What kind of mother does this???

[kdamron]

I know ya'll are probably as sick of hearing my problems as I am sick of talking about them, but a couple of days ago youngest DSD started calling me in the mornings when she was on the way to school (she is 10). She said she really wanted to see me and I told her I would ask her mother.

I emailed the EX and told her DSD is really hurting and wants to see me and I want to see her and would she please consider even letting me meet her somewhere. No answer.

Today, I get a text from a number I don't know. It's DSD's best friends father asking me if I would meet them at church on Sunday because DSD is spending the night with them and she wants to see me.

Of course I'm going but I just don't understand why? Why would someone keep a grieving 10 year old from the one person who would share her grief the most. Who does this?

[Chocolate Lover]

The same person who shows up at a widow's house wearing the rings from her XH. She's a douche.



Glad you're getting to see the DSD somehow.

[movingforward]

She sounds like a horribly mean spirited person who is only concerned with her own needs. So sorry you have to deal with her nonsense in addition to your own grief.

[kdamron]

At least I get to see her...

[Peace Of Mind]

That is so nice of that dad to help your SD. I'm glad you two get to see each other through this difficult time. It will help you both.

And what kind of mother would do that to her own kids? A shit of a bitch.

[kdamron]

Nov 29, 2012 16:59:36 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

That is so nice of that dad to help your SD. I'm glad you two get to see each other through this difficult time. It will help you both.

And what kind of mother would do that to her own kids? A shit of a bitch.

That's my new favorite term!!

[imawino]

Nov 29, 2012 16:41:46 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

The same person who shows up at a widow's house wearing the rings from her XH. She's a douche.



Glad you're getting to see the DSD somehow.

kd, no one is sick of listening to you. Talk all you want.

[Deleted]

Nov 29, 2012 16:59:36 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

That is so nice of that dad to help your SD. I'm glad you two get to see each other through this difficult time. It will help you both.

And what kind of mother would do that to her own kids? A shit of a bitch.

[andi9899]

This woman is only interested in herself. Just smile and nod as much as you can. I mean really, what kind of a person does the things she has done? I don't know where you are, but if it's anywhere remotely close to me, I'll kick her ass for you.

[Peace Of Mind]

Here is an early Christmas present for you: ;D

[Deleted]

She sounds like an absolutely HORRIBLE person!

I would be more than willing to fly from Italy and join Andi in kicking her ass for you!

What a shit of a bitch!

[wvugurl26]

Please vent all you need to here, we are here to listen. It is the very least we can do for you.

I'm glad you got to see her somehow.

Their mother is a horrible person. I'm glad those girls have you to help them. I know it seems like so far away now but those girls will be grown up soon and they'll know how their mother treated them and who was really there for them.

[Deleted]

We should get the shit of a bitch to marry kbg's husband for punishment! that shit of a bitch.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

It sounds as if this dad can be a conduit between you and your SD in the future too. He sounds like a good person to know.

[rileyoday]

Their mother is terrible. I would think she will soon want you to spend weekends with them again, to have her free time back. However she may consider the church meeting as sneaking around her wishes for now. Could make it worse. I hope you and the kids get back together soon.

[Deleted]

The more people that can surround and love a child the better. I can't understand the adults who continually create drama for kids.

[NancysSummerSip]

The Ex wants to be the center of attention, kd. Just look past her, don't give her any more attention than necessary. Lavish that attention whenever and wherever you can on those girls. If that friend reached out to you to meet with them, it's a pretty clear indication that this child needs you. At least they know it, even if their own mother does not.

[kdamron]

Nov 29, 2012 17:13:45 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

It sounds as if this dad can be a conduit between you and your SD in the future too. He sounds like a good person to know.

Ironically he and his ex wife worked together to make this happen for me. So very thoughtful. I'm just so heartbroken.

[kdamron]

Nov 29, 2012 17:10:04 GMT -5 @angel33 said:

She sounds like an absolutely HORRIBLE person!

I would be more than willing to fly from Italy and join Andi in kicking her ass for you!

What a shit of a bitch!

Angel - I'd rather fly out there and drink wine with you!

[kdamron]

Nov 29, 2012 17:09:43 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Here is an early Christmas present for you: ;D

I can't smile and nod as I never see her, and I'm afraid I'd be too busy punching her in her buggy eyes...where can I get a real can of that???

[bean29]

We are not sick of you. We are your Virtual Friends. We love to hear from you! We just wish you had better news about DH's kids. (Modified to fix my typo- sorry kd)

I am glad DSD's Friends parents are making this happen for you and DSD. I hope it does not backfire. I am also hopeful that in going to Church she may find some additional comfort in that setting.

You have to wonder if it even occurs to the X how other people will view her actions. She is probably so stuck on herself that she doesn't even realize that her DD's friends and family think she is a horrible parent.

[hoops902]

Nov 29, 2012 16:39:33 GMT -5 kdamron said:

I know ya'll are probably as sick of hearing my problems as I am sick of talking about them, but a couple of days ago youngest DSD started calling me in the mornings when she was on the way to school (she is 10). She said she really wanted to see me and I told her I would ask her mother.

I emailed the EX and told her DSD is really hurting and wants to see me and I want to see her and would she please consider even letting me meet her somewhere. No answer.

Today, I get a text from a number I don't know. It's DSD's best friends father asking me if I would meet them at church on Sunday because DSD is spending the night with them and she wants to see me.

Of course I'm going but I just don't understand why? Why would someone keep a grieving 10 year old from the one person who would share her grief the most. Who does this?

The "why" is simple. The 2 of you are basically enemies. You're both creating problems for one another. (i know, i know, this is where everyone tells me kdamron is a saint. I'm not saying it's not deserved from the way this woman is acting, but you 2 clearly are at odds). So now the 2 of you are at odds, and you want to see her daughter and essentially "bond" with her. She doesn't want her child bonding with "the enemy".

And I realize this is flame-worthy...but stay out of it. You are not this child's parent and you have no right to interfere with how mom is raising her, even if in your opinion it's a terrible way to do it. The child isn't in some kind of physical danger they need to be saved from...you just want to see her and she wants to see you. But if mom doesn't want that to happen, you need to stay out of it, for all of your sakes. By sneaking around behind mom's back, you're putting the child in the middle of things. Just don't do it.

[kdamron]

She says she's doing everything for the kids. When she came to get their portion of his ashes she wanted to get the baby box of the eldest to put into storage. Like I would ever throw it away???

I'm at such a loss as to what to do. I've tried to call her, email her, text her - I've offered money. I don't care about any of the material shit she's so obsessed with. I want my love back.

[kdamron]

Nov 29, 2012 17:45:16 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Nov 29, 2012 16:39:33 GMT -5 kdamron said:

I know ya'll are probably as sick of hearing my problems as I am sick of talking about them, but a couple of days ago youngest DSD started calling me in the mornings when she was on the way to school (she is 10). She said she really wanted to see me and I told her I would ask her mother.

I emailed the EX and told her DSD is really hurting and wants to see me and I want to see her and would she please consider even letting me meet her somewhere. No answer.

Today, I get a text from a number I don't know. It's DSD's best friends father asking me if I would meet them at church on Sunday because DSD is spending the night with them and she wants to see me.

Of course I'm going but I just don't understand why? Why would someone keep a grieving 10 year old from the one person who would share her grief the most. Who does this?

The "why" is simple. The 2 of you are basically enemies. You're both creating problems for one another. (i know, i know, this is where everyone tells me kdamron is a saint. I'm not saying it's not deserved from the way this woman is acting, but you 2 clearly are at odds). So now the 2 of you are at odds, and you want to see her daughter and essentially "bond" with her. She doesn't want her child bonding with "the enemy".

And I realize this is flame-worthy...but stay out of it. You are not this child's parent and you have no right to interfere with how mom is raising her, even if in your opinion it's a terrible way to do it. The child isn't in some kind of physical danger they need to be saved from...you just want to see her and she wants to see you. But if mom doesn't want that to happen, you need to stay out of it, for all of your sakes. By sneaking around behind mom's back, you're putting the child in the middle of things. Just don't do it.

I've never claimed to be a saint but why on earth would we be enemies? I wasn't in these kids lives for six months - I was their step mother for 4 years. She and I always got along before this. I'm not her enemy.

[hoops902]

::I've never claimed to be a saint but why on earth would we be enemies? I wasn't in these kids lives for six months - I was their step mother for 4 years. She and I always got along before this. I'm not her enemy. ::

From the way you talk about her, it sounds like she freaking hates you. That makes you "enemies". If you don't like the word enemy, then just say you aren't getting along (even though it sounds much more escalated than that). I'm not saying you consider HER YOUR enemy...but it certainly sounds like that's how she feels about you. It takes one person to make 2 people enemies, it takes 2 people to make 2 people friends.

[kittensaver]

Nov 29, 2012 17:45:16 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

The "why" is simple. The 2 of you are basically enemies. You're both creating problems for one another. (i know, i know, this is where everyone tells me kdamron is a saint. I'm not saying it's not deserved from the way this woman is acting, but you 2 clearly are at odds). So now the 2 of you are at odds, and you want to see her daughter and essentially "bond" with her. She doesn't want her child bonding with "the enemy".

And I realize this is flame-worthy...but stay out of it. You are not this child's parent and you have no right to interfere with how mom is raising her, even if in your opinion it's a terrible way to do it. The child isn't in some kind of physical danger they need to be saved from...you just want to see her and she wants to see you. But if mom doesn't want that to happen, you need to stay out of it, for all of your sakes. By sneaking around behind mom's back, you're putting the child in the middle of things. Just don't do it.

Okay, I tried but I can't keep my finger off the trigger. I'm throwing the first flame (unless someone beats me to it while I'm typing). This is really REALLY REALLY harsh and insensitive, dude. Go find some other widow to bag on - KD doesn't need your "help."

Sorry - but not sorry.

[formerroomate99]

In her grieving mind, you are the enemy. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process. This is why she is getting spitting mad over things that don't really matter.

Hoops does make a good point, that as the stepmother, you don't really have the right to be in these children's lives, and that by sneaking around behind the mother's back, you could end up causing much more damage than you would be staying away. Hard to tell what is the right thing to do. Just be careful, take the high road, and try not to obsess about this.

[Abby Normal]

It could also be that she fears her kids like you too much. In her mind, when you with DH- the kids HAD to spend time with you. Now, they are wanting to be with you and she might be feeling like they prefer her to you. Insecuring can do some scary things.

[Deleted]

Nov 29, 2012 17:57:45 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Nov 29, 2012 17:45:16 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

The "why" is simple. The 2 of you are basically enemies. You're both creating problems for one another. (i know, i know, this is where everyone tells me kdamron is a saint. I'm not saying it's not deserved from the way this woman is acting, but you 2 clearly are at odds). So now the 2 of you are at odds, and you want to see her daughter and essentially "bond" with her. She doesn't want her child bonding with "the enemy".

And I realize this is flame-worthy...but stay out of it. You are not this child's parent and you have no right to interfere with how mom is raising her, even if in your opinion it's a terrible way to do it. The child isn't in some kind of physical danger they need to be saved from...you just want to see her and she wants to see you. But if mom doesn't want that to happen, you need to stay out of it, for all of your sakes. By sneaking around behind mom's back, you're putting the child in the middle of things. Just don't do it.

Okay, I tried but I can't keep my finger off the trigger. I'm throwing the first flame (unless someone beats me to it while I'm typing). This is really REALLY REALLY harsh and insensitive, dude. Go find some other widow to bag on - KD doesn't need your "help."

Sorry - but not sorry.

I think some of you need a nice warm welcome to the world of being a human being.

[susanb]

I don't think that Kdamron is a saint, but I am fairly convinced at this point that she is a better person than I am. By a good margin.

Kdamron, I am really sorry that you are going through this. I am not sure why people are adressing your 'rights' as a step parent since you aren't talking about your 'rights' but rather about supporting a child going through mourning.

I am not sure if this is helpful or not, but.....Villains don't know they are villains. I know a woman who is a shitty step parent. She is always complaining about her step daughter visiting (for a whole three weeks out of the year) and filing papers to get child support reduced. She isn't a bad woman, but she is a bad step parent. The thing is, she has completely justified all of her behavior in her mind. She says that the child's mother uses the $600 a month she gets in child support to live it up and doesn't buy her kid new clothes with it and on and on.

Of course, it doesn't change the outcome for you or the kids, but it is unlikely she is being consciously malicious and more likely that she is justifying her crappy behavior.