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Post by KindeBabe's Kupid Kiss on Nov 22, 2011 0:24:39 GMT -5
A friend of mine is adamant that people never change. I disagree, people may change not by a whole lot, and definitely not overnight, but we change don't we?
So what do you think? We at our very cores never change with time?
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sowhatisit
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Post by sowhatisit on Nov 22, 2011 0:25:39 GMT -5
cores never change much.
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Genuine GA Peach
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Post by Genuine GA Peach on Nov 22, 2011 6:27:02 GMT -5
I agree, Daph. People change because THEY want to. No amount of forced rehab/therapy, nagging, etc. will make somebody change. It usually takes something drastic to cause the epiphany, IMO
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 22, 2011 8:01:22 GMT -5
I've seen it go both ways -- people changing for the better and for the worse. Sometimes they change because they want to. Sometimes they change as a result of what has happened to them. And other times they change because they've grown.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Nov 22, 2011 8:06:27 GMT -5
I think many people change gradually over their lifetimes, as well.
DH is 55. A year or so ago he got a facebook account and a lot of his old high school friends have reconnected with him. He was amazed at how many of his formally wild child, drug using, free love type liberal high school friends have become evangelical, sober Christians.
We live in the Bible belt in the US South, so perhaps they gradually conformed their attitudes and lifestyles to their parents and others around them. Or perhaps it's just as many people age, they tend to become more conservative.
Take me, for example. I was a liberal, free thinking young adult and now I'm moving toward crazy cat lady/bag lady land.
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gavinsnana
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Post by gavinsnana on Nov 22, 2011 8:25:22 GMT -5
Sure people change for various reasons. They get older, they have life experiences that effect them. People change for the good as well as for the bad. I would like to think that as we get older, we get better!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 22, 2011 8:30:16 GMT -5
People change because of what has happened to them. DF laments that I am not the person I was at 20, part of me misses her as well, but at 20 or with a 20 something maturity, I would not be with DF.
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Nov 22, 2011 8:32:51 GMT -5
Your friend is right. People do not change. No, a good woman cannot change a man and vice versa. You are a fool to believe you can. Once a DB, always a DB.
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gavinsnana
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If we forget we are One Nation Under God, then we are a Nation gone under. Ronald Reagan
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Post by gavinsnana on Nov 22, 2011 8:50:08 GMT -5
Sorry, but life experiences DO change you. Take it from me.. I know
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2011 8:54:15 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2011 9:02:20 GMT -5
and now you will be singing it all day.
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gavinsnana
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If we forget we are One Nation Under God, then we are a Nation gone under. Ronald Reagan
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Post by gavinsnana on Nov 22, 2011 9:02:54 GMT -5
LOL!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 22, 2011 9:58:57 GMT -5
People may have changes of lifestyles or social status over time, or change their taste in different things or change their environement, but deep in their souls I think they' stay much the same throughout their lives. Some people are just born with or develop a mean streak or cruel personality at a very young age, and it sticks iwth them throughout their lives, no matter how much their surroundings change over time or how many different people come and go in their lives. Others are the complete opposite, and even as children at a very young age start to display kindness or compassion in the way they interact with other children or adults, and that stays with them.
There's also cases where someone's personality may alter drastically due to a medical or psychological condition, or after some traumatic event in their llives, but overall I think if you're born with a dark soul, it stays with you all your life.
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cme1201
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Post by cme1201 on Nov 22, 2011 11:59:40 GMT -5
SL
Get out of my soul!
Dark as molasses
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 22, 2011 12:29:48 GMT -5
I would, but it's so dark I can't find the exit.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 22, 2011 14:39:12 GMT -5
I do think people change. DH and I were once fun, energetic, good looking people. Now we are kind of old and boring compared to our former selves. And we have way less energy. We can't party and get up and go like we did when in our 20's. But that's probably a good thing. But I still have the same sense of humor that I did when I was a 12 year old boy in a previous life. ;D
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bring in the new year
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Post by bring in the new year on Nov 23, 2011 18:43:36 GMT -5
I think people change.
I've known too many who changed either for the better or the worse not to believe it.
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Post by unrepentant_spendthrift on Nov 23, 2011 20:39:18 GMT -5
Do people change? Short answer, NO. Not in any appreciable way, anyway. Superficially, yes. Behaviour may change some. We adapt to different environments and we modify certain traits to either conform or stand out as needed but at the very core, no one ever really changes..
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2011 10:23:49 GMT -5
I read somewhere that people just become more of who they are as they get older. If you are good hearted you show it more and if you are miserable you show it more. I know someone that did very cruel things when they were younger that they don't do now. I don't know that it qualifies as a change though. They never meant to be cruel, they did not know the effects of their actions. Once they realised they stopped doing it. They grew and learned but it wasn't a fundamental change to who they are.
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Post by KindeBabe's Kupid Kiss on Nov 24, 2011 10:48:41 GMT -5
I read somewhere that people just become more of who they are as they get older. If you are good hearted you show it more and if you are miserable you show it more. I know someone that did very cruel things when they were younger that they don't do now. I don't know that it qualifies as a change though. They never meant to be cruel, they did not know the effects of their actions. Once they realised they stopped doing it. They grew and learned but it wasn't a fundamental change to who they are. Could it be.. that those who are 'reflective' in what they do try to change to manifest their real core?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 24, 2011 11:33:45 GMT -5
I read somewhere that people just become more of who they are as they get older. If you are good hearted you show it more and if you are miserable you show it more. I know someone that did very cruel things when they were younger that they don't do now. I don't know that it qualifies as a change though. They never meant to be cruel, they did not know the effects of their actions. Once they realised they stopped doing it. They grew and learned but it wasn't a fundamental change to who they are. Could it be.. that those who are 'reflective' in what they do try to change to manifest their real core? I don't think being reflective is enough to cause/manifest a change. I think one must also take responsibility and make amends for past cruelty. It's too easy to say "I thought about it and I'll stop now". There has to be action that concretely demonstrates that the transgressor owns his or her past wrongdoings.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2011 14:05:00 GMT -5
What is more concrete than stopping the behaviour? Other than admitting you did something (which is often a moot point anyway since everyone knows you did it) how does someone "own" their past wrongdoings?
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diamonds
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Post by diamonds on Nov 24, 2011 14:58:29 GMT -5
People may have changes of lifestyles or social status over time, or change their taste in different things or change their environement, but deep in their souls I think they' stay much the same throughout their lives. Some people are just born with or develop a mean streak or cruel personality at a very young age, and it sticks iwth them throughout their lives, no matter how much their surroundings change over time or how many different people come and go in their lives. Others are the complete opposite, and even as children at a very young age start to display kindness or compassion in the way they interact with other children or adults, and that stays with them. There's also cases where someone's personality may alter drastically due to a medical or psychological condition, or after some traumatic event in their llives, but overall I think if you're born with a dark soul, it stays with you all your life. Bravo and spot on!!! Somehow I think people change due to unexpected circumstances but only for a temporary time to become self-sufficent and survive. I was raised as a homebody and nurturing, but was thrown out into the business world and developed a tough exterior. I have re-cycled back now to my old self of giving and nuturing. I believe my roomate was always born with an antagonistic personality which has only gotten worse over the years. Some people simply do not mellow with age regardless of what may cross their path.
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thatchica
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Post by thatchica on Nov 24, 2011 15:43:36 GMT -5
I have been having this same conversation with a friend of mine over the last couple weeks. I think we mature and change as we grow.. but when it comes to personality traits, those don't change so much.
My friend is separated from her husband and he keeps claiming that he has changed. She doubts it. He cheated with many many women over a 17 year marriage. He also had rage issues and hit her on occasion. He has been in jail for 4 months now for assault and will be getting out soon. He claims that being in jail he can now see the error in his ways and has changed.
However on the same point.. When she left him, he and his parents took all 3 cars. Everything was in his name. So my friend has been going everywhere by bus, toting 3 kids behind her. Both her husband and his family are telling her that when she comes to her senses and goes back to him/the family, that she can have her car back. Hence he is still very controlling.. even from jail. His love for her and the children are conditional. Yet he is claiming that he has changed. I have 2 vehicles and she is borrowing one. Her husband knows this and is still holding to his theory that if she returns to him she can reap the benefits of him and his family.
In cases with people that are very manipulative and controlling, I don't think they ever change. Even if he is nice for a while, it is only a concession to get something he wants.
Changes of personal growth that we make on our own do happen. People like what I described, don't change. I have heard too many promises from abusive and manipulative people to hold my breath waiting for some magic to happen.
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diamonds
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Post by diamonds on Nov 24, 2011 15:51:17 GMT -5
>>>>In cases with people that are very manipulative and controlling, I don't think they ever change. Even if he is nice for a while, it is only a concession to get something he wants. Changes of personal growth that we make on our own do happen. People like what I described, don't change. I have heard too many promises from abusive and manipulative people to hold my breath waiting for some magic to happen.<<<< Oh, you are such a good friend to help her out and are so right. The worse thing she could do is to take him back. It is all talk, He will not change and possibly become worse as control freaks usually do. She deserves better and will be better off in the long run without him. I have been there and done that, not to that extreme, but I know it is just a trap and hope she doesn't fall for it...
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thatchica
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Post by thatchica on Nov 24, 2011 16:00:44 GMT -5
Thanks, I have been through the situation myself and I know her husband. She finally made the decision to start divorce proceedings. She moved to a small apartment that is in a gated community with monitored entrance.
Since he was in jail when she moved, she still has a lot of his things. I just moved myself and we took all the empty boxes over to her apartment so we can box up his stuff and drop it off at his parent's house (where his cars are). We are doing this before he gets out so he doesn't have a reason to go to her new house. She knows he is all words and doesn't want to be abused more. I think that him being in jail was the best thing, because she wouldn't have been able to get away otherwise.
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diamonds
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Post by diamonds on Nov 24, 2011 16:08:27 GMT -5
Thanks, I have been through the situation myself and I know her husband. She finally made the decision to start divorce proceedings. She moved to a small apartment that is in a gated community with monitored entrance. Since he was in jail when she moved, she still has a lot of his things. I just moved myself and we took all the empty boxes over to her apartment so we can box up his stuff and drop it off at his parent's house (where his cars are). We are doing this before he gets out so he doesn't have a reason to go to her new house. She knows he is all words and doesn't want to be abused more. I think that him being in jail was the best thing, because she wouldn't have been able to get away otherwise. Oh, great news and hope she does not allow him in her new place. If she has any problems, I would suggest a restraing order as he will become enraged regarding the divorce and not seeing his children. kudos to you for being there and so supportive...
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