azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 21, 2023 21:16:09 GMT -5
Dd14 is learning a valuable lesson about spreading out work for major projects. She did all of 2 hours of homework this weekend even with Monday off. Now she had musical rehearsal from 3 to 8 and has 3-4 hours of homework to do yet tonight. Fingers crossed that she learns this time bc she basically did the same thing early Jan for finals.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 22, 2023 9:53:16 GMT -5
Neither of my kids will play with legos outside of sets. I'm really trying to put the ones we have up for free on Craigslist. But I worry that as soon as I do one will decide they need them. This doesn't help you decide whether or not to get rid of them, but if you are getting rid of them, any elementary teachers that may want them? I know my kiddo's kindergarten teachers both could always use more Legos for their Lego centers bin, and I feel like at least a few of the 1st or 2nd grade teachers had Legos for an indoor recess option.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 22, 2023 10:00:11 GMT -5
Dd14 is learning a valuable lesson about spreading out work for major projects. She did all of 2 hours of homework this weekend even with Monday off. Now she had musical rehearsal from 3 to 8 and has 3-4 hours of homework to do yet tonight. Fingers crossed that she learns this time bc she basically did the same thing early Jan for finals. I know this sounds totally stupid but I absolutely loved shorthand. As soon as we got the book, I would started doing the assignments. By the end of the first week of the semester, I had all of the homework done for that semester. My teacher tried to tell me that is now how to do it, but I did it that way for four semesters of shorthand. Time management has to be learned the hard way by many kids. It's an important life lesson.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 22, 2023 10:23:39 GMT -5
Shoot, I didn't learn time management until well into adulthood. Not sure my DH has learned it yet. Last Thursday, I had an office day, so asked him to make sure DS1 got ready and to his orchestra concert on time. I arrive home late, expecting them to be gone, and he's still there trying to tie the uniform tie for him, all flustered. I told him to take the other kid to bowling, and I got the tie done and DS1 to the auditorium. I mean, it was a bit of juggling that day, but he just had to keep everyone on track/start getting ready earlier and would have easily managed to get them to their places on time. Each place is only about a mile from home.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 22, 2023 12:15:51 GMT -5
I didn't fully learn time management in high school, but I know it started there and having a mother who would not let us doing anything after school until the homework was done. So that was the first item on the agenda if we wanted to see our friends after school.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 22, 2023 18:05:27 GMT -5
At least a dozen schools were "swatted" in our area today - calling in fake threats. The high-school by us is still in lockdown. DC school was in secured perimeter at dismissal. Dh could see people inside, but no one could come out and no communication about what was going on which is never fun.
Talking about it with ds, and seriously what do these people get out calling these in? What rush could you possibly get from something so pointless?
Eta - just read they were called in alphabetically. I guess it had to a coordinated effort if not 1 person to all happen today. But if you're not Lex Luthor planning a jewel heist and need the distraction why go to such lengths just to waste everyone's time.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 22, 2023 20:51:59 GMT -5
I think it's a cry for help, attention, or just someone who doesn't care.
What's the current stance on group projects where your kid is doing most of the work?
Dd14 honors English project to adapt Romeo and juliet into a different era and write a screenplay. Teacher emailed last week about the homestretch and how she sat down with each individual and asked about group dynamics and heard mostly positive and def nothing to fix. Finding out now that my kid was too nice about the rest of her group. She has pages and pages written herself and little to show from the rest of the group. For once DH is the parent about to go postal.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 23, 2023 9:23:20 GMT -5
At least a dozen schools were "swatted" in our area today - calling in fake threats. The high-school by us is still in lockdown. DC school was in secured perimeter at dismissal. Dh could see people inside, but no one could come out and no communication about what was going on which is never fun. Talking about it with ds, and seriously what do these people get out calling these in? What rush could you possibly get from something so pointless? Eta - just read they were called in alphabetically. I guess it had to a coordinated effort if not 1 person to all happen today. But if you're not Lex Luthor planning a jewel heist and need the distraction why go to such lengths just to waste everyone's time. I was reading Denver's local news last night (a habit of mine since it will always be home) and they said the calls came in alphabetically and the thought was they are from overseas and won't be able to be traced.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 23, 2023 9:25:26 GMT -5
Finding out now that my kid was too nice about the rest of her group. She has pages and pages written herself and little to show from the rest of the group. For once DH is the parent about to go postal. I learned this is how group projects worked at about her age. I wanted the A and to get it, I had to do the work and the others pretty much got my grade. It stinks. Then your reputation for doing all of the work gets around and the other kids want to be in your group. Do teachers not figure this out?
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 23, 2023 9:55:11 GMT -5
After multiple meltdowns last night, DD finally realized that within googledocs there is a way for the teacher to tell who typed what. When we flipped to that mode, it was abundantly clear how much DD did. She's going to talk to the teacher about it tomorrow. Today she has full day dress rehearsal as they perform the musical for the middle school. Totally stinks that this project due date falls during tech week with performances this weekend. Also doesn't help that DD is cycling this week...which also means that it will hit during our spring break trip
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 23, 2023 10:02:33 GMT -5
Finding out now that my kid was too nice about the rest of her group. She has pages and pages written herself and little to show from the rest of the group. For once DH is the parent about to go postal. I learned this is how group projects worked at about her age. I wanted the A and to get it, I had to do the work and the others pretty much got my grade. It stinks. Then your reputation for doing all of the work gets around and the other kids want to be in your group. Do teachers not figure this out? I feel like it prepares you for the work world unfortunately. Those people don't change. The main difference between work and school is now those people not only get credit for your work but they get rewarded for it with promotions and raises. It's not the hard worker that reaps the benefits it's the slick talkers who know how to step on people. Would that I could learn how to be the latter but it's just not in my nature.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 23, 2023 10:47:04 GMT -5
Completely agree Drama.
I've been trying to get DD to find smart allies in each of her classes so when she gets stuck, she has a phone a friend. Unfortunately, she's reluctant to do that because she's already been used by a mean girl crowd in her physics class earlier this semester. I think it was a valuable lesson at least on how to figure out whom to help and when. Mostly, the other teen needs to be pulling their own weight and actively engaged.
There was only one other project kid online last night from 8 to 10. I think it's a group of 5. And this kid kept asking random questions about work that was already done. I finally convinced DD to hit ignore and just keep cranking out work.
Thankfully DH stepped in last night quite a few times to monitor her progress bc she and I tend to butt heads when she's stressed and esp later in the evening when I'm toast. He's growing and therapy is helping him to be more conscious of this type of help.
Seeing some nice fb reels from the musical rehearsal today. DD14 looks so grown up in full costume and makeup.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 23, 2023 11:05:09 GMT -5
That's a pretty epic feature in Google docs.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 23, 2023 13:54:06 GMT -5
At least a dozen schools were "swatted" in our area today - calling in fake threats. The high-school by us is still in lockdown. DC school was in secured perimeter at dismissal. Dh could see people inside, but no one could come out and no communication about what was going on which is never fun. Talking about it with ds, and seriously what do these people get out calling these in? What rush could you possibly get from something so pointless? Eta - just read they were called in alphabetically. I guess it had to a coordinated effort if not 1 person to all happen today. But if you're not Lex Luthor planning a jewel heist and need the distraction why go to such lengths just to waste everyone's time. I was reading Denver's local news last night (a habit of mine since it will always be home) and they said the calls came in alphabetically and the thought was they are from overseas and won't be able to be traced. It makes even less sense to come from overseas. I just can't get over how pointless it is. We heard from friends with kids at the high-school and they were in full lockdown for hours while police searched for a shooter. It's so scary and maddening that this is just our normal.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 23, 2023 16:55:58 GMT -5
That's a pretty epic feature in Google docs. Shouldn't the teacher be able to figure this out?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 23, 2023 17:14:22 GMT -5
Word can do that as well but I forgot how. We had to use that when writing/editing papers in the lab because you have to be able to document who is handling the paper.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 23, 2023 20:26:24 GMT -5
Dd is pretty sure that the teacher will use that feature. She plans to speak up if she's not happy with her grade. The rubric says each person gets individual grade and not just one group overall grade so that likely helps.
Dress rehearsal went extremely well. She sent selfies of the costumes and makeup. So grown up.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 25, 2023 19:50:05 GMT -5
I left ds home alone but he promised to be in touch because he's coordinating an overnight. But he isn't answering my calls or texts so my parents are going over to check on him. And I was only partially kidding when I asked them to kill him if he is OK.
Eta - he was fine which I was pretty sure of. I agreed to take dc to an impromptu build a bear shop - in a mall which is one place that gives me what I'd say is legit anxiety. So I was already losing it and ds not responding was the icing on freakout. He was his typical self, I finally told him that he better be grateful for his kind, benevolent mother and the guy in line ahead of us bust up laughing. He asked if I was talking to a 14 year old boy which is close enough. Guess it's good he's on track developmentally.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 27, 2023 8:52:03 GMT -5
My basketball team lost yet another game. I'm really tired of losing to teams with less talent. We've been running 5 out for two years now, and there are certain games when 3-4 players look completely lost on the court. This week, I subbed them out early, told them exactly what to do when they went back in and they still didn't listen.
At halftime, I said no more fast breaks, layups, running with the ball. We kept turning it over in traffic so we'd get zero shots in multiple possessions. After 4 fast breaks right away, I called time out and said it again. I'll be darn if they didn't run again and again anyway. Then, one of the girls who paid the least attn wanted to bicker with me about not getting to be point guard. Um, I'm not handing you the ball when you don't listen. Besides, every girl has been point guard for 5 mins every single game. I've been very even about that. I told them these last 3 games we were going to be more consistent with certain players bc we're playing much better defense now.
DH was in the stands and the parents as a whole were just as frustrated. I'm realizing week by week just how immature this group is. Likely some due to covid and missing some growing up in isolation. I was going to fight to be their head coach next year, but I just don't have the patience for this group. Let the typical teacher do it, and I'll assist. She's meaner than I am. DH was glad that I recognized the need to step back. It's just not fun, and not because we've only won a couple of games. The bickering at practice alone is torture.
I've been tracking my hours bc work is making a big deal about volunteering esp at VP level and above (you know, those of us with loads of extra time ROFL). Anyway, I'll finish the season and next week's game at 90 hours. That's material time.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 28, 2023 9:34:10 GMT -5
I was apparently NOT prepared for parenting in 2023. So according to Gwen a boy and a girl got suspended because they were caught engaging in oral sex in the girls' bathroom. That's issue #1 which I talked to Gwen about. Issue #2 arose last night because apparently Gwen's friend made a Tik Tok that outs the girl who gave the BJ. She showed it to DH thinking "ha ha funny". Well that was not the reaction that she got from either of us. She got a very long lecture about cyber bullying and how we don't give a shit that she didn't post the video herself she is contributing to it by viewing it. I said Gwen people kill themselves over stuff like this. This is NOT okay. Then we went further down the wormhole with her and OMFG the shit kids are posting! We tried to explain to her that this stuff ruins live. She argued they don't care and I said DUH they are 13 most 13 year olds think it is super cool to be nihlistic. They aren't going to think it's so cool when they can't get a job because they posted videos of themselves with a giant bag of weed chugging vodka. DH tried to explain that to her that if half the stuff he had done as a teenager had ended up on the web he would be working at McDonald's right now. Employers search that stuff up. You can't escape it is out there forever. Pre-teens and teens do stupid shit DH and I agreed. But when we were in school you left that beind and grew out of it. It wasn't there to pop up in 20 years during a Google search after a job interview. You could leave for college and not be known as the BJ girl anymore because you left that behind in your podunk hometown. Now it could pop up years down the road as revenge porn. I didn't even get into the deep fake stuff people can do with those videos now. I am not sure how to even begin to address that type of stuff. She was pissed at us and didn't understand why she was in trouble. We told her she's not in trouble (yet) but we as her parents have to discuss this. I said we have to repeat it constantly so it embeds itself in your brain. I said when you are older or find yourself in a bad position you will get it. Sitting here on the couch you are rolling your eyes at us but eventually you'll get it. WTF is with kids today?! Is it because DH and I did not grow up with technology that we understand the value of privacy? I told DH that they make you watch a video about not shaking your baby before you leave the hospital but they sure as hell don't warn you about this.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 28, 2023 10:02:57 GMT -5
Sorry, NomoreDramaQ1015. FWIW I think you're doing a very good job. Your kids have a shot at emerging other than permanently damaged by the teen years. And the pre-frontal cortex does not fully mature until the mid-20's! So, no, they don't get it and won't get it for years. My 36yo DD apologized last year for some of her behavior. DS, 28, has not yet but I believe he will. And neither got heavily invested in cyber bullying as a witness, victim and definitely not as a perpetrator. But how do you teach them what are the limits? Ok, no littering, no smoking, no lying. But no oral sex in the public school girls' room? No outing other kids for that on social media? No sharing the video? Ugh. Best of luck.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 28, 2023 10:14:30 GMT -5
The no oral sex in the bathroom was actually the easier one to address. We talked about how boys/men who try to talk you into doing that with promises of dating you are trash. They don't respect you and they don't respect themselves. They are predators. Stay away from them.
And unfortunately as it stands in society as a woman I am all too aware that we bear the brunt of judgement for it so that is also something that has to be discussed and probably something I should have said last night and didn't think about it in the heat of the moment. Slut Shaming is a conversation I need to have with Gwen in the very near future.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 28, 2023 11:51:12 GMT -5
When the police officer was here after my house was broken in to, he was working on a case where some of those kinds of videos had been forwarded to a bunch of boys that showed the originating sender having oral sex with a girl. When the girl's parents found out because she was so upset, they filed a police report. The girl was underage
It only got worse because the kid who started sending the video cell phone was pinging not only in Iowa but also in Wisconsin. So now he was doing child porn across state lines which made the consequences much worse for him.
I'm happy not to be a parent today.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 28, 2023 12:17:42 GMT -5
Those are rough because you want them to come to you with that stuff but you also want them to really understand the problem and repercussions. And if anyone figures out how to do that let me know.
I always say I'd like to go back in time to freak out over the baby/toddler/little kid things. Everything felt so big at the time but potty training at 2yo or 4yo has absolutely no lasting impact on us or the kids. But there was so much stress - and so much support for that stuff. I know whatever you're dealing with feels like the biggest thing and maybe I'll look back 10 years from now and think how easy this stage was (and my kids ARE easy at this point). But it's much harder than I imagined.
I really try to bolster parents of Littles and tell them they're doing great - no matter what they're freaking out about. I don't want to diminish what they're feeling or make it seem like it only gets worse - but to embrace that time period when as long as you love them and meet their needs there aren't many wrong answers. Because at ds age I feel like a lot of times there are no good answers just hopefully less bad to some problems.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 28, 2023 13:40:20 GMT -5
Yeah I wasn't ready for this level of talk. I got the drugs talk down, the sex/consent/pregnancy/protection talk down but THIS?! DH and I agreed we have never felt more like dinosaurs than we did last night. I told him IDK if we are handling it right this is completely out of our wheelhouse we have no experience ourselves and no notes to fall back on from our parents. We're in the Wild Wild West of parenting here. It is a hard balance because I do want her to talk to me and it was a good thing she showed DH even if it wasn't an appropriate reason for showing it to him. BUT at the same time I want her to know if I ever catch her doing either the posting, creating or the action in the video I'll send her ass to a convent.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Feb 28, 2023 14:13:27 GMT -5
I gave Carrot the talk about forwarding pics and it being considered possession of child pornography and yada yada and he looked at me in horror. "Mom, WHY would anyone send naked pictures of themselves in a text message?!?!?" So...I guess we're not there yet. Sometimes I am glad I have/had misfit, geeky gamers for kids. Knock on wood, Carrot has been completely uninterested in any social media beyond talking with people online while gaming and that's in our living room with me around. He doesn't even have any of the social media apps on his phone...he is still glued to his phone all the time, but games...always those damn games.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 28, 2023 15:42:58 GMT -5
This is a good reminder for me to revisit those conversations. Marijuana use just came up which definitely wasn't on my radar in middle school.
I read an interesting article on WaPo about having your teens tuck you in. The idea was that it gives them more control of steering the conversation, you're tired and more likely to just listen. I definitely miss the bedtime conversations when I still read with ds at night so I might try to work that in some how.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 28, 2023 15:59:55 GMT -5
Pot was easy. The popular kids used to smoke it back when I was in middle school. Go about four blocks down from the school and you are at the bottom of a hill where they can't see you and are off school grounds. Smoke before school starts. Not saying I want Gwen to do that but clearly kids were smarter than because now they get caught vaping pot in the bathroom. If you're going to do risky shit why not at least be smart about it? I've told her it's illegal in Iowa and if she gets caught there are consequences for it that I can't and won't protect her from. That is on top of what she would face from me. That being said if she did end up curious I want her to come to us. We would never give it to a middle schooler but come high school I would rather she do it with us on vacation where we purchased it from a known source than try to get her own.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 1, 2023 13:42:29 GMT -5
They're starting the alphabetical swatting again so I'm assuming our district will be hit before the end of day.
LPS_MSG: FYI: Schools in Alamosa, Boulder, and Brighton 27J districts are currently experiencing swatting incidents today. LPS is NOT impacted currently. LPS will continue to communicate.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 1, 2023 16:26:19 GMT -5
Why and what is the thrill? These kids are terrorized.
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