"Fostering" a child through surgery? UPDATE

[Deleted]

Hi All

My next-door neighbor used to work 24/7 but closed down her small but very successful business in January because she was fed up with it after 30 years, obviously money is not an issue. She is doing something amazing. I'm curious, because I have never heard of anybody doing this before.

Through a charity, she is taking in a little African girl (18 mo) with major heart problems. She "got" her a week before surgery was scheduled, and will keep her for two months. Unfortunately the surgery was postponed because the little girl had a cold, so it's set for this week instead of last week. She will take her to all her medical appts, stay with her in the hospital (maybe not overnight, I don't know), and keep her at home for about six weeks after surgery, and take her to all the follow-up appts. Then if all goes well, the little girl will fly back home to her parents, healed.

I haven't seen the little girl yet, but DH ran into them today. My neighbor knows I want to come over and meet the baby and bring her a gift, but we both agreed that it would be better to do that after the surgery.

Has anybody ever heard of anything like this? Maybe it doesn't exist in the US because of medical costs? I don't know exactly who pays for this. I'm guessing the charity pays the hospitals involved, but I know the people who take these children in are all volunteers, and I'm guessing the surgeons waive their fees. Maybe other medical staff does as well. Like I say, I know nothing about this.

Apparently their family has wanted to do this for years but couldn't before with both parents working so much.

I can't see myself doing it personally, although I think it is a fantastic thing to do. I had literally never heard of this before, so I am curious if any of you have ever had any experience with this.

ETA: Sorry I'm going to bed now.

[Deleted]

SORRY, I meant to post this in YM off-topic! If a Mod could move it I would appreciate it! Thanks!

[Deleted]

I have seen stories about children from other countries coming to the US for surgery, so this must be what happens to them while they're here. What a wonderful thing for your neighbor to do!

[Bluerobin]

Sounds like a worthwhile charity. Do let us know the details when you find out.

[thyme4change]

That is very sweet. I agree with cheesecakelady - it isn't something I would want to do. I'm not god with sick people (I'm not even that good when my kids are sick.) Oh, I'm also not that good with children. But, if there is a 2 month recovery time - that first week might be pretty involved. Treating the incision point, medications, side effects, etc. I give mad props to those who can do this.

[Tennesseer]

I am surprised the charity couldn't/wouldn't allow the child's mother to travel to the States with the girl what with the child being so young.

[weltschmerz]

Oct 16, 2012 17:16:57 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

I am surprised the charity couldn't/wouldn't allow the child's mother to travel to the States with the girl what with the child being so young.

It might be a single mom with 7 other kids. Logistically, it would make sense to just have the little girl come for treatment.

[Deleted]

I still don't have much more detail, I'm hoping to go over there this weekend, if the baby is home.

Yes, this is an established charity. Cheesecake, I know our neighbors were vetted, but I don't know the details. They have a big garden party every year in June, that's when she told me about this. Another guest (who has a child with a serious cardiac defect that was corrected through surgery) has been doing this for several years, I'm guessing that's where my friend got the idea. The baby can't go straight home to Africa after surgery, that's why it's set up this way. She will need a lot of follow-up, and probably a second operation.

Thyme you made me laugh because despite having four of my own, I'm not great with kids either lol!

Tennesseer, I guess there's a limited amount of money to go around, and if the charity were to pay for flights for parents too, there would be less for the kids. Also, on some level, I can see it being easier to take just the child rather than the mom too, or the parents. And like Welts says, there could be other siblings. From what I've been told, most of the children are very young.

Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, here's to hoping that all goes well for the little girl. I think it's incredible thing to do, but I know I couldn't do it. I'm happy that other people can and do.

ETA: Thanks Gowron!

[Tennesseer]

Best wishes for the little one.

[Deleted]

Thanks Tennesseer!

I actually looked on their website because I was curious ... there are only three conditions
- it is 100% volunteer, with no payment for anything (gas, expenses, etc).
- You must live within a reasonable commute to a major French city.
- You have to "be willing to devote six to eight weeks of your life to the child".
- They "strongly prefer" that you have a car but it is not a requirement.

The children's flights are covered by Aviation without Borders (I've never heard of that organization before!)

ETA: I'm sure there are intensive interviews with the foster families as well, but that's not mentioned on the website.

[Tennesseer]

-"You must live within a reasonable commute to a major French city."

Huh?

Then I remembered you're outside Paris.

www.aviationwithoutborders.org/

Seeing the children are from Africa and the medical treatment is in France (or elsewhere in Europe) I feel a little better about the child not being quite so far from home. Again, I was thinking the surgery was going to take place in the States.

[Tennesseer]

Some day I may even get around to 'grandfathering' little ones in the neonatal intensive care unit of our local hospital(s).

[Deleted]

I think that would be a fabulous thing to do Tennesseer! I found myself thinking that hey, maybe one day I'd be up for it (not anytime soon though lol.)

I REALLY admire my neighbor for doing this, as well as all the other people who volunteer their time. Again, something I never knew or thought much about before.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I have heard of a similar program here in the states. A pediatrician and his family in my old town did this sort of thing. I could certainly handle (and likely even enjoy) the child care part of it. But, it would be awfully hard to put that child on the plane home. I tend to bond deeply and permanently with the ones I care about.

[Apple]

That's a great thing you're neighbor is doing. Other than the feeling of being completely helpless, I don't mind taking care of sick kids. I had the whole thing "down" for when DS got sick (which surprisingly wasn't often). I'd stack pretty much ever blanket I have on the floor and make a bed out of it, that way, if he got sick and couldn't make it to the bathroom or the bucket, I could just strip off the top blanket and he didn't have to move. At least a couple blankets were washed and dried before he'd get to the last few (so the "bed" stayed soft).

Some day I may even get around to 'grandfathering' little ones in the neonatal intensive care unit of our local hospital(s).

I can't begin to tell you how much even this would be appreciated. DS spent two weeks in NICU, we were lucky to stay at the Ronald McDonald house just a five minute walk away. But those babies who were their longer or who's parents couldn't be there all the time were always getting in some good lap time with those "grandparents" (or just a hand on their leg, tummy, arm, if they weren't strong enough to be held). They were also nice to just have a little conversation to make the world feel less hazy and sterile.

[Deleted]

I finally met Baby A today!

She had a five-hour op 10 days ago. She was hospitalized for just a few days, then she was sent to a convalescent home. I got the feeling that these kids probably leave the hospital sooner rather than later but that was just my feeling. I'm guessing that somebody who is eligible for health insurance here would stay in the hospital until they were able to go home, but again, I don't really know. Our neighbors took her back home last Thurs or Fri.

She is doing great! She is adorable! You would have NO CLUE that she had been so ill, she was running around all over the place and my friend was joking about how glad she is not to have a new baby at 50 lol.

I found out a bit more about the association works.

Everything is paid for by private donations. The children are flown here by retired pilots and accompanied by retired flight attendants who have free flight privileges for life.

There is ZERO contact between the foster family and the real family. The family gets updates through the association but has NO contact with the foster family.

A couple of things I found very interesting:

- Once the child is diagnosed, it is the FAMILY that must sign the child up for this program, not the medical staff. The medical staff diagnoses the heart problem (as they can, they have some equipment but obviously it is not state-of-the-art).

They then give the info to the parents. Some parents move heaven and earth to get their child into this program, others don't (no money is involved, just paperwork and medical appts and agreeing to let your child go off for 2 months). This little girl's parents were just 19 and 21 when she was born, they did it.

- Part of the donations from this charity are being used to train doctors in Africa and Eastern Europe and other places to diagnose and treat these heart conditions, at least the less-complicated ones

- The French Gov't does NOT pay for this program AT ALL, it's all done through private charitable donations. I asked if some of the surgeons and / or other medical staff do this for free, my neighbor had absolutely no info on that.

She did tell me an anecdote, that one child on the same flight was diagnosed with one leaky" heart valve, cost 5K euros. That money was raised by the charity. On the table, the surgeons realized she had TWO leaky heart valves, cost 10K euros. They fixed both heart valves, the hospital is out 5K, she does not know what will happen about that.

ETA: I hesitated between bringing Baby A a cube with different shapes, and a box of baby musical instruments (tambourine, zylophone, recorder). I opted for the musical instruments, she was THRILLED! My neighbors told me the first times somebody tried to give her a present or even just a toy, she was scared. This time she unwrapped the gift like a champ LOL.

This also raises the question of what happens after she goes home, after she's outgrown the toys, the clothes, etc? But that's another issue. I know our neighbors are desperate to keep in touch with her and help her long-term. Also, she will probably need another op in 10 or 12 years and they have already told the association that they "absolutely want her back".

ETA: We talked about whether or not Baby A would remember them. My friend said, she's not even 20 months, probably not. She also told me about another foster family who had a 17YO who walked two hours a day to get water. On some level, it must be REALLY difficult for kids that age to go back home after being in Europe. My neighbor said that was one reason she opted to foster a very young child.

[Deleted]

"My neighbors told me the first times somebody tried to give her a present or even just a toy, she was scared. "

That is just so sad and breaks my heart

[Tennesseer]

That's good news debthaven.

Check your mailbox. I sent you a PM.

[TheOtherMe]

That is very sad about the child not knowing what to do with a gift.

My doctor retired to donate his time through some charity to working with children with HIV/AIDS in Uganda. Once there, he got involved in training health professionals--nurses and doctors, so they could provide care when he no longer goes. He has grandchildren now and they don't want to spend all of their time in Uganda.

He told me a cute story. One of his helpers had a big crush on him and he knew it. He said she was a very good worker. He had his wife there and the helper knew that but sometimes they have more than one wife. She told him her father would give him two cows and she'd be his number 2 wife! He said she was crushed, but got over it and because a nurse.

He did say it was terrible having only so much medication and supplies and people would walk for days with sick children and he had to decide who was still healthy enough to try to save. I can't imagine having to make decisions like that.

[taz157]

Oct 28, 2012 20:08:23 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

That's good news debthaven.

[DVM gone riding]

they do this in the US too. There were a bunch of stories about families doing medical fosters for Hatian children after the earthquake and then they weren't sure what to do with the kids, if they had a family to go to etc, but at the same time the kids visas were expering!

[Deleted]

What a wonderful charity! Baby A will certainly remember then for the next few years - I'm shocked at the things my three year old remembers and discusses in detail. After ten years probably won't remember anything.