Why is being old an excuse?

[The Captain]

Don't want to hijack Tdog's thread but it got me to wondering...

Why do some people feel that being old is a valid excuse for:

1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)
2. Not planning for when you may need assistance - DH and I live on a rather large peice of property - when we get too old to maintain it we will either need to hire help or move. It will not be fair to the neighbors to let it get overgrown and weedy...
3. Not saving up something to cover extra medical costs - really? You expected your medical expenses to go down when you got older?
4. Expecting others to pay for "fill in the blank" because you are on a "fixed income" - um, yea. Guess what - every salaried person is on a fixed income. How is it any different?

Sorry about the rant (not really) but it really irks me when old people complain about XY and Z when they had more time to plan and prepare then anyone else.

Of course there are the few valid times when there was no extra money available to save, but those folks tend to be the ones who complain the least.

[midjd]

Generally, I don't think it's the nice, considerate, YM types who end up like Tdog's neighbor. (And not to pick on the neighbor - it sounds like it's mostly the son whining about the fixed income issue.)

I suspect the people who use "being old" as an excuse for not doing something are the ones who - prior to being old - used "having young kids" or "having a tiring/stressful job" or bad luck or whatever else as an excuse for not doing something.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

Aug 17, 2012 12:32:54 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Don't want to hijack Tdog's thread but it got me to wondering...

Why do some people feel that being old is a valid excuse for:

1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)
2. Not planning for when you may need assistance - DH and I live on a rather large peice of property - when we get too old to maintain it we will either need to hire help or move. It will not be fair to the neighbors to let it get overgrown and weedy...
3. Not saving up something to cover extra medical costs - really? You expected your medical expenses to go down when you got older?
4. Expecting others to pay for "fill in the blank" because you are on a "fixed income" - um, yea. Guess what - every salaried person is on a fixed income. How is it any different?

Sorry about the rant (not really) but it really irks me when old people complain about XY and Z when they had more time to plan and prepare then anyone else.

Of course there are the few valid times when there was no extra money available to save, but those folks tend to be the ones who complain the least.

...yeah, even Bill Gates has a budget... and he's old...

[milee]

Well, in the tdog thread, the issue for me isn't really that the neighbor is old, it's that because of her age she may not have had the same assumptions tdog does and shouldn't be responsible for doing something that benefits everybody around her but not her. For how she uses her yard, she probably doesn't need a fence. She shouldn't be responsible to pay money to keep out other people's kids and dogs - the people with kids and dogs should either contain them or pay for the fence if the 90 year old doesn't feel the need for a fence.

As for the rest of your question - in most cases I agree with you that older people have enough time to plan and should deal with the consequences of the choices they make.

[The Captain]

Aug 17, 2012 12:36:24 GMT -5 midjd said:

Generally, I don't think it's the nice, considerate, YM types who end up like Tdog's neighbor. .

Umm, you've been here awhile, right? Are you sure you're on the right board?

[movingforward]

I agree on some level, but I do have a soft spot for older people. When you are younger you can always aspire to make more money but when you are old and feeble what you have is what you have. You will never be able to just go out and make more money. I guess old people and animals are my weakness

ETA: I just read the tdog thread and I agree with hoops. I think there are a lot of other reasons beside being old and on a fixed income as to why she doesn't believe she should replace the fence.

[Opti]

As for the rest of your question - in most cases I agree with you that older people have enough time to plan and should deal with the consequences of the choices they make.

I'm curious. How many reading this thread will plan for the possibilty of their home losing 50-60% of its value when they need to sell to move into a nursing home or a smaller place? I'm of the opinion not everything can be planned for.

Having read the other thread though I will avoid places that customarily fence their yards on all sides.

[hoops902]

::1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)::

I think part of it is "I'm old and because of that I don't have the same use for it you do". i.e. I don't need the fence to act as a backstop for my kids so that I don't need to watch them when they're in the backyard. I don't have a pool that I need it for. I don't damage the fence by using it as a backstop for basketballs.

I think mostly though it's "just because your timeline says to do it right now doesn't mean I need to". The neighbor in tdog's story hasn't said "I won't do it", they've only said "I don't have the money to do that at this very instant".


FWIW I don't think "being old" is a good excuse in that story. I'm one of the people arguing with tdog in it, I happen to think the neighbor has plenty of other arguments before even getting to "old" or "fixed income".

[t-dog]

*sigh*

[Peace77]

Someone who is elderly doesn't have the same ability to just go out and get a job. They may have struggled with poor health and low income for many years.

It's easy to judge others when you don't know their situation.

[Deleted]

Old people are all old and wrinkly and smell funny. It is hard not to feel bad for them.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Aug 17, 2012 12:32:54 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Don't want to hijack Tdog's thread but it got me to wondering...

Why do some people feel that being old is a valid excuse for:

1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)
2. Not planning for when you may need assistance - DH and I live on a rather large peice of property - when we get too old to maintain it we will either need to hire help or move. It will not be fair to the neighbors to let it get overgrown and weedy...
3. Not saving up something to cover extra medical costs - really? You expected your medical expenses to go down when you got older?
4. Expecting others to pay for "fill in the blank" because you are on a "fixed income" - um, yea. Guess what - every salaried person is on a fixed income. How is it any different?

Sorry about the rant (not really) but it really irks me when old people complain about XY and Z when they had more time to plan and prepare then anyone else.

Of course there are the few valid times when there was no extra money available to save, but those folks tend to be the ones who complain the least.

She's 90 years old. So she was born in 1922. Lived though the Depression. Probably married a WWII Vet. Who likely would have retired around 1975, give or take 5 years. She was probably a SAHM because that's what you did then. She's made it this long in her house and now we're saying she should have saved more?

[happyhoix]

Aug 17, 2012 12:47:45 GMT -5 Opti said:

As for the rest of your question - in most cases I agree with you that older people have enough time to plan and should deal with the consequences of the choices they make.

I'm curious. How many reading this thread will plan for the possibilty of their home losing 50-60% of its value when they need to sell to move into a nursing home or a smaller place? I'm of the opinion not everything can be planned for.

Having read the other thread though I will avoid places that customarily fence their yards on all sides.

I'm certain my 83 year old mother had no idea that medical expenses would skyrocket the last twenty years or so. I think she paid $5 out of pocket when I was born. You would never have convinced her when she was 40 that she would now be living someplace that charged her 4500 per month for room and board and some living assistance.

[movingforward]

"I'm of the opinion not everything can be planned for."

The most someone can do is prepare the best they can for the future. That doesn't mean that something unexpected won't throw a person for a loop. I have no crystal ball letting me know what life will be like when I am 80 yrs old. Life is a total crap shoot most of the time.

[happyhoix]

::1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)::

There is actually a difference, it isn't that the old woman is spending her money frivolously, it's that she has very little money. The other guy has the money but blows it on foolish things. Completely different.

[thyme4change]

Because they don't give a shit anymore. What are you going to do about it? Huh?


(I can't wait to be that cranky old lady, with all those cats and shit! Woo Hoo!)

[Deleted]

After awhile, you just don't care. Things i used to care more about i no longer do and stuff i didn't care about, well now i do. Your "seasons of life" change.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Perhaps many elderly today remember a time when doctors smoked, kids played outside unsupervised until it was dark, if you couldn't pay cash, you didn't buy it, and stuff was made to last. Maybe they figure that younger people today are so soft, that they'll buy any excuse.

[Gardening Grandma]

Aug 17, 2012 13:38:21 GMT -5 @shooby said:

After awhile, you just don't care. Things i used to care more about i no longer do and stuff i didn't care about, well now i do. Your "seasons of life" change.

Not only that, but one's eyesight and sense of smell decrease. Sometimes the insides of the house really needs cleaning because they can't see or smell as well. Not an excuse; an explanation.

The tone of the OP (and perhaps I'm taking it wrong) seems to imply that old folks are just like younger folks; they just use being old as an excuse not to do something. The fact is that as you age, you DO change. I hurt in places I did not know exist. It is hard to get up when I'm kneeling. I don't hear as well as I used to. Your body physically changes; simple fact.

And, so do your priorities.

[tskeeter]

Aug 17, 2012 12:32:54 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Don't want to hijack Tdog's thread but it got me to wondering...

Why do some people feel that being old is a valid excuse for:

1. Not maintaining your property - I mean in Tdog's case the lady's been there for over 40 years, she knows there will be some maintenance costs and should have saved or budgeted for them. Not Tdog's fault she doesn't have enough money to maintain her property (think about how different the answers would be on that thread if it were a 40 something male living there who spent his money on toys instead of taking care of his house...same net result)
2. Not planning for when you may need assistance - DH and I live on a rather large peice of property - when we get too old to maintain it we will either need to hire help or move. It will not be fair to the neighbors to let it get overgrown and weedy...
3. Not saving up something to cover extra medical costs - really? You expected your medical expenses to go down when you got older?
4. Expecting others to pay for "fill in the blank" because you are on a "fixed income" - um, yea. Guess what - every salaried person is on a fixed income. How is it any different?

Sorry about the rant (not really) but it really irks me when old people complain about XY and Z when they had more time to plan and prepare then anyone else.

Of course there are the few valid times when there was no extra money available to save, but those folks tend to be the ones who complain the least.

So, Cap, how long are you going to live?

Yes, you should plan, but the rapid increase in life expectancy has thrown a monkey wrench into many elderly people's projections. They are living much longer than they ever expected to. Do you realize that when this woman was born, only 25% of the population lived to age 65? To live to 90 was almost unheard of.

So why do we cut old people some slack? First, we envision our parents in the same type of situation and think about how we would like to see them treated. Second, we can see ourselves getting old and consider the possibility that we could find ourselves in a similar situation. In another 10 or 15 years, maybe the additional life experience will soften your perspective a bit, too.

[Gardening Grandma]

So why do we cut old people some slack? First, we envision our parents in the same type of situation and think about how we would like to see them treated. Second, we can see ourselves getting old and consider the possibility that we could find ourselves in a similar situation. In another 10 or 15 years, maybe the additional life experience will soften your perspective a bit, too.

[Deleted]

Yes. And, in life, worry about your own standards and not someone else's. We have younger neighbors who buy a home and go to town fixing it up, landscaping, etc. Then, there are elderly , widowed neighbors who have health issues and they can't do the physical work anymore so the homes start to look dated. But, so what? Eventually, the home will change hands and the cycle starts all over again.
And, by saying they are older, they sometimes mean that they might not be in good physical health to do much of that stuff.

But, when i was 25, i was on top of the world and probably had little patience for those that weren't. As time marched on and life events and so forth, my priorities have shifted and so has my level of energy, stamina and all of that.

[Peace Of Mind]

I don't think being 90 and old is an excuse but a reason. When you are 90 then we'll talk.

My grandmother will be 91 in Sept. and her mind is pretty sharp but her body has completely failed her. And she's out of money and my uncle and aunt are supporting her. She is in assisted living and needs a nurse around the clock. I'm pretty sure a fence that wouldn't be needed is pretty low on the priority list for her even if she still lived in her home.

[muttleynfelix]

I thought this thread was going to be about how being old is an excuse to rude (as in my Grandma and the many thing she says to me - basically she does not use a filter when she talks).

But if we are talking about money then this:

She's 90 years old. So she was born in 1922. Lived though the Depression. Probably married a WWII Vet. Who likely would have retired around 1975, give or take 5 years. She was probably a SAHM because that's what you did then. She's made it this long in her house and now we're saying she should have saved more?

is probably more accurate. My Great Aunt and Uncle never had any children (not by choice). They saved, kept their house up nice and spoiled their Great Nieces and Nephew rotten. Then along came 2000 or so. My Great Uncle started having major health problems. Heatlh problems that should have put him in at least assisted living the last 5 years of his life and more like a nursing home the last year of his life. (ETA: they ended up with him living at home because they could not afford for him to have the type of care he needed). He passed away back in January. 12 years of medical problems - heart attacks, bypass surgery, strokes, etc. Yes their home is paid for. It is 2 small bedrooms on a small yard. According to zillow it is valued at $80k for a 2bed, 1 bath 780 sq ft home (not exactly true, it has an attached Garage that has been converted into a family room and a half finished basement). But it is not worth enough to pay for even 1.5 years at a nursing home (based on $5k a month which is what it cost their good friend in their town, my aunt was the executor of her estate and had power of attorney).

Anyway, my point being, they planned, they saved, they did not anticpating living until 2012 and beyond (for my Aunt). They both worked full time for over 40 years. My aunt at the bank and my uncle as a union carpenter. Sometimes you think you are doing right and it isn't enough.

[Deleted]

It's not! It's just older people making the same mistakes they made their whole lives. Saying they're to old is probably just the latest in a whole lifetime of excuses. The number of people who actually have a legitimate "to old" reason, are statistically irrelevant.

[Bluerobin]

My generation was sold on SS and Medicare taking care of us. Mid career, they came out with 401's, etc. Too late to make much of a difference. What is paid from SS is a joke and Medicare is under attack by the punk Tea Party, that doesn't honor their obligations, like our generation did. The fixed income excuse is really legitimate in this lady's case. If Tdog wants a fence, he can pay for it. If I were the old lady, I would let it fall and NOT replace it.
Sometimes, people just don't have the means or foresight to plan. Of course there are always contingencies that get in the way of the plan. May you age quickly, so you can experience what this old fart is going through.
4. Is false, just another way of saying I am NOT wasting my money.

[tloonya]

Aug 17, 2012 13:21:31 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Old people are all old and wrinkly and smell funny. It is hard not to feel bad for them.

I KNOW!!! And you can't wash them long enough to get rid of that stink! And what about when they have sex? OMG!!! I know one guy walked in on gramps having sex and his eyes popped and bled so he was delivered to a Hospital...tru story btw...

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 14:41:06 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Aug 17, 2012 13:21:31 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Old people are all old and wrinkly and smell funny. It is hard not to feel bad for them.

I KNOW!!! And you can't wash them long enough to get rid of that stink! And what about when they have sex? OMG!!! I know one guy walked in on gramps having sex and his eyes popped and bled so he was delivered to a Hospital...tru story btw...

That's why the DW and I took all the mirrors out of the bedroom when we aged past 50.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Cripes loony...

[Deleted]

hahahaahhahahahahah