Advise for a Big Move

[stantonjane]

I'm expecting to be released from my job sometime in the next few to several months. It's not definite, but the red flags are all there. I was hoping to be able to retire in the next 2-3 years, but at this point I'm grateful to be able to have something to take with me when I go, between 58-62% of my salary. My paycheck is our only income.

My mom-in-law is 81 and becoming in need of being with someone full-time. Our plan is after my job is gone, sell our condo, sell her condo, take the profit from both condos (between $200,000 - $300,000) and buy a larger home in Tennessee to live in together (we currently live in So. Cal.) Ideally, this would help both of us, we can buy a larger home if we pool our money so mom can live with us, she'll be contributing to the monthly expenses but at half the cost of what it takes to live by herself. Plus we'll be able to take care of her more conveniently than driving across town almost daily to help her out.

Beside the whole merging of households, grandma and 2 teens and dh and I cohabiting together, it's the selling and physically moving which is really intimidating us. Both our homes need major spiffing to be able to put them on the market.

But the big thing to me is, how to get two households and 5 bodies across country with the least amount of money and stress possible. Of course we intend to downsize as much as we can, but I'm sure we'll still be moving at least one Uhaul of stuff, just in carrying a few pieces of furniture and sentimental items, including 2 sets of good china, etc.

So, question 1, what do you advise for moving across country cheaply,

And 2, putting up 5 people, including one not-too-healthy elderly lady, and 2 cats, assuming these condos won't both sell on the same weekend. Neither condo will fit everyone.

Any advice would be welcome.

[Deleted]

That IS a big move; why Kentucky?

Are you planning on retiring at this point? Have you really weighed the costs of hiring someone to help MIL vs you choosing not to seek employment again? What does DH do for a living?

I hope you've done some really hard thinking about this situation. You could be giving up your ability to pursue your career during your peak earning period in area that's likely to have the highest wages for your field to care for someone whose likely to live only a few more years. It's noble but I question if it's wise. Are you sure won't feel really resentful about this unpaid "job"? I have to wonder if it doesn't make more sense to either sell MIL's home and have her rent a small apartment for a couple of years until she's eligible for assisted living or allow her to "age in place" with a reverse mortgage.

DH and I are facing similar issues. Fortunately D MIL has an excellent Federal gov't pension and seems o.k. financially. But it's clear that the "retirement house" she bought 8 years ago is way too much work for her and she needs to downsize. But we have also learned from surgeries over the last few years that living with us is not an option. I love her dearly but she a demanding PITA. After caring for her in December 2009 I told DH I would never do that again. In December 2010 she had another surgery and DH got to experience what she's like. At least he's comfortable shouting back at her. I am the third family caregiver who has said she'll never put herself through that experience again. And we've all had experience being a caregiver before! Fortunately her medical and long term care insurance allows disbursements for a caregiver and she's been able to pay an unemployed friend to help her with her three dogs, shopping, dr's appointments et cetera. But at $15/hr we would be happy to pay that cost even if it came from our own pocket.

Perhaps your situation is different and your MIL is a sweet and undemanding relative. Just make sure you find some back up help because you need time for yourself too.

As to the moving question, we've found the Budget rental truck option is the cheapest if you are only moving a few things. We've found it was cheap enough to just move a fridge, washer and dryer from our house in AZ to a rental house in San Diego Co. Do yourself a favor though and rent a truck that has the automatic lift. It's more expensive but your back will appreciate it. For larger moves (like a whole house full of furniture) I would shop around getting bids from professional movers. One option is to pack your own boxes but let them move the boxes and furniture. When we moved from San Diego to the Washington D.C. area we used the Mayflower outfit based in San Diego. They were really wonderful. They are also a wonderful resource for used boxes (which I used a couple of years ago when I had to pack up my mother's condo when she passed away).

Good luck I know this isn't an easy process.

[rileyoday]

Call some moving companies. They will easily give you an estimate.
If you want to drive your own rental truck they will send men to load it for you.
If you packed all your boxes they could pack both condos in 8 hrs or less. 100 an hr or less. gasoline for 2500 miles would be 700 plus 1800 for the truck. so use those estimates against 10k for them to ship your stuff. as i said call them they may even send someone to give you a firm price.

[Deleted]

Just a fly-by here because I have to get to work, but have you considered PackRat or PODS? I've moved with PODS and can tell you that it was a whole lot cheaper than a moving company and a whole lot less stressful than a UHaul.

I have no input about the logistics of selling two places, but when it's time to actually leave one place to get to the other, maybe one of you could accompany MIL and fly once the rest of the family is already at your destination.

[stantonjane]

bonnap, thanks for your thoughts on this. I've been looking forward to retiring soon, it happening sooner rather than later is pretty much out of my control, we've been put on alert that our department will in all likelihood be contracted out within the next several months, or as soon as they can process the paperwork and give us the legal notification period. I do hope to find part-time work or do some work-at-home stuff later, after a nice long break and reevaluation.

The move to Tennessee is something we've been planning on for a few years, after my retirement. I'm originally from Missouri, and had been thru Tenn several times as a girl and loved it. My husband and kids and I went to visit my sister who was living in Nashville a couple years ago. We all loved it there. I've since been back myself to visit my sister, it feels like home. It's got enough city conveniences for us to do everything we do here, shopping, movies, restaurants, the occasional tourist trap; but it's a more rural getaway from the overdeveloped chaos that our area in SoCal has become. The housing market being a lot more affordable means we can buy the larger home we need......I can finally have a garden!!!

Living with MIL won't be easy, I admit it. My hubby will admit it sooner than I do, much as he loves her, she's rather demanding, and we envision living with her being similar to raising our hormonal 16-year-old. I'm hoping that her being actually with us will ease his burden, since I'll be there to help more regularly, and constant companionship will make her less needy. Right now she's lonely and sometimes fearful living by herself, even tho we're just 15 minutes away and see her at least every other day. It will also be the most financially feasible thing to do. Her expenses will be much less living with us, since her meager savings has dipped to a dangerous level and she can't live just off her monthly ss and pension checks here. We might need to put her in a home later for full-time care, if so, they'd be cheaper in Tenn than in SoCal.

Thanks for the advice on the Budget truck, they seem to be the cheapest. Looking at rates, reviews, I think I'll get some packing boxes from Uhaul for the china, they have specialized crates for it, and try to have much of it done ourselves, then hire some help for the few heavy items.

Thanks for the good thoughts, and good luck for future care with your MIL. It sounds like it's working well.

[stantonjane]

Thanks riley and missrigby on your moving and packing thoughts. I have looked into the Pods, not sure if it's feasible for us or not. It's an idea if we want to move the stuff straight to a storage unit while we get settled, tho. So many options! I think right now I can't see the forest for the trees. Probably as we divide our steps many of these questions will be easier to resolve. Right now it just looks like one big mess we gotta get started on. But fortune favors the prepared, right?

[The J]

If you can hire movers independent of a truck, or you can move the stuff yourself, you should look at Upack. You basically are renting space in a commercial trailer, that you load and unload yourself. When I moved from NY to the midwest for lawschool, and then moved back, they were the cheapest option by far. They drop the trailer off at your home, pick it up the next day, and then drop it off on the other end. Since you're doing two locations, you would probably have to do a local UHaul rental to move stuff from one place to the trailer, but that's actually easy to do, and could still save you quite a bit of money.