Are you a fatalist?

[ihearyou2]

I'm getting into a mood where I feel like I have no control over anything. I'm a control freak and this is unsettling to say the least. For those that are fatalists how do you get through life, I'm having a hard time here and not sure if there is the opportunity to ever go back to my idyllic days of feeling like I actually have some power over what happens.

[zibazinski]

I've always been scared when things seem to go well in my life. That usually means the other shoe is about to drop. So I am a fatalist.

[Peace Of Mind]

Dude, you really need to buy you a few cases of wine.  I thought you were smart.  Have you learned nothing reading here?! 

You sound like you are having a mid-life crisis.  Again.  It will pass. 

[Peace Of Mind]

Mar 6, 2013 16:56:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I've always been scared when things seem to go well in my life. That usually means the other shoe is about to drop. So I am a fatalist.

You need to stop that. 

[zibazinski]

I know. I like my shoes! Seriously, my Aunt was all over me last week, reminding me that I was long overdue for something good in my life. Or someone!

[milee]

No, not even a little bit.

If I really thought I had no control over my life and no matter what I did, I couldn't change the outcome... I would have offed myself years ago.  Knowing I can change things, even if it takes a long time, is what keeps me going when things get difficult.

[ihearyou2]

I'm really starting to buy in that we do our best to make a random group of variables fall into a certain line and if it does we presume it was due to ourselves and when it doesn't we look at it as an aberration. I'm going to have to explore this direction it may be the ultimate freedom and actually release stress since you can clearly not be held responsible for just about anything with this mindset.

[milee]

My experience has been that generally, the most successful people I know believe strongly that they control their destiny.  The losers are all convinced nothing is their fault and they can't change anything. 

No way to know how much is chicken/egg, but I have a theory.

[Deleted]

Nothing that some alcohol and good sex can't fix!

Start with the alcohol though

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2013 17:01:25 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

No, I don't believe I am. I believe we all have the power to change our lives.

Hi, lone.

Better finds a more suitable song then one I posted it earlier.  
Here it go, friend. BTW I believe what you said to be true.

[ihearyou2]

Mar 6, 2013 17:17:27 GMT -5 milee said:

My experience has been that generally, the most successful people I know believe strongly that they control their destiny.  The losers are all convinced nothing is their fault and they can't change anything. 

No way to know how much is chicken/egg, but I have a theory.

I think it has less to do with what they believe but instead what others believe about them. The cult of belief in a person who can actually cut through the BS and accomplish results is powerful indeed. This is really where the idea of teamwork plays in, the business becomes a cult to the dream of the superior or CEO and when they recognize your lack of belief you get thrown to the dogs. Belief is a sensitive thing and can't be toyed with lest it affect the remaining members.

[susanb]

Mar 6, 2013 17:08:47 GMT -5 milee said:

No, not even a little bit.

If I really thought I had no control over my life and no matter what I did, I couldn't change the outcome... I would have offed myself years ago.  Knowing I can change things, even if it takes a long time, is what keeps me going when things get difficult.

I agree with this statement.

However, if I were a fatalist, I think I would also be a hedonist.  After all, if there is no connection between my behavior and outcomes, I mine as well pursue pleasure. 

[Tiny]

fa·tal·ism 

1. The doctrine that all events are predetermined by fate and are therefore unalterable.

2. Acceptance of the belief that all events are predetermined and inevitable.


While i believe that some events are unalterable (like my death, or that I'm female, or that I do need to eat to survive) I do believe that we all get to make choices which do indeed influence how things in our lives play out.     I also believe that I am not the first person to ever stand at and have to make a choice any particular crossroad type decision that may come up in my life.    

I'm an existentialist.      We give meaning/purpose to our life.   

[milee]

Mar 6, 2013 22:48:03 GMT -5 @tbird said:

Mar 6, 2013 17:17:27 GMT -5 milee said:

My experience has been that generally, the most successful people I know believe strongly that they control their destiny.  The losers are all convinced nothing is their fault and they can't change anything. 

No way to know how much is chicken/egg, but I have a theory.

Oh there's theories. and empirical evidence....try reading up on actor/observer differences in attribution

Actor/observer differences in attribution are fascinating.  I'm such a nerd I'm even familiar with the theories on how observation is posited to impact the subatomic particles in quantum physics mechanics.  Good stuff.

I still have my theory on who is correct when they claim to have no control over things. 

[AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP]

Mar 6, 2013 16:53:54 GMT -5 ihearyou2 said:

I'm getting into a mood where I feel like I have no control over anything. I'm a control freak and this is unsettling to say the least. For those that are fatalists how do you get through life, I'm having a hard time here and not sure if there is the opportunity to ever go back to my idyllic days of feeling like I actually have some power over what happens.

I am not a fatalist, but I recognize I have no control over natural phenomena like the asteroid or the tsunami, I have no control over the big picture- war, criminal acts, or whether I get hit by a bus, or some horrible diagnosis.  These I leave to God.

I recognize I cannot control other people.  I can attempt to influence them, or persuade them to my point of view- but ultimately the only thing I have control over is my own mind and my own actions. These, too I leave to fate, or God or whatever you wish to call it.

I would recommend you give a listen to, or read Napoleon Hill's "Think And Grow Rich" and Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power of Positive Thinking".  They're old classics, but they are the ground breaking works in the psychology of success in life.

The greatest power we have is: "The power to take possession of your own mind and direct it to whatever ends you may desire".

"Whatever your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve"

The difficulty most people have in life is this:  they have no purpose.  They have only a vague idea of their major purpose in life, because they have no definite major purpose in life, they have no plans for attaining it, and because they have no plan, they have no goals, and because they have no goals, they literally live each day with literally no idea what they're doing.

They mistake the mundane details of life for their work.  They're exhausted after just doing the minimums, and devote no time to anything greater than mere existence.  And that is how you end up forgetting (if you ever really knew) that you DO have power over what happens to you.

I recommend you write down what exactly it is you want out of life because the fact is you can have anything you want within reason.  It doesn't make you immune to failures, but focus helps you to fail while trying, instead of fail by default because you never tried.

[formerroomate99]

Telling yourself (even if true) that you don't  have any control over your life is an excellent way to become a looser.  Successful people are empowered people. 

[Angel!]

I recognize there are always things I can't control. I can't control other people, I can't control the weather, I can't control the economy, etc.

But, there so much I can control that with almost everything I can't control, I can still control the outcome. Negative people in my life - I have the control to cut them out. Weather - I have the control to be prepared for storms & have insurance to cover losses. Economy - I have control over my personal spending, savings, & my skills (that make me employable).

I ultimately think happiness comes down to the person, not their circumstances. As a result, I have a great deal of control over my own happiness.

[Deleted]

I'm a nihilist.

[zibazinski]

 Archie, I love you!

[midjd]

Telling yourself (even if true) that you don't have any control over your life is an excellent way to become a looser.

A looser what?

(sorry, I couldn't resist )

[ihearyou2]

Mar 6, 2013 22:17:24 GMT -5 Tiny said:

fa·tal·ism 

1. The doctrine that all events are predetermined by fate and are therefore unalterable.

2. Acceptance of the belief that all events are predetermined and inevitable.


While i believe that some events are unalterable (like my death, or that I'm female, or that I do need to eat to survive) I do believe that we all get to make choices which do indeed influence how things in our lives play out.     I also believe that I am not the first person to ever stand at and have to make a choice any particular crossroad type decision that may come up in my life.    

I'm an existentialist.      We give meaning/purpose to our life.   

ex·is·ten·tial·ism

A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

If the individual is isolated and has no explanation for why he is here, why does he/she care to take responsibility for his actions? 

[happyhoix]

DH has a masters degree in counseling, and he offered me this suggestion years ago, when I used to worry about everything.

He said to analyze what you're worrying about and determine if you can do anything that will change the outcome. For instance, if your company is going bankrupt and closing it's doors, is there anything you personally can do to keep that from happening? For most of us, the answer is probably no. Therefore that is something you shouldn't waste your time worrying over. What you should do is figure out what IS in your control. For instance, can you get your resume out? Can you start networking? Can you cut back on spending to build up your emergency funds?

So don't waste time on things you truly can't change. Focus on the things that ARE in your ability to change, but don't fret over them  - just plan out what you'll do and do it.  

[Tiny]

Mar 7, 2013 16:28:31 GMT -5 ihearyou2 said:

Mar 6, 2013 22:17:24 GMT -5 Tiny said:

fa·tal·ism 

1. The doctrine that all events are predetermined by fate and are therefore unalterable.

2. Acceptance of the belief that all events are predetermined and inevitable.


While i believe that some events are unalterable (like my death, or that I'm female, or that I do need to eat to survive) I do believe that we all get to make choices which do indeed influence how things in our lives play out.     I also believe that I am not the first person to ever stand at and have to make a choice any particular crossroad type decision that may come up in my life.    

I'm an existentialist.      We give meaning/purpose to our life.   

ex·is·ten·tial·ism

A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

If the individual is isolated and has no explanation for why he is here, why does he/she care to take responsibility for his actions? 

It releives the boredom? I do suffer from acute ennui on occassion. So that's said with a wry smile.

I don't know about other people but I take responsibility for my actions because this is the only life I've got.  I get to choose my morality, my purpose, my meaning.  Of course, there's alot of outside pressure that influences these things - my family, friends, the community I live in, the culture/society I live in....     

I'm also an atheist and in addition to that I don't believe in an afterlife (you can be atheist and believe in an afterlife).    This life is all I've got and I decided along time ago I'd like to try to leave the world alittle bit better than it was when I was here (even if it's just a bit better for my family or some stranger I met just once.)  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 8, 2013 11:00:49 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

DH has a masters degree in counseling, and he offered me this suggestion years ago, when I used to worry about everything.

He said to analyze what you're worrying about and determine if you can do anything that will change the outcome. For instance, if your company is going bankrupt and closing it's doors, is there anything you personally can do to keep that from happening? For most of us, the answer is probably no. Therefore that is something you shouldn't waste your time worrying over. What you should do is figure out what IS in your control. For instance, can you get your resume out? Can you start networking? Can you cut back on spending to build up your emergency funds?

So don't waste time on things you truly can't change. Focus on the things that ARE in your ability to change, but don't fret over them  - just plan out what you'll do and do it.  

This is the way my brain works too.  Is there anything that I can do that can change things?  If not, then do what I can in order to put myself into the best position I can.

If Plan A doesn't work, I also have a Plan B and a Plan C (and in some circumstances, a Plan D) in the back of my brain, if things don't happen the way that I would like them to.

[happyhoix]

If Plan A doesn't work, I also have a Plan B and a Plan C (and in some circumstances, a Plan D) in the back of my brain, if things don't happen the way that I would like them to.

It's good that you're flexible if Plan A doesn't work out.

I've got some relatives that only have a Plan A and they absolutely loose their shit when something beyond their control derails it.

Makes life hard when you need to control stuff you can't control.