things to do with an older parent?

[Deleted]

So I'm going to be stuck.....er I mean, having a wonderful visit with my mom for about 10 days.......ideas for things to do? She's up there in age so no long walks or trips.....

(The first person to say "have a meaningful conversation" gets something heavy thrown at them)

[Nazgul Girl]

I think that if you can get some old movies that she might have enjoyed, such as "White Christmas" and " It's a Wonderful Life" the two of you might enjoy watching them together. I had started doing that with my mother a couple of years before she died, and seeing the movies caused her to start a lot of animated conversations with me. She told me stories about her life when she was a young girl that I had never heard before.

[Nazgul Girl]

Take her for a drive to see all of the Christmas lights. My mother loved to do that. Also, you can take her to a Christmas concert. Does she like to go to church ? You could go to a service with her. Does she like to cook ? Do you like to cook ? You could cook a meal from your "younger days" together. Mom liked to play Scrabble, so while she still was able to comprehend Scrabble (she had Alzheimers ), we would play some "interesting" games. I loved those times with her.

[NoNamePerson]

Define "up in age" Does she live in the same town as you? If not, maybe you can play tour guide for things she might like to see/visit. Maybe she would like a new adventure besides sitting in a chair. What does she do at home? Expand from there - museum, Imax, etc.

[Deleted]

Maybe she really doesn't want to "do" anything in particular but just sit and visit with you. But, my suggestion would be to take her out for lunch and the go to the mall and a bit of shopping.

[Deleted]

My parents pull this crap. They aren't activity limited or particularly old but they insist they don't want to do anything, they just want to be together. Sitting around my tiny apartment staring at each other is my definition of torture. An activity at least gives us something to talk about.

Driving around to look at lights seems like a good one.

Any family recipes she could teach you to make? She could sit and supervise while you cook. Our family has a traditional cookie that is pretty fussy. You have to sit around rolling out tiny balls of dough for ages. It's tedious but not physically demanding - conducive to an assembly line.

Holiday movies. Board games.

I know you're a dude, but maybe a craft project? Stringing popcorn garland for the birds? Making some sort of token for your extended family or coworkers (my parents seem to like it when they are helping me with something)?

Family tree / oral history project?

[Deleted]

How about baking? That is a big hit with my friends and DD's friends. We just love to bake or make candy.

[Deleted]

BTW, are there any local theater groups or high schools putting on some plays? YOU can really get some quality entertainment for very little money. And, if they are sports fans, the local colleges are probably now playing basketball and we go over to our local colleges and watch some great college bball for a few bucks.

[swamp]

I go to a bar and play quick draw aka video keno with them.

[happyscooter]

getting out old photo albums and reminiscing

[Tiny]

If mom doesn't get out alot (or doesn't like to drive long distances at night or whatever) can you do the driving for her - so she CAN go for a visit to friends/relatives she hasn't seen in a long time? Or drive her to the store she hasn't been to in awhile? Driving long distances for someone older might be something that's 30 or 40 minutes away. I know once my mom got into her 70's she didn't really want to be driving much after dark or have to drive on the expressway anytime or have to drive to the places she wasn't all that familiar with (went to a couple times a year). Being chauffer and then carrying packages can be very helpful... even if it is boring and slow. Smile alot and people watch. DON"T get mad a mom for being slow or looking at EVERY apple in the display. Trust me. You want her to have a nice time - it's not about you.

Ask if she has some friends/relatives she'd like to visit BEFORE you arrive so you can coordinate 'get together times' and driving directions.

Oh, yeah, if mom still lives at her own home - does she have a "Honey Do List" where you can perform some chores do some simple maintenance to help her out?

ADDED: you might want to plan ahead for a few 'excapes' for yourself - arrange some something where you have to be out for part of an afternoon or evening without mom.... something that's a couple hours (movie? dinner? visiting your friends?) Mom may appreciate the 'alone time' too. I'm an introvert so 'alone time' is critical for me...

[busymom]

Depends on the person, but some seniors REALLY enjoy playing bingo. Have you got a bingo hall near you?


I agree on taking her out to eat, or at least picking up something at a drive-thru. As my Mom got older, her ability to drive places decreased, so restaurant or fast food becomes a real treat.


Do you now live in the neighborhood you grew up in? She might enjoy a drive through the "old neighborhood", or just seeing the sights.


And because of her age, she might need "nap time" in the afternoon.

[kittensaver]

Were there "holiday" things she did for you or you did together when you were a kid? Things like: go to movies, watch skaters at the mall, bake cookies, play games, hop in the car and go look at Christmas lights? Would it be fun (or not) to re-create any of those things?

Would she appreciate getting out and running errands? My 90+ year old mother saves up loooooong lists of errands to run with her because it is getting harder and harder for her to get out.

Do you have the $$ means to get out and take a fun (for her, meaning gentle, slow-paced, no rushing) overnight trip somewhere (to see friends or family, go to a casino, catch a show in a big city, make cemetery visits for passed on loved ones, hit up a regional museum or winter garden)?

And yeah this may not be fun, but does her home need any maintenance that you can easily do?

Stay busy and I promise you will leave with a newly polished halo as "the good son."

[Deleted]

Casino. Board Games. Christmas light displays. Church plays/caroling. Starbucks. Grocery stores during 'sampling' time. Local Theater play. Read Harry Potter (buy 2 sets and just sit quietly in the room together - maybe you can cut out pages to fit an iPad in yours!). Get the entire set of Lord of the Rings, directors cut DVDs -- that will take about 8 hours to watch end to end.

[thyme4change]

My mother likes the symphony and going to the nutcracker and things like that.

[damnotagain]

Nice boat ride on some of the lakes or St. John's River . If 13 13 mockingbird lane is in central Florida.
Rentals are half day. Picnic with a gator, watch the bald eagles .

[Deleted]

I will visit her in NYC. She has an apartment there.

The thing that pisses me off is when we go out places she never lets me buy her anything. Like for example we went o to MAdam Toussad's and I wanted to pay for her ticket and she wasn't having it....by no means do I try to pay for everything but I figure i am staying in her apartment let em do something nice for you...but no ....and I make way more money than her and she has no retirement savings (another source of frustration, esp since she started drawing SS at her normal retirement age instead of waiting longer to get more per month like I advised her)

back to the topic though, we'll probably do a movie and the mall, also the Ground Zero stuff, but trying to avoid a lot of time in the apartment, bingo hall not so much (but thanks for the suggestion)....and I don't live there

thanks for the suggestions

and damnotagain- the address under my name is famous (not in Florida), google it

[Nazgul Girl]

Dec 15, 2012 9:40:16 GMT -5 swamp said:

I go to a bar and play quick draw aka video keno with them.

Ah yes, now there you go ! Are there any casinos near your mother's place ?

[Peace Of Mind]

Dec 15, 2012 14:16:43 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

My mother likes the symphony and going to the nutcracker and things like that.

Hey, how did you do that? Mine always comes out nutsaltine.

I agree with the playing cards, going out driving around looking at Christmas decorations, taking her out to dinner or cooking together and watching Christmas movies or movies that you both like. Order Chinese or pizza and pop popcorn and hang out with her.

You might also want to offer to do some things around her place that she can't do. Or at least ask if there is anything she needs done that you can help with.

[damnotagain]

Your mother is Lily Munster ?

[kittensaver]

Dec 15, 2012 15:27:39 GMT -5 @robbase2012 said:

She never lets me buy her anything. Like for example we went to Madam Toussad's and I wanted to pay for her ticket and she wasn't having it....by no means do I try to pay for everything but I figure i am staying in her apartment let em do something nice for you...

Can you stock (or partially stock) her freezer or pantry while you're there? Get her a line of credit at or a gift card to her local grocery store? Arrange for a weekly produce box from her local farmer's market?

[Peace77]

Can you arrange to get the tickets ahead of time? Can you take her out to dinner and slip cash or credit card to the server when you arrive? Could you get her a gift card to a local restaurant that delivers?

The last time we were in NYC, we went shopping at the stalls in Bryant Park. It was wonderful to see the beautiful lit up Christmas tree, watch the ice skaters and see some especially unique things for sale. We enjoyed some hot chocolate and took pictures.

[seriousthistime]

Just curious, how old is your mother anyway? Because I wonder if my kids say I am "up there in age." I just walked a half marathon, so it's not age, necessarily; it's physical condition.

To avoid the awkward issue of who pays when you go out, I'd plan a few things first and tell her that you got 2-fers on Groupon, someone gave you a gift certificate that HAS to be spent down by December 31, won a gift card in a raffle, etc. You can arrange to pay with the waiter beforehand, but it's likely to make her feel like she's been tricked. To compensate, tell her she can pay the next time, and then make sure that the next time is something inexpensive and you don't even offer to pay for it when the time comes. Older people don't like to feel that they've got no control over the situation. Let her pick up the tab sometimes but make sure it's the inexpensive times. Starbucks is a treat, or other trendy coffee shop, and even though it's pricey, it's a cheap outing if all you have is coffee.

With my kids, once they graduate from grad school the deal is that I will not be reaching for the check anymore. The one who is not going to grad school, well, she's in town and we usually don't go out someplace unless it's an occasion. Her birthday or her SO's birthday, I pay. My birthday or Mother's Day, she pays.

[InsertCoolName]

Hey Rob, even if it's awkward, just tell her you love her. Let her know that something she did, 20 years ago, no matter how small...it meant the world to you.

This could be the last time you're 'stuck' with her. Don't let a moment go by that you could let someone know how much they mean to you. We don't always get another chance.

[Happy prose]

Drive over to NJ and take her to one of the malls. Garden State Plaza is nice. Good stores and restaurants, a movie theater. It's nicely decorated now. Go during the week; too crowded on weekends. NO SALES TAX ON CLOTHING!!! Place is packed with NYers.

[thyme4change]

Hey, how did you do that? Mine always comes out nutsaltine.

Don't put a space in between - make it all one work. You can write firecracker but you can't write fire cracker.