Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 20, 2011 9:30:21 GMT -5
Okay, those of you who have had kids - what is the absolute earliest you feel you could have returned to work? Is 6 weeks sufficient? Muttley, 3 weeks is amazing. With DD, I was ready to go back at 13 weeks. Being home sucked. When DS was born, we had 2 under the age of 2. That was really hard. Again, at 13 weeks I was ready to go back. I'm NOT designed to be a stay at home parent and neither is DH. I'd really like to take about 4 weeks of FMLA now for ME now that the kids are 20 months and 3 years! And the kids can still go to dcp 2 days a week or so. ;D
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 20, 2011 9:32:23 GMT -5
It depends. Could do? ... Well if you had to, i guess you could do about anything. Son was 8-9 weeks off. Daughter was 12-14.... but she had a cleft palate and was difficult to feed, and i didn't feel comfortable before then leaving her with anyone..... I really couldnt see going back to work prior to 6 weeks. I mean, you're still bleeding and swollen at 6 weeks, and you haven't slept more than 2 hours at a stretch so you're a zombie. Or at least I was............. Swamp, I'm STILL a zombie. Teething sucks.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 20, 2011 9:36:22 GMT -5
No way I could have done it at three weeks. I had some serious stitches and no bladder control whatsoever. Not really going to get much done at work if I am in the bathroom having to change my pants every time I sneezed, or coughed, or stood up. I went back to work at seven weeks. I was feeling great physically and that was when I was cleared to go back to work by my OB. I was in a complete mental fog though for the first two weeks back. I am thankful all that was left to do was some number crunching and cleaning up the lab those first two weeks. I was able to ease back in before taking back my full time project.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2011 9:37:14 GMT -5
I really couldnt see going back to work prior to 6 weeks. I mean, you're still bleeding and swollen at 6 weeks, and you haven't slept more than 2 hours at a stretch so you're a zombie. Or at least I was............. Six weeks was OK for me. Not perfect, but workable. DS slept about 3 hours at a time and went back to sleep promptly after being fed. No other little ones to take up my energy, and a VERY supportive babysitter. She's had 4 of her own and was a really good source of common sense when I had questions. Change any of the above, and it might have been a lot harder. Like Wisconsin Beth, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. It actually felt good to be back in business clothes in familiar territory. It was a bonus that I got to pick up my wonderful baby and take him home at the end of the day!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 20, 2011 9:42:30 GMT -5
IIRC my mom went back at 6 weeks after my brother and sister... no C-section, though. She had a desk job that wasn't physically demanding, and she was never cut out to be a SAHM... I think she was glad to get away from us. (Especially my little sister, who cried whenever she was not being held. To this day, my mom is very good at doing things with one hand)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 20, 2011 9:46:09 GMT -5
I wish I had taken a couple weeks unpaid just because I was so exhausted. I was sick from my last week of pregnancy thru most of my maternity leave. It would have been nice to have a couple weeks with DD where I actually felt good before returning to work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2011 9:47:33 GMT -5
Yeah, my son didn't sleep more than a few hours at a time for like 18 months... couldn't wait till i wasn't sleep deprived ... and i understand the body takes time to heal. I was just saying, systemically, we tend to overinflate what we 'can't do'... I COULD have gone back earlier... but am glad i didn't have to... Honestly... much as i wish i could have stayed home when they were little... I would have been a much less competent SAHM of infants than i was staying home starting when they were 2-4... I loved my kids... would have done it if possible... and of course your own kids are different... but I am not a real baby person...
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Jun 20, 2011 9:48:30 GMT -5
I also work for a Fortune 500 company, and we get 8 weeks of maternity leave as a given. After that your doctor can recommend more if needed without it being a big deal.
It is listed under short term disability, and for every year that you are an employee you earn 2 full weeks of pay - up to 20 weeks. After that it is 60% of pay up til 1 year, then it rolls into LTD.
You also have to use 5 sick days to roll into STD.
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sil
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Post by sil on Jun 20, 2011 9:58:20 GMT -5
I was really lucky to have 2 weeks before, 14 weeks after delivery partially paid thru work disability program. I second the poster who said that larger companies tend to have better maternity benefits. I actually switched jobs partially for this reason (also, because they just have better benefits in general)
After my first c/s I didn't feel ready to go back to work even at 3 months postpartum, but after my second, I probably could have gone back after 2 months. But in either case, I wouldn't have felt comfortable having my kids in daycare before they were 2 months old. I would have needed to hire a nanny, because I dont have any family that could have watched my kids for that long. In my opinion, paid family leave benefits newborns even more than it benefits moms (though we both really need those first weeks at home together)
One note on FMLA. It offers 12 weeks of job protection total. So if you take off from work a few weeks off prior to delivery, you won't have FMLA protection for your job for a full 12 weeks post-delivery. Although some state laws have more generous unpaid leave protections.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2011 10:09:54 GMT -5
It depends. Could do? ... Well if you had to, i guess you could do about anything. Son was 8-9 weeks off. Daughter was 12-14.... but she had a cleft palate and was difficult to feed, and i didn't feel comfortable before then leaving her with anyone..... I really couldnt see going back to work prior to 6 weeks. I mean, you're still bleeding and swollen at 6 weeks, and you haven't slept more than 2 hours at a stretch so you're a zombie. Or at least I was............. From 1 month to 3 months we coslept and it worked. DS had very random stretches of sleep length (still does). At 3 months that stopped working and that was when it all went to pot for me. Emotionally, I was a wreck from 4 months until 9 months. I probably had PPD, but didn't seek any help. The prolonged sleep deprivation was awful. I could manage the first couple months. I needed the break at 3 weeks to get out of the house. I totally eased back to work. I worked a half day on Thursday. Then a half day Tuesday and Thursday. Then half days the entire next week. Then a couple full days a couple half days and then I was back full time. Or something like that. Since I had a massive oversupply, I didn't pump at work during my half days. I was super engorged, but if I had pumped I would have made my oversupply significantly worse. It really depends on the individual. You don't know how you are going to react and you may be doing fine and then it all falls apart on you. It took me a while to get myself back together and it wasn't until DS was sleeping good (around 9 months.. even after sleep training at 3 months) that I was able to feel more like myself.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2011 10:27:28 GMT -5
It really depends on the individual. You don't know how you are going to react and you may be doing fine and then it all falls apart on you. I agree- 6 weeks worked for me because of a lot of favorable circumstances. Given yours, I would have been a mess, too. Doesn't it make you want to punch people in the nose when they say their kid slept through the night as soon as they brought him/her home from the hospital?
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sil
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Post by sil on Jun 20, 2011 10:30:01 GMT -5
Emotionally, I was a wreck from 4 months until 9 months. I probably had PPD, but didn't seek any help. *********************************************************************************** Mine hit when DS was about 6 weeks. I had some panic attacks when I left the house. Looking back, I shouldnt have even been driving the baby to the pediatrician's office, I was such a mess. I would have white knuckles just pushing the stroller around our neighborhood because we lived in a hilly area and I was terrified that I'd let the stroller go from the top of one of the hills. Told my OB/GYN doctor about it and all he advised was that my thyroid levels were fine. It wasnt until I went to my regular doctor at 6 months post partum that I got some meds. 3 months later, I was able to gradually wean off of them.
PPD/Anxiety is really scary stuff, and very common. I had no idea how common it was until after I mentioned it to a couple of friends and they confessed that they had the same problems.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 20, 2011 10:31:35 GMT -5
I always suspect they're like my DH and just sleep too soundly to hear anything
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2011 10:35:21 GMT -5
There are some babies who are just like that... A friend's 4th naps 3 hours and sleeps at least 10 at night every day... She will tell you though that she earned it after the first two ...
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Post by soon2bmomof3 on Jun 20, 2011 10:38:23 GMT -5
Our workplace has STD through Cigna and that is 6 to 8 weeks depending on vaginal or c-section at 60% pay. You can max it out to 100% with PTO. We also have FMLA up to 12 weeks unpaid, but they're flexible about that. With DS I took 3.5 months off, with DD, 4 months off and with #3, I'll probably take 4 months off again or maybe a little longer (there's not point coming back the week of Christmas b/c the office is closed).
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 20, 2011 10:44:18 GMT -5
Okay, those of you who have had kids - what is the absolute earliest you feel you could have returned to work? Is 6 weeks sufficient? Muttley, 3 weeks is amazing. I think Swamp is right with the 5 years.... But really for me it was 6 weeks that I felt like myself again. When I could sit down and stand up, without thinking, 'wow--I just had a baby!' I was hiking at 4 weeks, so I'm sure if I had to I could have gone back earlier, but 6 weeks was really the magic #. Cawiau--I'll have to check into aflac. My std covered for 6 weeks, but there was a 2 week holding period so I was only paid for 4 weeks. We wanted dh to have time off with us too, so I took 9 weeks, and dh took 7. I'm planning for #2 to take 12 for myself, and if we can swing it 12 for dh. Although, I think I'd like to break his up a bit. 6 weeks after delivery, and then 6 weeks after I go back to work.
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msgumby
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Post by msgumby on Jun 20, 2011 10:46:12 GMT -5
my company has short term disability and FMLA, which combined pay about 55-60% of your salary for 12 weeks after birth (and 4 weeks before birth). An employee can use accrued sick time or vacation time to bring that up to 100% of their salary or to extend their paid time off beyond the 12 weeks. You get 2 extra weeks if you have a c-section. The salary calculation is based of your highest earning quarter in the past year, and because we get annual bonuses (5-10% of our salary) it actually works out to be closer to 70-75% of our salary is covered by our leave. In terms of unpaid leave, we are guaranteed to have a job if we return within about 7 months, but our policy is that unless something goes really wrong (like laying people off) they will hold your job for a year.
I'm planning on taking 6 months off entirely, then working for 6 months at 50% (10 hrs/wk in office 10 hrs/wk from home). Then at 1 year, going back to about 20 hours/wk in office and working my way up from there. Most women in my company take 3-5 months off and then return part time at least for a while (unless they have family in the area providing free daycare).
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on Jun 20, 2011 10:51:06 GMT -5
I live in CA so while I have no maternity leave benefits from my job, I do get STD and Paid Family Leave from the state. You can start at 36 weeks and then after delivery you qualify for 6 or 8 weeks depending on type of delivery (c-section or not). Then, you can do up 6 weeks of PFL right after if you wish or spread that out. With #1 I went on leave about 5 weeks before my due date because of the way my work is scheduled and this time I started my leave at almost 4 weeks exactly. Physically, with #1 I could have worked much closer to my due date but my work is scheduled based on when students are taking their tests and I didn't want to have to to abandon students in the middle of our sessions if I delivered early. This time though, I've had a much harder pregnancy so it was really great that I planned to start my leave early. If I was trying to teach right now I'd probably be losing my mind even more. Depending on when #2 makes her arrival, I'll probably end up using about 4 weeks of PFL straight through and then mixing some in with work since I'm scheduled to go back to teaching in mid-September.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 20, 2011 10:54:48 GMT -5
We give FMLA for 12 weeks. You can use vacation or sick if you have them. We only had one woman use it and she was always out of vacation and sick since she used some about every week. She started coming in to work after about a week, bringing the baby and only staying a couple of hours once or twice a week to help the temp. She had three offices so would put a play pen in the back office and use it for the baby, then when she came back would express milk in her back office. Some days she would bring the baby but she didn't usually only if her daycare fell through.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2011 10:58:56 GMT -5
I always suspect they're like my DH and just sleep too soundly to hear anything LOL. Yeah it does. There is also the group of people who freak out when you mention that you sleep trained a 3 month old and are like you horrible awful person. What was I suppose to do? My 3 month old refused to rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep, I had bruises from cosleeping because he kicked me all night long because he hated it. I would have gladly coslept longer if it had actually meant more sleep. I let DS continue nursing at 5 am from 9 months to 14 months because I liked the cuddle time. And this just reinforces my vow to stay off Babycenter this week. I will say I have noticed a lot of people lie about how well their babies sleep. Only 1 in 6 6 month olds sleep through the night without getting fed. The average age of any baby to drop nightfeedings is 9 to 12 months. This was an area I had absolutely no understanding of when DS was born. It took me about a week to realize that newborns are suppose to fall asleep, not stay up for 4 hours straight just staring at you.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 20, 2011 11:25:56 GMT -5
Muttley--I was that awful person that had a baby who slept through the night from day 1. (The doctor made us set alarms to get up with him until he was 8 weeks. He did sometimes wake up to nurse, but he nursed and went right back to sleep so it wasn't a big deal).
Then from 18-22 months, everything fell apart. I don't have anything to compare it too, but I did feel like people would have been more sympathetic if it had happened early on. By the time the kid is that age, you're supposed to have your life back together but I was a zombie!
We've had good luck recently, and are really, really hoping it keeps up. Although last night he didn't go to sleep until almost midnight...
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pepper112765
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Post by pepper112765 on Jun 20, 2011 11:34:49 GMT -5
Wow!!! That is practically unheard of these days. ETA: I guess I shouldn't say "these days" because it's not like it was ever like that. Look at Miss R's post. It's just practically unheard of ... unless you live in some European countries. I get that at my job too, and you are allowed to continue to accrue, annual and sick leave during maternity leave.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Jun 20, 2011 11:50:57 GMT -5
I definitely was not ready to go back physically before 6 weeks, and I really wasn't back to myself physically for about eight weeks, but I had a fairly rough delivery. Mentally, I don't think I would have ever been ready to go back. I wanted to SAHM permanently, but it just wasn't possible. The 12 weeks went by really fast for me.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2011 11:58:00 GMT -5
rae - That would be tough esepcially since you hadn't had the experience in the past I think it would be harder. I think after 6 months most people just expect that your baby is sleeping through the night and expect that you are all happy and back to normal. We've been having some minor issues that I am worried are going to blow up into major issues. I don't think most people would be too worried if their toddler is laying in bed and just sucking his thumb for an hour before falling asleep, but I am freaking out thinking he is getting overtired again and it is all going to fall apart again. With all of our trouble, I have a support group that I can talk to and try to get answers and what to change. THat does help, but it also makes obsessed and paranoid sometimes.
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oreo
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Post by oreo on Jun 20, 2011 12:10:57 GMT -5
I only skimmed all of the responses but when I took pregnancy leave 2 1/2 years ago, I was told that if you haven't been at your job for 1 year that FMLA doesn't apply and you aren't guaranteed your job back.
If your state has disability programs (do they all?) then as long as you've worked long enough to accrue disability benefits, you are covered by the state program regardless of how long you've been with the company. So you may get 60% pay or whatever for x number of weeks but you aren't guaranteed to have a job if you haven't been at the company a year.
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bookcrazychick
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Post by bookcrazychick on Jun 20, 2011 12:19:01 GMT -5
When I was working for someone else and had my son I took off 12 weeks. I was covered under FMLA and that was the maximum amount. I was required by company policy to take all sick/vacation accrual that I had on the day I gave birth. I ended up only having around 4 weeks unpaid.
One of our biggest clients office manager had a baby last week. So DH has been flying back and forth to help out. She claims she is only taking 3 weeks off. BUT, she ended up having a C Section and I didn't even think day cares took babies under 6 wks old. I'm just waiting on her to call and extend her leave...............
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Post by soon2bmomof3 on Jun 20, 2011 12:20:22 GMT -5
DD is 15 months...and except for a few lucky nights here and there, she is finally at the point where she sleeps through the night (8:30 to 5:30). Once in a while she'll wake up at 12 or 4:30, but she can usually be soothed back to sleep.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Jun 20, 2011 12:43:59 GMT -5
DD is an erratic sleeper. She's 20 months and still wakes up almost every night. Usually she'll put herself back to sleep, but not always. There are very few nights that I actually get to sleep a continuous, uninterrupted 7 or 8 hours.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jun 20, 2011 13:26:01 GMT -5
My wife and I have aflac for both short/long term disability and maternity leave is covered (Short term up to 90 days and long term afterwards if required)
Be careful here. I had DS in March and I had Aflac. Having a baby limits the short-term disability benefits. Delivery is considered a sickness under that policy. Deliver vaginally, get 6 weeks paid less the waiting period (usually 7-14 days) or deliver by c-section and get paid 8 weeks less the waiting period.
My Aflac policies (short-term disability and hospital) paid me about $6K after DS was born.
Make sure your wife checks her benefits and make sure the pay is commensurate with her salary as it is today. There are also waiting periods from the time the policy was incepted.
Read your policies very carefully!
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jun 20, 2011 13:31:12 GMT -5
what is the absolute earliest you feel you could have returned to work? Is 6 weeks sufficient
Despite being here for nearly 5 years, the company I work for is 10 people strong, so I didn't qualify for FMLA. My assistant who was supposed to do part of my job while I was on leave (scheduled for 10 weeks) quit 2 weeks before DS was born. So I ended going back to work when DS was 3 weeks old. It was awful. This is a huge reason why I am leaving the company.
If I could do it all over again, a minimum of 6 weeks would be great, but 12 weeks is ideal. Hormones wax and wane - I didn't start to feel like myself until about 8-9 weeks post-partum. Of course that may have been due to the excessive stress I was under at work and trying to transition to being a mom. DS is our first child.
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