azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 3, 2024 13:01:40 GMT -5
For those that use Mirena and have other menstruating girls/women in your house, did your spotting increase? DD1 started her period in February and it seems my spotting has increased. I don’t get a period anymore but I still have spotting. It’s freaking annoying sometimes. This happening to others? I do need to schedule my annual women’s appointment but I’ve been dragging my feet. I really wished I got my tubes tied when I had my c-section with DD2 but didn’t. DH and I are definitely done having more kids. Not on Mirena but birth ctl pill. When dd15 started her hormones def swayed my cycle with some breakthrough for me like I'd b3v3r had before on the pill. Kinda like when I had college roommates.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 3, 2024 13:03:44 GMT -5
Bonus teen is adjusting to our fam life. She's bravely trusting me more and more each day. Unfortunately, her panic attacks have increased. I think it's bc her mind and body know she's finally safe.
She's also allowing herself to feel. We pulled off a decent joint therapy session with my therapist.
She had a panic attack at school lunch and texted me to come pick her up. Mom won't let school release her and I'm sitting in office but school won't let me in. They are just covering their liability. I'm texting with teen and we will drive outta her so fast when bell rings. Getting her to come back tomorrow is gonna be HARD.
Teen is asking for us to get custody or do whatever it takes to remove mom's authority. Anyone care to help with researching pros and cons of emancipation? DHs source says biggest thing is health ins. She'd be claiming to be self sufficient and then get state aid.
Have never received a single call back from any of the dozen msgs I've left within dcfs or fam court. Stupid system.
DH and I will take next steps.
|
|
anciana
Well-Known Member
Joined: Sept 20, 2011 11:34:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,071
|
Post by anciana on Apr 3, 2024 14:06:55 GMT -5
For those that use Mirena and have other menstruating girls/women in your house, did your spotting increase? DD1 started her period in February and it seems my spotting has increased. I don’t get a period anymore but I still have spotting. It’s freaking annoying sometimes. This happening to others? I do need to schedule my annual women’s appointment but I’ve been dragging my feet. I really wished I got my tubes tied when I had my c-section with DD2 but didn’t. DH and I are definitely done having more kids. Not on Mirena but birth ctl pill. When dd15 started her hormones def swayed my cycle with some breakthrough for me like I'd b3v3r had before on the pill. Kinda like when I had college roommates. Not on Mirena either but I notice some fierce syncing with other women in my life that I’m close too.
|
|
anciana
Well-Known Member
Joined: Sept 20, 2011 11:34:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,071
|
Post by anciana on Apr 3, 2024 14:10:47 GMT -5
Bonus teen is adjusting to our fam life. She's bravely trusting me more and more each day. Unfortunately, her panic attacks have increased. I think it's bc her mind and body know she's finally safe. She's also allowing herself to feel. We pulled off a decent joint therapy session with my therapist. She had a panic attack at school lunch and texted me to come pick her up. Mom won't let school release her and I'm sitting in office but school won't let me in. They are just covering their liability. I'm texting with teen and we will drive outta her so fast when bell rings. Getting her to come back tomorrow is gonna be HARD. Teen is asking for us to get custody or do whatever it takes to remove mom's authority. Anyone care to help with researching pros and cons of emancipation? DHs source says biggest thing is health ins. She'd be claiming to be self sufficient and then get state aid. Have never received a single call back from any of the dozen msgs I've left within dcfs or fam court. Stupid system. DH and I will take next steps. Thank you for the update on your family and the teen. I think we have all become very invested in your endeavor, hoping and wishing you all success. It must be very frustrating to not be able to get answers while trying to work with the system. Would the school social worker or counselor be able to help you out and guide you in the next steps? Otherwise, you might want to think about talking to a family lawyer to better understand the situation. Good luck and hang in there! You are all doing great under the circumstances!
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 3, 2024 14:17:36 GMT -5
School social worker is great and I'll continue to seek her advice. I asked about emancipation a couple weeks ago and she responded that it's the nuclear option and we weren't nearly there yet. I didn't question that further at the time.
I feel like MPL and am kicking myself for not taking legal benefit during open enrollment for 2024. I took it when we did our will a couple years ago. Each yr I debate it and then cheap out. Will pay for it every yr from now on. Kinda like umbrella ins, not too costly and could be key if needed.
Def gonna show up at courthouse to get our hands on all kinds of paperwork here soon. Can also put a call into the social worker lady that someone here messaged me about. She gave us some helpful info as she passed us to other office but said stay in touch as needed.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 3, 2024 14:19:44 GMT -5
Best school social worker is out with sick kid today or I kinda think she would have figured out how to get me into bldg today.
Counselor I spoke to today hinted that next time it's a bad, bad day teen could tell me to come and just walk out the bldg unexcused.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,745
|
Post by raeoflyte on Apr 3, 2024 15:01:24 GMT -5
Google tells me emancipation isn't an option until at least 16 in MO and I think it's pretty hard to get.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,231
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 3, 2024 15:02:55 GMT -5
I know nothing about legal emancipation. I admire you greatly for being willing to do this for bonus teen. I think you are correct that she feels safe to feel her feelings and she is living in fear of being abused. She knows there will be no abuse while she lives with you. I wish I had answers but I don't. Just hugs and
|
|
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Apr 3, 2024 15:22:17 GMT -5
School social worker is great and I'll continue to seek her advice. I asked about emancipation a couple weeks ago and she responded that it's the nuclear option and we weren't nearly there yet. I didn't question that further at the time. If she can get it, it's a big help for college financial aid...just saying...it has it's perks.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,488
|
Post by geenamercile on Apr 3, 2024 17:33:16 GMT -5
Bonus teen is adjusting to our fam life. She's bravely trusting me more and more each day. Unfortunately, her panic attacks have increased. I think it's bc her mind and body know she's finally safe. She's also allowing herself to feel. We pulled off a decent joint therapy session with my therapist. She had a panic attack at school lunch and texted me to come pick her up. Mom won't let school release her and I'm sitting in office but school won't let me in. They are just covering their liability. I'm texting with teen and we will drive outta her so fast when bell rings. Getting her to come back tomorrow is gonna be HARD. Teen is asking for us to get custody or do whatever it takes to remove mom's authority. Anyone care to help with researching pros and cons of emancipation? DHs source says biggest thing is health ins. She'd be claiming to be self sufficient and then get state aid. Have never received a single call back from any of the dozen msgs I've left within dcfs or fam court. Stupid system. DH and I will take next steps. For school, there should be something she can sign and notarize allowing you to pick her up. I did so for the oldest with my aunt and a neighbor, it is a little more then emergency contact. I also have a kiddo on my caseload where the parents have signed the documents so grandma has full educational rights. It does not take it away from them, just adds you onto the list.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,488
|
Post by geenamercile on Apr 3, 2024 17:36:43 GMT -5
Here is another quick thought depending on how many days teen has missed, mom may not want her to leave due to attendance laws. Not sure what state you are in but even medical excused absences can cause parents to go to court if there are enough of them and there isn't a 504 or IEP to cover the reason. Mom may be trying to CYA her own ass.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 0:46:00 GMT -5
Google tells me emancipation isn't an option until at least 16 in MO and I think it's pretty hard to get. She is 16 and yeah not easy but might be necessary here as we are getting nowhere on other options.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 0:48:10 GMT -5
School social worker is great and I'll continue to seek her advice. I asked about emancipation a couple weeks ago and she responded that it's the nuclear option and we weren't nearly there yet. I didn't question that further at the time. If she can get it, it's a big help for college financial aid...just saying...it has it's perks. Yep I'm aware but that may be overshadowed by her needing some sort of medical insurance for the meds and therapy she needs in terms of both urgency and cost. She'll already more than qualify for fin aid bc family is way below poverty and if she gets officially placed with us that opens up foster type fin aid too.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 0:51:29 GMT -5
Bonus teen is adjusting to our fam life. She's bravely trusting me more and more each day. Unfortunately, her panic attacks have increased. I think it's bc her mind and body know she's finally safe. She's also allowing herself to feel. We pulled off a decent joint therapy session with my therapist. She had a panic attack at school lunch and texted me to come pick her up. Mom won't let school release her and I'm sitting in office but school won't let me in. They are just covering their liability. I'm texting with teen and we will drive outta her so fast when bell rings. Getting her to come back tomorrow is gonna be HARD. Teen is asking for us to get custody or do whatever it takes to remove mom's authority. Anyone care to help with researching pros and cons of emancipation? DHs source says biggest thing is health ins. She'd be claiming to be self sufficient and then get state aid. Have never received a single call back from any of the dozen msgs I've left within dcfs or fam court. Stupid system. DH and I will take next steps. For school, there should be something she can sign and notarize allowing you to pick her up. I did so for the oldest with my aunt and a neighbor, it is a little more then emergency contact. I also have a kiddo on my caseload where the parents have signed the documents so grandma has full educational rights. It does not take it away from them, just adds you onto the list. Yeah at this point the mom won't go for helping us - teen, me, dh in any way. School and teen speaker phoned mom and said give us permission to let teen leave with Azucena for the day. Mom said nope but I'll call azucena and discuss it. No call. I called and left msg, no response. And yet another time that mom lied to teen. I'm gonna need a nickname for mom bc she doesn't deserve that title. Anything I come up with will get me censored right now, so taking suggestions.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 0:56:15 GMT -5
Here is another quick thought depending on how many days teen has missed, mom may not want her to leave due to attendance laws. Not sure what state you are in but even medical excused absences can cause parents to go to court if there are enough of them and there isn't a 504 or IEP to cover the reason. Mom may be trying to CYA her own ass. Good thought. Mom is definitely in cya mode and totally gaslight teen and mental health counselor at appt this week. However, mom has also kept teen from school when it benefits her for teen to help with young siblings. School social worker was out with sick kid of her own yesterday. A regular school counselor stepped in to help. She indiv coached teen and me that hypothetically teen could text me for pickup next time and then quietly go awol for me to pick up unexcused. That seems like asking for trouble. Emailed soc worker to weigh in on unexcused absence that would result.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 0:59:12 GMT -5
At the risk of repeating myself at 1 am when I can't sleep...here are a few more key updates.
I'm not necessarily up with my own anxiety, woke up with urge to pray.
School social worker (SSW) said something to the effect that mom can't pull teen from us as long as teen says not safe, I choose you. I think that may have been a stipulation of teens release from mental hospital. I've shared that with teen with a caveat that I don't know for sure that system won't break again. I've been clear that I won't ever lie to her.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 1:06:24 GMT -5
At gaslight counseling appt, mom didn't acknowledge him at all. But he picked up on admin asking mom about paperwork and appts for siblings 11 and 9 which must be required due to hotlines.
Mom still won't share ins info, schedule next appt or help with getting meds adjusted. Documenting as signs of neglect.
Teen has never let mom know about panic attacks. Theater teacher, SSW, inpatient treatment, dd15, and myself are the only ones. And dh has now seen one firsthand when she was in the car with him and dd15 dropping off teens cousin.
DH and i continue to check in with each other about her just like we parent our other daughters. Dd11 and I are going on long planned school choir trip fri-sun. Dh and I talked with teen about her comfort level in me leaving and dh stepping up even more. She signed off.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 1:13:27 GMT -5
We have consciously unplugged DD15 from anything but friendship mode. Dd15 will plug back in to help more while I'm gone. Also offered teen my mom as resource.
Wish trip were another week out as teen is very much in crisis but I trust DH to handle this completely.
Plus it gives me a chance to plug back in with dd11. She's been making it to school for half days which is huge. I've kinda been holding choir trip over her head saying choir teacher could say we couldn't come if she's not been mostly in school. Sucks to do that but needed. I've been open with choir and principal via emails that dd can pull off this trip. Therapist says so too.
I've also been delicately playing teen and dd11 struggles off each other. Like each go-to school as good role model for the other. Dd11 helped me pick new towels for teen bathroom by sneakily asking fav color. Meanwhile teen invited dd to show her minions movie for first time and i found them watching and coloring together. 😍 even though just hours earlier I brainstormed anxiety relief incl coloring and got the biggest normal teen eye roll.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 1:16:17 GMT -5
Work and even my idiot boss have been amazingly flexible. I sent a group email today around noon outlining really high level both crises as heads up and permission to myself to delegate. Was transparent about dd mental health struggles and even slipped in a line about my faith. I'd had a dozen replies within a couple hours and opened the door for more than half to open up about family mental health issues. Fuck you mental health stigma.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 1:20:43 GMT -5
My timing was impeccably bc by 1 I was dealing with hs situation and had to miss 130 to 4 client mtg. Mtg was a trip I was supposed to take weds/Thurs and pulled the plug on mon and said I'd be virtual participant. I was able to text sales guy and say cover for me bc I can't even dial in.
DH tried to set up things so I could go on trip but my mama got said i could leave him with one kid crisis but not two as tag teaming has been essential. I'll have one on choir trip and he'll have one at home. He already has daughter date night planned for the two teens with tickets to a funny play and is teasing both of them about wearing his DnD tie.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 1:28:39 GMT -5
Going to get back to sleep but closing with good updates...
Showed DH my back and forth two hour text banter with teen while she was captive at hs today...he was reading it cracking up. I still can't believe she and I leaned into humor that way so naturally.
Teen continues to confide in me more and more each day. I'm leaning on every minute of therapy I've ever done, being candid about my own and DH upbringing and following what can only be Spiritual intuition and it's working!
Took 5 theater teens prom dress shopping a couple days ago. Dd11 went and had very strong opinions about dresses lol. She even snuck into trying the smallest one she could find on. Then I had to get back to work so dropped teens at a different mall to keep shopping. Bonus teen found a smashing dress that all teens approved but wouldn't tell me anything bc it was too speedy. I had said $250 with option to go more for THE DRESS. This morning teen texted more dress info on her own incl $400. Dd11 have a secret mission tomorrow to go get it and hang it in her room!
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,452
|
Post by finnime on Apr 4, 2024 3:41:03 GMT -5
Thank you, azucena, for taking the time to update us on your situation. Bonus teen and your DD's are blessed to have you and your DH in their corners.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 6:08:15 GMT -5
Thank you, azucena, for taking the time to update us on your situation. Bonus teen and your DD's are blessed to have you and your DH in their corners. Thanks to the group for being my safe space and partial diary.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 6:08:28 GMT -5
Thank you, azucena, for taking the time to update us on your situation. Bonus teen and your DD's are blessed to have you and your DH in their corners. Thanks to the group for being my safe space and partial diary.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 6:21:09 GMT -5
Thank you, azucena, for taking the time to update us on your situation. Bonus teen and your DD's are blessed to have you and your DH in their corners. Thanks to the group for being my safe space and partial diary.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,745
|
Post by raeoflyte on Apr 4, 2024 7:25:51 GMT -5
Gotcha- I was thinking she was younger. What I'm reading that I think the hang up would be is if the the court would consider her independent. I don't think she is, and not just for medical insurance. If the emancipation went through and then for some reason your family support fell through she'd be left on her own without the ability to take care of herself but without anywhere else to go. You might think that isn't a scenario that is likely but it's something I think the court has to consider.
I think you need to keep working on the foster care application so that you can be an approved home for foster care - just in general, not specifically for bonus teen which is a lot when you already have a lot on your plate. And talk to an attorney about how likely it is that the state will remove teen from moms custody, and if so what the time frame is. I think- but don't know - that a lot will fall to teen to make that happen. Also a lot on her plate when she already has a lot.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,488
|
Post by geenamercile on Apr 4, 2024 9:09:14 GMT -5
Here is another quick thought depending on how many days teen has missed, mom may not want her to leave due to attendance laws. Not sure what state you are in but even medical excused absences can cause parents to go to court if there are enough of them and there isn't a 504 or IEP to cover the reason. Mom may be trying to CYA her own ass. Good thought. Mom is definitely in cya mode and totally gaslight teen and mental health counselor at appt this week. However, mom has also kept teen from school when it benefits her for teen to help with young siblings. School social worker was out with sick kid of her own yesterday. A regular school counselor stepped in to help. She indiv coached teen and me that hypothetically teen could text me for pickup next time and then quietly go awol for me to pick up unexcused. That seems like asking for trouble. Emailed soc worker to weigh in on unexcused absence that would result. To me that would be a Nuke option, and I would want teen to be well aware of consequences before hand. 1) discipline action by the school for skipping 2) truancy actions by the state for skipping 3) without permission from mom to pick her up I could see potential kidnapping charges or parental interference charges.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,488
|
Post by geenamercile on Apr 4, 2024 9:15:45 GMT -5
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,269
|
Post by azucena on Apr 4, 2024 10:28:48 GMT -5
Thanks rae. You explained what my husband has been reading and trying to explain but I think I just needed it written down as my head was spinning on this stuff. Green - thanks for your school insight on going AWOL. My gut said not best choice, but teen needs an escape hatch. Last night when I couldn't sleep my brain came up with teen going to theater teacher/SSW and getting their help, if that's not enough, she asks them to pull DD15 from class (this has happened already) and then DD15 uses her acting skills to say I need my mommy to come be with me. School has to let me in for that and if it just so happens that DD and teen are in the same room, then I get access. When I coached them both on it this morning, DD jokingly told teen, could you time your breakdown during my science class pls and thank you. Even if I can't leave with teen, at least I'll have access. DH and I have thought that Egg Donor (ED) likely gets state aid based on head count - still open to nickname suggestions, but this was my best on little sleep. Highly doubt SSI bc teen has been hiding any and all emotions from ED for years. With so much on our plate, rocking any benefit aid boat seems like too much right now. We're trying to dodge ED pulling any kind of stunt to take teen back. I'm trying to hedge my bets on what I share here, but the very little I know about what teen has been dealing with all on her own for years is horrifying and competes with any really bad abuse story I've ever heard.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,833
|
Post by greeniis10 on Apr 4, 2024 10:47:49 GMT -5
For school, there should be something she can sign and notarize allowing you to pick her up. I did so for the oldest with my aunt and a neighbor, it is a little more then emergency contact. I also have a kiddo on my caseload where the parents have signed the documents so grandma has full educational rights. It does not take it away from them, just adds you onto the list. Yeah at this point the mom won't go for helping us - teen, me, dh in any way. School and teen speaker phoned mom and said give us permission to let teen leave with Azucena for the day. Mom said nope but I'll call azucena and discuss it. No call. I called and left msg, no response. And yet another time that mom lied to teen. I'm gonna need a nickname for mom bc she doesn't deserve that title. Anything I come up with will get me censored right now, so taking suggestions. I agree "Mom" doesn't deserve that title, and that there are probably plenty of other things you'd like to call her! Everyone here is much more creative than I am, but at this point I'd just call her "bio" (biological mom) to keep it simple. You have SO much going on and you're doing a great job.
|
|