Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 10:59:30 GMT -5
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - The last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back... Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a bl*w j0b?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget..
FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, My toddler decided to release Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of Her after receiving looks of disgust And annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy's willy last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at McDonalds for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my burger, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, She was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, Bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their food laughing, He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan in America laughing for 2 days And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, In the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, Turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh!
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ihearyou2
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I smell better then I look
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Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 4, 2011 11:00:25 GMT -5
Too late for that read my self-destruction thread.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 11:05:44 GMT -5
LOL Obviously this doesn't apply to you IHOP!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 4, 2011 11:22:31 GMT -5
The fourth one doesn't fit in - she didn't say or do anything wrong - except not lock her bedroom door. It has nothing to do with thinking before you speak.
The fifth one isn't a great example either.
But the rest are great!
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ihearyou2
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I smell better then I look
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Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 4, 2011 11:39:17 GMT -5
The fourth one doesn't fit in - she didn't say or do anything wrong - except not lock her bedroom door. It has nothing to do with thinking before you speak. The fifth one isn't a great example either. But the rest are great! Wow I bow to you, you actually read all those examples...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 11:40:01 GMT -5
I think the message is to realise that your kids do have blackmail material on you
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ihearyou2
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I smell better then I look
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Post by ihearyou2 on Feb 4, 2011 11:49:38 GMT -5
Bloomy why do you have 101 karma points, who's your secret admirer? Is that all TD2K?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 11:56:25 GMT -5
I'm not sure IHOP. I know a bunch are from folks over on Smart Spending. I don't know where they all come from. What can I say, I'm exaltable
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TD2K
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Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
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Post by TD2K on Feb 4, 2011 12:12:07 GMT -5
Bloomy why do you have 101 karma points, who's your secret admirer? Is that all TD2K?
Could be!!!
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Feb 4, 2011 12:20:32 GMT -5
I have asked someone when she was due. She wasn't pregnant.
The other was several years ago. I always bit my fingernails and so did one of my friends. We would compare notes on how to keep from doing it. One day she walked up and held out her hand to the prettiest nails I had ever seen. Of course I asked 'are they real?" And she replied 'of course it's real.' Her husband had given her a diamond ring for their anniversary. They wouldn't' afford one when they got married so all she had was a band.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 12:37:00 GMT -5
Bloomy why do you have 101 karma points, who's your secret admirer? Is that all TD2K? Could be!!! Awww TD You want to go back to the basement don't you?
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Feb 4, 2011 12:43:37 GMT -5
I needed to go to the warehouse to find a piece of conduit just the right size for a run I was doing. I set two parts down on the counter and told the guy "I need to play with some nipples." I almost gave him a heart attack I'll admit I say stuff like this for shock value sometimes, but this was completely unintentional! (Yes, really short pieces of conduit are called nipples...)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 4, 2011 12:58:52 GMT -5
LOL Apple. I remember my surprise when I found out one of the toliet parts I had to replace is called something like the ball and cock assembly.
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queenofcorona
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Post by queenofcorona on Feb 4, 2011 19:03:03 GMT -5
A guy was talking football to me, explaining some player's job ... I interrupted saying "Knock it off, I likely know the positions better than you." He started laughing and requested a demonstration. doh! (my brother is a hs fb coach, so I do know those positions too)
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Feb 4, 2011 19:07:53 GMT -5
I was at a party and the hostess' husband grilled some kelbose that was really good. When he came in later she said "Honey, this is POM. She really likes your sausage!" I was his best friend that night.
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Befferz
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Post by Befferz on Feb 4, 2011 21:34:30 GMT -5
A male coworker was talking with a female coworker at her desk, but I had a quick question for him on something he had just asked me to do. I went over to her desk to politely interrupt, rather than wait for him to finish, which could have taken hours. He guessed the question for him, so when she asked if I needed to talk to her, he answered, "No, she wants me." I've never seen him turn so red, before or since. ;D
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Post by ummboutthat on Feb 4, 2011 22:22:14 GMT -5
Seventh Testimony I was eating lunch with my roommate and his mom while we were in college his mom gets back to the table with ice cream and nuts on top she said I like my nuts cold and wet! I laughed smiled so hard for the next 5 minutes with tears in my eye holding back laughter...
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Feb 5, 2011 7:51:58 GMT -5
I temped once at a company where the guys wore uniforms. One guy came in one day in regular clothes. I said 'wow, you look different with your clothes on.'
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2011 13:14:38 GMT -5
We had an event for work and my boss and I had to dress up as the mascots. There were the big kind of costumes with the heads that you put on over your clothes. They gave us a room to change in and after we had done our bit we went to get out of the costumes to join the festivities as ourselves. The costumes were so bulky we had to help each other get out of them. Well I guess with the acoustics in the place a bunch of people listened to us grunting and groaning and my boss telling me to get his pants off him and me asking if I was pulling to hard etc etc.
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TD2K
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Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
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Post by TD2K on Feb 5, 2011 13:42:23 GMT -5
Oh God Later, I can just imagine that.
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TD2K
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Post by TD2K on Feb 5, 2011 14:55:24 GMT -5
Joke time!!
Patient: I'm feeling terrible. Am I dying?
Doctor: I'll have to examine you. Hmm... hmmmmm... I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time to live.
Patient: Oh no! How long do I have?
Doctor: Ten...
Patient: Ten? Ten what?
Doctor: Nine...
Patient: Nine? Nine what -- months? weeks? what?!?
Doctor: Eight...seven...six...
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Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth on Feb 6, 2011 0:06:17 GMT -5
LOL! These are great. I too, have accidently made a few sexual inuendos without thinking, or even knowing I have done it until someone points it out to me. Last Thursday I was on the phone with one my of sales reps explaining how to prepare a lease document. It was simpler than he thought so he said, "Wow, you're easy!" to which I said, "Hey that's not nice!" in a joking tone. We both got embarrassed and changed the subject really quick..
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Mad Dawg Wiccan
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Post by Mad Dawg Wiccan on Feb 6, 2011 19:22:02 GMT -5
I got falling-down, black out drunk one night and (according to my wife) fell on my ass. When I told the guys at work that I had woke up with a very sore ass and no memory of what had happened, they nearly laughed themselves into a hernia.
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