A Republican in a wheelchair enters a restaurant..

[AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP]

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling. The Democrat
jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me .... I'm on disability."

[weltschmerz]

Sure. Like a democrat would drink Miller Lite.....

[cereb]

Why am I not surprised that you thought this was such a golden nugget of hilarity that it deserved it's own thread.




Anyone heard any narcissist jokes lately?

[tallguy]

Feb 25, 2012 18:42:22 GMT -5 cereb said:

Why am I not surprised that you thought this was such a golden nugget of hilarity that it deserved it's own thread.

Anyone heard any narcissist jokes lately?

No, but I've certainly SEEN one. Right here on this very board, as a matter of fact.

[cereb]

Feb 25, 2012 19:02:25 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Feb 25, 2012 18:42:22 GMT -5 cereb said:

Why am I not surprised that you thought this was such a golden nugget of hilarity that it deserved it's own thread.

Anyone heard any narcissist jokes lately?

No, but I've certainly SEEN one. Right here on this very board, as a matter of fact.

Do tell!

[Tennesseer]

This one was a pretty good:

Dec 11, 2011 20:02:53 GMT -5 AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP said:

I don't want people looking at me with envy in their hearts- I want them looking at me as they should (in all modesty) with admiration.

www.notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=politics&thread=17743&page=1#733113

[cereb]

Feb 25, 2012 19:31:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

This one was a pretty good:

Dec 11, 2011 20:02:53 GMT -5 AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP said:

I don't want people looking at me with envy in their hearts- I want them looking at me as they should (in all modesty) with admiration.

www.notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=politics&thread=17743&page=1#733113

I don't know...that one make me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

[cereb]

What do a narcissist and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

[cereb]

ok, how's about the top 10 things you never imagined you would need to say to another human being?

[cereb]

Me to a client:

What do you mean you found a dead toad on the pavement, grilled it and ate it?

[cereb]

Me to a client;

I understand the purple wig you ordered from japan is now in San Fransisco and it won't be here for another few days but clearly the one you are currently sporting is infested with living things, and no, you may not come in my office.

[tallguy]

Feb 25, 2012 19:22:39 GMT -5 cereb said:

Feb 25, 2012 19:02:25 GMT -5 tallguy said:

No, but I've certainly SEEN one. Right here on this very board, as a matter of fact.

Do tell!

Oh, come on. You've seen him too. Pretty much every day.

[cereb]

"Oh, come on. You've seen him too. Pretty much every day."


Of course I have. That was my dry version of sarcasm.

[formerexpat]

Maybe we should go talk to Mitt's friends in Utah about their welfare fraud schemes.

www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/2006/05/how-polygamy-affects-your-wallet.html

You may or may not agree with polygamist Warren Jeffs' lifestyle, and you may or may not think he is indeed the dangerous criminal the FBI says he is, but would you believe Jeffs and his followers are costing you money?

"Their religious belief is that they'll bleed the beast, meaning the government," said Mark Shurtleff, Utah's attorney general. "They hate the government, so they'll bleed it for everything they can through welfare, tax evasion and fraud."

It makes some sense. Polygamists have multiple wives and dozens of children, but the state only recognizes one marriage. That leaves the rest of the wives to claim themselves as single moms with armies of children to support. Doing that means they can apply for welfare, which they do. And it's all legal.

"More than 65 percent of the people are on welfare ... compared with 6 percent of the people of the general population," Shurtleff said.

[cereb]

Feb 25, 2012 20:26:20 GMT -5 formerexpat said:

Maybe we should go talk to Mitt's friends in Utah about their welfare fraud schemes.

www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/2006/05/how-polygamy-affects-your-wallet.html

You may or may not agree with polygamist Warren Jeffs' lifestyle, and you may or may not think he is indeed the dangerous criminal the FBI says he is, but would you believe Jeffs and his followers are costing you money?

"Their religious belief is that they'll bleed the beast, meaning the government," said Mark Shurtleff, Utah's attorney general. "They hate the government, so they'll bleed it for everything they can through welfare, tax evasion and fraud."

It makes some sense. Polygamists have multiple wives and dozens of children, but the state only recognizes one marriage. That leaves the rest of the wives to claim themselves as single moms with armies of children to support. Doing that means they can apply for welfare, which they do. And it's all legal.

"More than 65 percent of the people are on welfare ... compared with 6 percent of the people of the general population," Shurtleff said.

Maybe you should start a thread about that.

[weltschmerz]

Feb 25, 2012 19:31:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

This one was a pretty good:

Dec 11, 2011 20:02:53 GMT -5 AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP said:

I don't want people looking at me with envy in their hearts- I want them looking at me as they should (in all modesty) with admiration.

www.notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=politics&thread=17743&page=1#733113

That one still cracks me up!!

[formerexpat]

Maybe you should start a thread about that. [image]

I would but this 2 posts a day thing is all sorts of fucked up. Says I can't post another for another 14 hours or something like that.

Maybe you can start one if you haven't hit your quota...

[cereb]

Feb 25, 2012 21:05:05 GMT -5 formerexpat said:

Maybe you should start a thread about that. [image]

I would but this 2 posts a day thing is all sorts of fucked up. Says I can't post another for another 14 hours or something like that.

Maybe you can start one if you haven't hit your quota...

Happy to help.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

[Don Perignon]

Hah!
"Cruelly constrained" to creating a scant two threads per day, someone used half their daily allotment to create THIS one. LOL
Pretty much makes "Quality vs. Quantity" a moot point.

[Mkitty is pro kitty]

"Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

So far, this is the only idea Republicans/Conservatives have for a replacement for Obama care. Hope Jesus comes back down and heals everyone for free, cause using tax money other than defense and subsidies (i.e. welfare for the rich) is EVIL! And you misspelled your Messiah wrong, It's Je$u$.

[Tired Tess]

Well, I thought it was funny ;D