Gardening Grandma
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:39:46 GMT -5
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jul 20, 2012 13:55:28 GMT -5
I'm telling my kids to just put me in a home. But I'm going a step further. I've identified several retirement apartment complexes that I think I could live happily in. I've also identified one NH that I never want to be in and one that I'd go to if necessary....
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pepper112765
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Joined: Jan 9, 2011 15:55:30 GMT -5
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Post by pepper112765 on Jul 20, 2012 14:21:42 GMT -5
I also have 5 siblings, and would have to wonder how that would work, not that she would ever go into a nursing home ... I am not letting that happen. I've seen how some are cared for there, my aunt one of them, and I would never do that to my mother. There are good nursing homes & I've seen how hard it is on my Mother trying to care for my Grandmother without putting her in a home. I'm telling my kids to just put me in a home. I hope never to be in the position to make that choice for myself. If I get very sick or infirm hope that I depart this earth fast and swift. I am sure there are very nice facilities out there. However, based upon personal experience, I am not willing to take that chance with my mother and I know deep down she wouldn't want it.
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formerroomate99
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Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 20, 2012 14:54:08 GMT -5
Sometimes, it gets to the point where the elderly parent is better off in a home. My stepdad's mother was big and strong and had completely lost her mind. He would come home with black eyes for trying to change her pissed clothes and she got ingrown toenails because they couldn't get her to go to the podiatrist. The folks at the nursing home knew how to handle her and kept her cleaner and safer and more comfortable than her own sons could, despite the fact that one lived with her and the other visited at least once a day.
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formerroomate99
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 20, 2012 14:56:37 GMT -5
GG, you need to make sure your informantion on these places is up to date. The home that took such great care of my stepfather's mother gave my aunt bedsores in 3 days. And my aunt was in complete control of her faculties and is the most deligtful woman. There was a 5-10 year gap in their stays, and the place had switched ownership twice in the interim.
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Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 14:07:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2012 15:58:45 GMT -5
Well, there are some "parents" in nursing homes, etc., that don't necessarily "need" to be there, but are because their children do not want to take care of them. And, as far as the article, is this guy an only child or does he have siblings, and if so, are ALL siblings responsible to pay. I see that I am in one of the filial responsbility states (Maryland). I also have 5 siblings, and would have to wonder how that would work, not that she would ever go into a nursing home ... I am not letting that happen. I've seen how some are cared for there, my aunt one of them, and I would never do that to my mother. Well, i am doing "that" to my mother. I did not put her in her condition, her medical ailments put her in the nursing home. I cannot care for her in my home. There is no way she would even be safe in my home as my home is not laid out for someone who has difficulty even navigating with a walker. I cannot care for her in my home though i did consider that. And, i would hope and pray the my kids absolutely do not try to become my nurse and instead have me somewhere where i can be cared for so. Nobody "wants" to put their parent or anyone in a home. But, sometimes their conditions are such that it is required. And, until you have really walked in those shoes, you really don't know. We did everything we could to avoid the very situation she wound up in. Illnesses and complications come like a thief in the night and when you are making emergent medical decisions you don't know what the long term outcome is going to be so you simply try to make the best possible decisions and hope and pray.
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cheapskate
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Joined: Jan 23, 2011 14:57:24 GMT -5
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Post by cheapskate on Jul 21, 2012 11:55:12 GMT -5
Nobody "wants" to put their parent or anyone in a home. But, sometimes their conditions are such that it is required. And, until you have really walked in those shoes, you really don't know. 100% I'm the youngest of 7, and only one other sibling and I were involved at all in my mother's care. She couldn't be left alone, hence she wound up in a nursing home. It wasn't the ideal situation, but she wound up with more of a life in the form of friends and visitors the last year she was alive than she had at any time previously. It'll be interesting to see what happens if this law is enforced. Plenty of baby boomers/gen xers are in bad financial shape already with 401ks that tanked, underwater mortgages, student loans, etc. And they'll be looking at each additional generation to pay the bills, despite being a smaller and smaller group of people.
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Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 14:07:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2012 12:05:38 GMT -5
And, I would hope and pray the my kids absolutely do not try to become my nurse and instead have me somewhere where I can be cared for so. Nobody "wants" to put their parent or anyone in a home. But, sometimes their conditions are such that it is required. I'm really hoping too be able to make that decision for myself when the time comes. DS once said he'd take me in when I got too frail to live by myself, and I love him for his intentions, but I don't want him dealing with me when I'm in that state- especially if I'm incontinent, need assistance taking a bath, etc. In 2 weeks we get to meet the young lady he thinks is "the one" and she might have an opinion on that, too! My plan is to choose a place near wherever he lives at the time and hope he visits regularly.
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Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 14:07:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2012 15:07:52 GMT -5
Within a week of my DH's passing I got a letter from Medicaid. I had to send a certified copy of his death certificate to them and prove my case that my assets were exempt from them being taken.
Had my DH been over 50, the state of CA would now own my house until my death or the time I tried to sell it to move. Many people don't understand that if you are over 50, they pretty much own whatever you might have had if you need Medicaid's services. I think this does make sense, but not when you have a living spouse who still has a life to live for potentially decades after your death.
I am really wondering what will happen with Obamacare and the move towards opening up Medicaid to more people. Their asset rules are so strict and their asset grabbing at death can be as well. Does that mean that anyone over 50, with a living spouse, should consider that their spouse will never be able to sell their home and move post illness/death of one spouse? Scary.
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Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 14:07:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2012 16:17:28 GMT -5
Had my DH been over 50, the state of CA would now own my house until my death or the time I tried to sell it to move. Many people don't understand that if you are over 50, they pretty much own whatever you might have had if you need Medicaid's services. I think this does make sense, but not when you have a living spouse who still has a life to live for potentially decades after your death. I'm 59 and DH is 73 so, yeah, that can be rough. I thought Medicaid had some provision for a surviving spouse? It doesn't seem right to leave them with nothing. I'm not as concerned wth this scenario because DH's polycythemia is likeley to morph into lymphoma someday and then it're pretty much game over. But it's just one more example of how the government sticks it to people who are legally married. I can see why a lot of people don't bother.
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