Anyone Jealous Over Your Lack of Debt?

[Elderkind]

Hello All! I tentatively brought this up on the Southern Board and decided to post it on the main forum for comments. Have any of y'all ever experienced jealousy from co-workers, friends or family because of your lack of consumer debt and/or frugal lifestyle? If so, how do you handle it?

I used to be very fairly open (not loud & proud but if anyone asked...) about my debt and my quest to pay it off, start an EF and save for a house. It has taken years of frugal living & sacrifices but now, finally, most of my debt is paid off, I have a fully funded EF and have started a house fund. Now that I am in a better financial position, I find myself becoming almost secretive, even with family about my finances because of their changing attitude towards me. Of course this isn't everybody but a few select folks that have made poor financial decisions, are not willing to make the sacrifices needed to get their debt under control and have started making snarky comments to others about my financial life...

[dancinmama]

Well, everyone in my family is debt free with the exception of their mortgages, so there is no jealousy among family members. We have one couple who we can talk to openly to about finances. They are doing better than we are, but our basic ideas about finances are the same - no jealously on our part toward them whatsoever. We have no other friends that we share information with regarding finances, so there is really no reason for anyone to be jealous.

[muttleynfelix]

The day I made my last non-mortgage payment my coworker actually took to the mailbox for me. I was actually kind of hesitant to hand it to her and everyone was like why M, just let the other M mail it (yes we have the same name, only two woman in the office and we have the same name). So, I explained that this was my last non-mortgage debt payment and my coworkers were very happy for me. But I think there was some jealosy, especially from one guy who was really being unsuccessful in his attempt to pay off debt. He wanted to do it, but didn't want to make the sacrifices to do it.

My family - once we paid off debt we became "normal" for our families. Particularly those we are closest to - my family and DH's oldest brother. We are pretty secretive about everything. But I was more secretive with them when we were in debt than once we were out. We are back to having a car payment now, but have the ability to pay it off.

[shelly527in]

I'm sure there's jealousy from my family and some friends. I have money only because I went to college so I could find a better paying job and I don't spend every dime I get. I choose to drive a 22 year old car, not a brand new one. Granted, I don't have a mortgage because my mother signed the house over to me 7 years before she died. She offered it to my siblings and they said to give it to me. It wasn't my plan to stay in my hometown, but it's worked out well. By the way...I'm a teacher, not a doctor or lawyer.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sort of. Not in the way elderkind wrote about though.

DH was at his parents' house recently. His Mom was on the phone with BIL's wife and they were discussing an upcoming out of town wedding we're all invited too. MIL was explaining to BIL's wife that DH and I were going to stay at a B&B for the weekend and BIL's wife hollered out "HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO DO THAT?" which DH heard because BIL's wife has a very carrying voice.

ETA The jealousy comes in because they can't stay for the weekend. We have 2 toddlers who will stay with my side and my parents will deal with our dog. They don't have anyone to ask to keep their dogs or their child and I don't think they can afford a B&B for a weekend, esp. if they have to pay for boarding.

We did cancel the B&B, as DH's tummy issues have flared up big time again and the wedding is 2 weeks away.

[debtheaven]

I have one close friend who openly admits that she is jealous of us. Not because we are pretty much debt free per se (we still have plenty of debt but it's finally only rental debt) but because we travel. They are MIRED in debt, despite the fact that her husband earns a HUGE salary (ie 350K per year). Like on the other thread, they WANT to be consumer debt free but they never actually DO anything about it.

Part of their issue is specific to France: you pay taxes on LAST year's income, the following year. They went nuts when they finally went from "broke" to "rich", spent every penny and plenty more, and have been trying to "catch up" on taxes (and every other NEED) ever since.

I was very proud and impressed recently when they decided to sell their very expensive apt and buy a much more modest one, and use the difference to pay off ALL their consumer debt. But they lost the apt they wanted to buy, and I'm not sure it will really happen. Part of me feels badly that it fell through, but another part of me feels they don't really want it to happen.

[blackcard]

Only have the mortgage debt for now. DH was, and is, a super saver! Looks like our mortgage shoud be gone in about 2 more years. We don't tell anyone about our finances, and from problems I have seen amongst people, we probably never will.

[financiallyfreeinbc]

I have no problem telling people what we owed and how we paid it down. If people are jealous, so be it. I have to say that our family and friends were very proud of us and rooting us on the whole time. No, they are no where near debt free but they were still supportive. I think that if my experience can help even 1 person think about what they are doing before they do it, then the jealous people don't matter. That being said, I have a friend who is now on track to being consumer debt free (she was trapped in a car with me for over 4 hours... we had an excellent conversation) and my soon-to-be SIL is coming on Saturday to go over their debt/bills/goals.

I do feel "jealous" but happy for people who are travelling to warm weather in the winter and places I long to go but now that we are consumer debt free, we will be able to do that too!

[Elderkind]

Well, everyone in my family is debt free with the exception of their mortgages, so there is no jealousy among family members. We have one couple who we can talk to openly to about finances.

DancinMama: That's wonderful! ;D My family is like that with the exception of my brother... And he is not afraid to ask you for a "loan" if he knows you have a little extra do-re-mi. So, my sister and I NEVER talk about money in front of him and if he starts looking like he may ask, we try to beat to the punch and "ask" him for money... He usually has an emergency come up about that time and leaves...

The day I made my last non-mortgage payment my coworker actually took to the mailbox for me

MuttleynFelix LOL! I was actually shaking when I made my last interest bearing debt payment.... I just kept thinking that I might have made a mistake somewhere and still owed...

It wasn't my plan to stay in my hometown, but it's worked out well. By the way...I'm a teacher, not a doctor or lawyer.

Shelly527In: You did it the right way and folks should be asking the secret to your success, not acting like jealous children... I also drive a used 98' car that runs fantastic but I have a co-worker that has to drive a new vehicle, has her hair professionally done EVERY week, eats out most every day for lunch/dinner and only shops at Neiman Marcus. She rents an overpriced apartment, lives 30 miles from her job and can't understand why she is in the red every month... She makes about $90K a year gross which is a whole lot more than my $43K and can't save a dime. Her situation got so bad that she borrowed $5K each from five different friends to pay bills...

MIL was explaining to BIL's wife that DH and I were going to stay at a B&B for the weekend and BIL's wife hollered out "HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO DO THAT?"

Wisconsin Beth: My fiance and I enjoy B&B's very occasionally and have had friends/co-workers tell us it must be nice to be well off enough to afford the B&B in a sarcastic voice.... He doesn't notice the attitude as much but I sure do...

I have one close friend who openly admits that she is jealous of us. Not because we are pretty much debt free per se (we still have plenty of debt but it's nearly all rental debt) but because we travel. They are MIRED in debt, despite the fact that her husband earns a HUGE salary (ie 350K per year). Like on the other thread, they WANT to be consumer debt free but they never actually DO anything about it.

DebtHeaven: Hi'ya Chica! Yes, Wanting vs. Doing is the huge "To be or not to be" hurdle when trying to pay off debt but I think some people have become so complacent with their situation and have never known how liberating a debt free existence can be so they don't really try.... The thought of making a sacrifice such as cooking at home, driving a used car, cutting the cable, etc. is just too mind blowing so they stay stuck in their situation. That's their choice but it gets a little irritating when those same folks start taking shots at those who are working hard to pay their debt off and save a little...

Looks like our mortgage should be gone in about 2 more years. We don't tell anyone about our finances, and from problems I have seen amongst people, we probably never will.

BlackCard: That's awesome news about your mortgage payoff! I think you have the right idea about non-disclosure. I have become very closed mouthed about my finances except to say that I am trying to save for a house down payment but have even quit admitting to that.

I have no problem telling people what we owed and how we paid it down. If people are jealous, so be it.

FinanciallyFreeInBC: I like your style! I used to be very open with my debt situation (I started out owing $40K in just CC Debt ) because friends/family/co-workers were asking me how I was paying it off and would then ask advice about their particular financial situations... None of them took my (fantastic WIRR) advice which is their prerogative but then later as my financial situation got better became a little bitter about it... Sometimes it's hard not to say "You got yourself into this mess now put your big boy/girl panties on and get yourself out"...

[Wisconsin Beth]

Re: Anyone Jealous Over Your Lack of Debt?
« Reply #8 Yesterday at 9:44pm »

MIL was explaining to BIL's wife that DH and I were going to stay at a B&B for the weekend and BIL's wife hollered out "HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO DO THAT?"

Wisconsin Beth: My fiance and I enjoy B&B's very occasionally and have had friends/co-workers tell us it must be nice to be well off enough to afford the B&B in a sarcastic voice.... He doesn't notice the attitude as much but I sure do... [image]

I love B&Bs and so does DH. Pre-kids, we probably went 3-4 times a year. I'm not willing to leave the kids that much and we haven't researched the B&Bs that will take toddlers. In any case, BIL's wife has other jealousy issues with me. Mainly my family. I have a large and tight family, all of whom live within 30 minutes of my house. She doesn't have that and sometimes it grates on her and she gets jealous and snarky.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My, my. That post is so NOT what I was trying to copy. I'm going to snip it now.

[muttleynfelix]

We're going to a B&B on the 26th. I am so excited to have our first night away from DS!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 10, 2011 11:17:38 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

We're going to a B&B on the 26th. I am so excited to have our first night away from DS!

I know, DH wanted to do the B&B and my sister agreed to keep the kids for 2 nights. I was all excited and then we agreed we had to cancel it. DH's tummy issues are getting worse and he's on a plan to fix them but he won't be able to eat anything at the B&B (or the wedding for that matter) so we agreed to cancel. My sister's still taking the kids both nights because I really want a break from them, esp. at bedtime. I know it's better for DH and our budget but I really wanted to have someone else make the beds and fix and serve me breakfast. And get to eat it in peace. The only way I get a meal in peace is if we go out and DH really can't do that either right now. I love them all but d@mn I'm ready for more than a couple of hours snatched here or there for "me time"

[debtheaven]

Beth I hope your DH's tummy issues are resolved soon.

[thyme4change]

I suspect people think their life is better than mine, even if they have the debt. They think they are so much cooler because they have a nicer car and a big house (and a 45 minute commute.) They say things like "I could never live in this part of town - too much crime." Well, not if you really look at the statistics. I think they really mean "Too many people that aren't white." But whatever. They can buy the American Dream that was sold to them and feel superior to me. I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

[debtheaven]

I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

And to work, too! A long commute is really soul-sucking (although I have to admit 45 min is pretty good here).

[Elderkind]

In any case, BIL's wife has other jealousy issues with me. Mainly my family.

Wisconsin Beth: Relatives like that are so very annoying, aren't they! Hope DH's stomach issues clear up soon!

We're going to a B&B on the 26th. I am so excited to have our first night away from DS!

MuttleynFelix: Yippee! Have a wonderful time!

I suspect people think their life is better than mine, even if they have the debt.

Thyme4Change: I have experienced this myself from my brother and SIL. They can't believe that I rent a one bedroom house that is tiny... But living in this small house with $475 mo. rent (until two months ago when the rent went to $500) has enabled me to pay off all of my interest bearing debt, start my loan payoff, fully fund my EF and start saving for a house... He and my SIL bought too much house (just down the street from our parents, I might add ), have horribly high mortgage payments because they are paying PMI/higher interest rate, and spend money like it is water.... eating out ALL of the time, going to concerts, buying new vehicles when there is no money to do so, keeping up with the Jonses', etc... In the midst of all of this, DB was laid off from his job and they live solely on SIL's income which would be enough if they tightened their belt, but they don't and spend like they always have...

[Wisconsin Beth]

"In the midst of all of this, DB was laid off from his job [image] and they live solely on SIL's income which would be enough if they tightened their belt, but they don't and spend like they always have... [image] "

It's not always easy to tighten your belt. We should have in Jan. 2010 but I was in deep denial about losing my parents as dcp and DH was trying to not upset me more than I was. Backstory, my parents had agreed to be dcp for both kids, I gave birth at the end of Oct. and Dad had a major stroke in early Dec. I went back to work at the end of Jan and the dcp we opted for was $1000 a month that we hadn't budgeted for. I think we ran in the red by $500+ a month for about 5 months, then started accepting the new reality. And my Dad's doing great now. But at the time, I so badly wanted my Dad to get better, quickly and "normal" to come back too that I was ignoring money altogether.

[muttleynfelix]

Beth - I hope your DH feels better soon. I know what you mean about bed time. DS goes to bed so nice and sweet, but lately he has not been falling asleep for an hour or more! I have tried later bedtimes, I've tried earlier bedtimes, we've done lots of time outside, etc. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to DS not falling asleep within any reasonable length of time. I'm glad for a night that I don't have to worry about or think about it.

elderkind - Thanks. I am sure we will have a great time.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 13, 2011 15:55:55 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Beth - I hope your DH feels better soon. I know what you mean about bed time. DS goes to bed so nice and sweet, but lately he has not been falling asleep for an hour or more! I have tried later bedtimes, I've tried earlier bedtimes, we've done lots of time outside, etc. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to DS not falling asleep within any reasonable length of time. I'm glad for a night that I don't have to worry about or think about it.

elderkind - Thanks. I am sure we will have a great time.

Does he cry/fuss or just play? Caleb will play/sing/something in his crib. It really sucks at 2am when we hear him talking/singing to himself with the occasional wail but we leave him alone as long as he's reasonably content.

[muttleynfelix]

Beth - He really does neither, occaisonally playing, but mainly he is just laying there sucking his thumb. DH thought last night that he had put the diaper on too tight. So I went in about an hour after I laid DS down and he was very sleepy, but eyes wide open. I leave him alone unless he is standing up or just crying his eyes out.

[blackcard]

Snerdley, you are exactly where we want to be. Zero debt. Congrats to you. We should be there before our mid-30's. I hope.

[dianartemis]

Jun 13, 2011 15:55:55 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Beth - I hope your DH feels better soon. I know what you mean about bed time. DS goes to bed so nice and sweet, but lately he has not been falling asleep for an hour or more! I have tried later bedtimes, I've tried earlier bedtimes, we've done lots of time outside, etc. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to DS not falling asleep within any reasonable length of time. I'm glad for a night that I don't have to worry about or think about it.

I was one of those babies who had problems getting to sleep. My mom was at her wits end because she thought she was doing something wrong. She wasn't, I just don't get to sleep easily. The thing that worked the best was regularity and Cookie Monster. Apparently I'd sing Cookie Monster and myself to sleep.

[mizbear]

I can't say that my family is jealous because they make much more money than I do, but it frustrates them that I am willing to go without things- cable, new clothes, seeing my friends because they won't come see me at home- in order to make tuition payments, payments on a new car or layaway payments to have an apartment full of nice new furniture.
Let's say I have definitely found out who my friends are in the past 2 years since I moved. Everybody was my friend when I could come out every weekend.

[Elderkind]

It's not always easy to tighten your belt.

Wisconsin Beth: No, it's not easy and I have been in that boat myself but their out of control spending has been ongoing for 12 years.. Even when they were both employed with great jobs, they always overspent their budget and have always been 2 steps away from BK. SIL uses her 401K like a checking account and habitually withdraws everything from it. She told me herself that she has been doing this long before she met my brother...

I'm sure there were coworkers that were jealous and I think I lost a friend who was constantly whining about no money. Man, she wasted it, ended up divorced and everything.

Patstab: Oui! Those are the "friends" who can be the most draining to your emotional and monetary banks...

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 13, 2011 16:17:49 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Beth - He really does neither, occaisonally playing, but mainly he is just laying there sucking his thumb. DH thought last night that he had put the diaper on too tight. So I went in about an hour after I laid DS down and he was very sleepy, but eyes wide open. I leave him alone unless he is standing up or just crying his eyes out.

Does he have a lovey or a glowworm type thing in his crib? We've already heard DS (and DD too for that matter) keep on activating the glowworm music. No other sound out of them, just the faint music from it. We keep their doors closed and have from the beginning as I was nervous about the pets.

And I'm sorry about hijacking the thread elder. I'll stop now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 14, 2011 8:24:01 GMT -5 Elderkind said:

It's not always easy to tighten your belt.

Wisconsin Beth: No, it's not easy and I have been in that boat myself but their out of control spending has been ongoing for 12 years.. Even when they were both employed with great jobs, they always overspent their budget and have always been 2 steps away from BK. SIL uses her 401K like a checking account and habitually withdraws everything from it. She told me herself that she has been doing this long before she met my brother...

Yeah, that's out of control. Even when I was racking up my CCs, the retirement money was left alone.

[muttleynfelix]

LOL , Yeah Beth I have hijacked the thread. Last comment. We took the glow worm away in February because he was doing the same thing. He has a Pooh Bear now that doesn't do anything.

[muttleynfelix]

LOL , Yeah Beth I have hijacked the thread. Last comment. We took the glow worm away in February because he was doing the same thing. He has a Pooh Bear now that doesn't do anything.

[dcmetrocrab]

I don't discuss my finances at work, but at my previous job, I became close with several coworkers to the point they knew from my habits that I was frugal. I can't imagine anyone being jealous of whatever supposed situation people think I'm in. We drive 10+ year old cars, still rent, our apt is furnished with the same furniture I had when I first moved in. I did however live through a TON "why are you still renting?" during the housing boom in my social circle. That's one thing I'm glad to get away from. My work and social group have since then expanded to include people who also still rent in their 30s AND are better mannered. There was also that whole housing bust part.