raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 11, 2011 13:44:53 GMT -5
DH and I do the opposite shift thing, and while it is tough for the 2 of us, it is AWESOME for the 3 of us.
I didn't think that I'd ever want to stay home, but that changed after I had my son. I still think dh is better at a lot of the day to day stuff, but if I could stay home I would. I don't know if it is just my son, but I also think it would be easier if I stayed home. I pretty much have to come home if he is sick or having a bad day. DH can handle it of course, but when the kid just cries for mom (or cries inconsolably until mom is home) it seems silly to make them sit at home being miserable. DS asks for DH when he goes to work, but never has the melt down that he still has often times when I leave.
If you can work part time, or work from home (with your mom or dh home to do the primary baby care) I think that would be idea.
Good luck!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:45:50 GMT -5
Caveat: When I reference state laws, I am referencing WA state. While the CA laws should be similar, I can't make promises. The 12 weeks for FMLA is 12 weeks for the whole year, regardless of what is triggering the FMLA. Most people who are pregnant use the whole 12 weeks with the general assumption that they won't need to use FMLA rfor other reasons. In other words, if you take a week off during your pregnancy to care for a parent or spouse with a medical condition, you now only get 11 weeks of FMLA protection for the time around the birth. Or, if you take all 12 weeks off for the birth of your child and 2 months later, your parent has a heart attack, any time you take off for that will not be protected by FMLA. Any time you take time off using the FMLA protection, it counts toward your 12 work weeks in a 12 month period. The 6-8 weeks people talk about is referencing state laws (not federal) that protect new mothers. A new mother is generally considered "disabled" for 6 weeks following a vaginal birth or 8 weeks following a C-section. This means that they are generally paid out of short term disability (not their PTO/sick/etc) funds for that time period. The state also protects your job for these 6-8 weeks, so even if you've used all your FMLA leave, your job should still be protected. -But it wouldn't hurt to double check with an employment attorney/have everything in writing from your employer, if you thought you might end up in this situation. Being paid "disability" obviously only happens if your company has a short term disability policy. If you take time off work before the birth, it won't come out of disability, it will come out of vacation time (possibly sick). That may change if you are on MD ordered bed rest, but again, you'd need to check with your company about their policies. Short note about the differences in leave for giving birth/adopting (may not matter to FB, but I'll put it out there): If you adopt, you do not get "disability" pay. It must all come out of your PTO or be unpaid. The state also does not protect your job for 6-8 weeks, so FMLA is the only job protection you have. Contrary to popular belief, FMLA for the birth of a child does NOT have to happen immidiately after the child is born. So mom could have the first 12 weeks and dad could take the second 12 weeks, and you have almost the whole first 6 months covered. For the person that said that if the parents worked for the same company, the company could limit them to a total of 12 weeks between them- that's illegal. If your company is trying to pull that, report them to the Dept of Labor. That's a straight out FMLA violation. FMLA protection is on an individual basis, NOT a family basis. Things to know about taking unpaid leave: While you are out on unpaid leave, no one is paying for the employee insurance contribution. Make sure you have those monthly payments built in to your budget. In fact, while you are UNPAID leave, there's a chance your company isn't making their contribution to your health insurance, because, well, that's a form of pay. If you have to take any unpaid leave, make sure you know how much you will need to pay each month to keep your insurance current and build that in to your budget. Research which health plan has the better newborn benefits. Even if you plan on paying to add the child to both insurance plans, laws only require that the hospital charge it to the primary plan. It used to be that the baby was auto put on the father's plan, then it was the mother's, and now they generally ask. Make sure the hospital knows which insurance plan they are going to be billing for the newborn's care- especially if it will be different from the primary plan for the mother. Please note: It doesn't matter whose plan has better benefits for the mother. If the mother is working and covered under her own insurance plan, even if she is also on her spouse's plan, her insurance will be primary. That might even mean that MDs and hospitals will only charge her insurance company and that they will need to keep receipts in order to bill the husband's plan themselves. (Most hospitals do bill both primary and secondary insurances because its the best way to get paid, but they don't have to. MDs offices very often will NOT bill a secondary insurance.) and FMLA is also 12 weeks per calendar year and can be used for a child under a year. So you can take 12 weeks in one year and then before your child's first birthday, take 12 weeks in the next calendar year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:48:33 GMT -5
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 11, 2011 13:51:40 GMT -5
If your job has a leave of absence policy, you can do that. I took 5 months off. The first 12 weeks was FMLA and the next two months was additional unpaid leave of absence. If you can afford it and your company offers it, that is a possibiilty. If there is a next time, I hope to take somewhere between 8-12 months unpaid (the max we can do is 12 months).
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 11, 2011 13:51:40 GMT -5
double post
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:52:22 GMT -5
I thought so too, but I checked, it is 12 weeks total for birth for both mom and dad if they work at the same company.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:54:31 GMT -5
Caveat: When I reference state laws, I am referencing WA state. While the CA laws should be similar, I can't make promises. The 12 weeks for FMLA is 12 weeks for the whole year, regardless of what is triggering the FMLA. Most people who are pregnant use the whole 12 weeks with the general assumption that they won't need to use FMLA rfor other reasons. In other words, if you take a week off during your pregnancy to care for a parent or spouse with a medical condition, you now only get 11 weeks of FMLA protection for the time around the birth. Or, if you take all 12 weeks off for the birth of your child and 2 months later, your parent has a heart attack, any time you take off for that will not be protected by FMLA. Any time you take time off using the FMLA protection, it counts toward your 12 work weeks in a 12 month period. The 6-8 weeks people talk about is referencing state laws (not federal) that protect new mothers. A new mother is generally considered "disabled" for 6 weeks following a vaginal birth or 8 weeks following a C-section. This means that they are generally paid out of short term disability (not their PTO/sick/etc) funds for that time period. The state also protects your job for these 6-8 weeks, so even if you've used all your FMLA leave, your job should still be protected. -But it wouldn't hurt to double check with an employment attorney/have everything in writing from your employer, if you thought you might end up in this situation. Being paid "disability" obviously only happens if your company has a short term disability policy. If you take time off work before the birth, it won't come out of disability, it will come out of vacation time (possibly sick). That may change if you are on MD ordered bed rest, but again, you'd need to check with your company about their policies. Short note about the differences in leave for giving birth/adopting (may not matter to FB, but I'll put it out there): If you adopt, you do not get "disability" pay. It must all come out of your PTO or be unpaid. The state also does not protect your job for 6-8 weeks, so FMLA is the only job protection you have. Contrary to popular belief, FMLA for the birth of a child does NOT have to happen immidiately after the child is born. So mom could have the first 12 weeks and dad could take the second 12 weeks, and you have almost the whole first 6 months covered. For the person that said that if the parents worked for the same company, the company could limit them to a total of 12 weeks between them- that's illegal. If your company is trying to pull that, report them to the Dept of Labor. That's a straight out FMLA violation. FMLA protection is on an individual basis, NOT a family basis. Things to know about taking unpaid leave: While you are out on unpaid leave, no one is paying for the employee insurance contribution. Make sure you have those monthly payments built in to your budget. In fact, while you are UNPAID leave, there's a chance your company isn't making their contribution to your health insurance, because, well, that's a form of pay. If you have to take any unpaid leave, make sure you know how much you will need to pay each month to keep your insurance current and build that in to your budget. Research which health plan has the better newborn benefits. Even if you plan on paying to add the child to both insurance plans, laws only require that the hospital charge it to the primary plan. It used to be that the baby was auto put on the father's plan, then it was the mother's, and now they generally ask. Make sure the hospital knows which insurance plan they are going to be billing for the newborn's care- especially if it will be different from the primary plan for the mother. Please note: It doesn't matter whose plan has better benefits for the mother. If the mother is working and covered under her own insurance plan, even if she is also on her spouse's plan, her insurance will be primary. That might even mean that MDs and hospitals will only charge her insurance company and that they will need to keep receipts in order to bill the husband's plan themselves. (Most hospitals do bill both primary and secondary insurances because its the best way to get paid, but they don't have to. MDs offices very often will NOT bill a secondary insurance.) Not true, they are required my federal law to keep you on your health insurance, but you need to talk to HR about how to pay your portion, most HRs do not know how to do this.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jul 11, 2011 13:57:15 GMT -5
Firebird - you're one of the people on this board who I actually think SHOULD procreate! Of course, I don't know that for a fact. And unless things shift wildly over the next year or two, I'm going to want to come back to work after my maternity leave. I had DS in March. I was CERTAIN I wanted to work full-time, same speed, etc after he was born. That was, until he was actually born. Having a baby is a wild shift, even under the best of circumstances. I have an amazing husband, our families help watch DS while we work, etc. Yet, things shifted dramatically in my perspective. My last day at this job is Friday. I will continue to work as my own boss and try to grow my own business, but I want the flexibility to be home and be with DS. Yes, I know he is in good hands with my parents or DH's parents, but it is not the same as him being with me. I too want to plan for everything, be totally prepared and make responsible decisions, but I have learned that everything cannot be scripted and planned for and to try to enjoy the ride.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 14:03:05 GMT -5
Not true, they are required my federal law to keep you on your health insurance, but you need to talk to HR about how to pay your portion, most HRs do not know how to do this. I work for a very large company that has women going on leave all the time. The handbook SAYS we're responsible for our portion of the premiums while on leave, but both times I was gone they never billed me or deducted it from my checks when I returned. Whatever, I'm not going to complain.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jul 11, 2011 14:04:37 GMT -5
gin: If you are on unpaid leave with FMLA they are required to pay their portion of the health insurance. If you are on unpaid leave with no federal protection, then that is out of the goodness of the employer's heart, and they may or may not keep paying for all of the empoloyer contribution.
Ack, and you folks are right. If I read my FMLA FAQ sheet a little longer, I would have seen this: Spouses employed by the same employer are limited in the amount of family leave they may take for the birth and care of a newborn child, placement of a child for adoption or foster care, or to care for a parent who has a serious health condition to a combined total of 12 workweeks (or 26 workweeks if leave to care for a covered servicemember with a serious injury or illness is also used). Leave for birth and care, or placement for adoption or foster care, must conclude within 12 months of the birth or placement. That fault is mine. My company allows 12 weeks each for spouses who are employed here, so I've never come across this.
For those who said they came back to vacation/sick time. You usually keep accruing as long as you are on Paid Leave. Most companies have people accrue leave based on how many paid hours they had (not worked hours). Once again, though, if you are on unpaid leave, its much less likely that you will be accruing PTO hours. Check your company policy.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jul 11, 2011 14:05:30 GMT -5
Caveat: When I reference state laws, I am referencing WA state. While the CA laws should be similar, I can't make promises.
Definitely check out your state laws. I am in the great state of Colorado, and there are NO laws protecting mom's after giving birth. I work for a small employer (less than 50 employees) and despite being there for 4 years at the time DS was born, I was not protected by any laws, state or federal. I had to return to work before DS was even 4 weeks old.
I had planned with the employer to take 9-10 weeks off after delivery, then my assistant bailed 2 weeks before DS was born and no one was able to cover my desk (I am the Controller). That was a shock to the system, despite the best planning efforts I could have made.
As they say, you make plans, and God laughs.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 11, 2011 14:07:24 GMT -5
Jenny - I think your reaction at work is part of the reason you feel that way. Right now it may feel like all of us who worked until we were in labor aand were fine with it are picking on you, but if you go back and reread the kids thread every time the how long do you work question comes up, pretty much everyone wanted a day or two off before hand. I know your work wasn't very supportive, but there is no reason to stick around if you aren't feeling well.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 14:08:56 GMT -5
My boss debated on a temp and even considered doing the work himself. Then he decided it was just easier to shut the lab down while I was gone. I am glad he did because it afforded me the ability to pick up exactly where I left off without so much as a hiccup.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 11, 2011 14:19:18 GMT -5
::I guess I just feel like I get the impression from the people here AND the people at work that if you don't work up until the very very end then there's something wrong with you and it does bother me.::
If your doc told you to go off work, nothing wrong with it. I was just saying I couldn't have taken the time off before because I would have gone over the edge. I needed something else to focus on.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 11, 2011 14:28:11 GMT -5
I still caution against taking NO time off before the birth, but I'm clearly in the minority. If you feel like absolute crap, why should you continue working? Your and baby's health is more important than you worrying about "being bored". If you feel fantastic and/or you can't afford to take off before, then yes by all means work up until the end. But if you don't, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself. That's just me. I didn't plan on going back to work so I went out three weeks before my due date with my first (which wound up being 2 weeks before I had her). However, most of my friends work right up until delivery because any time used before delivery cuts into the FMLA time. I felt like crap the last month (I was HUGE) but if I had planned on going back to work I would have worked longer because then I would have only had 9 or 10 weeks off with my baby and that would have killed me more than working and feeling like crap. Like everything else in life, we all due what is best for us...and screw anyone who tells you that you are doing something wrong..unless of course you don't bf, you work, you don't use cloth diapers, you don't co-sleep, you don't keep the child in a rear-facing car seat until they graduate high school...cuz then you obviously suck!!!LOL
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 11, 2011 14:39:46 GMT -5
and FMLA is also 12 weeks per calendar year and can be used for a child under a year. So you can take 12 weeks in one year and then before your child's first birthday, take 12 weeks in the next calendar year. This depends on how your company calculates FMLA, not the law. The law is 12 weeks in a 12 month period. My company starts the 12 month period on the first day I take off, so there is no way to get an extra 12 weeks.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jul 11, 2011 14:42:21 GMT -5
and FMLA is also 12 weeks per calendar year and can be used for a child under a year. So you can take 12 weeks in one year and then before your child's first birthday, take 12 weeks in the next calendar year. This depends on how your company calculates FMLA, not the law. The law is 12 weeks in a 12 month period. My company starts the 12 month period on the first day I take off, so there is no way to get an extra 12 weeks. FMLA is usually figured on a rolling calendar year, not a strict calendar year. So Angel D's experience should be typical.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 14:51:13 GMT -5
mutt, swamp, etc. - My boss was very understanding despite her shock, but others, well... I don't really know what to say for them. So yes, I know that's why I'm sensitive about the time off issue. Well, that and the hormones.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 14:54:39 GMT -5
Firebird - you're one of the people on this board who I actually think SHOULD procreate! Aww, thank you! Thanks for the great info, shanendoah and others. raeoflyte, I'm glad to hear the opposite-shift thing can work for some people.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2011 15:17:14 GMT -5
Firebird - you're one of the people on this board who I actually think SHOULD procreate! Aww, thank you! Thanks for the great info, shanendoah and others. raeoflyte, I'm glad to hear the opposite-shift thing can work for some people. FB, just so you know it's doable, my sister and her husband have 3 kids about 5.5 years apart. The oldest is now 15+. They haven't paid a penny into dcp ever. They worked opposite schedules and my sister completed a law degree in there too. And there was no grandparents available to be dcp either. They made it work because it was important to them.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jul 11, 2011 15:55:56 GMT -5
I was told to work as long as you could, it's better to have the time off after than before. I would still stick with that for advice. Obviously if you're in great physical discomfort or unable to work, I wouldn't put my health in jeopardy, but I also didn't want to take time off just to put the finishing touches on the nursery or anything.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 17:13:32 GMT -5
Okay, I had some time so I looked up our maternity policy online. I'm basically just notating this for my own records, but of course if you guys have thoughts please feel free to share with the class:
Paid Family Leave (California employees only): The Paid Family Leave program, also known as Family Temporary Disability Insurance program, is administered by the State Disability Insurance (SDI) program. Employers are required to deduct the Paid Family Leave contributions from the wages of employees who are covered by the SDI program. Benefits will be payable for Paid Family Leave by California Employment Development Dept to those who apply and qualify. See the Paid Family Leave brochure on HR Passport under My Company, "California Required Notifications".
Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL) (California employees): California Employees are entitled up to four months of unpaid pregnancy disability leave. It may be taken whenever the employee's physician certifies that she is disabled during the pregnancy or after delivery. The time is usually taken all at once during the few weeks before and after delivery. It can also be taken at any time throughout and after the pregnancy for morning sickness, prenatal visits, complications, recovery, etc.
The employee must give the company reasonable notice of pregnancy disability leave. The employee must also provide medical certification that she is disabled by her pregnancy. Upon return from leave the employee will be returned to the job she held before the leave, or in some cases, in a comparable position.
Compensation while on Pregnancy Leave: While disabled by pregnancy employees are entitled to State Disability Insurance (SDI) to the same extent as for all other disabilities. Generally SDI pays four weeks before delivery and six to eight weeks after delivery, and will extend a woman's eligibility upon certification from her doctor that she is still disabled.
There's a separate place where it says to check for your company's specific maternity policy, but we don't have anything there. I don't know if that means we don't have one or it's stored somewhere else or what, but I emailed the HR company to check.
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sil
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Post by sil on Jul 11, 2011 18:14:29 GMT -5
I'm thinking too about the potential daycare cost. If we paid my mom, say, $1000/month for 3 days a week (which I think is a little low), that's a huge potential cost savings. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************** You may be the first person I've heard over-estimate the costs of infant care! Where are you located? It's really hard to find part time pricing for infant care, but here in Southern California you can find good quality full-time infant care for around $1000/month.
Your plan sounds good, but you even if your company tells you they will hire you back after a 6 or 12 month unpaid leave, please just keep in mind that they are not obligated to take you back at that time, so this is a possible vulnerability. So long as your eyes are open, and you have trust in your employer, then your plan to ask them if they'd take you back after an extended unpaid leave sounds like a good idea. But just be certain to check in with them periodically during your leave to make sure they are still on board.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 18:20:43 GMT -5
You may be the first person I've heard over-estimate the costs of infant care! Where are you located? It's really hard to find part time pricing for infant care, but here in Southern California you can find good quality full-time infant care for around $1000/month.
Nice! Well, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised then. $1,000 for 12 days breaks down to something like $7/hr, which sounds low to me but if it's less, I'll be thrilled! I would want to compensate my mom fairly, though, since watching my kiddo(s) 3-4 days a week would effectively prevent her from getting a full-time job of any kind, should she want one.
We're in northern CA, but I haven't researched infant daycare costs at all.
But just be certain to check in with them periodically during your leave to make sure they are still on board.
Good call, and I would definitely make sure to keep networking while I was out, in case I needed to do some last minute job hunting. I'm studying for a certification at the moment - assuming I pass the test in December and get it, I should be much more marketable than I am now.
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sil
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Post by sil on Jul 11, 2011 18:23:03 GMT -5
Ah, you are in CA. Are there at least 50 employees in your company? If so, paid family leave gives you an additional 6 weeks paid leave for baby bonding. So assuming you do not have a c/s, you would get 8 weeks disability after delivery (and you can usually get the last 2 weeks of pregnancy paid as disability too, even with a normal pregnancy) then you can get an additional 6 weeks of paid baby bonding. So you'll get a paycheck for the first 14 weeks. Because SDI is taken from pre-tax dollars, the disability portion of paid leave is not taxable, but the baby bonding family leave money is taxable (Federal only, I think)
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 18:32:43 GMT -5
Cool, I had no idea! And yes, we have 50+ employees. So they pay me, what, 60% of my salary or something? That would be smoking.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 11, 2011 19:18:45 GMT -5
Another thing about California is that they have some sort of supplemental maternity insurance. Sbcaligirl told me about it but since I am in Missouri it did me no good, but if you send her a message she could probably direct you to the right place.
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Jul 11, 2011 19:22:33 GMT -5
Firebird: I'm on maternity leave right now and because my company has no paid leave, this is what I get through the state short-term disability. 1) up to 4 weeks paid prior to delivery 2)6-8 weeks after delivery depending on whether normal or c-section. Once those end, I can then do 6 weeks of Paid Family Leave. PFL is available for the first 12 months after the birth of the baby so you can take it right after the STD pay or take it later. You can also space PFL out as well and not take it all at the same time. The father also qualifies for PFL so he can take up to 6 weeks at any point between birth-12 months.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 11, 2011 21:25:58 GMT -5
And assuming that nothing radically changes, my mother would very much like to be our kids' caregiver. She's said so many times. We will, of course, pay her something but I imagine it'll be less than the market rate for daycare.
This has not been my experience- full time daycare for 1 is only $205/week- M-F 7:00 AM-6:00PM hours. And, that's much less than I would feel comfortable paying the grandparents. Instead, I've put them on the safe list so they can pick the baby up anytime they want and I don't have to worry about the long commute to their house in rush hour traffic, making other arrangements if they get sick or go out of town, inclement weather wiping out the roads, and stressing them about taking care of a baby 45 hours a week. This center is right across the street, so it's nice and convenient.
I was not able to find any place that catered to part-timers. But, for $205/week I have the flexibility of having the baby there full time, part-time or not at all and no need for back-up plans. Your findings may be different, but thought I'd share mine since I'm recently figuring this out.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 11, 2011 21:26:47 GMT -5
Damn! I'm moving to CA for baby #2!
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