 degrees, the kids are out of school and we are in the pool every day.  In which case, she would take a month off.  If she considers summer to start on June 21st, because that is what the calendar says, and it takes her 8 weeks to find a job after that, she won't be working until fall.  

A few weeks off, I could get on board with.  6 months off - maybe she needs to focus more on her responsibilities.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 11:46:56 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 26, 2013 11:45:12 GMT -5 midjd said:

Do either of them have a lawyer? Third-hand legal advice from the internet isn't going to cut it, as well-intentioned as we may be.

I think she has a lawyer; don't know about him. I would guess yes.

Question: how can you say a kid cannot have unsupervised visit when he is at his mothers house?
- how can you even enforce that?

Seems like they would have to order her to move in with her mother (or someone) or have someone move in with her.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 12:04:43 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Mar 26, 2013 11:46:56 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

I think she has a lawyer; don't know about him. I would guess yes.

Question: how can you say a kid cannot have unsupervised visit when he is at his mothers house?
- how can you even enforce that?

Seems like they would have to order her to move in with her mother (or someone) or have someone move in with her.

She already lives with her mother so that is not an issue but the mother has a job.

She works at a bank and is only off on Thursday and Sunday's. She has the kid form Wednesday night to Sunday night or Thursday night to Sunday night.

What if the kids wake up with a bad dream? Grandma has to go not mom?

I just find it a bit ridiculous that is all. It is easy to request it but how do you enforce it?

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 12:02:24 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

When does she consider "Summer" to start.  I mean, here, we count May in summer - because it is already 100 degrees, the kids are out of school and we are in the pool every day.  In which case, she would take a month off.  If she considers summer to start on June 21st, because that is what the calendar says, and it takes her 8 weeks to find a job after that, she won't be working until fall.  

A few weeks off, I could get on board with.  6 months off - maybe she needs to focus more on her responsibilities.

I don't know. They are going to Haiti mid April so I am guessing she won't be applying for a job till after. So May might be right.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 12:11:02 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 26, 2013 12:04:43 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Seems like they would have to order her to move in with her mother (or someone) or have someone move in with her.

She already lives with her mother so that is not an issue but the mother has a job.

She works at a bank and is only off on Thursday and Sunday's. She has the kid form Wednesday night to Sunday night or Thursday night to Sunday night.

What if the kids wake up with a bad dream? Grandma has to go not mom?

I just find it a bit ridiculous that is all. It is easy to request it but how do you enforce it?

Not sure.   I can't imagine that the primary guardian and custodian could be order to not have any unsupervised contact with the child.  Seems like they should just take the kid away and temporarily have someone else be the guardian.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Mar 26, 2013 12:02:24 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

When does she consider "Summer" to start.  I mean, here, we count May in summer - because it is already 100 degrees, the kids are out of school and we are in the pool every day.  In which case, she would take a month off.  If she considers summer to start on June 21st, because that is what the calendar says, and it takes her 8 weeks to find a job after that, she won't be working until fall.  

A few weeks off, I could get on board with.  6 months off - maybe she needs to focus more on her responsibilities.

Ok, my BIL's wife was hospitalized for serious depression issues a few years ago.  After she was released, she continued therapy - like all day long at the hospital for months her release.  So if wife's cousin (Carl, make up a name or something for her, would you?) is spending a lot of time getting healthy, I'd give her a pass on working. 

With DH, the deal is "you get 2 weeks to goof off and do whatever during the day" after that, you're job hunting hard and/or dealing with the kids/house/yard. 

[thyme4change]

So if wife's cousin (Carl, make up a name or something for her, would you?) is spending a lot of time getting healthy, I'd give her a pass on working.  

I would too - but she isn't really doing a traditional therapy program.  She is just getting pedicures and going out partying.  [/span]

[Deleted]

I feel awful for the poor little kid! Both parents are selfish douchebags! I am sorry but she does not have the luxury of not working for months (unless it is to get some help), travelling to Haiti (and why without her kid?), manicures twice a week, pedicures, paintball, etc. Who the hell is paying for this poor kid's food, diapers, clothes, other needs, wants? When you have a child, their needs come before yours, their wants come before yours. These two are just plain shitty parents. I cannot believe nobody in the whole family has confronted her yet! It seems to me everybody in her and his family are shitty parents because they are enabling this behavior.

[Deleted]

Anyone knows about the restraining order? Can it really prevent you from having a job?

I told my wife no because I have hired many folks and restraining orders is not something we look for when we request a background check.

Maybe I am wrong or the guy is just using it as an excuse not to get a job.

[justme]

travelling to Haiti (and why without her kid?)

Because it's hard to party and drink and do whatever you want relax and take care of yourself with a kid. Plus I doubt the dad would let her, I wouldn't let my crazy spouse take my kid out of the country.

[Deleted]

Mar 26, 2013 12:36:30 GMT -5 justme said:

travelling to Haiti (and why without her kid?)

Because it's hard to party and drink and do whatever you want relax and take care of yourself with a kid. Plus I doubt the dad would let her, I wouldn't let my crazy spouse take my kid out of the country.

She is going with my MIL, I doubt a lot of partying will happen with a 63 year old as your chaperone.

More like a lot of sight seeing and such.

[NancysSummerSip]

Carl, a restraining order is not going to come up on a criminal background check, unless there was a criminal cause that created the reason for it to be issued, such as one of them being arrested and found guilty of domestic violence. The issuance of the restraining order might be mentioned in the criminal case docket, or it might not be. It depends on the jurisdiction.

A restraining order is a civil matter, and yes, it can be located in a background check, but only if said background check includes a civil search as well as a criminal one.

Lots of things can keep you from getting a job. It's up to the employer and the state. Some states can use anything found in the background check to deny a person employment. Some states are much more strict as to what is allowed for consideration, depending on the type of employment being offered, the salary being offered, etc.

[Deleted]

"Plus I doubt the dad would let her, I wouldn't let my crazy spouse take my kid out of the country."

She would be with her mom, who is allowed to supervise. And they would be going to a country they all are from so I dont think that would be an issue. But he probably wouldnt let her just to be a jerk.

I don't think a restraining order can prevent you from getting a job, may make it harder but wouldnt prevent him. But honestly I never had a background check or a drug test at any of my employments (I take that back, except the casino). I thought he was working at Dilliards? Is he looking to get a job with high security type stuff? I highly doubt that the jobs he will be able to get will care about a restraining order, that would probably be normal. He hasn't worked in years and now he is blaming his ex pretty for his unemployability, nice.

[justme]

Mar 26, 2013 12:37:42 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 26, 2013 12:36:30 GMT -5 justme said:

travelling to Haiti (and why without her kid?)

Because it's hard to party and drink and do whatever you want relax and take care of yourself with a kid. Plus I doubt the dad would let her, I wouldn't let my crazy spouse take my kid out of the country.

She is going with my MIL, I doubt a lot of partying will happen with a 63 year old as your chaperone.

More like a lot of sight seeing and such.

Ah, I figured if she had family back there she probably had friends and would hang out with them....and 63 year olds go to sleep early. If it's just sight seeing, you'd think she'd want her kid to see Hati.

[swamp]

yes, gramma should be there at all times with mom adn the kid.  The judge found a reason to belive she can't be trusted alone with the child, adn that reason would be untreated mental illness.  You've gotta be pretty bad off for the judge to order this.   But since she left treatment Against Medical Advice and is currently untreated, its the best she can hope for.  

It's up to dad to police it, and if something happens to the kid under mom's watch and gramma isn't there, she will have custody yanked faster than she knows what hit her.

A restraining order can be found in a background check, there is a NYS database. It should'nt stop him from getting a job that doesn't require security clearance.  If he tried to hit her, it's only a harassment, a violation,not a crime, so he should be OK to get a job.  Maybe it's just an excuse, like he's had for the past 7 years?

Haiti:  She should not be taking the kid out of the country wiithout dad's permission!!!!  just switch days with him, or be honest with dad.  now that's a novel concept.  lying is going to bite her in the ass.  like he won't find out later.
CS:  the court can do something called "imputed earnings"  Since she had a job making $47k that she voluntarily quit, she's assigned the ability to earn $47k and CS is based on it.

She keeps digging herself deeper. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thank you Swamp.  I feel bad for the kid.