House consolidation

[merryheart]

This is a what if question

background: DFIL died suddently after a short term illness. Before he died, he asked DH and I to move in with DMIL. They had the larger house, there would be various benefits to the two of us moving rather than having her move in with us. Neither DH nor I are opposed to the idea. Originally, DMIL indicated she thought she would be ready for us to move in about a year and a half but DH nows thinks that will need to be a much shorter time period. He doesn't think she is doing as well physically as we all thought and he currently is spending every day off and a lot of evenings with her.

We would be moving from a small 3 bedroom house (our kids are grown and gone so just the two of us) to DMIL's upstairs which is 2 bedrooms, both about 14 x 16 and a full bath. If you had to suddenly downsize from a 3 bedroom house to a 2 room "suite", what would you take with you?

DMIL has been in this house for 46 years and doesn't need any of my kitchen stuff nor do I think she will be willing to give up her living room furniture for any of mine. I'm ok with that as it is just stuff. We will probably store my good kitchen stuff (stainless cookware, china) and maybe some wrought iron and glass tables but probably not much else. I don't relish paying for long term storage and I've heard too many horror stories of lovely items stored in climate controlled conditions just totally deteriorating. We will just dispose of anything else.

My purpose in asking is to make sure I'm not forgetting something major in this process.


Here is the initial list:

our bedroom furniture and hopfully a chair and lamp to make one room the bedroom and "sitting/quiet" area

The other room would be everything else for us - so desk and filing cabinet, sewing machine and bookshelves, maybe the love seat we have that has a recliner, possibly set up a "snack" area (i.e. coffee pot, mini frige), TV

We will still obviously have the use of the kitchen, living room and dining room and we will spend the majority of our time there with her since that is the purpose of the move - to be with her.

So, what would you take with you? What would you absolutely have to make room for?

[Deleted]

I wouldn't bother with the snack area. The way I see it you are setting the other room up as a family room for you and DH. I have lived with family and it is not a big deal to share common space like a kitchen.

[dancinmama]

How about all of the stuff in your garage (if you have one)?

[merryheart]

Our garage was converted to our den several years ago. In November of last year, our den was converted to a guest suite for DD#1 and hubby who came to stay until baby boy was born. They still are with us but should be out and back to their new lives in another month or so. The furniture in there isn't good enough to keep so will be sold/given away. Now the back yard and DH's sheds are another matter. But one of the sheds can be easily moved if we can afford it and he can just keep his stuff there. If DD#1 were going to stay in the area I would just walk away from most of this stuff and tell them they could live here, paying taxes and utilities until they were back on their feet which would solve the stuff disposal problem. But they want to live in MT and TX is too far to commute.

[Waffle]

Other than the obvious personal items, like clothes, towels and toiletries and the items you already mentioned the only other thing I think I would have to take with me would be some of the pictures that are hanging on the various walls in my house. I would miss a few of them if I ever had to leave them behind.

Is there any storage space in your MILs house - basement maybe? So you wouldn't have to pay fees for the bit of furniture and kitchen stuff you want to hold on to?

[merryheart]

LOL Waffle! Few basements anywhere in Texas and not at her house. After 46 years there, the original year and a half was her estimate to clean out the upstairs for our stuff. She has it cram-packed to the gills. She is getting rid of some stuff - she had us take a corner hutch from her dining room to DD#2's new house Saturday along with a set of china for her - but the other corner hutch and the huge china cabinet both filled with china are still in the dining room. And the set of china that she gave DD#2? Was not the set of china in the hitch originally. She has enough to furnish 3-4 households!

[Waffle]

LOL - I'm so used to the midwest and basements - I forgot there are some areas of the country that don't have them.

It sounds like you'll be lucky if she actually gets the two rooms emptied.

[merryheart]

thanks y'all! I appreciate your input

[sammi]

MIL moved in with us just before Christmas to avoid the upstate NY winter. At this point, its just for winter but may turn into a permanent arrangement or a 6 mo thing, we just don't know yet.

She has the smallest (but warmest) bedroom which had been DH's office. Told her not to bring furniture - no place to store anything, DH is currently building a shed for his stuff. After she arrived we went shopping and she found a rocker and footstool, small table and lamp for her room.

She bought kitchen tools & mixing bowls similar to those she has back east. She cooks and bakes if shes in the mood but is more comfortable with familiar things. She told me she felt useless here, so she's now the official sweeper/swifferer, also has just begun going to the local Senior Center. I think this is going to work out okay.

All this to say, I would advise taking it slowly in your MILs household, to find the common ground in daily routine and incorporate your stuff so it becomes "ya'll"'s house, not just hers with you upstairs.

[Deleted]

I couldn't imagine living in someone else's house at this point in my life. I'm about to have a child move in with me but they will bring very little with them. I can't imagine being the one doing that. Not now. Someday my mother may move in with me. She is something of a hoarder. She claims my father is really the hoarder. Time will tell I guess.

[merryheart]

Later, I know, I thought the same way a couple of years ago. DH and I used to say that if DMIL went first, we would get DFIL and if DFIL went first, DMIL would go to his sister. Well, it didn't work out that way. And while we have a 3 bedroom house, it is small and only has one full bath and a powder room. It would be way more difficult to move her here at her age (83) than for us to move. Our only concern at this point is that we own our house outright and I'm not too keen on either selling or renting at this time. It makes no sense for this house to sit empty though. It does look as if DD#1 may be in a position to stay in this house, paying utilities. They are in a bind and that would be about the best they could do, if they stay. So, who knows?

Sammi, we intend to take what will make us comfortable for an extended stay (probably years at this point but we are just working with "extended stay" at this point) and see how it all works out. By not selling or really renting our house, if things didn't work out we could move back to our house and stay in the "guest" suite rather than the master suite, if DD and family are here. I'm ok with disposing of furniture and all of the clutter from 34 years of marriage as we have little that is super nice quality or of extreme sentimental value. What little there is of that will come with us or is able to be stored long term. I'm just wondering what others feel they wouldn't want to live without. I have a sister that has a fortune in fancy sewing machines - enough that it takes up a good sized bedroom. That would be difficult for her to give up. My sewing machine lives in its own console that takes up a 1.5x3.5 foot space when closed and a 1.5x5 space when opened. It can go into some pretty small spaces if need be. And it doesn't have to live in the console, it can be used on a table and put back in its carrier but if I can make room, it will be going. Same thing with my desk. It is a small desk and will be going if we can make it work but I have a laptop so a desk isn't absolutely necessary. And DMIL wants me to come help make decisions on how to move the furniture, what to do with the formal living room, etc. It's just good to know what others consider important in case it jogs something I hadn't considered.

[Deleted]

Merryheart, I've downsized a buncha times. First when we sold our house and moved to an apartment for a year before we moved to KY. Again after TGH died and I moved here, then again after my granny flat was built and I moved in with what I thought was bare bones but way too much stuff to fit. The place is just under 300 sf but with a full kitchen. Sometimes I gather up my stuff to cook in DD's kitchen when she asks me to be in charge of dinner or birthday cakes or whatever.

Everybody has favorite things for the kitchen...a paring knife, casserole dish, cake pans...whatever it is that you need when you're cooking that you just can't live without, including kitchen gadgets...for instance, I have a thing about buying cheese already shredded when I can shred it myself a whole lot cheaper per pound with my electric salad shooter gizmo. And I can't bake a cake in DD's cake pans, gotta have my own.

After selling the house, we moved the things we knew we'd use to the apartment, then sorted out what we *thought* we'd want to move to KY with us but wouldn't fit in the apartment and stored it. After a year in the apartment, we realized that we hadn't needed anything in storage, so we donated it all before we moved again.

Before I came here, I gave a good bit of furniture and other stuff to the g'kids in KY (both college students living on their own). When I realized that the rest of my furniture and stuff wouldn't fit, DD had things that she'd wanted to replace but couldn't afford so she took some of it, two older DGD's living on their own got some, and we had a yard sale to unload the rest of it and the pieces that DD had replaced. And I still had too much stuff! It got donated to Goodwill.

I'd say to ask your kids if there's anything that they want and will use, and make sure they've got it well before you move. Then measure the rooms you'll *live* in at MIL's, noting the location of windows and doors and the amount of space between them, measure your furniture, and make yourselves a floor plan to arrange your stuff on paper to see what will fit.

Sort out the rest of it and decide what to sell, donate, pitch, then have a garage sale. You might even interest MIL in getting rid of some of her 46 years of accumulated stuff, maybe even things she's forgotten that she has. And ask her if there's anything of yours that she particularly likes and might want you to take with you to replace something of hers. You never know, and maybe your DH will be able to make enough room in her garage so that you'll have some room to store things that you really don't want to part with.

I can tell you for sure that all my downsizing over a period of less than two years turned out to be very freeing! Things that I really liked that DD wanted are being used, and I see them every day. Other things that I thought I'd miss? Mostly, I've forgotten about them! At last count, I have nine pieces of furniture, if I count two bookcases.

[merryheart]

Thanks, Miss Rigby! I worry that I will either overpack or underpack the storage unit. After having been in this house for almost 30 years, it has been hard for me to even think about what do I really, really need.