Possible Rommate Situation

[Ava]

I live alone in my own condo.
I've been living here for over three years. The condo is awesome and I love my place and my independence.
But lately I've been thinking about getting a roommate.
The idea comes as a combination of several issues I have.
Even though I like being on my own, I am feeling very lonely lately.
I also suffer from severe depression, I've had it since my early teens.
I manage to function normally, but housework is a challenge, and being alone too many hours is also no good.
Having someone around generally makes me be more alert and more willing to do things.
This person doesn't have to become my friend, just become a familiar face.
Last, but not least, the money wouldn't hurt at all.
I had a friend stay with me for a few months and the money made a big difference in my budget. I was able to get rid of all my credit card debt by having someone pay rent and share utilities.
My job is my only source of income, and even though it's reasonably stable, sometimes I wonder what would happen if I loose it. Having an extra income would give me more breathing room.
I am working overtime every Saturday, and even with that extra money in my paycheck the bills are a stretch. I make do, but I am not financially comfortable.
At the same time, I am afraid of horror stories and getting the roommate from hell. You never know; it's not easy to open your door to a total stranger. I don't like parties, drugs, or drama.
I don't want my home to be invaded by visitors.
If I decide to go on with this, I would start looking in September because my mother is coming next weekend to spend the summer with me
I just checked Craigslist and the ads were bizarre. Some of them told me the person who wrote it was either desperate or unstable, and others sounded just too good to be true.
Any advice appreciated.

[Deleted]

I would say start with friends/people you know that might be looking for a roommate.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm in Iowa, close to the Mississippi River. I rented out my basement for 3 months last summer to a young man fresh out of college who had a job for 90 days. He didn't want to sign a year's lease, which most places require.

I talked to both him and his father over the phone since he wasn't actually in the area yet. When his father helped him moved in, it was like we were interviewing each other. Dad gave me his business card and said if there were any problems, to call him.

Not a problem occurred and it did help me pay some bills.

You just have to be very careful if you are bringing in a stranger. Spend the money for a credit check, as once they are in, they can be very difficult to get out. Ask for references and call them. Interview them in person, if possible.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

...have fun with your mom...

...and I second the idea of asking around in your network... and your mom's network, even...

...you may be surprised at how many professionals need "temporary" digs that could be a great trial run before you sign a longer lease... or how many people newly single may need a transitional home that could be a great trial run before you sign a longer lease...

[resolution]

I have had a few roomates over the years, they were all either friends or a friend of friends. I just let friends know I was looking for someone and they let me know this person or that person needed a place to stay.

It definately helps with the budget and it is nice that the house isn't empty every night. Some nights I would wish that the house was empty though. There is also more mess to clean, a little stress over who has to clean what, and kitchen space is a little more limited since you need to give some to them. I only had one problem with someone not paying and it was never resolved, I ended up just letting it go since she was moving out in a couple of months to get married.

[Deleted]

Jul 3, 2011 15:11:55 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

I would say start with friends/people you know that might be looking for a roommate.

Yep. DS owns a house and he has 2 roommates who pay him rent. They're members of his church, which is how he knows them. When he bought the house he didn't own furniture or a TV and the roomies brought both. He's very happy.

Definitely ask around people you and your family know. Co-workers, maybe?

[Phoenix84]

I rented out a spare bedroom for a few months last year. The guy didn't know how long his job would be in the area so he didn't want to sign a year lease. We got along okay but I wouldn't say we were friends. He worked a lot of hours and went away to India for a whole month to see his family. Overall it was a positive experience.

"I'm in Iowa, close to the Mississippi River. I rented out my basement for 3 months last summer to a young man fresh out of college who had a job for 90 days. He didn't want to sign a year's lease, which most places require."

Been there done that. My first job out of college required me to spend 6 months in a different area of the country for training. So I went to my place of employment knowing I'd relocate in about 90 days. I didn't want to sign a year lease. They ended up postponing it a month and my landlord wouldn't rent the place for another month, so I had to scramble to find a place to live for just a few weeks.

A lot of transient professionals need very temporary housing, and anogher big market is people separated from their spouses.

[dannylion]

Do you live near a military base? You can register with the base housing office. You get market rate rent. My neighbor has rented her basement apartment this way for several years. Her tenants are usually young NCOs, and if there is ever a problem, all she has to do is contact base housing (or the individual's commander). I believe she said base housing takes care of payment, so there are no rent collection issues. We're in an area near a lot of military bases that have units requiring fairly high-level training, so her tenants tend to be fairly professional types. It's worth looking into as there would be a backup authority to turn to in the event of problems.

[TheOtherMe]

Since my roommate was in the basement, it worked out great. He did work long hours. He had made it clear that he didn't want to make any friends or have any ties to this area when he left since he was here temporarily.

I only saw him when he cooked and when he ate. I let him use my laundry.

I was gone quite a bit last July so it was great to have a built in house sitter.

He spent most evenings on the phone to his girlfriend, so I never saw him then.

[Ava]

I think it's a good idea to ask around instead of bringing in someone who's a total stranger.
That's the thing that worries me the most. I would like to have some references. I'll probably ask coworkers and friends to see if they know of someone who's looking for a room. Even a temporary roommate may be a good idea.
Meeting someone who posted an ad in Craigslist is what scares me. But I don't have a big circle of friends, so I'm not sure that would work for me.
The good thing is that is not something urgent, it's just an idea. So if I have to wait to get the right person, I can do it. I am not desperate.
The more I think of it, the more I feel it would be nice to have another person here.

[bring in the new year]

Ava,

You might also want to look into your community and get involved in some other activities. One, you said it's not good for you to be too alone and 2. it might help you build up your network.

I wouldn't go to Craigslist. But the base housing and the local universities probably are vetted ways to find a tenant.

But you could end up with a roommate you never see which would only solve part of your problem.

[Deleted]

Snerdley is right, but I don't think a roomie is totally out of the question. You prompted me to look on CraigsList, and there were a lot of rather normal looking ads. I think the best ones asked for a 90-day trial. If they asked you to leave at the end of it, you got your depost back unless you truly damaged something.

One made me want to leave my husband and move in (just kidding). For $500 a month, it included all utilities plus MAID SERVICE twice a month for the common areas. They had a big screen television and a WII you could use. Their only stipulation was that you treat their stuff as if it was your own.

Of course, I'm that kind of gal. Your roomie might not be.

ETA: They had internet and all the movie channels. Dang, too bad I do love my DH.

[strider]

Have a true friend move in with you. Don't have a stranger. The extra money was nice but having a full house to myself and not having to share every conceivable space in a tiny apartment is priceless to me. I just moved this week! My mood has shifted so much more in a good way.

So it can go either way. If you get a roommate get a friend. Sounds like if it's a condo it'll be big enough.

[strider]

I understand the loneliness aspect though. I was dealing with that for awhile as well. I second the pet idea. I'm a dog person but cats are as low maintenance as can be.

[pig]

My advice:

I would not ever get a roomate but since you want one:

1. Do NOT get one from an ad.
2. Do NOT get a male.

[strider]

I will second not getting a male. Sorry, if he's not a brother or cousin he's probably going to want to bone ya at some point.

[Ava]

Thanks everyone for the advice.
Strider made me laugh.
I already have a pet. I have a cat. She's low maintenance except for the hair everywhere.
I adore her, but she's not enough company.
Anyway, I've been thinking it over and realized I need companionship, but not necessarily someone sharing my personal space.
The condo has two bedrooms, one and a half bath. It's a reasonable size, 1044 square feet.
This morning I was thinking how proud I am of having a job, going to school, having my own place.
Maybe going out more and getting involved in more activities is what I need, instead of bringing someone to live here. Like Strider, I value my independence a lot. Loneliness is a downside of it, but maybe it's possible to find a solution without getting a roommate.
For the financial aspect of this problem; I expect my financial situation to improve when I graduate next year.
I used to work two jobs before starting school, and it gave me a feeling of security, but now I am totally dependent on my day job as a source of income. Like I said, it's reasonably stable so hopefully it will last me until graduation.

[strider]

It doesn't mean you can't invite people over. At my new place which is about the same size as your condo I have a station for both darts and foosball. I also have a side yard for barbequing. Try hosting some sort of 'fun' night once a week. I live next to two friends now that live one block away as well so we're always running around each other's houses playing Rock Band on the Xbox, darts/foosball at mine, and pool at the other's.

[robbase]

what is with all the man hate? what is wrong with a male roomate?

haven't you ever watched Three's Company?

[robbase]

what is with all the man hate? what is wrong with a male roomate?

haven't you ever watched Three's Company?

[thyme4change]

I always liked having a roommate. I had roommates of both sexes. I had good luck working through my circle of friends. I met some cool people that way. I only had 2 roommies I didn't like - one was my randomly placed dorm roommate, and the other was this random person that was a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of the person who was moving out of the house that I was moving into. If I had known that space was going to be vacant, I would have found someone to fill it, and had better luck. She was a nice person, but we had nothing in common. She got a little frustrated with me and I just couldn't connect with her. It wasn't a roomie-from-hell situation, it just wasn't fun for either of us.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

This is not a situation I've ever been in, but I do agree with not having a male roommate.

I hope you're able to find a solution that works fo ryou.

[yogiii]

You said you're looking for companionship, to me this means not just a roomate. I second someone else's advice about trying to get involved in some activities to meet people. Either some sort of singles club or just picking up a hobby, like taking dance or language lessons, something you enjoy where hopefully you can meet someone with the same interests.

[pig]

what is with all the man hate? what is wrong with a male roomate?

A self described depressed lonely woman in need of human contact is a predators dream that's why.

[zibazinski]

Find something you like to do and volunteer. Even book clubs. I do Habitat and Heifer International and so I meet people with the same ideas about poverty and working your way out of it so we are on the same page, at least on that subject, and it's a beginning. I have found too many churches to be "hand out" mentality with their hand in your pocket and since I feel my money is already "stolen" to support things and people I do not believe in, I would rather do what I can do the way I want to do it. THAT much I can control.

[Deleted]

I don't agree with having a good friend as a roommate unless you two are on the same page regarding cleanliness, guests, etc. It's hard to lay down the law with a close friend, but it's much easier to do it with a stranger or acquaintance.

FWIW, I've roomed with acquaintances and strangers and the only bad experience I had was with the acquaintances. Well except the stranger who took a job further north and said she didn't want to live there anymore (forcing both of us to leave). That was a SWEET condo too!!

[DVM gone riding]

I have had a roommate in my owned house and plan to advertise on craigslist for another, personally I find living with people I don't know way easier then people I have an otherwise relationship with in general. all the reasons you listed are reasons I will be looking again--esp the being alone and lonely but not nec needing a close friend just someone around issue!
In most cases private roommates work out, its not like renting you are leasing a room its not the same thing and you can be as picky as you want to be siting personality differences and are allowed to make a lot more rules incl age and gender discrimination to your hearts content.

[Ava]

Thanks for all the excellent advice I'm receiving in this thread.
It's interesting to see so many different points of view. Some posters say don't get in a stranger, others say don't get a friend to live with you. Everyone is offering important things to take into account.
For now I have my mother to spend the summer with, and when she lives I think I'll give some extra activities a try before going for a roommate.
I've been checking groups in Meetup and there are a few that sound quite interesting. Volunteering is also a very good idea.