GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 6, 2012 19:32:59 GMT -5
I was in a department store today for several hours.
For more than an hour of that time, I heard a small boy plaintively asking his mother to let him out of his stroller.
NOT in a whiney voice. I know whiney voices. I have teenagers.
No, this was more urgent. This was almost (sob)...practiced as if he had been restrained or locked up on a regular basis.
He was sooooo polite and so heartbreakingly sad: "Mommy, please let me out."
No tantrum. No screaming. Every once in a while there were heart wrenching sobs of pure sadness. Every once in a while he said "It hurts". NOT in the manipulative way kids try to get out of strollers. No, this was factual and yet he wasn't screeching in pain.
It was NOT angry. The only word I can think of is plaintive or even softly but fervently pleading. I NEVER once heard his mother reply. I NEVER once heard his mother acknowledge him or his patience. She never said "five more minutes and I'm done". NOTHING.
Because he was in a carriage and didn't come to where I was, I couldn't actually see him. But I heard his plaintive voice move throughout the store.
I had to fight back tears. And *I* couldn't leave. I had to wait until he and his mother left.
Why did he strike such a chord with me? What is wrong with me that I can't tune that stuff out?
Oy vey.
Selfish, self-absorbed people who aren't tuned into their kids suck.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 6, 2012 19:36:15 GMT -5
Because he was in a carriage and didn't come to where I was, I couldn't actually see him. But I heard his plaintive voice move throughout the store. ------ Poor baby. Why didn't you go to him?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2012 19:38:36 GMT -5
To do what?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 19:39:32 GMT -5
Damn. My heart is broken. It struck a chord because you are obviously a good mother who wouldn't put her own selfish needs before the needs of her child. It's one thing if a child is being a brat, but from your description, that's not the case here. I can't stand to see a child hurting. It causes me actual physical pain and I have stepped in before to do something. However, in this case, I don't know what you could have done since there was no obvious abuse. Maybe just said, "Ma'am? Your child is talking to you. Perhaps you didn't hear him." Other than that, just pray the little boy will be ok.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 19:40:27 GMT -5
And you maybe could have added, "Clean the CRAP out from between your ears before I do it for you."
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 6, 2012 19:42:30 GMT -5
Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. I probably would have been pacing the aisles looking for the source of the cries - or hunting down store secruty/customer service to check it out immediately - to see if the woman/child needed assistance. I've also heard "tired" cries, and "tantrum/moody" cries - but I've also heard "mommy I hurt" cries - and I dont even have kids. but I've looked after many nieces/nephews over the years when they were little.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 19:46:11 GMT -5
What could be going on in a stroller that hurts? Being strapped in too tightly? I don't have kids - no clue.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Dec 6, 2012 19:48:35 GMT -5
Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. I probably would have been pacing the aisles looking for the source of the cries - or hunting down store secruty/customer service to check it out immediately - to see if the woman/child needed assistance. I've also heard "tired" cries, and "tantrum/moody" cries - but I've also heard "mommy I hurt" cries - and I dont even have kids. but I've looked after many nieces/nephews over the years when they were little. ^this, that would be me. there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, luv. that mother's lucky I'm done with my holiday shopping this season, because odds are I might have been in the same store you were in. I've broken a car window or two in stupid hot weather when a pet's stuck inside, I have no problem getting in someone's face for something like that. you're absolutely right - that child was defeated before he opened his mouth.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 6, 2012 19:50:50 GMT -5
The more I think about it and replay it in my head and process it in a quiet place, it was almost as if he was trying so hard not to invoke her wrath but to let her know he was strapped in too tight.
Is that clearer? He didn't want to piss her off but he needed her help. My kids are respectful, polite, and well-behaved. But, my kids, like most, KNOW how to get my or DH's attention if they are in pain, kwim? This child was just TOO polite. To his own freaking mother.
OMG. So, so sad.
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ihearyou2
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Post by ihearyou2 on Dec 6, 2012 20:03:28 GMT -5
You seem to be reading a lot into the child's voice, I wouldn't stress it. Is there something going on in your life that would cause your reaction?
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 6, 2012 20:08:18 GMT -5
No, IHOP - I think I know what GRG is trying to say - the cries were more like this child was needing help - or in pain - but was also afraid - like it was a plea for help he'd cried before that had been ignored or met with some kind of (possibly physical) reprimand.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 6, 2012 20:16:57 GMT -5
That's a helluva lot to read into the voice of a kid who's a complete stranger that she didn't even see.
Maybe that is his tired voice, or whiny voice, or whatever. Maybe he knows the "it hurts" is a way to guilt mom into getting what he wants.
All kids are restrained on a regular basis. Car seats, play pens, strollers, backpacks, slings, cribs, being held. Kids spend their first couple years with less freedom than your average hamster.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 6, 2012 20:18:34 GMT -5
GRG-not a thing wrong with you. It was a natural reaction.
Humans and other animals of higher intelligence are hot wired to come to the aid of their young-and also the young of others within their own species. We have seen enough videos of adult female elephants collectively coming to the aid of one of their infants in danger.
A picture of sweet baby's face can can bring a tear to my eye-though crying pictures not so much. It's natural.
While you may never know what the outcome was of this incident, just promise yourself the next time something similar occurs you will make sure you do check it out.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 6, 2012 20:32:47 GMT -5
I always put my kids in strollers...meh, I already knew I was a bad mother
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Dec 6, 2012 21:27:03 GMT -5
That's a helluva lot to read into the voice of a kid who's a complete stranger that she didn't even see. Maybe that is his tired voice, or whiny voice, or whatever. Maybe he knows the "it hurts" is a way to guilt mom into getting what he wants. I have to agree. The OP requires us to believe that Ms. GRG was within earshot of the carriage for "more than an hour", able to monitor everything the mother said to the boy, suffering through the boy's "heart wrenching sobs of pure sadness", yet she was never once in a position (or motivated to move to a position) where she was able to see the boy. She listened to his torment for more than an hour and became convinced that he was in pain, yet she never passed the boy in the aisle, never struck up a conversation with the mother, never even moved to a location where she might see what (if anything) was distressing the boy. Hence, if this absurd account is the truth, "What is wrong with me that I can't tune that stuff out?" My reply is: nothing is wrong with you. In fact, you seem to have gone to extraordinary measures to 'tune that stuff out'. Most people would have investigated simply out of the sheer boredom of loitering in a department store. You were able to resist despite crippling, heart-wrenching concern.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Dec 6, 2012 22:39:36 GMT -5
I don't know. I'd have to play it by ear. But I wouldn't just listen and have my heart break.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 22:46:27 GMT -5
Nor would I. Nor would I assume the child is manipulative or....whatever. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Everyone has different reactions but I'm willing to bet one hell of a lot of money that if more people got involved, less children would suffer. What's the worst that can happen? You are wrong and the mother is offended? BFD.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 6, 2012 22:52:46 GMT -5
In public maybe. Most people don't abuse kids in public in the first place though. In public you just get the look that means the ass kicking is coming when you get home. Or at least that's been my experience.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 22:58:17 GMT -5
Actually, they do. I've seen it and stepped in. Was in the parking lot of a grocery store and saw a women beating the living shit out of a little girl who looked about 2. I called 911 as a ran towards them and made sure they didn't leave. I do believe I asked her how she would like me to do that to her because I was so angry. I don't know what happened afterwards, but I did all I could do.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 22:59:01 GMT -5
She actually said to me, "You have NO idea how bad she was being.". Which is true. Don't care.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 23:04:37 GMT -5
I agree I have no experience. Absolutely. Perhaps this is normal behavior. But I do have a niece and a nephew and I don't see this from them. Again... I'd be safe rather than sorry, but I tend to get involved when I see something I see as wrong. If I'm in error, I'll apologize. If that's not enough? I don't really care. And yes. I would have tried to get a visual also. I've always said people who don't have kids shouldn't be giving advice on how to raise them and I don't. But I won't sit back if there's even a possibility one is being hurt. I also understand kids can be manipulative. Again...if I'm wrong, I'll be more than willing to say so.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 6, 2012 23:13:42 GMT -5
That's pretty much what I said in my first posting in this thread. I would have been scanning the aisles & following the sound til I actully saw the child/mother or alerted store security/customer service. Who knows? A child could be in distress and a mother panicking - you just don't know until you can assess the situation for yourself.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 6, 2012 23:16:51 GMT -5
How often have you spent a whole day with them, dragging them through the mall or something, trying to get your Christmas shopping done while you're stressed and they missed naps and are being total crank asses?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 23:24:03 GMT -5
Quite a few times, actually. And when they are being cranky, I take them home. I don't ignore their cries. Maybe I would if I had them full time. I don't know. But somehow, I doubt it. It pisses me off to see people bring small children to a place where the adults have to know (or else they are terminally stupid) the child is going to get bored and restless and then expect them to not utter a peep.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 23:24:41 GMT -5
Heck, I get bored and whine and I'm grown.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 6, 2012 23:35:22 GMT -5
You don't take them places expecting them not to utter a peep. If you have to take them with you to run errands or whatever, you take them, and if they get cranky you suffer through it. You know, kinda like the lady in the OP might have been doing. Sometimes you just have to ignore it and get your business taken care of.
I don't know any parents that think going out with a cranky kid is fun. We don't do it just to watch them be miserable. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but I gotta say, the judgmental looks from strangers are what makes the trip extra special.
Look, if you honestly believe a kid is being hurt you should absolutely step in. Or get security, the police, the first big beefy dude you see, or a store employee to do it for you if you're uncomfortable. However, I can tell you that when mine were that age if I was out in public with a cranky kid there was a reason for it, and I was already in a bad mood because I don't like listening to a cranky kid anymore than you do. If somebody had gotten in my face about the kiddos being cranky they would have gotten more than a polite reminder to mind their own fucking business in reply. I don't hit women or anything, but depending on how they approached me judging me for not being a good enough parent to my kid without knowing a single fucking thing about the situation, there's a pretty good chance I'd have said things that I would probably regret later at a louder than necessary volume.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 23:42:19 GMT -5
I understand what you are saying and I know I don't have kids so I don't know anywhere close to everything there is to know. But I gotta tell you, I wouldn't give a rat's ass what your reaction would be if I thought something was wrong and decided to step in. You can say what you want. Words don't mean a thing to me. Tell me to mind my own business and I'll tell you just as loudly to kiss my ass and it wouldn't bother me one bit. I'm little, but I'm loud!!
I'm just saying I wouldn't take the chance. And somehow, I don't think you would either. You seem like a pretty good guy.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 6, 2012 23:44:37 GMT -5
So, some of you might guess that I am not very shy. If I thought that a child was being abused, I wouldn't be walking around, all perturbed for an hour, I would first look and see if the kid seemed OK and then would most likely say/ask something to a parent.
That being said - I've been to stores with small child(ren). Yes, I try to go when they are all fed and rested, doesn't always happen that way. I am so sick and tired of watching my every move bc EVERYONE watches your every move - it's like people have watched too much Lifetime movies and see abuse anywhere and everywhere.
My children live like Kings of England but there were times when I was so freaking angry with my 2.5 yr old that it might seem like an abuse to you. Get over it. There are 3 sides to every story. You can't tell anything by watching 1/10 minutes or even an hour of anyone's life
** "you" as an general you.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 6, 2012 23:46:11 GMT -5
I understand what you are saying and I know I don't have kids so I don't know anywhere close to everything there is to know. But I gotta tell you, I wouldn't give a rat's ass what your reaction would be if I thought something was wrong and decided to step in. You can say what you want. Words don't mean a thing to me. Tell me to mind my own business and I'll tell you just as loudly to kiss my ass and it wouldn't bother me one bit. I'm little, but I'm loud!! I'm just saying I wouldn't take the chance. And somehow, I don't think you would either. You seem like a pretty good guy. Take a chance on what?? The woman wasn't beating the kid...the kid didn't like sitting in the stroller. I think most of us that have kids have been there...I can't even imagine how a kid whining about being in a stroller would break anyone's heart, let alone have a bunch of you jumping in about how the OP should have "done" something....
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 6, 2012 23:46:39 GMT -5
I get what you are saying, but as a parent, YOU know when a child is whining because they are tired or hungry, right? Even I can tell the difference and I'm kid-stupid. The OP is also a parent and she evidently had a reason to believe this was more than just normal whining.
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