swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 11, 2011 12:42:59 GMT -5
::Well you could do a couple weeks before the birth::
If you dont' have a physical job, I don't really see the point in taking time off before the birth. I went to work because I didn't know what else to do with myself. If I stayed home, I would have gone nuts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 12:45:46 GMT -5
I am planning to take the time off because I have a problem with my back and may be on bed rest. I say plan for it but if you do not need it, use it for the time after. But it would suck if you had to use it and did not plan for it.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 11, 2011 12:50:19 GMT -5
::Well you could do a couple weeks before the birth:: If you dont' have a physical job, I don't really see the point in taking time off before the birth. I went to work because I didn't know what else to do with myself. If I stayed home, I would have gone nuts. This was me too. But i know there are some gals who are due here (as in YM and WIR) shortly who are having a tough time towards the end even with desk jobs. Personally I was bored out of my mind waiting for DS to show up.... he was a week and half late and even that was being induced.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jul 11, 2011 12:51:40 GMT -5
Good point, midwesternjd. We're still hammering out things like that. We're good at agreeing to the budget, not so good when it comes to sticking to it ;D I think we need to be at least 200% better at that part before going the SAHS route. Honestly, though, I really think we'd save a boatload of money with one of us home. .....and this is one of the reasons why it's better to adjust to being married first - get everything hammered out FIRST before trying to add the stress of a baby and possibly a SAHS. I would argue that it's even more important than having stuff paid off.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 12:54:40 GMT -5
.....and this is one of the reasons why it's better to adjust to being married first - get everything hammered out FIRST before trying to add the stress of a baby and possibly a SAHS. I would argue that it's even more important than having stuff paid off.
Agreed, although I hope we can do both simultaneously ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 12:54:39 GMT -5
::Well you could do a couple weeks before the birth:: If you dont' have a physical job, I don't really see the point in taking time off before the birth. I went to work because I didn't know what else to do with myself. If I stayed home, I would have gone nuts. This was me too. But i know there are some gals who are due here (as in YM and WIR) shortly who are having a tough time towards the end even with desk jobs. Personally I was bored out of my mind waiting for DS to show up.... he was a week and half late and even that was being induced. I must be a weirdo then because I'm out on leave already with Aug. 3rd due date. But I really think he's coming sooner than that. I was already taken out for signs of preterm labor, so being at work isn't going to help me try to make it to term. Plus, I have a sh!tload of things I still have to do around here, so I'm hardly bored. Quite frankly, I like the quiet time to myself and I'm going to enjoy it as long as I can since I won't have it again for a VERY LONG TIME!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 12:55:04 GMT -5
If I had not caught the mother of all head colds I probably would have been fine my last week. I could barely swallow my throat was so swollen so I ended up dehydrated to boot due to the 99 degree weather outside. I wish I had listened to my husband and my boss and stayed home. If I had not gone into labor that night I was staying home after that Thursday, DH threw down the gaunlet after I spent an hour crying in the doctor's office because I was so sick and miserable. I sometimes wish I had taken my full 12 weeks instead of just the 8 weeks, but it was nice to have those last four weeks still in my back pocket. I am an over planner so it was nice to have them "just in case" since I gave birth in July and had five months to go before the cycle renewed.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Jul 11, 2011 13:04:24 GMT -5
I don't know exactly what you job situations are like, but if they're holding your jobs open, maybe they would let you each go down to part-time for several months, rather than full-time off for 12 weeks (after your 6 weeks of medical recuperation of course). It depends if you have the type of job where you do some critical things but the rest of your job could be farmed out, or if they would actually put a replacement in for the time you're off. Going part-time instead of taking extended leave might give you more job security and if your mom will be the daycare provider (at your home?), then baby could stay home and the adults could just take turns being there. Best of both worlds.
As far as taking time off before the birth... sometimes people take the last week or two off to finish getting things ready around the house, etc. I did that because I worked an hour away from home (we were having a home birth with a midwife) and I didn't want to have to drive an hour in labor. I ended up staying home for 6 weeks because my son was born a month later than they had estimated. Medical leave pre-birth doesn't take away from the 6-8 weeks they give you afterward.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:07:15 GMT -5
I don't know exactly what you job situations are like, but if they're holding your jobs open, maybe they would let you each go down to part-time for several months, rather than full-time off for 12 weeks (after your 6 weeks of medical recuperation of course). It depends if you have the type of job where you do some critical things but the rest of your job could be farmed out, or if they would actually put a replacement in for the time you're off. Going part-time instead of taking extended leave might give you more job security and if your mom will be the daycare provider (at your home?), then baby could stay home and the adults could just take turns being there. Best of both worlds. As far as taking time off before the birth... sometimes people take the last week or two off to finish getting things ready around the house, etc. I did that because I worked an hour away from home (we were having a home birth with a midwife) and I didn't want to have to drive an hour in labor. I ended up staying home for 6 weeks because my son was born a month later than they had estimated. Medical leave pre-birth doesn't take away from the 6-8 weeks they give you afterward. FMLA only allows for 12 weeks and yes that includes the medical leave before the birth. The really sucky part is if both parents work for the same organization, even a huge one together they still only get 12 weeks.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:08:23 GMT -5
So how do you think you would be able to take 6 month- 1 year off? Well, I wouldn't if DF was instead. One of us needs to be working. My thought was that we'd both see how much time we could get off in addition to the 12 weeks mandated by FMLA, and whoever was offered the better deal could stay home with the kiddo for up to a year after those first three months. The other would return to work. Well you could do a couple weeks before the birth, you, the remaining 6-10 weeks you, then you DF for 12 weeks. That would give you 4.5-5.5 months off and then maybe your companies would be willing to give you a few more weeks off over time. I wouldn't take off any time before the birth. I left work 2 weeks before my due date with my first and after 4 days I was climbing the walls with boredom. With the next 2 I worked right up until I went into labor (one in the middle of the night and one early in the morning).
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:10:08 GMT -5
Medical leave pre-birth doesn't take away from the 6-8 weeks they give you afterward
Yes it does. The moment I put in my notice the clock on my 12 weeks started ticking, which was part of my decision to keep working because there was really no reason why I couldn't.
If I'd had more vacation time saved up I could have burned that to leave early, but it still would have counted as part of my 12 weeks, I just would have had more days paid for.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:14:35 GMT -5
FMLA only allows for 12 weeks and yes that includes the medical leave before the birth. The really sucky part is if both parents work for the same organization, even a huge one together they still only get 12 weeks. That's what happened to us. If my husband would have taken any time off at all it would have come off of mine. Stupid. Unless you're forced to for medical reasons or are allowed extra time, I'd work right up to the birth. Everyone I know that used FMLA before the birth wishes they would have had that time after the baby came instead of before. My boys were both very cooperative with my work schedule and I went into labor on a Saturday with one and right after work on a Friday with the other. With both my water broke first, so good thing it wasn't at work.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2011 13:15:13 GMT -5
However, I know WiBeth was in a similar situation, and her dad had some health problems that left them unable to serve as childcare providers - so you may want to have a plan B built into your budget, lest you end up like Doxie Good Lord, no. We'll have a line item in the budget for market daycare every month in case we need it. If we don't, then Mom will get a nice little year-end bonus ;D Yeah, my dad had a stroke when DS was about 5 weeks old and DD was about 18 months old. We'd planned on paying my parents something as dcp but the $1K a month dcp bill was a shocker. Now my parents take the kids 1 day a week; DH's parents take them 1 day a week. And our dcp lets us juggle the remaining 3 days as needed.
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Post by bluevette on Jul 11, 2011 13:16:52 GMT -5
Sounds like you're doing great with planning now before you're ready to TTC. I'm actually pregnant with my 2nd (1st baby is almost 17 months old now, so they'll be just about 2 years apart when the 2nd is born). I'm 32 now, so we started with kids a bit later than we had wanted. Financially, we're in good shape, though, because of all of the time establishing our careers. I agree with the women about not taking time off before the birth. Unless you have a scheduled c-section, you never know when the baby will actually arrive. I worked all the way through and then went into labor the night after a full day's work. I wound up taking 8 weeks off from work and went back in the middle of the week so that it wasn't a full week my first week back. If you're planning on breastfeeding, make sure you make arrangements with your employer regarding pumping before you go out on leave. I was fortunate to be able to pump in my office, so it wasn't a big issue for me. Kudos for doing the financial planning now! Everything looks promising for you.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2011 13:18:47 GMT -5
It actually didn't occur to me that my leave would be covered, but who knows?I had to use vacation/sick time up to 250 hours (8 weeks) and then I could take the remaining four unpaid. FMLA only runs for 12 weeks, after that point I could petition for more time off but it was up to the discretion of my employer if he wanted to allow me that AND keep my job open. I used banked sick leave to cover the entire 12 weeks (well, 13 once you count holidays) for both kids. But I've worked for the same employer for over 15 years fulltime. And I do have short term disability that would have kicked in after 4 weeks, if I'd done my research better, I'd have known that.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:21:58 GMT -5
I burned most all of my vacation and sick and a couple floating holidays. The awesome thing though is as long as I am employed here I keep accurring sick/vacation every week (I forget how much) so I didn't start out with nothing when I came back.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:24:17 GMT -5
I still caution against taking NO time off before the birth, but I'm clearly in the minority. If you feel like absolute crap, why should you continue working? Your and baby's health is more important than you worrying about "being bored". If you feel fantastic and/or you can't afford to take off before, then yes by all means work up until the end. But if you don't, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself. That's just me.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Jul 11, 2011 13:26:09 GMT -5
Medical leave pre-birth doesn't take away from the 6-8 weeks they give you afterward
Yes it does. The moment I put in my notice the clock on my 12 weeks started ticking, which was part of my decision to keep working because there was really no reason why I couldn't.
Sorry, I meant it doesn't take away from the time off for paid medical leave/short-term disability. If the doctor says you need to rest up, you can start your medical leave and it goes until the doctor says you can go back. Usually that's 6 weeks for a regular birth and 8 weeks for c-section, but if you have complications, it can be extended.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 13:26:31 GMT -5
I don't know exactly what you job situations are like, but if they're holding your jobs open, maybe they would let you each go down to part-time for several months, rather than full-time off for 12 weeks (after your 6 weeks of medical recuperation of course). It depends if you have the type of job where you do some critical things but the rest of your job could be farmed out, or if they would actually put a replacement in for the time you're off. Going part-time instead of taking extended leave might give you more job security and if your mom will be the daycare provider (at your home?), then baby could stay home and the adults could just take turns being there. Best of both worlds.
This is definitely a possibility. If DF and I could both work 3-4 days a week we could potentially keep that going WAY longer than FMLA might allow, and we wouldn't need a regular DCP at all. Potentially the best solution, but we'll see how it goes.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:26:37 GMT -5
If you feel like absolute crap, why should you continue working? Your and baby's health is more important than you worrying about "being bored". If you feel fantastic and/or you can't afford to take off before, then yes by all means work up until the end. But if you don't, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself. That's just me. Make sure you get that follow up appointment scheduled ASAP and follow up to make sure they send the results. I had to have doctor's clearance before I could come back and a week after my appointment I got a call from HR here that my clearance had not been sent! So I had to call them and remind them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2011 13:26:55 GMT -5
I burned most all of my vacation and sick and a couple floating holidays. The awesome thing though is as long as I am employed here I keep accurring sick/vacation every week (I forget how much) so I didn't start out with nothing when I came back. Yeah, I didn't worry about needing more FMLA with DD (May birth) because I still had 4 weeks of VAC. when I came back from FMLA in mid-August. And I carried over a couple of days into 2009. I was hording it for "sick baby days" that didn't happen... I too accrued Sick Leave and VAC. when I was out. As long as I'm on the payroll, it accrues.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 11, 2011 13:27:55 GMT -5
Kudos for doing the financial planning now! Everything looks promising for you.
Thanks, congratulations on #2!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 11, 2011 13:31:10 GMT -5
Jenny - I don't think you are in the minority. I know when you ask the question on the "kids thread" there are only 2 of us who were glad we kept working until we went into labor/induced. No you should not keep working if it is jeapordizing your health, but you cannot make that decision 2 years out. You can't even make that decision 3 months out. I felt awful the first trimester. I had rib pain the second trimester. I felt awesome the third trimester. I had cut back a lot. My DH was already staying home and he took care of a lot of stuff. I just had to go to work, eat and sleep. That was it. I was still working a week past my due date and there was no reason why I shouldn't have. But like I said, I felt great. You obviously don't. Yes cut back, take your leave, but if you are on limited leave and your LO doesn't come until August 10th, then you may be up sh!t creek. And doctor's honestly do not know if you are going to be early or late. They can have a guess, but look at Insurnace having to be induced after preterm labor or better Eternal after being told she needed to have a c-section because her son's head was too big. Despite all the technology OBs are not infalluable. Average gestational age for a FTM is 41 weeks 1 day. Less than 2 years ago, I was saying oh I'll go early right up until I didn't. Of course that helped with the boredom because I had everything done so far ahead of time. (Plus Christmas and New Years and some snow days that I took off work for). You have to do what is right for you and your baby and obviously you are doing that.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2011 13:33:24 GMT -5
I still caution against taking NO time off before the birth, but I'm clearly in the minority. If you feel like absolute crap, why should you continue working? Your and baby's health is more important than you worrying about "being bored". If you feel fantastic and/or you can't afford to take off before, then yes by all means work up until the end. But if you don't, I just don't see the point in torturing yourself. That's just me. I worked up to my due date with DD. I felt fine more or less. She was born on a Sunday, 10 days early. I wouldn't have minded a couple of days home alone beforehand but I didn't know who or how to ask for them. With DS, I called in sick on Wed. and then told HR on Thurs. that we were bumping up my FMLA because I was having headaches/vision blackout when I had labor pains and there was no way I was going in to work. And on Friday DS was born. I spent a lot of time in contact with work with DS because we've got some interesting customs/rules about sick leave usage and I was breaking several of them just prior to his birth.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:35:10 GMT -5
I was leaving early those last couple of weeks and my boss told me don't bother to record them as sick/vacation so I wouldn't burn it before I went on leave. I don't think HR would have been happy if they had known.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:38:49 GMT -5
Oh I just thought of something, if you can find them get your DH's and your vaccination records and put them away in your strong box. They will ask you about every vaccination you have ever had at your first appointment and man was it a pain to try to remember off the top of my head! It would have taken weeks, if ever, to find my vaccination records, they weren't even sure they had kept files that far back. Fortunately I had to play 20 questions about my shots for my work so I was able to answer reasonbly confidently on which shots I'd already had. We had to call DH's mother while at the office to get his medical history. Never trust a man that he knows his medical history, always bypass him for his mother. If DH has not had one, he should go ahead and get a booster shot for whooping cough. I had one several years ago and I had to make DH get one after DD was born. I didn't know that the immunity wore off and they recommend all adults get a booster shot otherwise I would have made him do it sooner.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:40:10 GMT -5
mutt - I agree, you definitely can't make that decision until you're actually in it. I didn't mean to come off like you HAVE to take time off before - I guess I just feel like I get the impression from the people here AND the people at work that if you don't work up until the very very end then there's something wrong with you and it does bother me. Part of the whole "superwoman" thing I suppose. Really, I didn't plan on going out now and I found myself feeling extremely guilty when I had to break the news to my boss, but my doctor had legitimate concerns and I had to take that into consideration. But yes, in the end, we all have to do what we think is best.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2011 13:40:30 GMT -5
Oh I just thought of something, if you can find them get your DH's and your vaccination records and put them away in your strong box. They will ask you about every vaccination you have ever had at your first appointment and man was it a pain to try to remember off the top of my head! It would have taken weeks, if ever, to find my vaccination records, they weren't even sure they had kept files that far back. Fortunately I had to play 20 questions about my shots for my work so I was able to answer reasonbly confidently on which shots I'd already had. We had to call DH's mother while at the office to get his medical history. Never trust a man that he knows his medical history, always bypass him for his mother. If DH has not had one, he should go ahead and get a booster shot for whooping cough. I had one several years ago and I had to make DH get one after DD was born. I didn't know that the immunity wore off and they recommend all adults get a booster shot otherwise I would have made him do it sooner. I was never asked about my vaccinations. The only time it was mentioned was when I asked my midwife about having been around my niece who had chicken pox.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jul 11, 2011 13:42:48 GMT -5
Caveat: When I reference state laws, I am referencing WA state. While the CA laws should be similar, I can't make promises.
The 12 weeks for FMLA is 12 weeks for the whole year, regardless of what is triggering the FMLA. Most people who are pregnant use the whole 12 weeks with the general assumption that they won't need to use FMLA rfor other reasons. In other words, if you take a week off during your pregnancy to care for a parent or spouse with a medical condition, you now only get 11 weeks of FMLA protection for the time around the birth. Or, if you take all 12 weeks off for the birth of your child and 2 months later, your parent has a heart attack, any time you take off for that will not be protected by FMLA. Any time you take time off using the FMLA protection, it counts toward your 12 work weeks in a 12 month period.
The 6-8 weeks people talk about is referencing state laws (not federal) that protect new mothers. A new mother is generally considered "disabled" for 6 weeks following a vaginal birth or 8 weeks following a C-section. This means that they are generally paid out of short term disability (not their PTO/sick/etc) funds for that time period. The state also protects your job for these 6-8 weeks, so even if you've used all your FMLA leave, your job should still be protected. -But it wouldn't hurt to double check with an employment attorney/have everything in writing from your employer, if you thought you might end up in this situation. Being paid "disability" obviously only happens if your company has a short term disability policy. If you take time off work before the birth, it won't come out of disability, it will come out of vacation time (possibly sick). That may change if you are on MD ordered bed rest, but again, you'd need to check with your company about their policies.
Short note about the differences in leave for giving birth/adopting (may not matter to FB, but I'll put it out there): If you adopt, you do not get "disability" pay. It must all come out of your PTO or be unpaid. The state also does not protect your job for 6-8 weeks, so FMLA is the only job protection you have.
Contrary to popular belief, FMLA for the birth of a child does NOT have to happen immidiately after the child is born. So mom could have the first 12 weeks and dad could take the second 12 weeks, and you have almost the whole first 6 months covered.
For the person that said that if the parents worked for the same company, the company could limit them to a total of 12 weeks between them- that's illegal. If your company is trying to pull that, report them to the Dept of Labor. That's a straight out FMLA violation. FMLA protection is on an individual basis, NOT a family basis.
Things to know about taking unpaid leave: While you are out on unpaid leave, no one is paying for the employee insurance contribution. Make sure you have those monthly payments built in to your budget. In fact, while you are UNPAID leave, there's a chance your company isn't making their contribution to your health insurance, because, well, that's a form of pay. If you have to take any unpaid leave, make sure you know how much you will need to pay each month to keep your insurance current and build that in to your budget.
Research which health plan has the better newborn benefits. Even if you plan on paying to add the child to both insurance plans, laws only require that the hospital charge it to the primary plan. It used to be that the baby was auto put on the father's plan, then it was the mother's, and now they generally ask. Make sure the hospital knows which insurance plan they are going to be billing for the newborn's care- especially if it will be different from the primary plan for the mother.
Please note: It doesn't matter whose plan has better benefits for the mother. If the mother is working and covered under her own insurance plan, even if she is also on her spouse's plan, her insurance will be primary. That might even mean that MDs and hospitals will only charge her insurance company and that they will need to keep receipts in order to bill the husband's plan themselves. (Most hospitals do bill both primary and secondary insurances because its the best way to get paid, but they don't have to. MDs offices very often will NOT bill a secondary insurance.)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2011 13:43:56 GMT -5
I was asked about chicken pox (which I have natural immunity), Hepatitis A/B which I had that only six years ago so that was easy, the tetanus/pertussis shot (had at the same time as A/B), the MMR, my boost shot of the MMR (didn't have a record of it so they made me get it again before I could start my job).
Then they tested me for Hep A/B immunity since apparently the vaccination doesn't always take in all people and if I came back negative I'd need the shots again. Yay for coming back positive! ;D
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