andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 14, 2022 18:17:49 GMT -5
When do kids not need to be reminded to brush their teeth? Asking for a friend.... When they discover the gender that they are attracted to. Then they'll be piling on cologne and/or makeup and want to look nice most of the time.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Aug 14, 2022 21:49:05 GMT -5
If she is taking advanced math she may need the graph paper. August is the only time its cheap. Idk, when DD needed it, she just printed in on the printer. It is like a built in setting.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 15, 2022 7:14:32 GMT -5
DD10 heads to 4th grade tomorrow. She's going to be a bundle of anxiety tonight, and I hate that for her. She's way too worried about social dynamics.
DD14 has freshman orientation on Fri and starts Mon.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 7:26:37 GMT -5
DD10 heads to 4th grade tomorrow. She's going to be a bundle of anxiety tonight, and I hate that for her. She's way too worried about social dynamics. DD14 has freshman orientation on Fri and starts Mon. Mine is similar. Their last therapy session was spent on scripts for that. Hoping it works. Only 1 4th grade teacher this year so class size went from 14 to 29.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 7:36:21 GMT -5
I mentioned on another thread that I let dc go to the pool with friends yesterday. Dh was appalled. It's not something that should come up again till next summer, but we'll have to talk more about it. I felt like that's fairly tame at 9.5, a parent drove them there and back, she had money, and 1 girl had a phone, plus the pools manned with lifeguards and admin with a phone. Water always has the potential for being dangerous of course but I don't stare at the kids like I did when they were little.
Dh doesn't do well with change so it's hard for both of us to work through the source of his discomfort. I don't want to steamroller him in decisions but I don't want his anxiety being a defining piece of the kids childhoods and a defining factor in what we let them do.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 15, 2022 10:03:28 GMT -5
Rae - I'm very water wary bc I don't swim well but I let DD go to the pool with a parent/friends starting at 8/9. She's a good swimmer and knows what her limits are.
DD10 has therapy Tues evening so good timing. A friend suggested I talk to DD10 about how different friends make her feel (ie which are easy going and which increase anxiety).
DD14 has been awake all of 5 mins. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to suggest she take a shower before her ped checkup this morning. Clearly she knew she smelled bad bc she doused herself in body spray.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Aug 15, 2022 10:14:30 GMT -5
I mentioned on another thread that I let dc go to the pool with friends yesterday. Dh was appalled. It's not something that should come up again till next summer, but we'll have to talk more about it. I felt like that's fairly tame at 9.5, a parent drove them there and back, she had money, and 1 girl had a phone, plus the pools manned with lifeguards and admin with a phone. Water always has the potential for being dangerous of course but I don't stare at the kids like I did when they were little. Dh doesn't do well with change so it's hard for both of us to work through the source of his discomfort. I don't want to steamroller him in decisions but I don't want his anxiety being a defining piece of the kids childhoods and a defining factor in what we let them do. It is pretty tame for 9.5 I wouldn't have thought twice about it myself, but both my kids were good swimmers by that age too.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 10:45:28 GMT -5
I mentioned on another thread that I let dc go to the pool with friends yesterday. Dh was appalled. It's not something that should come up again till next summer, but we'll have to talk more about it. I felt like that's fairly tame at 9.5, a parent drove them there and back, she had money, and 1 girl had a phone, plus the pools manned with lifeguards and admin with a phone. Water always has the potential for being dangerous of course but I don't stare at the kids like I did when they were little. Dh doesn't do well with change so it's hard for both of us to work through the source of his discomfort. I don't want to steamroller him in decisions but I don't want his anxiety being a defining piece of the kids childhoods and a defining factor in what we let them do. It is pretty tame for 9.5 I wouldn't have thought twice about it myself, but both my kids were good swimmers by that age too. They're a solid swimmer and risk averse. More prone to peer pressure, but still talks to me pretty openly. I was definitely going to the pool with a friend, no parents by 9. We just started letting ds go anywhere without us or a trained school instructor at essentially 13 which is banana-pants, but has set dh's normal meter.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 15, 2022 12:10:37 GMT -5
I mentioned on another thread that I let dc go to the pool with friends yesterday. Dh was appalled. It's not something that should come up again till next summer, but we'll have to talk more about it. I felt like that's fairly tame at 9.5, a parent drove them there and back, she had money, and 1 girl had a phone, plus the pools manned with lifeguards and admin with a phone. Water always has the potential for being dangerous of course but I don't stare at the kids like I did when they were little. Dh doesn't do well with change so it's hard for both of us to work through the source of his discomfort. I don't want to steamroller him in decisions but I don't want his anxiety being a defining piece of the kids childhoods and a defining factor in what we let them do. I would have no problem sending a 9.5 year old to a well manned public pool with friends.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 15, 2022 13:22:50 GMT -5
Annual ped visits today...DD10 has 3 more inches or 22 lbs to get out of her booster seat. She was already mortified about it at the end of 3rd grade as she's the only one even though 4 classmates are much smaller than her. Heaven help me!
Rae - do you mind explaining a little more about DC? I'm very naïve about gender fluidity and trying to learn.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 14:09:35 GMT -5
Annual ped visits today...DD10 has 3 more inches or 22 lbs to get out of her booster seat. She was already mortified about it at the end of 3rd grade as she's the only one even though 4 classmates are much smaller than her. Heaven help me! Rae - do you mind explaining a little more about DC? I'm very naïve about gender fluidity and trying to learn. Dc (formerly referred to as dd) has requested they/them pronouns and I'm just trying to make it stick in my brain. No other changes at this point.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 15, 2022 14:29:10 GMT -5
You know I am old as dirt and I know times have changed. My cautious mother along with the neighborhood mothers let us walk (on a quite busy road that we had to cross) to the swimming pool by age 9. Probably younger. My sister wasn't 9 when she started coming along and neither were some of the others. She couldn't swim.
They emptied the pool once an hour and the lifeguards were very conscientious. One saw an adult man on the bottom one day when we were there. The guard dived in and another also while some cleared the pool. The man was taken away by ambulance. He did survive. I have to admit, as kids, that was the highlight of our summer.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Aug 15, 2022 14:58:22 GMT -5
My grandparents lived a few blocks from the city pool. My cousins and I were always getting dumped at Grandma's house for days...weeks..at a time in the summer (and I had 47 first cousins, LOL). I don't remember an adult every accompanying us to the pool at all once we were that age. It was sometimes an all day affair too. We might wander back at lunch for a sandwich or to raid the ice cream freezer (yes, they had an upright freezer just filled with Shwann's treats), but then head back again when they re-opened.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 15, 2022 15:01:06 GMT -5
Thx Rae.
As a grammar nerd, the plural pronouns are going to be harder for me than 'switched' gender. DD14 has already sat me down and asked if I'm willing to use different pronouns with any new friends she may make this year. She's thinking it's highly likely as we noticed it in the hs play programs and she's hoping to be very involved in theater. I said, of course I will, but I know I'll make mistakes so hoping friends will be kind as I do my best.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 15:57:32 GMT -5
Thx Rae. As a grammar nerd, the plural pronouns are going to be harder for me than 'switched' gender. DD14 has already sat me down and asked if I'm willing to use different pronouns with any new friends she may make this year. She's thinking it's highly likely as we noticed it in the hs play programs and she's hoping to be very involved in theater. I said, of course I will, but I know I'll make mistakes so hoping friends will be kind as I do my best. I'd be lying if I said it was easy and not a little scary. For the plural pronouns I'd recommend chalking it up to language changing. When dh was transitioning ze/zer was more common as a gender neutral pronoun but it never took hold and there isnt another useable recognizable option. Easier to accept when its just a change of language at least for me.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 15, 2022 16:00:54 GMT -5
Annual ped visits today...DD10 has 3 more inches or 22 lbs to get out of her booster seat. She was already mortified about it at the end of 3rd grade as she's the only one even though 4 classmates are much smaller than her. Heaven help me! Rae - do you mind explaining a little more about DC? I'm very naïve about gender fluidity and trying to learn. Dc looks more like the 6th graders we saw setting up lockers today than their 4th grade peers. I stopped asking about booster seats for tiny friends by mid 3rd grade. I was surprised that no one seemed to use them. I'm barely adjusting to ds sitting in the front seat still.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 15, 2022 17:42:57 GMT -5
My grandparents lived a few blocks from the city pool. My cousins and I were always getting dumped at Grandma's house for days...weeks..at a time in the summer (and I had 47 first cousins, LOL). I don't remember an adult every accompanying us to the pool at all once we were that age. It was sometimes an all day affair too. We might wander back at lunch for a sandwich or to raid the ice cream freezer (yes, they had an upright freezer just filled with Shwann's treats), but then head back again when they re-opened. I also had a zillion first cousins (15 sets of maternal aunts and uncles and 11 sets of paternal aunts and uncles). When they came to the big city, mom would take us to a lake. Since she drove, she stayed. She didn't know how to swim so she would have been of no help if we got in to trouble. It was an old rock pit that has been closed because of the filthy water and drownings after the closure. I doubt the water was any cleaner when we swam there.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 16, 2022 9:47:25 GMT -5
Several of her tiny friends sit in the front seat already which makes her push back even harder.
I ruined a teenage life in the afternoon when I veto'd a crop top that DD14 bought at the beach with her friends. I'd set ground rules that our family standards still applied and if she bought anything unacceptable, she'd just be out the cash.
Blew my cool last night when I got back from a work dinner...I left at 6 telling DH there was leftover lasagna for dinner, DD10 needed to shower and be in bed by 8:30 for first day of school. I got home at 9 and couldn't fit my van into the garage bc he fucking keeps parking his tiny little CRV too far over. There are too many break-ins to leave it out for a night. Of course, he's on the computer, Panda Express mess on the counters, DD10 still in the bathtub using earbuds connected to our ipad to listen to music, with a glass bowl of grapes floating in the water. I exploded and he muttered, it was a great night until you always come home and ruin it. Yeah, asshole, my night schmoozing clients, having a nice glass of wine, and dinner at my fav steakhouse was great too until I got home to your shit.
I had to negotiate with her about washing and conditioning her hair, brushing it and her teeth, and had her in bed by 930. Then, she came out to say that she needed 5 mins to write about the first day of school in her journal to help her sleep, so I okay'd that about the time DH came back to the bedroom to shower and mutter 'pushover'. I told he better head back out to the computer and not come back for a few hours to which he said no problem.
And all this on the heels of 3 pretty good weeks where we actually connected when we had both kids gone for a week. We pretty peacefully negotiated two Friday nights of DND per month instead of every week (or at least it seems like we did). He was plugged into getting the girls ready for back to school. And he and DD10 had a great weekend at Dad and me camp.
I'm really tempted to remove a piece from his computer for a few days.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 16, 2022 10:15:45 GMT -5
I'm sorry azucena That's all I can say
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 16, 2022 10:53:47 GMT -5
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Aug 16, 2022 11:32:48 GMT -5
Stuff like that drives me nuts with my kids. If it was a spouse I'd definitely be losing my cool as well.
This part did make me laugh a little though...sorry.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 16, 2022 12:53:03 GMT -5
Yeah, she was living her best life. That girl is always coming up with something wacky.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Aug 16, 2022 15:18:08 GMT -5
I would have felt quite savage if I were you, too.
I was a single mother when my kids were the ages of yours. XH was quite useless in all ways, but it was better than when he was an H. Because, I didn't expect anything of him as an X.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Aug 16, 2022 15:33:42 GMT -5
azucena - here is a small explanation of gender fluid pronouns from my work's DEI site - I keep referring to the site when I have questions. The most commonly used pronouns are he/him and she/her. But a growing number of people are choosing to use they/them pronouns. People may use they/them pronouns because they don’t identify exclusively with a binary gender (e.g. man/woman), instead identifying as nonbinary, genderqueer, agender, bigender, fluid, or two-spirit. Or, they might just prefer to not indicate their gender with their pronoun! Other gender-neutral pronouns include xe/xem, ze/zim, and sie/hir. These are less common, but were also created to provide options that don’t assume or imply a specific gender and provide options for folks to choose what best fits their needs and identity. These are often called neopronouns. Some people use a combination of pronouns! You might see them list something like she/they, which typically indicates that either pronoun can be used to describe them. For people who use multiple personal pronouns, a good rule of thumb is to try to vary the way you refer to them. You may see some people only use two words like she/her, or others use she/her/hers when they’re sharing them. It’s up to you!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 16, 2022 16:02:26 GMT -5
I would have felt quite savage if I were you, too. I was a single mother when my kids were the ages of yours. XH was quite useless in all ways, but it was better than when he was an H. Because, I didn't expect anything of him as an X. Expectations make everything worse. B
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Aug 16, 2022 22:46:51 GMT -5
Convinced my shaggy Carrot to get a haircut tonight and he cried in the salon when it was over. Not what I expected that's for sure.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Aug 17, 2022 6:57:47 GMT -5
Aw, poor Carrot. He's at an age of real self-consciousness, I think. Maybe his DB can tell him he looks good.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 17, 2022 7:12:09 GMT -5
Awww - hopefully he feels better about it this morning.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 17, 2022 7:57:27 GMT -5
Thx save - that was helpful. Had to look up a few things once I wasn't on my work laptop.
MPL - if it helps, both my girls are bitter with me when I take them for trims every quarter. I can't get them to understand that yes, they want long Rapunzel hair but it doesn't look good if you don't take off the ends every once in a while.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 17, 2022 9:19:00 GMT -5
The school nurse is asking that we bring in different snacks for C because she wants higher protein ones. I will play nice, but omfg. Ds said it best, that she knows enough about diabetes to be dangerous and annoying af.
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