gawgagranny
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Post by gawgagranny on Jun 22, 2011 15:51:19 GMT -5
OP, several others have done a great job of making suggestions on this already, but I would definitely second the whole "spend more time with your kids" idea--I worked full-time since DS1 was 2 years old (he's now 32 and a new daddy) and even though I had a wonderfully family-friendly job, I to this day have regrets about missing a lot of the little milestones in their lives...
Taking better care of yourself is high on the list, too. I didn't do that very well and now in my mid-50's, I am paying the price. Exercise and eat healthy--sounds simple, but it is so very important.
The single best advice I can offer has already been given here, too: live each day as if it was your last. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow...
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busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
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Post by busymom on Jun 22, 2011 16:43:48 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss.
If I could my early 30's over again:
I would've dressed "younger". (I started wearing "Mom" clothes too young!) I dress younger now than I did then. LOL!
I would've gotten in touch earlier with old high school friends who I lost touch with. Already 2 of my really close friends have passed away. I didn't know they were ill until it was too late.
I would've put more of my paycheck into retirement. (Not just enough to get the company match.) When you're older, it's harder to play "catch up".
Stop & smell the roses more. Go to the park with your kids more. Relax. You've got your whole life to work a job. Try & enjoy the ride more!
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 22, 2011 17:32:28 GMT -5
One thing to do is more of a not to do. Never put off rebuilding broken relationships or doing things for those you love.
If you have a sibling, parent or other person you have broken away from over a minor thing reach out to them. If they should die tomorrow and you didn't attempt to reconnect you never can. If you are close but put off doing something nice for them it could also be too late.
My boyfriend's dad lived alone and had breathing issues. He wanted his dad to live with us but I said no, I don't want his dad in my house. I suggested he move to a place where he and his dad could be together so he could take care of him. I offered to not break up if he moved out and pointed out his dad had furniture and dishes and things and I would help him get set up. He put it off until it was too late. His dad died alone and he blames himself. He tried blaming me but I didn't stop him from taking care of his dad, it wasn't my job.
When I was young my gifts to my parents were not what I wanted to gift them, I was cheap. Late 30s I decided it was time to buy them whatever I wanted to buy them without regard to my budget. It is hard because I am frugal with myself but if I see something I want mom to have I get it. Dad has been gone 18 years, I am glad I didn't wait to get him things he might have enjoyed.
Let people you care about know you care. For your child both tell them and show them by setting up things to take care of them like wills and insurance. For people you lost contact with send them a card or call them just because.
My cell phone called my brother by mistake, I never call my brother. His name is the same as my nephew so when I told the phone to call it called the wrong one. We talked for over half an hour and I really hadn't talked to him much in 15 years. It was nice to learn about his plans and hobby. His new hobby is cat petter for the pound. He takes cats from cages and holds them a couple of hours a week and donates cat food and cat litter they give to poor people so they don't turn the cats they cat feed into the pound. I like my brother now where before I didn't see much good in him.
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Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:06:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,337
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Post by Jake 48 on Jun 22, 2011 17:38:36 GMT -5
Sorry about your loss. I would have spent more time with my kids if I could do it again
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 22, 2011 18:33:20 GMT -5
By the time I was in my thirties, I had already ruined my life. If I could have backed up to age 26 and started over, I'd give anything to do so. LIVE your life NOW to the fullest.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Jun 22, 2011 19:21:59 GMT -5
My mom wrote a lot in her journal over the past few years. Some of the things were, "I wish I had spent more time with my mom. I wish I had spent more time with my sister. I wish I had read my Bible more."
Truthfully if she had done those things, it would have taken her away from other things. And she would have had regrets with those. Taking time to spend with her mom would have taken time away from her children. Or from cooking supper. Or washing clothes. Now I guess you could say that she didn't have to wash clothes. But really? You would have let your 3 children go to school in dirty underwear? You would have let your children not have a meal at night?
I guess that sounds cold but when you are stretched thin, you can't have one thing take the place of something else. There will always be a loser.
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suziq38
Well-Known Member
I love to save
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 21:11:27 GMT -5
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Post by suziq38 on Jun 22, 2011 23:45:47 GMT -5
I am proud to say that I am giving in to my mid-life crisis. After all, do any of us know how much time we have left?
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Mrs. Dinero
Well-Known Member
100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 17:09:17 GMT -5
Posts: 1,508
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jun 23, 2011 10:14:56 GMT -5
Wow! Great advice here. Sorry for excluding the under 34 group, you all had great insight too.
Keep healthy, spend more quality time with loved ones, be present, laugh and love greater.
I feel much better after reading this. I was feeling tremendous anxiety about my life.
"Perspective can be a profound gift" So true ColleenZ. Thank you all for helping me during this difficult time.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 23, 2011 11:26:54 GMT -5
Yes, I am here.
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muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 23, 2011 11:56:40 GMT -5
When i was a kid.....nobody had landscaping.
They may not have called it landscaping, but I bet they had flowers. My Grandparents farm had tons of flowers and had a well maintained yard. Mulching helps keep in moisture and regulate ground temperature which helps during the heat of summer. My other grandparents hand flowers and a well maintained yard.
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Colleenz
Senior Member
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Post by Colleenz on Jun 23, 2011 12:13:16 GMT -5
Glad to hear you are feeling better Mrs. D. Unfortunately we can't have rainbows without rain
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Jun 23, 2011 14:51:59 GMT -5
I am 34, married with 2 kids, and am constantly looking forward to the future. A future where I can choose to work if I want, take long trips, be more carefree with money and responsibilities. What if I die tomorrow?
It would help to give you ideas if we knew what was preventing you from choosing whether or not to work, taking long trips and being carefree. Are there things that you feel are tying you down and holding you do doing things you don't want to do?
I'm 41 and if I could go back to my early 30's I would have spent more time with my kids and I would have fought harder against any decisions that put us into debt and tied me to being the primary breadwinner.
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onemoreday
New Member
Joined: Jan 31, 2011 21:39:45 GMT -5
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Post by onemoreday on Jun 23, 2011 15:05:52 GMT -5
I am sorry for your loss, but try to plan for your future and enjoy today as much as possible. My husband died 3 1/2 years ago, that was my eye opener. I do more for and with my children now than I ever did before and have realized it is the small things that make a difference.
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blackcard
Familiar Member
As of April 2013 Mortgage is paid in full :) NO debt of any kind.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 22:06:57 GMT -5
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Post by blackcard on Jun 24, 2011 19:36:56 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss also. DH and I are in our early 30's. Some of his (and my) classmates from high school and college that we knew, several of them have passed away already. Just last month one of his old teammates died in a car accident. You really just never know when your time will be.
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lazysundays
Familiar Member
http://triggur.livejournal.com/476376.html
Joined: Jun 27, 2011 21:14:01 GMT -5
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Post by lazysundays on Jun 29, 2011 21:11:10 GMT -5
1 person I know from HS just died this year at 32yo and then my friend called to say a close friend of hers had just dies-also early 30s, so I finally made that call to get me and DH life insurance to take care of baby, just in case. Other than that, I feel secure
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