It's over.....

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

While I was in WA, I got a call on my cell from one of Betsy's friends - Pat. Betsy is the elderly woman who lives underneath me, that I'm attempting to keep an eye on.

Apparently Betsy drove over to her house without her glasses and oxygen. She was hallucinating. Pat didn't know what to do, so she called me not realizing that I was out of town, thinking I could get her glasses/oxygen and bring it to her.

Pat and her daughter managed to get Betsy home and back on her oxygen and her hallucinating stopped. Her daughter got into town and they took her to the doctor. She was admitted, apparently had a UTI. Daughter went home, thinking her mom was ok for the night and the hospital released Betsy and sent her home with a cab voucher. Betsy was still hallucinating, called 911 and they took her to another hospital, where she was admitted again. She's now in a rehab facility until next week.

When I got home, I noticed that Betsy's blinds were open but no movement around her place. Called Pat and daughter to find out what happened and got the whole story. I also got a chance to talk to the daughter and hear her version of the story.

I owe Betsy's daughter a HUGE apology for what I thought about her. When she told me their side of the story, the pieces all fell into place. I also spoke to her husband yesterday when he came by her apartment and got even more pieces of the story. Little pieces, like they would call her and she would deliberately not pick up the phone to be spiteful. They'd have to make a trip into town, only to find out that she was just mad at them for some perceived slight. Also, that she has a history of dementia in her family and there's been some significant break downs in her mental health in the past.

Long story short, they managed to get Betsy into an assisted living facility that's in this area. She can keep her cat too. She'll likely be gone by Christmas.

I know that there are always 3 sides to any story. This was just a reminder that you need to hear ALL sides to get an accurate picture.

[Sharon]

I'm glad that Betsy is going to get the help she needs. You have been a good neighbor to her.

[NancysSummerSip]

Mich, you did fine. You were a good neighbor, given the facts as you knew them. I don't think you need to apologize for anything. But you can come live next door to me anytime.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nancy...I'm pretty upset with myself by assuming that Betsy was giving me the whole picture. Another thing, she always spoke nastily about a lot of her friends and family. After awhile, I started to think 'if she's saying this about others, what's she saying about me?'.

The last 2 months, I have had the door slammed in my face by her more than I want to admit. I'd come home from work on Friday and knock on her door, asking her if she wanted to go to dinner. "NO" slam. After this happened a couple times, I finally stopped asking.

I do know a lot of this mental breakdown started after she quit work. She did so at her doctor's insistence and I think that that was probably the worst possible idea that he could have had. Her going to work gave her a reason to get up and around and she needed this to keep grounded.

I don't even want to think about the crap that Betsy's daughter has dealt with in dealing with her doctor. Despite her being his patient for the last 20+ years, he's pretty much ignored so many of her issues, it's not funny.

I also suggested to Betsy's daughter that she needs to see about getting her driver's license revoked. Last time I drove with her, she scared the crap out of me. I should have insisted on driving, but Betsy wanted to drive her new car. However, she needs Betsy's doctor to be on board and he's not willing to help her out here. Wonderful, huh?

[NancysSummerSip]

Why would the doctor not be willing? My mother's doctor did it. Someone might want to remind him of the potential liability issues there. If he is aware of her deteriorating mental capacity, and does nothing, it could come back to haunt him.

Then again, the daughter can petition the court to have the license suspended. She can also contact the state DMV to get information. Driving is not a right. Betsy does not have the right to endanger other people.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Betsy and her daughter have a rather tenuous relationship, but there's no doubt in my mind that her daughter's trying to do the right thing.

According to her, she HAS contacted the doctor and has gotten shut down. For her daughter to do anything else, she's going to have to have Betsy declared incompetent and have the court declare her guardian. Her daughter thinks that this will make their relationship even more difficult for her to deal with and has been reluctant to take this last step.

I don't know what the deal is with her doctor. It appears that he's just checked out. The last time that Betsy tried to get an appointment (this was when she was hospitalized with renal failure after I broke into her apartment), he was not even the doctor that admitted her to the hospital, nor did he come and visit. She saw the PA and the PA was alarmed enough that ANOTHER doctor in the practice admitted her and dealt with her problems. Her own doctor blew her off!

[Deleted]

Sorry to hear about your friend, hopefully she'll get the help and companionship she needs at her new home.

I think everyone over the age of 65 (just a random number, I'm sure studies could pinpoint a specific age) should have to take the driver's test for renewal. My grandmother scares the crap out of me when she drives!

[lurkyberk]

'I think everyone over the age of 65 (just a random number, I'm sure studies could pinpoint a specific age) should have to take the driver's test for renewal. My grandmother scares the crap out of me when she drives![/quote]'


I've been saying this forever! I really wish they would make this a law. The horror stories I've heard are just so bad! This is an
excellent idea.

[NancysSummerSip]

Rose I totally agree with you. I did post once here about the value of having a "driving directive," similar to a health care directive. It should be a statement in writing, that you sign and have notarized, stating that at "X" age, or when your doctor determines there is a change in cognitive/physical abilities, regardless of age, you will have a driving test. If it's just a matter of needing a refresher, fine: AARP and other organizations offer them for seniors. If it's worse news, then at least you have time to make arrangements for alternative transporation, or even alternative living arrangements, if you live in an area where there is no public transportation, or you have no close relatives or friends who can help.

I cannot say that many people would agree to signing such a directive, but think about it. Wouldn't you rather know ahead of time that your driving days are coming to an end, and that there is time to make other arrangements? Or would you rather be faced with suddenly being a shut-in, living in a place with no public transportation, no family nearby and neighbors and friends who cannot or will not take you where you want/need to go?

[busymom]

Mich, you're AWESOME! Karma for you!




My Mom's doctor is a major pain too. I get more info from his nurses than I get from him, & I often feel he's doing what's easier for him, & not helping my Mom the way he should.

[KindeBabe's Kupid Kiss]

Mich 1,

You are very much a caring friend.
People sometimes omit stuff and still you were there.

[Sammy]

Mich, you are a wonderful caring person. Please do not feel bad since you have gone above and beyond what a lot of people would have done who are not directly related to the person.

Your neighbor should not be driving. She is unstable and adding her health issue into the mix she's an accident in the making. The one excellent plus to all of this is the plans to move her to an assisted living facility. Keeping her on a regular regime of meds and oxygen plus eating balanced meals she will improve.

Her doctor does not want to deal with her and she needs to change her primary doctor favorably to a doctor who specializes in geriatrics.

[Jake 48]

good job Mich

[Peace Of Mind]

Sept 18, 2011 9:48:24 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

I have been following your posts on Betsy and her family. You really have done a lot for all of them. It sounds like Betsy is where she should be now. It is very hard to see people going through these last stages of life and hopefully you know that you've done all you could for her.


I haven't figured out how to do the scrolling within a window on my iPad yet, if I had there would be a really big Karma badge right here.

Mich, you went above and beyond to help her. You should feel very good about yourself. I hope you have a sense of relief that she is in a place that will keep her as safe and healthy as possible.

I thought you were going to tell us she died, so I'm glad it ended up with a happy ending of sorts.

[TD2K]

I thought you were going to tell us she died


She had cats also so that could have been nasty

[Peace Of Mind]

TD!! Those kitties would have stayed by her side until help showed up. They will only do the unthinkable if starving to death. As do people!

[TD2K]

She'd have been meat the second she was dead, maybe even before then

Just think, your next breath is all that is between your cats and their next meal

ETA: I wouldn't expect anything else from Soul Sucking Servants of Satan.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

And you don't think that Harpo would look at you as his next meal, if you're lying there dead on the floor? Your dog is ALWAYS looking for his next meal/treat.

I guess that that makes him a Soul Sucking Servant of Satan too.

[TD2K]

Never. The newspapers are full of heroic dogs who save their owners. Cats? Well, once in a blue moon.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

The only way Harpo would save you is to jump on your chest in a fake Heimlich maneuver - in order to get that last piece of steak that you choked on when you died.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sept 18, 2011 14:02:41 GMT -5 Jake 48 said:

good job Mich

[Sammy]

OMG, you two are becoming vicious! Who wants to borrow my Smite Stick. I just snitched it back from Tina.

[TheOtherMe]

You have done an amazing job.

My BIL could not get his mother's doctor to go along with taking away the driver's license--even after 3 major accidents. Mom figured it out when she got the next insurance bill though.

[TD2K]

If Gizzy jumped on your chest I'd have to dig out my first aid book to remember how to treat a flail chest.

[NancysSummerSip]

Aw, TD and Mich are so cute. Our EE version of Ozzie and Harriet.

[Sammy]

No, Sid Vicous and Lady Gaga........ LOL

[Peace Of Mind]

Sept 18, 2011 18:38:56 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

The only way Harpo would save you is to jump on your chest in a fake Heimlich maneuver - in order to get that last piece of steak that you choked on when you died.

[bring in the new year]

I don't know about your state.

But I think if someone calls the DMV and reports that she's been hospitalized with possible dementia, you may not have to wait for the courts to get involved.

Find out what they would do if you reported some one had been drinking & driving. The cases aren't that dissimilar.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

She's not been hospitalized with possible dementia. She was hallucinating as a result from an infection.