Attitude adjustment

[thyme4change]

I need one.

Have any of you ever successfully 'changed your attitude, changed your life?' How? Do you think happy thoughts? Do you focus on the positive? Do you slap people with a bad 'tude that brings you down? Do you slap yourself? Do you ring a bell every time you notice you are focusing on the negative, and then an angel gets his wings, and helps you believe that the world is a better place because you were born?

[Deleted]

I don't worry about anyone else's attitude, that is their problem. But, i do tend to be more of the serious, somber side. So i have really had to learn to "lighten" up and just find the fun in TODAY. And, that is what i do.

[973beachbum]

Dec 5, 2012 12:55:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I need one.

Have any of you ever successfully 'changed your attitude, changed your life?' How? Do you think happy thoughts? Do you focus on the positive? Do you slap people with a bad 'tude that brings you down? Do you slap yourself? Do you ring a bell every time you notice you are focusing on the negative, and then an angel gets his wings, and helps you believe that the world is a better place because you were born?

I am not a touchy feely type of person. I don't have any mantra's or positive affirmations I do so take this with a grain of salt. I decided years ago after I read a study on how people felt based on a few actions and I decided to change a few things I did.

I now make a conscious choice to decide to be in a good mood or have a great day by simply saying I am in a good mood or I am having a great day at the beginning of the day. I think it is a two fold help. Number one it gets me into thinking about the good things instead of the bad. Saying your minoring stunk because the car battery died first thing in the morning just makes it worse. Instead of being a one time annoyance it would bring me back to that place inside where I was in a bad mood. By simply telling people who ask how I am doing that day with "I doing great" I am putting myself in the position of thinking about the good things that will, hopefully, put me in a good mood.

The second thing it does it that people seem to glom onto others moods. So if I say my morning stunk others will normally commiserate by telling their morning horror story. At the end of it no one seems to feel better so why do it in the first place?

Obviously it doesn't mean I blow off others with real problems or family I just try not to let it take over my everyday interactions. Personally I would rather laugh than cry any day!

[thyme4change]

Do you ever worry about appearing like the "fake happy people" that wrongside is complaining about?

[swamp]

Dec 5, 2012 13:24:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Do you ever worry about appearing like the "fake happy people" that wrongside is complaining about?

I can't say I have EVER worried about that...............

[MarleyKeezy78]

I have been in a funk for a while myself and decided I needed some help so last week I went to the Dr. and am now on Celexa. Let me tell you, I am feeling much better and for the first time in a long time don't want to smack the crap out of people. It's not for everyone but it sure has helped me from going on a rampage Not sure if that is helpful or not.

[Peace Of Mind]

Dec 5, 2012 13:24:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Do you ever worry about appearing like the "fake happy people" that wrongside is complaining about?

LMAO at fake happy people!! I'm generally a happy person. Probably the annoying kind but it's not fake. When I'm pissy or mad I have a temper and cuss and whine like the best of them. But the main reason I'm happy most of the time is because I quit working. So I can do what I want when I feel like it which in turn makes for a happy person. But I still get irritated about things in life and DH or my closest friends here or in RL hear about it. And I still get sinus infections and sinus headaches and I just hunker down and keep to myself until I feel like being social.

And I don't care if people think being happy is "fake". In fact - that sounds kind of assinine to me. Why would somebody fake being happy? That sounds like too much trouble to me. Plus I like being grouchy when I feel like crap. It makes me - Happy!

And yes, having a good attitude or a bad attitude makes a different. I'm pretty sure I have both - depending on the situation.

[973beachbum]

Dec 5, 2012 13:24:06 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Do you ever worry about appearing like the "fake happy people" that wrongside is complaining about?

Seriously no. I don't go into great detail with most people if at all. My Mom maybe, but for most people that just ask "how is your day going" or "How are you" I just reply great and leave it at that. I have never uttered things like "God's will" or other platitudes in my life.

I just dont want to be a Debbie Downer. And I don't want debbie's in my life to even think sharing their downing to me is even an option. I reallly just don't want people who never have anything to say that isn't a complaint even talking to me. That is probably the best thing to come out of this.

I really hate having to talk with the poeple who have a non stop complaint fest about how life stinks. Their husband cheats on them, the car died, the dog pooped in their purse, their kids hate them, the kids school stinks etc. There is literally nothing good that ever happened in their life, and they can't wait to share it!!!

My only thought when I see them coming is please do me a favor and keep it all to yourself. I really am going to hell.

[Peace Of Mind]

I really am going to hell.

I'll save you a seat!

[whoisjohngalt]

I don't think happy thoughts or "positive" thoughts, but I do focus on things that bring me joy. I am still as annoyed by stupid people as I always was. I still get irritated when my insurance goes up 20% for no good reason. I just don't spend that much time on those things anymore. And I don't allow myself to play and re-play things in my head. You know how something happens and you still think about it 10min/10hrs/10 days later. I stopped doing that. Unless I can learn something from the past, I just leave it there.

I don't know if my attitude changed, but a few people commented to me lately that I look serene and at peace. I am good with that. HTH

ETA: and of course, now that I am done being pregnant and nursing, I am drinking again.

[Deleted]

Just goes to prove that you can't win. If you are happy, somebody will be pissed. If you are down, somebody will be pissed. Go figure.

[movingforward]

I have always been a pretty positive upbeat person. I think some of it boils down to the fact that I have learned not to care or waste my energy on the small crap.

[Abby Normal]

"PMA baby". Positive mental attitude.

When I get in a foul mood (especially over the small stuff) I try and take a deep breath and remember that things could be much, much worse.

[Deleted]

Oh, please. Who needs "those" types around telling you "things could always be worse". ?

[movingforward]

Dec 5, 2012 13:51:40 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

"PMA baby". Positive mental attitude.

When I get in a foul mood (especially over the small stuff) I try and take a deep breath and remember that things could be much, much worse.

This is what I do as well. This type of thinking helped me when mom passed away. Okay, things could have been worse. She could have gotten cancer and suffered for 2 yrs, she could have been murdered, she could have developed Alzheimer's and not known what the hell was going on for years, or any number of other things. It may sound crazy to some people but it makes me feel better. It is better than sitting around like my brother did after his divorce and moaning oh, poor pitiful me...

[Abby Normal]

Dec 5, 2012 13:52:41 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Oh, please. Who needs "those" types around telling you "things could always be worse". ?

Well worked has sucked - So I do.

[973beachbum]

Dec 5, 2012 13:51:40 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

"PMA baby". Positive mental attitude.

When I get in a foul mood (especially over the small stuff) I try and take a deep breath and remember that things could be much, much worse.

I just try and find the humor in everything. It is very hard for me to be depressed while laughing.

I do have a pretty twisted sense of humor though so I'm sure some people think I'm just sick.

[giramomma]

Well, I used to be kind of a b*tch to my husband and emotionally react to everything. The emotional reacting bled into my work life.

So, one day, I decided I didn't think behaving like this was going to work. Part of it was that I thought at some point, my H would not put up with my behavior, particularly since he didn't have his go-to coping mechanism any more (his addiction.) DH's therapist helped me to get to this realization.

The other part was that I didn't really like emotionally reacting to everything anymore. The drama was really draining.

So, I read the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Beattie, saw my therapist, and changed. I'm much more mindful now, staying in the present. Things bother me less and I'm coping much better. My bosses have noticed this change in me. I don't behave how I used to any more.

I don't go walking around all pollyanna. There are many days where there is no joy or joy/happiness is a fleeting thing. But, I am very grateful for what I have.

I don't ever stop to wonder if the world is a better place because I was born. I can't solve those sorts of problems-like poverty, etc. I did get a really nice letter from one of my old students thanking me for being in her corner. We also do get unsolicited compliments on our kids from others-maybe once a year or so, so I figure I'm doing OK.

Now, all that said, when I do have my triggers (tiredness and anger), my thoughts do tend to go back to how I used to think. But, I know I can behave differently...

[Deleted]

Yes. On my part it took a lot of therapy and drugs.

What's key for me is paying attention to my internal language and what i really need vs what i think i need. I also focus on how far I've come and all the blessings in my life. Cheesy but effective.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using proboards

[Deleted]

I read. Books take me out of my own life for awhile and often the story makes me really glad to have the life I have.

[Deleted]

It took me years but i now have a much more "live for today " and embrace today attitude. Because none of us really knows if we have tomorrow or even the next hour.

[formerroomate99]

Sometimes I get into a funk and the only way to kick myself out of it is to shut down the lines of thought that are causing the funk.

[muttleynfelix]

Well therapy helped and my DH going on Prozac was nice because then I didn't have to deal with him being depressed on top of everything else. Yoga has also helped - at least with the physical side of my troubles.

I was never a really negative person to begin with, but in the last 9 months I've found that I could either focus on the shitty things going on in life. Or I could try to focus on the positive side of things. When people ask how I'm doing, I say well things suck, but they'll get better and I say it with a smile and laugh.

I now make a conscious choice to decide to be in a good mood or have a great day by simply saying I am in a good mood or I am having a great day at the beginning of the day. I think it is a two fold help. Number one it gets me into thinking about the good things instead of the bad. Saying your minoring stunk because the car battery died first thing in the morning just makes it worse. Instead of being a one time annoyance it would bring me back to that place inside where I was in a bad mood.

I usually take a moment or a while to get mad and get upset - sometimes longer than a moment, but then I figure out how to make the best of the situation. Like last weekend, DH was out of his narcotic pain meds. So, on top of being in extreme pain, he was going through withdrawls. It was a bad situation. I came home Friday and the process had started and I was upset with him over it (it was his own fault he ran out) and everything that went with it. But then Saturday morning, I decided I was going to make the most of having my DS all to myself, locked DH in the bedroom, and I took DS out on a breakfast date and basically was able to just have fun with my DS. I was just very thankful that I was feeling the best I had felt in a couple months and was able to do it and the whole situation really gave me a boost in my parenting confidence and was a nice test run for when DH has back surgery (although I'm pretty sure what DH went through last weekend was 100X worse than when he actually has surgery).

One thing that I really focused on during therapy was giving myself permission to be stressed out. That there were certain things in my life that are stressful and it is ok to be stressed by them. When I am able to acknowledge the stress in my life it is easier to then move on to an action about the problems in my life and then find the positives in them.

[resolution]

My natural tendency is to be somewhat analytical and quiet, and unfortunately some people interpreted that as snobbish or intimidating. I decided to appear more open and friendly by changing just a few behaviors.

• smile a little bigger when I greet people
  
• greet family and close friends with a hug instead of just verbally
  
• invite people to join us for a meal if they show up at our house near meal time (or otherwise bring food to events and such)
  

I didn't so much work on my attitude as just changing those few behaviors, and I found that people responded more warmly to me which then reinforced the new attitude.

[happyhoix]

I come from a family of hand wringers and debbie downers. I think it's genetic. We think the worst. We expect disaster. We cry about shit that hasn't even happened yet. If we sneeze we're certain we have cancer. If DH is late getting home we're certain he's dead on the side of the road. We're horrible.

DH has a community counseling degree and he helped me very much with two suggestions. The first is, when you're worrying about something, ask yourself if you actually have any control over what you're worrying about. If you don't have any control over it, learn how to let it go. If you can control it, do what you can do to fix it. What I do, in my mind, is imagine it's a balloon, and mentally I cut the string and release it. Then if I find myself slipping back to worry over it again, I let the balloon go again. Sometimes I have to do that multiple times to finally stop worrying about it. Literally, it's like feeling a weight come off your shoulders to recognize you can't change most of the shit that's occuring around you.

The second thing he taught me was to figure out the worst that could happen, if something I'm worrying about takes place. For instance, what's the worst that would happen if I mess up a project at work? I would get fired. Then what would happen? I'd have to find another job, and it might not pay as well. Would we be bankrupt and homeless if you to take even a 50% pay cut? No. Would you die? No. Would your family leave you? No. Have you found a job before? Yes.

While it sounds stupid, it does help me stop overdramatizing problems in my head, and having grown up with a mom and sisters who should all get academy awards for the anguish and despair they can work up for themselves, I helps me realize that most of what I think are problems are more like annoyances, and they'd stop annoying me so much if I stopped thinking about them and had a nice glass of wine instead.

I don't know if these would help you. Hopefully you didn't grow up in a nest of doomsday hysterics like I did.

[susanb]

My attitude has been shit all week. My hot water heater sprung a leak at midnight on Sunday and flooded my house, which has been a big mess. The good news is that having a healthy EF saved it from being a big financial mess in addition to a big physical mess.

When I take the time to do mindfulness mediation, my attitude gets a lot better.

[cronewitch]

Dec 5, 2012 17:55:00 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

The second thing he taught me was to figure out the worst that could happen, if something I'm worrying about takes place. For instance, what's the worst that would happen if I mess up a project at work? I would get fired. Then what would happen? I'd have to find another job, and it might not pay as well. Would we be bankrupt and homeless if you to take even a 50% pay cut? No. Would you die? No. Would your family leave you? No. Have you found a job before? Yes.
.

I do the same sort of thing and think about what is the worst that can a happen, accept I could live with it and then don't worry as much.

One year I had a house, husband, jobs and things were fine until he took up drinking and stopped working. I had a few very bad months without enough money, or sleep and worried about things.
Then I decided the worst that could happen is to lose the house and marriage and have a drunk ex stalking me so I had to disappear.

I would have ran to Florida since we were in Seattle and he wouldn't have guessed Florida. I would have been a healthy 35 year old with a decent education and job skills, found a job and an apartment. I would have still had family to worry that he would hurt but when I left him I warned them to watch for him and I couldn't protect them. I managed to stay local without him finding me even kept my old job and he didn't show up there.

Losing the marriage and house wasn't so bad and at least I didn't have to move to Florida.

[Deleted]

I think of it like this: In order for a beautiful rose to grow it has to be surrounded and fed it's share of excrement. So, you can focus on the excrement or focus on the rose. Now, is that a Debbie Downer thought or a Suzy Sunshine Pumper? Actually it is both. The SSPs ONLY see the rose. The DDs only see the excrement. I think there is a balance in life to see both and i think it makes you appreciate the rose all that much more.

[Deleted]

Dec 5, 2012 13:33:38 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I don't think happy thoughts or "positive" thoughts, but I do focus on things that bring me joy. I am still as annoyed by stupid people as I always was. I still get irritated when my insurance goes up 20% for no good reason. I just don't spend that much time on those things anymore. And I don't allow myself to play and re-play things in my head. You know how something happens and you still think about it 10min/10hrs/10 days later. I stopped doing that. Unless I can learn something from the past, I just leave it there.

I don't know if my attitude changed, but a few people commented to me lately that I look serene and at peace. I am good with that. HTH

ETA: and of course, now that I am done being pregnant and nursing, I am drinking again.

This

[Deleted]

I don't SAY 'it could be worse' ... But I always think it... It helps. Busted hot water heater? Well my Romanian in laws didn't even have wells in their own yards until recently, let alone indoor plumbing... etc. I remind myself of that kind of thing all the time. I also remind myself I have choices, and ask myself if id really want to do what was necessary to get A, if it also means B... (too many spend life pining for A as if it was achievable without B... but that is a larger issue). Again though, this is what I tell myself, oh, and the kids, but not others.. ( ok, maybe sometimes, but only about me, a friend told me she has gotten over her aversion to handling raw chicken because she was in the kitchen with me once and I told her I'm always just thankful I don't have to cut off its head and defeather it like my g-gma used to do...)

I think some balance of Suck it up and Count your blessings is a good start...