Awesomely bad restaurant review from NY Times

[Deleted]

For your amusement.

Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?

How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?

Why undermine a big fist of slow-roasted pork shank, which might fly in many downtown restaurants if the General Tso’s-style sauce were a notch less sweet, with randomly shaped scraps of carrot that combine a tough, nearly raw crunch with the deadened, overcooked taste of school cafeteria vegetables?

Is this how you roll in Flavor Town?

www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-american-kitchen-bar-in-times-square.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

[Nazgul Girl]

Just nuts and dysfunctional-sounding....I guess I'd rather be eating at McD's.

[tcu2003]

I saw this earlier today and thought it was hilarious. One of my favorite reviews ever! And while I try to avoid ever eating in Times Square, after reading that review, this one is definitely not on my list of places to try.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

I read that online earlier today ~ most entertaining. ;D

[Virgil Showlion]

ATMOSPHERE 500 seats, three levels, three bars, one chaotic mess.

SERVICE The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant.

SOUND LEVEL Rawk and roll, but at moderate volumes.


Ouch.

[NancysSummerSip]

One of our local deejays read the review on the radio this morning. Huge ouch.

I like Guy Fieri's enthusiasm, and I like the fact that the man has cooking skills; he is actually trained and does have the background.

But holy jump the restaurant shark, Batman. Why go so huge, why open in Times Square, where the whole world can see you fall on your bleached-blond butt? It's not like there's more real estate in NYC to open a place that's cheaper. I guess it's the idea of "go big or go home," but he has two other restaurants; so it's not like he's new to this gig.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gordon Ramesy said in his biography that he opened at least 6 different resturants that were giant flops before he became successful and he's had flops since them too. It's just part of the business, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

Also Guy Fieri is probably not as personally involved anymore in the development of his resturants as he was when he first started out.

So while Guy's name might be on it, it doesn't mean that it is his fault the place is a disaster. It's not like they personally man the grill and hire the servers.


Unfortunately he's the big name attached to it so he's going to fall. As Anthony Bourdain said in his biography and a lot of other chef biographies I've read you are only as good as your support staff. Guy might have picked the wrong guy to man the helm of his new place.

[NancysSummerSip]

Drama, You are very likely spot on here. Guy has the other two restaurants, a cookware line, the TV shows, guest TV show appearances, speaking engagements, book signings and a wife and kids. I don't think there's any way he could be personally involved with this venture.

Then again, you look at celebrity chefs like Mario Battali and Emeril Lagasse, both of whom have opened multiple restaurants, all of which are at least reasonably successful. Yet both of them have other interests (and charitable causes as well). The both succeed because they design their new restaurant ventures around successful head chefs to start with. They don't build these places and then hire people. They have people in mind to run them first. Battali also has a successful business partner, Joe Bastianich, who handles a lot of his day-to-day stuff in the restaurants. Neither of them build megaplex restaurants, either. They keep them small to mid-size and keep the menus focused on what they know best.

[thyme4change]

This is Planet Hollywood all over again. A super star, creating a sub-par restarant to capitalize on their celebritee, and the food sucks.

[Deleted]

A friend of mine at Guy's new restaurant the other day. He liked it. But of course he is 6'6" and weighs 350, so there is not many restaurants that he doesn't like.

[NancysSummerSip]

It does sound like Planet Hollywood, and also sounds like another boneheaded concept from 1980s NYC. I may have the name wrong, but I think it was called The Fashion Cafe. Someone opened it up with a couple of supermodels as financial backers. It flopped pretty badly.

[8 Bit WWBG]

I do like the emergence of "better quality fast food" lunch places, but I'm getting fed up of the hipster names that have to be on the menu items.

Can't it just be "fries" instead of "Sunny's handcut village fries"? And chili or BBQ can't just be that. Who is Uncle Steve, and why is his chili famous when nobody's ever heard of it? Who is Big C? Does he (she) really deserve a milkshake?

But names have power and people can be more easily separated from more of their money when we tickle the right sensations.

[swamp]

Anyone remember Britney Spears's restaurant NYLA? It was supposed to be a fusion of NY and Louisiana and featuring her music? I don't think it lasted very long.

One critic called it the restaurant for people who hate both food and music.

[thyme4change]

One critic called it the restaurant for people who hate both food and music.

LOL

Also, apparently this guy has come in to the restaurant and eaten of 4 separate occassions and then decided to write this review. If the food is that awful, you don't come back 4 times in hopes that it will improve.

I believe most critics visit a restarant multiple times to make sure they aren't getting a waiter on a bad night, or the night the chef was sick. It also gives them the opportunity to eat many different items and discuss more than just the one item they ordered. It makes sense that they would go multiple times before bashing it. If you go to a place once and it sucks - it could be any number of reasons (your mood, for example.) But, if you go 4 times, you are darn sure it sucks. You also have way, way more to write about - more food, more tables, more wait staff, etc.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The both succeed because they design their new restaurant ventures around successful head chefs to start with

Exactly. I think Guy didn't pick good people to run this place.

. He said this one has only been open 2 months or somehting like that. He did say his culinary team came in to trained the kitchen staff and he personally trained the front of the house staff

But he's not there 24/7. Neither is Bobby, Emeril or Mario at all of their resturants, they just can't be while running their empires.

So when Guy and his team moved out, whoever they left in charge might not have been up to the task.

And it doesn't automatically mean the place will flop, they might have to come in and restructure and it'll be just fine.

[movingforward]

Sandra Bullock has a restaurant here. I think it does decent business, but one of my hotel sales contacts took me there for lunch one day and personally I didn't think it was all that great. I probably wouldn't choose to do a business lunch there again and I definitely wouldn't go there for a meal with friends or family.

[NancysSummerSip]

I believe most critics visit a restarant multiple times to make sure they aren't getting a waiter on a bad night, or the night the chef was sick. It also gives them the opportunity to eat many different items and discuss more than just the one item they ordered. It makes sense that they would go multiple times before bashing it. If you go to a place once and it sucks - it could be any number of reasons (your mood, for example.) But, if you go 4 times, you are darn sure it sucks. You also have way, way more to write about - more food, more tables, more wait staff, etc.

Very true. Personally, when I critique, I eat at least twice. One time there, one time takeout (if the place offers it) or just go back a second time, for exactly these reasons. You want to ensure that you're not getting some kind of fluke when it comes to bad food or service. Plus I like to check certain things, like cleanliness and other diners' reactions, which I cannot always do on a single visit.

[thyme4change]

There is no reason to expect Sandra Bullock to run a quality restaurant. I wonder if it was started in the 90's when the cool thing was to own a restaurant - Oprah had one, Michael Jordon had one, Sammy Hagar (hey - his are still open, aren't they?), the whole Bruce/Demi/Planet Hollywood thing, etc. Most of them are gone now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I think Sammy Hagar's had really good booze. Some people will take crappy food if there's good booze.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Nancy, how does critiquing a restaurant work? And how do you check cleanliness?

[Deleted]

Looks like Sandra Bullock opened her restaurant in 2006:
Since November 2006, Bullock founded a popular Austin, Texas restaurant, Bess Bistro.[35] She later opened another business across the street in a building she extensively renovated downtown called Walton's Fancy and Staple[36] a bakery, upscale restaurant and floral shop that also offers services such as event planning.

[movingforward]

Nov 15, 2012 13:34:11 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There is no reason to expect Sandra Bullock to run a quality restaurant. I wonder if it was started in the 90's when the cool thing was to own a restaurant - Oprah had one, Michael Jordon had one, Sammy Hagar (hey - his are still open, aren't they?), the whole Bruce/Demi/Planet Hollywood thing, etc. Most of them are gone now.

I think it opened in 2007. Lance Armstrong also has a bar here. Since both of them live in this area my guess is that it must be "the thing to do" for local celebs.

ETA: Thanks Beer - 2006

[thyme4change]

Actually, I just googled it, and it still seems like the thing for celebrities to do.

[Deleted]

If it works - revenue stream. If it fails - tax write off.

[NancysSummerSip]

I work for a national online publication and do the reviews on restaurants, food trucks, greenmarkets, side-of-the-road BBQ pits, you name it. It's not just brick and mortar places.

And I judge cleanliness on a few things. I do check the state inspection records, which are public record in all states, to see if the place has ever been cited or shut down for any reason, and if so, why, and what they've done to correct the issue.

I always check the restrooms. ALWAYS. Here's my theory: It takes about five minutes to tidy up a one-commode restroom, maybe 10 or 15 minutes to clean the larger ones. If an owner cannot be bothered with this, chances are the kitchen is pretty hideous.

[movingforward]

Nov 15, 2012 13:44:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

I work for a national online publication and do the reviews on restaurants, food trucks, greenmarkets, side-of-the-road BBQ pits, you name it. It's not just brick and mortar places.

And I judge cleanliness on a few things. I do check the state inspection records, which are public record in all states, to see if the place has ever been cited or shut down for any reason, and if so, why, and what they've done to correct the issue.

I always check the restrooms. ALWAYS. Here's my theory: It takes about five minutes to tidy up a one-commode restroom, maybe 10 or 15 minutes to clean the larger ones. If an owner cannot be bothered with this, chances are the kitchen is pretty hideous.

How did you get into this line of work? I have always wondered how one becomes a critic.

[thyme4change]

If it works - revenue stream. If it fails - tax write off.

Aren't there a million other businesses that have a better success rate?

[NancysSummerSip]

Reading want ads online is how I found this particular gig. Does not pay much, but it's a way to get your name out there. I was able to get sufficient name recognition to get a chocolate blog started (that link is in my signature line, along with my everyday blog. The food column is not, because of the CoC rules, but I can PM you the link for that).

Freelancewritinggigs.com is a good source for work. Indeed.com is as well, though it does not carry that many writing jobs.

Check with local small weekly papers; they sometimes want people to write food reviews. The money isn't good, but it is a start.

And just so you know, I accept nothing for free. I could, and get away with it. I don't. I think it compromises me personally.

[Virgil Showlion]

I believe most critics visit a restarant multiple times to make sure they aren't getting a waiter on a bad night, or the night the chef was sick. It also gives them the opportunity to eat many different items and discuss more than just the one item they ordered. It makes sense that they would go multiple times before bashing it. If you go to a place once and it sucks - it could be any number of reasons (your mood, for example.) But, if you go 4 times, you are darn sure it sucks. You also have way, way more to write about - more food, more tables, more wait staff, etc.

Agreed.

However, that doesn't mean that the review wasn't overblown.

It seems to me that the reviewer truly couldn't believe how terrible the food was, and wanted to collect a mountain of evidence. Some of those dishes sounded positively inedible.

As an aside: a very curious format for the article. I've never read a review (or news article of any kind, for that matter) composed entirely of rhetorical questions.

[Deleted]

That reviewer should get into some comedic line of work. As over the top as it was, it made me laugh.

And many of these celebrity side projects are just more vanity. I suppose that many of them hope that their place will be the next IT place to go to. Besides, the fashion and perfume angles have been done to death.

I’ve always wanted to open an Irish style Pub, with really mediocre pub grub, but great booze and music and reasonably priced…where all my drunken friends could congregate on an almost nightly basis. You know, a place where everyone knows your name. It probably wouldn’t last more than a few months.