Am I supposed to love my job?

[soskiomo]

I am going through a confusing period. I am 30 years old and I don't know if I like what I do. All of my friends keep telling me that I should not be doing something just for the money, I should be following my passions and dreams. I guess I am having major trouble trying to connect my passions and dreams to something that will pay my rent. Most of my friends are younger - still in grad school and age 25 or so, so I usually just tell myself they are idealists and don't understand the real world. I think there is truth in what they say, but it's probably also different when you have parental help or a large trust fund (like them). Many of my friends have never even worked before and are just getting jobs out of grad school at 26.

I am just trying to figure out if there is truth in what they are saying or if I should listen to my parents who say that it's called a job because it's work, and not fun. My passions lie in areas that do not pay well or do not pay at all. That's the problem. I just have no idea how to ever transition into the world I want to and still be able to feed myself and put a roof over my head. I'm totally stuck. I'm in a rut!

Sincerely,
Lost and 30

[8 Bit WWBG]

A job "can" be something you love and enjoy. You can also choose to find and focus on the joy present in what you already have.

That being said, sometimes "good money" and "job I enjoy" are mutually exclusive, and it is up to everyone to make that choice.

Yes it is frustrating dealing with people who can afford to take jobs for the fun of it, yet live several tiers above their pay, thanks to trusts.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Ditto.. except the younger friends part.

[kgb18]

I consider myself fortunate that I love what I do. It doesn't pay well, but it does pay. I wanted to do what I do since I was a kid. I'm now 34, but around my late 20s I had a career identity crisis. I thought I had made a mistake. I left my job and went to something else. It turned out I was miserable, and that's how I realized that I really, truly did love my job, so I went back.

I would say probably more people probably just tolerate their jobs. Ideally you should like what you do and get paid.

[thyme4change]

I usually just tell myself they are idealists and don't understand the real world

I agree.

I mean - if you can think of a job that fulfills your desires and passions and you really believe you can make money at it - then go for it. But, if you find that your dreams usually dead end into low revenue streams, then work your job to pay the bills, and follow your dreams the rest of the time.

Sorry, but there are hundreds of millions of people in the world and throughout history that worked to eat, not to fulfill every inner desire they ever had.

By the way, I'm now 42, and all the people that use to tell me to follow my passion and the money will follow are all broke, or took a real job. 20 years ago they seemed so confident. Now, they aren't. It would be a great story if they were all happy, but in reality over the past 2 decades I've watched them all bounce around trying to figure out how to make a killing being a mediocre dance instructor, or whatever their dream was. They have gone through more anst trying to hold onto their belief that the million dollar job was just around the corner (despite common sense) then I ever did getting up and going to a "real job." And now, I have enough money that I can follow my passion without anybody elses rules or my own ridiculous expectations.

[swamp]

Jun 21, 2011 16:36:49 GMT -5 soskiomo said:

I am just trying to figure out if there is truth in what they are saying or if I should listen to my parents who say that it's called a job because it's work, and not fun. My passions lie in areas that do not pay well or do not pay at all. That's the problem. I just have no idea how to ever transition into the world I want to and still be able to feed myself and put a roof over my head. I'm totally stuck. I'm in a rut!

Sincerely,
Lost and 30

Listen to your parents, they have some experience to back up their opinion. Your friends are talking out their asses. I think you should like what you do well enough that you're not miserable, but the call it a "job" for a reason..........

[brdsl]

No. You work for money, not for the love of it. You give up X hours, for X pay. Maximize the pay for the hours worked. You only have so many hours of useful labor in your body.

Your friends are still teenagers. You are an adult. They may have aged, but they have not grown. Give them 4 years and they will realize you work for a wage, not for the love of it.

[thyme4change]

Ideally you should like what you do and get paid.

That is ideal - if you have a passion for something that actually is a career.

We all like to watch TV, go to the movies, eat out, drink beer, play video games, surf the internet, play golf, ride rollercoasters, etc. But, most of us would not be able to make a career out of it.

[hoops902]

Here's a very basic rule for career advice. Don't take career advice from someone who's never had a career. A lot of people take jobs that are "their passion", most of them realize those jobs don't afford them other things like the kind of lifestyle they want. If you can find a way to do both...great. But stop listening to people without jobs when it comes to your own job!

[thyme4change]

Let's go this direction...

What passion would you like to pursue?

[tea4me]

Don't listen to people that still have parental help. They have no idea what the real world is like. You have to eat.

[illinicheme]

I think it's helpful to try and pursue work that you think you might like, but it's intelligent to try and make it a field that you can support yourself in. Overall, I like my job. But I still have plenty of days where I don't want to get out of bed.

[shanendoah]

It helps if you like what you do, certainly won't argue that, but as for passion...
It is great if you can make a living doing what you are passionate about. I know someone who is a freelance travel writer. She travels the world and writes about it. She's even won major awards. She makes her living by teaching online classes in travel writing.

However, not all of us are able to combine our passions and our jobs. That's why there are weekends, volunteer gigs, etc.

I care about what I do, but its not my passion. I'm saving up to persue my passions (dog rescue and writing) in retirement, when I can truly enjoy them and not worry about how I'm making ends meet.

[Tiny]

All of my friends keep telling me that I should not be doing something just for the money,

I was in your shoes back in my 30s too. I have a job I like well enough but it isn't really anything I'm passionate about. After lots of introspection and thinking about I wanted my future to look like/be - I decided that the best way to get that future with the least amount of unhappiness was to keep doing what I liked well enough but wasn't passionate about. My 'job' will get me were I want to go. It gives me time and money to do things I enjoy doing when i'm NOT at work. It's helping me prepare for the future (retirement maybe early?). When I am it work it's pretty low stress (I do what I do well) and gives me some satisfaction (a job well done). I don't expect my job to 'fulfill me' or 'make me whole' or anything else.

There's some wisdom there about it not being just about the money... sometimes it's about the benefits (healthcare) or the time it gives you (short commute, punch in at 9:00 out the door at 5:00, low stress enough that you don't think about work when you aren't there).

If you are at a crossroads maybe it's time for some introspection and looking to the future... where do you see yourself 10/20/30 years from now? How will you get there? Are you 'happy' with what you have now? Do you have hobbies (other than drinking beer and watching TV)? Do you have friends/family?
If you catch yourself saying you wish you had time to do X - maybe it's time to think about WHY you want to do X and if it's so important why haven't you made time to do it? Maybe X isn't really important to you. or if it is important enough to work into your schedule you may have to figure out what LESS important that you can stop doing/spending time on. Maybe less drinking and TV watching? (sorry, I'm projecting the life of my co-workers on to you- it seems like all they do after work is watch TV and drink... )
Don't forget that priorities change - what was important to you when you were 22 might not be so important to you now. That's perfectly OK. You need to re-evaluate and come up with stuff that IS important to you now.
Do some introspection. Come up with some goals for the future and the plan(s) to get there based on what you discovered/thought about when you re-evaluated yourself. Then Work the Plan. You may take a few wrong turns or change your plans/goals - that's ok. That's what a fulfilled life is about - discovering what you value and then working towards it. Your job doesn't have to be a major component in this process.

[thyme4change]

By the way - I also found out that I liked my job a lot more when I got to be in my-mid-30's. The reason is I finally had enough experience to do what I love to do - make decisions. Now, instead of doing what everyone tells me, they ask me the best way to do it, and I get to tell them. It still leaves me to do a lot of work, but I don't have to sit at my desk and grumble stuff like "this doesn't make any sense - those idiots."

[Poppet]

I love my job. It also pays well per hour. The trouble is that it's a seasonal job that keeps shrinking due to state budget cuts. I am "unemployed" for 5 to 6 months out of the year.

[Deleted]

I think the best most of us can hope for is to like our jobs, and for that job to leave us a bit of time, money and energy to do the things we love.

[midjd]

Jun 21, 2011 17:43:40 GMT -5 @craftysarah said:

I think the best most of us can hope for is to like our jobs, and for that job to leave us a bit of time, money and energy to do the things we love.

Wise words.

[suesinfl]

Jun 21, 2011 17:05:20 GMT -5 @illinicheme said:

I think it's helpful to try and pursue work that you think you might like, but it's intelligent to try and make it a field that you can support yourself in. Overall, I like my job. But I still have plenty of days where I don't want to get out of bed.

Is there any way that you could do volunteer work during non-working hours that would full fill your passions? That would make your regular job eaiser to deal with? It could also open doors to an opportunity that could equal pay.

Other than that, the only thing I can think of is to save, save, save for retirement so that you can do the things you are passionate about and not worry about making money.

[phil5185]

All of my friends keep telling me that I should not be doing something just for the money, I should be following my passions and dreams.

LOL - that is probably why we see kids with $100,000 student loans earning $25,000 as social workers. As a wealthy society that avoids intolerance, embraces PC - we are able to ponder, have choices, 'find ourselves', shun 'profits', work only for non-profits so that the work is 'pure'.

When we were a poorer nation, the young men came home from WW2 at age 25 and penniless - looked for work wherever they could find it, farm labor, worked in the Mills and factories where their fathers - ie, took what jobs they could get and got on with it. (Didn't spend a lot of time finding themselves).

The better answer is probably moderation - something between those two extremes.

I have noticed that people who quit their jobs and try to turn their hobby into a business, tend to lose a good hobby (as they grow to hate it).

[Tiny]

I don't know if I really like being around people who are 'passionate' about their job - that's all they ever talk about/know about - their job. It's like their job is their identity. I like being around people who are 'passionate' about a bunch of things - they are much more interesting and fun. Oddly enough I'd say some of the people I know who appear to be happy don't seem to be particularly passionate about their jobs - they rarely talk about work and seem to do lots of stuff outside of work (hobbies, fix stuff around the house or car, some travel, some sports, some art-y stuff, doing stuff with the kids/family, etc). Of course, the not talking about work could just be because of the Confidentiality agreements that were signed. I know I find it 'safer' to not talk about work as I don't want to violate the Agreement I've signed (and who wants to talk about/bitch about/think about work when you are NOT at work??).

On further thought - maybe "Find a job you are passionate about" is just one of those cliches that get tossed out when only you can find the answer to your question about what to be when you grow up... Kinda like the one kids get told about how they can grow up to be anything they want. Yeah, right, I'm sooo not built to be a ballerina and I'm not smart enough to be a Rocket Scientist.

[RoadToRiches]

Jun 21, 2011 21:21:22 GMT -5 phil5185 said:

I have noticed that people who quit their jobs and try to turn their hobby into a business, tend to lose a good hobby (as they grow to hate it).

WOW, that's solid right there. I know so many people that it had happen to.

I think that doing what you truly love and are passionate about kind of puts the money thing on the lower scale. I know what you are saying though OP, how do you make actual living and good money doing something that you love? Well, if you do find it, then you might go back to what Phil said. It's like going in circles.

My good friend just finally got a job he's been working on getting for about 10 years. Now, he does what he "loves", but makes half of what he was making. He is one month into the job and already is talking about having "long days".

I know many many many people, that turned their hobby into a career and like Phil said, they hate their hobby now.

I have to say, I thought about it as well OP. I think it's normal to think about it because you always hear "Do what you love to do" and "I don't want a J O B"

[Small Biz Owner]

You have 4 choices. This I remembered from another poster way back.

1 Like your job & make a lot of money
2 Dislike your job & make a lot of money
3 Like your job & make little money
4 Dislike your job & make little money

If you are in #1 stay there as long as you can.

If you are in #4 change it ASAP

[Deleted]

I love my job. Passionate about it? I don't know. Sometimes I guess. It fits my priorities. Close to home, lots of vacation, respectable pay and family friendly.

People that do jobs they are passionate about usually identified the passion very young and it flowed naturally for them. That is what they took in school etc. It is difficult to force it and if you have to try to figure out your passion you are forcing it.

[michelyn8]

No, you don't have to love what you do. But on the flipside you shouldn't stay in a job that makes getting up in the morning difficult.

If you can keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and not need any public assistance pursuing your passion, then by all means give it a go. But you have an expectation of a certain lifestyle, have children who need to be supported.........then you find a job you do well hopefully with co-workers who aren't hostile, and that you can tolerate, maybe even actually like.

Its called being an adult. As I always told my girls when they expressed a dream to be an actress or similar hard to succeed in career...............go ahead and pursue it but make sure you have the skills to get a job that will keep you housed, clothed and fed while you do.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I had friends who wanted to be actors. We had a traveling troupe use our auditorium for practice and they told them that it was fine. . if you want to spend the rest of your life living out of a suitcase going from job to job. NOT what they wanted to hear, they wanted to hear they'd be A-list celebrities like Nicole Kidman.

I know someone who is making his living as an actor at the community theatre. It probably doesn't pay a ton but he is happy doing it.

I do what I love, I don't make a lot now but I was prepared to make that sacrifice before I left school. I had to accept that I am not going to live a certain lifestyle and it's going to take me a lot more careful planning to obtain certain things than it does someone who makes way more than me.

That being said, I am getting tired of my stinky pay so I am looking at moving someday into private industry. I stay put for now because I get very good benefits and my job is secure for several more years. That gives me time to do things to make myself more marketable FOR FREE.

It's a trade off. DH often spouts to me that I shouldn't care what my salary is because "I am doing what I love". I told him that is fantastic and all but now that I am 28 years old I am getting tired of living not very far above college student. I said more money sure makes it a lot easier to "do what you love".

I agree with your parents that if what you love can't pay the bills then you work a job that can. I do think you should at least be moderately happy with what you do, but when you have responsibilities you need to be realistic about your "passions" and what comes with pursuing them.

I plan on telling DD she can pursue whatever she wants, but here is the lifestyle you are going to get with it. Is that what you REALLY want?

If you can tailor your lifestyle desires and goals to meet what you would be making pursuing your passions and you are HAPPY with that, then go for it.

Most don't think that far ahead and end up shocked when they find out that they are going to be living out of a suitcase scanning the paper for "open auditions" while waiting tables at night.

[Bob Ross]

Loving one's job is a pretty strong classification. I don't love my job. I like it ok, but if I had the choice of either coming to work or sitting drunk in a kiddie pool while shouting obscenities at random passers-by all day, guess which one I'd choose?

I'm guessing there aren't a whole lot of people who truly LOVE their jobs, and the term is both overused and exaggerated, or even downright lied about. Maybe people like super rich and famous actors, musicians, athletes, artists, and select others actually do love their jobs, but if you're middle manager in charge of hangnail remedies for Dr. Scholls, and you absolutely love it, then there's probably something seriously wrong with you. NO ONE loves being the middle manager in charge of hangnail remedies for Dr. Scholls.

Oh and I'd tell your grad student trust funder friends to go suck it. They're obviously speaking from an idealistic perspective, and haven't got a clue.

[Cookies Galore]

I really enjoy what I do, but that doesn't I'm jumping out of bed at 6 a.m. Aside from working in subject matter that is interesting to me, what I enjoy the most about my work is that the company I work for believes a great deal in work/life balance. We have a 35-hour work week, so I get home when most people are just leaving work. The paid days off are plentiful and I am never made to feel guilty for using time off, if anything, my boss encourages me to make the most of my time. If I worked for a company that wore me down, I'd probably grow to hate my industry.
A friend of ours has a great career and he travels the world, but even that is wearing him down.

[soskiomo]

"LOL - that is probably why we see kids with $100,000 student loans earning $25,000 as social workers. As a wealthy society that avoids intolerance, embraces PC - we are able to ponder, have choices, 'find ourselves', shun 'profits', work only for non-profits so that the work is 'pure'.

When we were a poorer nation, the young men came home from WW2 at age 25 and penniless - looked for work wherever they could find it, farm labor, worked in the Mills and factories where their fathers - ie, took what jobs they could get and got on with it. (Didn't spend a lot of time finding themselves)."

This is so true...I swear it seems like everyone I know went to very expensive private schools and now works in non-profit. I am the only person out of all of my friends that works for a profit. I just can't live on 20K. I have two roommates who are 27 and 28 and do not work but are in graduate school full-time. One friend insists that she has never heard of someone working AND going to school at the same time - how can one focus on studies? These are the types of people that I was brought up around. Luckily my parents funded my undergraduate degree (as with every other person from my high school I know) but they stopped there and said I need to pay for graduate or get work to pay for it.

[soskiomo]

"When we were a poorer nation, the young men came home from WW2 at age 25 and penniless - looked for work wherever they could find it, farm labor, worked in the Mills and factories where their fathers - ie, took what jobs they could get and got on with it. (Didn't spend a lot of time finding themselves)."

ALSO let me add - as a 30 year old woman living in the Northeast I find that there is something wrong with men where I live. (not ALL, but many...no offense) I think it's because a lot of them were coddled and they didn't live in a time like my grandfather did... I think a lot of men who are now in their 20s just didn't have to go through much and maybe they didn't build character. I just look at someone like my grandfather and feel as though that type of person might exist but is becoming extinct because of our entitlement society.