midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 18, 2012 12:38:34 GMT -5
You could think of this not as a pain in the ass (which it totally is) but an opportunity to hone your backhanded compliment skills. (I have a friend who is GREAT at this - she says something that initially sounds nice, you're like, "hey, thanks! ... wait a minute... )
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 18, 2012 12:40:07 GMT -5
Oh so I could say "Bless your heart, you're such a bitch." Or should I just think the last part? Just put the 2nd half into your tone of voice. ;D
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Dec 18, 2012 12:43:50 GMT -5
The proper phrasing is "You just can't help being a bitch, can you? Bless your heart"
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Dec 18, 2012 12:45:23 GMT -5
I believe my very proper southern grandmother would have deployed it like this: SIL: "You should have my husband or father look over your finances. You know women can't handle money" ICN: *patting SIL's hand soothingly* "Bless your heart. DH always trusted me to manage our finances." I tend to go with: "You should have my husband or father look over your finances. You know women can't handle money" "Oh, aren't you just adorable, dear!"
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 18, 2012 12:46:29 GMT -5
The accounting world is flooded with women. This lady is clearly stupid. Ignore her.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 18, 2012 12:57:20 GMT -5
The proper phrasing is "You just can't help being a bitch, can you? Bless your heart" Hahaha!
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Dec 18, 2012 13:19:39 GMT -5
I know it's bad to be laughing about it. But that's what will get me through this. So thank you for helping me out here!
And the bad news......they will be in town tomorrow. I thought it was going to be after Christmas. Nope. Before. She and her H are the kind of people that no one but them can be around for Christmas. No grandparents. No cousins. No one but sil, bil, and their 2 boys. One year, they happen to be at my in laws for Christmas, my in laws had to stay in their own bedroom with the door shut til the gifts had been opened. For real.
I am so not ready to deal with them yet. The good thing is, I can't be over there in the evening because my kids go to school all week. And they are leaving either Sat, or Sun. So we(me and the kids) have to be home at an early hour because they have things to do. And they love to throw in my face that my kids get to see their grandparents all the time, so they want to be left alone when they are here.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Dec 18, 2012 13:25:49 GMT -5
I know it's bad to be laughing about it. But that's what will get me through this. So thank you for helping me out here! And the bad news......they will be in town tomorrow. I thought it was going to be after Christmas. Nope. Before. She and her H are the kind of people that no one but them can be around for Christmas. No grandparents. No cousins. No one but sil, bil, and their 2 boys. One year, they happen to be at my in laws for Christmas, my in laws had to stay in their own bedroom with the door shut til the gifts had been opened. For real. I am so not ready to deal with them yet. The good thing is, I can't be over there in the evening because my kids go to school all week. And they are leaving either Sat, or Sun. So we(me and the kids) have to be home at an early hour because they have things to do. And they love to throw in my face that my kids get to see their grandparents all the time, so they want to be left alone when they are here. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Before you let yourself be pressured into doing or being somewhere, think for a moment if that's really what YOU want to do. You and the kids are grieving and that needs to be understood by everyone. Especially family. If you would prefer not to have company or go over to in-laws for more than a brief visit, then be an advocate for yourself and the kids and set some boundaries. If these people can't make your wishes a priority at this time, then it is left for you to do for yourself. No one takes advantage of you unless you allow it.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 18, 2012 13:28:06 GMT -5
:: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. ::
Yes you can! Get out with your kids and do two things:
1) find a way to honor and remember hubby/dad, and
2) create a new holiday tradition.
You will survive. You will get through this and you will be better and stronger for it. Don't give them precious space in your head - - fill it with love for your DH and your kids.
Hugs to you - - this too shall pass.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 18, 2012 13:29:36 GMT -5
Amen. Think about yourself and your children. That is what matters most. Plus come vent to us, people say the funniest things! I love the south, all genteel but underneath, steel!
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 18, 2012 13:29:38 GMT -5
I forsee each kid coming home with a massive school project that is due on Friday that will take up so much time on top of their other homework that they won't have time for anything else. Or maybe it's due Monday and they have to work on it the whole weekend too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2012 13:38:08 GMT -5
She and her H are the kind of people that no one but them can be around for Christmas. No grandparents. No cousins. No one but sil, bil, and their 2 boys. One year, they happen to be at my in laws for Christmas, my in laws had to stay in their own bedroom with the door shut til the gifts had been opened. For real. Ok. That's wackadoodle. Don't feel obligated to do anything this Christmas except for what you and your children need. Like Kitten said this would be a great year to start a new tradition - like Chinese and a movie.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 18, 2012 13:39:10 GMT -5
Monday is Christmas Eve. I doubt anybody has school that day.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Dec 18, 2012 13:40:43 GMT -5
Don't feel obligated to do anything this Christmas except for what you and your children need. Like Kitten said this would be a great year to start a new tradition - like Chinese and a movie.
Very popular with Jewish people on Christmas day.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 18, 2012 13:41:20 GMT -5
my in laws had to stay in their own bedroom with the door shut til the gifts had been opened. For real. Wow. If my kid pulled that stunt in my house you'd be hearing the blow up all the way in China. They want to be alone that bad then stay the F home. You don't get to take over my house. I agree with everyone else, time to start new Christmas traditions. If they kids want to go I'd try to arrange it with the in laws to arrive after or before your SIL and her family show up.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 18, 2012 13:45:51 GMT -5
Yes, you can. That works out well; it limits the time you have to see SIL & crew, and you can see your MIL and FIL when the annoying people have gone home.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Dec 18, 2012 14:27:03 GMT -5
Yes, you can. That works out well; it limits the time you have to see SIL & crew, and you can see your MIL and FIL when the annoying people have gone home. I was thinking the same thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2012 14:30:43 GMT -5
Don't feel obligated to do anything this Christmas except for what you and your children need. Like Kitten said this would be a great year to start a new tradition - like Chinese and a movie.
Very popular with Jewish people on Christmas day. I have borrowed this one. Chinese food on Christmas Eve and a movie Christmas afternoon. I find it so much more enjoyable than a chaotic few days.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 18, 2012 14:54:26 GMT -5
There's a very funny (and not true) story about the reasons behind Jews' affinity for Chinese food. According to history, Jacob fathered twelve sons, the forefathers of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. But there's always been a theory of a Lost Tribe.
Somewhere along the line, some comedian started the story about the Chinese being the lost Thirteen Tribe of Israel. It had to be the case, given how much Jews loved their food, right? Well, actually, the affinity for it is rooted more in the forbidden aspects of the cuisine, like the pork and shellfish, both of which are non-kosher, and the exotic spices and vegetables, all very different from the classic Eastern European Jewish cuisine. Add to that the fact that both Jewish and Chinese arrivals tended to live near each other in the cities to which they emigrated, and it's no surprise that we like those egg rolls and chow mein. This all refers to Americanized Chinese food, of course. Many Americans would run like heck from real Chinese food.
And in case you are wondering, the Twelve Tribes are Levi (a separate, but not lost tribe of priestly servants in the Temple) Judah Issachar Zebulun Asher Dan Naftali Reuben Shimon Gad Menasheh (an independent tribe) Benjamin Ephraim (an independent tribe)
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 18, 2012 15:04:28 GMT -5
Dan twice?
What happened to Cohen?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 18, 2012 15:04:36 GMT -5
I grew up in a pretty Jewish area - I never heard the chinese food thing until I was older - but the movie thing - absolutely.
I still have a friend who asks us to participate in the "adopt a jew" program, which means we invite a jewish friend for Christmas dinner. It probably is offensive, but whatever.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 18, 2012 15:21:25 GMT -5
I removed the second Dan - thought he was an identical twin there for a sec. ;D Kitten, Cohen (or the Hebrew word Kohen) is the Hebrew word for priest. It's not a tribe unto itself. Kohens are descendants of Aaron, the brother of Moses, according to Biblical history. And I like the "Adopt A Jew for Christmas" idea. I'm not offended by it, personally. As long as the message is one of friendship (and there's food involved), why not? Heck, we have eight nights of Hanukkah. Think of what it would be like if we turned that around and adopted a goyim every night.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Dec 18, 2012 15:30:42 GMT -5
Nancy - I would come over ICN - thinking of you. Maybe one of your children (or you) can mysteriously come down with the flu* - or something as equally contagious but over quickly And since you have several kids there are many chances for someone to conveniently not feel too well. * not really, just pretend![i/]
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Dec 18, 2012 15:41:59 GMT -5
I have thought of getting 'sick' but I would have to lay it on thick because my kids are old enough to know. Not sure if I could handle laying in bad for the 3-4 days they will be here. And my guess is, they will only invite us over 1 night. But I could be wrong.
The very first Christmas that DH and I were dating, I bought him a handmade chess set. It's always been in the pretty little box that it came in. We never set it up, because of the small kids. And for a while...too many Jack Russel's!!!! LOL I can NOT play chess to save my life. So when I found out that our nephews were wanting a set, I told my MIL that I would be honored if they would accept their uncle's set. Well, MIL called SIL and I guess she cried. And SIL said that was a very sweet thing to give them. And I know the boys will want to teach my kids when they are older to play so I am sure if my kids enjoy playing it will be given back. And if not, it's totally ok!!! Seriously, the set has been in a box on a shelf for 9 years! I had almost forgotten about it.
So I hope that the boys will love the gift. And I hope I don't make them cry. I would feel horrible.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Dec 18, 2012 15:45:14 GMT -5
ICN, the "real" flu has hit my Mom's nursing home. Can you tell the IL's that you came in contact with someone with the flu, & don't wanna share? THAT's the holiday spirit! ;D
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 18, 2012 15:52:49 GMT -5
:: Cohen (or the Hebrew word Kohen) is the Hebrew word for priest. It's not a tribe unto itself. Kohens are descendants of Aaron, the brother of Moses, according to Biblical history. :: Ya learn something new everyday . Thanks Nancy!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 18, 2012 16:00:34 GMT -5
Geez, the kids and I did it for years and we aren't even Jewish. That being said, who does this? Someone whose turkey dinner was stolen by the evil dogs next door! Think CHRISTMAS STORY!!!!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Dec 18, 2012 16:09:10 GMT -5
ICN: There are going to be tears this Christmas. That's just the the nature of the timing, and the first Christmas without someone who was very loved. They boys may or may not cry at the gift (they're boys, they may feel they have to be strong), but not because you are making them sad, but because it is a lovely gift that will be cherished both for what it is and where it came from. There is nothing to feel horrible about there. Cry with them if you need to.
My Jewish friends practice "Adopt a Gentile" for Passover (I love matzoh ball soup)- in fact, they tell me that it's good luck to have a gentile at the seder, so I've no issues with "adopting a Jew" for Christmas. Of course, my Jewish friends are actually in mixed religious households, so I'm pretty sure their kids do Hanukkah and Christmas, though I don't think they do Easter...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 18, 2012 16:26:58 GMT -5
Ooh, I wish a JEW would adopt me! I love that food.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Dec 18, 2012 20:18:15 GMT -5
ICN: There are going to be tears this Christmas. That's just the the nature of the timing, and the first Christmas without someone who was very loved. They boys may or may not cry at the gift (they're boys, they may feel they have to be strong), but not because you are making them sad, but because it is a lovely gift that will be cherished both for what it is and where it came from. There is nothing to feel horrible about there. Cry with them if you need to. My Jewish friends practice "Adopt a Gentile" for Passover (I love matzoh ball soup)- in fact, they tell me that it's good luck to have a gentile at the seder, so I've no issues with "adopting a Jew" for Christmas. Of course, my Jewish friends are actually in mixed religious households, so I'm pretty sure their kids do Hanukkah and Christmas, though I don't think they do Easter... I worked for a company where the partners and some employees were Jewish and we had a Christmas party at a partner's house. The kids showed us the Hanukkah presents. It was funny because the home was kosher and the wife didn't know nobody used cream in coffee. She didn't usually have milk in the house but had gotten some for coffee. One coworker brought cheese cake I hope that doesn't mean she can't use those dishes for a while. One woman converted to Jewish and had to store her grandmother's dishes 2 years when she set up a kosher home.
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