tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 12:16:16 GMT -5
I kept it to myself for a long time but now I have decided to tell you for your amusement. So my tenant is 30 y/old female, educated in paleonthology, working at the supermarket for min wage unable to find a job in her field (who would blame the field? I think its surprised its exist still...and how many jobs for it out there? Pffffffff!) So I value my tenant for her invisibility. We are working different hours and never home toghether. Here comes big HOWEVER: I had rented her room. One. She had parked her laptop at my $1500 dining room table and used my crystal vase (sentimental value) to support her screen in upright position. I kept quiet mostly because I am to weak for arguments. Several times I was offering her food that was gladly received. Then she ate something I had cooked for dinner and said 'sorry' to me. I was mad but, wel...what could I had done? Then I had offered her to make herself a breakfast. Next time she made it witout offer. And keep doing this. Going trough my fridge, getting food...I said nothing still... I did say @*&$(& when I was watching MY cups with leftovers of MY teas were parked all over my table next to her laptop an I said WHO is going to clean it and most importantly WHEN? And she did...not immediately though... A few days ago I came home to another cup of mine with tea of mine and box of tea after she ramaged trough it left on the table...and I went and unable to talk to her I wrote her a letter that said 'I am not your made, I am your landlady...' and I stated that detergents, foods, toilet paper etc. to be bought by HER for her own use... She read it, no sorry no nothing. Her laptop was NOT removed from my table. She is using 2 fat books now to support her screen in upright position! And thee are tons of bread crumbs under it and dust as well. I don't want to sound bitchy AGAIN and writh her another letter...I am not a Daniel Steel!!! I am wondering though if some people don't realize that they are doing something wrong? That they don't realize they have to buy stuff for them to use. It seems like she is feeling entitled. And after being confronted is still doing same things. Is it possible she is suffering like some kind of 'condition'?
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Dec 8, 2012 12:27:52 GMT -5
Wait, I thought she was so inconspicuous that you had to smell for her
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 8, 2012 12:38:07 GMT -5
Welcome to the world of roommates. If you can't have a face-to-face conversation with her, maybe landlording is not the right choice. Since the notes don't seem to be having much effect, you're going to need to have a friendly conversation about your expectations. Do you have a lease? What are the conditions as far as her access to 'common spaces', etc.? What kind of condition? One that causes her to occasionally leave cups of tea sitting on a table? Or to prop up her laptop using books?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 8, 2012 12:49:22 GMT -5
Sounds like the one with a 'condition' is tloonya-a case of Grow-A-Pair-itis.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:06:44 GMT -5
Its not like I can't have a converstaion with her. I am wondering WHY 30 y/old sneaking my food and detergent and gets toilet paper from my bathroom instead of buying it for herself?
And yes, Coleenz! I don't see her I said it before. You just wanted to address me but you couldn't find an exuse, poor thang?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 8, 2012 13:23:55 GMT -5
Because it's easier than going to the store? Because she can't afford it? Because she thinks it's not a big deal?
If you're not going to have a real discussion with her about it, figure out how much she's costing you in tea/toilet paper/food and price it into her rent when you renew her lease.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:25:25 GMT -5
Intimidated? You've got to be kidding me! I feel sorry for this...adult/child person. I do not wan to make her life miserable. I don't want to seem mean to her. I am just telling her what I want from her. She seems understands but forgets next week... Also I should had included that 'remove your laptop from my table' clause. Now it is like another note after one was just written!!! Will seem like I am picking on her 'poor thang' which I am not. So I will have to wait OR remove table ;D
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:30:00 GMT -5
Because it's easier than going to the store? Because she can't afford it? Because she thinks it's not a big deal? If you're not going to have a real discussion with her about it, figure out how much she's costing you in tea/toilet paper/food and price it into her rent when you renew her lease. No! I don't want her to pay ME for my food. I want her NOT to touch it UNLESS I am offering it to her. I do not want to include it in rent. And yeah...about that Because she thinks it's not a big deal?I think this is whats bothering me the most!!! HOW can you think its not a big deal? Its stealing! So are you saying its ok if she thinks it's not a big deal?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 8, 2012 13:31:28 GMT -5
That's not what I said. You asked why she was doing these things. Without knowing her, I don't know, but gave some possible reasons.
Are you writing notes because you're never home together, or because you don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation?
Some people tend to think of things as 'not a big deal' if someone isn't willing to confront them to let them know it IS a big deal. Sounds like the notes aren't getting the point across.
But if you're having so much consternation over her leaving a laptop on your table, or not washing a dish, or using your tea, you may want to rethink the idea of renting out a room. These sort of things will happen with almost any tenant.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:38:11 GMT -5
lone, I told ya:I feel sorry for this...adult/child person. I do not wan to make her life miserable. I don't want to seem mean to her.
What do I think should be done? If I knew I would had done it already. I want to yell at her, but I am feeling sorry and not going to...its sucks! She doesn't feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for her! Nuts!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:49:34 GMT -5
Are you writing notes because you're never home together, or because you don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation? Because we are never home together and because I once talked to her and she was like scared to death (I didn't know I have this affect on people) and I felt bad. I can't really talk quietly about things that are bothering me so I was...lets say...emotional But if you're having so much consternation over her leaving a laptop on your table, or not washing a dish, or using your tea, you may want to rethink the idea of renting out a room. These sort of things will happen with almost any tenant You really know that for a fact? I will must talk to her than...I
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 13:51:41 GMT -5
lone, I told ya:I feel sorry for this...adult/child person. I do not wan to make her life miserable. I don't want to seem mean to her. What do I think should be done? If I knew I would had done it already. I want to yell at her, but I am feeling sorry and not going to...its sucks! She doesn't feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for her! Nuts! It sounds like maybe you have a child parent kind of thing going on? I never understand what do you mean, lone. What child/parent???
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Dec 8, 2012 13:55:46 GMT -5
Yes Loony - you complete me.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 8, 2012 14:02:38 GMT -5
I haven't done an official study or anything, but did have several roommates during college. Even though I got along very well with all but one of them, there were still arguments about "who ate my grahamsaltines?" and "I can't believe you used the last of the TP without buying more." My friends had similar issues with their roommates. I think it's fairly uncommon to have someone else living in your home and not run into occasional turf battles. Heck, I get mad at DH when he leaves 1/4" of milk in the carton and puts it back in the fridge. He gets mad when I use his razor. These things happen. For further confirmation (and maybe some inspiration for your next note) check out www.passiveaggressivenotes.com.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 8, 2012 14:45:26 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 8, 2012 18:04:35 GMT -5
Is this the Oriental gal who you said you love, love, love and were determined to treat her exactly as a daughter? You'd begrudge your daughter a cup of tea?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2012 18:38:20 GMT -5
Do you expect her to stay in the one room she is renting? Does she have kitchen privileges? Cause anyone that has ever shared a kitchen has had food "borrowed". Unless they are the borrower. BTW, has anyone said "told you so" yet?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2012 19:05:09 GMT -5
I have a few radical solutions that COULD work if you are planning on doing this long term. Not sure though.
- Take the crystal vase away if you care about it. - Buy a cheap tablecloth for the dining room table. - Give her a shelf or two in the fridge and tell her that's HER space, and she can't use the rest of the food. OR - Buy her a mini-fridge for her room.
Win win!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2012 19:08:40 GMT -5
Because frankly, if you're dealing with your roommate in the same detail you're dealing with the grocery store, she probably has no idea of what she's allowed to do and what she isn't.
Also, did you accept that IT job with the long commute, or not? That's still not clear. If you DID accept it, and you don't like living with a roommate, and you can soon afford not to, give her a month's notice (or two or three, you get the point.)
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 9, 2012 12:42:16 GMT -5
I have a few radical solutions that COULD work if you are planning on doing this long term. Not sure though. - Take the crystal vase away if you care about it. - Buy a cheap tablecloth for the dining room table. - Give her a shelf or two in the fridge and tell her that's HER space, and she can't use the rest of the food. OR - Buy her a mini-fridge for her room. Win win! I did take vase away, she uses books now. debt, fridges normally have 2-3 shelves and a bins, right? She doesn't need even 1 shelf. She is not cooking nor storing HER food. But she is welcome to use frdge and she knows it. Buying her mini-fridge? Kidding, right? Should I buy her a car maybe because she doesn't have one? bloomer, I had never borrowed foood! I lived at my own grandmother and had NEVER 'borrowed' food without asking!!! What is wrong with you people??? WHY do you think its allright to get ANYTHING you didn't pay for??? weltshmelts, though I didn't get what 'Orirntal girl' meant...yes! She is the one. And I was about to be extremely nice and nurturing but not after she yelled at me because she misheard what I was saying. And then I said to myself: stoping right there. Tenant - Lanldord. No fuzz! Simply a business. I hope I had satisfied your curiousity
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Dec 9, 2012 14:03:45 GMT -5
She yelled at you and she's still living in your house?
Seriously?
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 9, 2012 16:37:57 GMT -5
weltshmelts, though I didn't get what 'Orirntal girl' meant...yes! She is the one. And I was about to be extremely nice and nurturing but not after she yelled at me because she misheard what I was saying. And then I said to myself: stoping right there. ----------- Lol! I didn't get what "stoping" meant.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Dec 9, 2012 17:01:18 GMT -5
...I've lived with several roommates and tenants in my home... and now I'm married... and while I can't do much today about pulling out the cookie jar and finding only crumbs, I didn't stand for that from roommates back then... ...divide the fridge shelves, the cabinets, the pantry, the TP closet, whatever... if ANY THING is borrowed/taken from my space, there better be a note with the $ to replace it, or the deal is off... ...I don't trust roommates that have no respect for boundaries and property... ...cookies today, cars tomorrow...
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 10, 2012 14:04:05 GMT -5
She yelled at you and she's still living in your house? Seriously? I fill sorry for her. She was a the kitchen washing something and I said 'hey! what are you doing here?' in cheerfull friendly voice. She looked at me and yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING HERE?' and she was angry little bitch! I said 'no, what are you doing here? helping me out washing dishes?' and she mumbled something under her breath and ran to her room...
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 10, 2012 14:05:59 GMT -5
You don't have a bunny do you? And you may want to hide all knives from her.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 10, 2012 14:09:40 GMT -5
Heck, for that matter, I'd hide the really big stockpots, saws and axes, too.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 10, 2012 14:12:24 GMT -5
BeenThere! Thanks! That's what I am talking about. I have to say though that this mornin I saw HER toilet paper in her bathroom. So we might going to have a winner!!!
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Dec 10, 2012 14:13:54 GMT -5
What were you doing in her bathroom?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 10, 2012 14:23:44 GMT -5
And how do you know it was her TP? Did she scratch her name into the rolls? Mark it with her scent?
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Dec 10, 2012 14:37:18 GMT -5
lone, I told ya:I feel sorry for this...adult/child person. I do not wan to make her life miserable. I don't want to seem mean to her. What do I think should be done? If I knew I would had done it already. I want to yell at her, but I am feeling sorry and not going to...its sucks! She doesn't feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for her! Nuts! There is nothing mean about having a rational and frank discussion about the things that are bothering you. You don't have to yell, get all emotional, or talk about your feelings or anything like that. You just need to tell her to stop stealing from you and leaving her stuff in the common areas and if she doesn't, you'll either raise the rent or ask her to leave, and be willing to follow through on your threats. Telling a person directly when they are bothering you or taking advantage of you is what sane adults do.
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