NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 2, 2021 18:40:09 GMT -5
No not unless I wanted to buy another deck and the ones there were pricey. Wish I knew which random container in my parents basement my deck was in. Not going to look their basement puts our hoarding to shame. Im going to try online.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 3, 2021 10:59:35 GMT -5
Cleaning the girls bedroom after we had DH quarantined there. Holy shit my 11 year old is a freaking animal.
WTF is with all the Q tips?! Cups everywhere like she's the kid in Signs. We had McDs last Thursday.
I'm going with this is a phase like not showering and not a complete failure as a parent.
DH and I plan to replace the beds with bunk beds we miscalculated. We've gotten our money's worth out of Gwen's and Abbys was less than $100. Replacing those will help cut down the chaos because there will be room to organize.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2021 11:14:35 GMT -5
When the g'kids were little, there were zillions of plastic cups from everydamnwhere all over the house but mostly under the beds in their rooms. At least they were empty.
DGS moved long ago, but DGD's room? Coffee mugs. Plastic cups. Not just under the bed. On top of furniture, on shelves, lying around. She has a rambunctious kitty. After the first few cups/mugs with something in them got dumped, at least now they're empty.
When she was little and something, anything, got lost around the house, it was always "Have you looked under DGD's bed?" because all manner and sorts of things could be and would be found there. Q-tips for sure. Scissors, string, hammer, salt pepper, sugar packets, pens, pencils, food wrappers, dried up pizza slices, toys from happy meals, tweezers, combs, bandaids.
Not a lot has changed over the years. I don't go up there anymore even to visit DGD's kitty. Can't stand the pig sty.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 3, 2021 11:37:32 GMT -5
DH and I aren't the most organized and tidy. Many Ymers would choke at our house. I'm slowly digging out of the chaos of 2020.
I decided a long time ago that house work can be good enough. We both work and haven't won the lotto so no housekeeper.
But there is a line! I'm going to hope since she finally started showering and discovered deodorant she'll eventually stop being able to stand their room.
Need to remind DH I want to start Gwen on a chore list. I had chores come middle school because I got home first. She can too.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 3, 2021 12:32:45 GMT -5
I've been trying every weekend to have the kids and I work on our bedrooms for at least 15 minutes, longer when we can. I put the trash, recycling, and give away hamper in the hallway and we each work in our own room, but similar tasks. Who knows how long we will keep it up, but I kind of feel like there's progress, although teen boy smell has taken over ds room, and I'm so afraid of how we'll survive winter with the windows closed.
Dd always asks me to help her, and finally today I started asking her if it made sense for me to pick up trash in her room when there's no way I left it there. Seemed to sink in...maybe? She really made a difference in her room today which is nice.
But they have proven this week that no one will do anything without prompting, including dh. The recycling was overflowing so much that it took a 2nd full size trash can to empty. The bathroom trashcan was exploding- literally. No one cares until they don't have a dish or clothes. Dh's corner of the bedroom is a fucking nightmare. I squeezed in a shoe rack for him today, and found a couple of lost things as I shifted the pile to get it in. I absolutely refuse to clean it though, and really want to get a room divider to section off his pit. Someday I'll make him have his own bedroom, and he may get invited into mine sometimes, but his mess won't be my problem.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 3, 2021 17:22:47 GMT -5
No not unless I wanted to buy another deck and the ones there were pricey. Wish I knew which random container in my parents basement my deck was in. Not going to look their basement puts our hoarding to shame. Im going to try online. I got my book about tarot from the bargain rack at Barnes and noble.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 3, 2021 17:27:00 GMT -5
Our house is a sty, but we don't have random cups all over the place. TT does leave Gatorade and water bottles laying around the family room, though. DH and the kids cleaned the house today instead of going to the baby shower. Mostly it was DH, maybe 10 minutes from the kids. It's not all clean, but the parts that are, are very clean! It's nice, and needed since we will be hosting a party next week, plus BIL a few days later while I'm gone in Boston.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 4, 2021 19:25:27 GMT -5
House stuff: I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, DD and DH are both actually diagnosed. So cleaning and attention spans aren't happening. Since I left work in April I've been working on minimizing our stuff. I took 15 trash bags out of Aly's room!! No joke. We probably need to clean again since she inherited more since we did the big purge. But having less is helping soooo much. taz157 - all the hugs. H was a smoker for a long time. It wasn't so much the smoking, but the feeling of betrayal. It took Aly noticing him smoking for him to stop. I hope you all can find a good solution soon! Smoking has never been my thing, but I know I use other crutches when life is stressful. Hopefully he can find a better way to work with his stress. I miss you all! Finally got the app figured out since I don't have a PC anymore. Let's see if I can keep up with that
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 5, 2021 7:24:31 GMT -5
Great to see you Sam!
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 10, 2021 0:41:52 GMT -5
DH is good at hiding it from us except if you get close to him when he comes home from being out. DD1 tends to either be not home or upstairs when it happened. DD2 is way too young to know anything. I don’t have a habit of smelling him when he comes home and didn’t think too much of it when he left for a bit (many times I figured he was getting out to get out as he wasn’t employed full-time - he now WFH full-time). When COVID before WFH, I figured he was getting stir crazy as many of us have been so left it get out.
Long after both DDs were in bed, I brought it up tonight to make a statement about something and it lead me to ask other questions and he is NOT happy. He answered them but still wasn’t happy. Other things got brought up on both sides, and we are going to bed still speaking to each other, but aren’t exactly happy with each other. I can tell he wishes I never found out (and still stays it was his only secret). There’s been no talk of him quitting because I’m not the ultimatum-type person (and never have been), but he’s aware that I hope the next time it gets discussed it’s because he quit. Unfortunately, I don’t see that in the near future as much as I wished I did.
FWIW, this is the biggest “conflict” that I can recall we’ve had in our 17-year marriage. I can’t control him and I realize that, but I still don’t have to like what he’s doing.
ETA: My “thing” is I read romance novels and have ever since before I met DH. I will say I’ve been reading them more in the past few years with DD1 getting older (and more independent). With the arrival of DD2 and maternity leave ending in a month, I realized that I read them too much and decided not to renew my Kindle Unlimited subscription (just ended Friday night - haven’t mentioned to DH and wasn’t the time tonight to either). I still have some in my Kindle (that’s in Airplane mode) but it made me think about handling stress. I need to get back into something else. I do have a ton of magazines that I haven’t read yet and want to get back into cross-stitching too. Reading back issues of magazines will clear the clutter that’s mine. With cross-stitching, I can finish what I’ve been working on for DD1 that’s still very new and barely started.
Please don’t quote this either.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 10, 2021 7:43:09 GMT -5
That sounds frustrating, taz. Everyone has their thing they use to distract when they are stressed out. And heaven knows we all have something we do that annoys our partners. Focusing on your own habits is a good idea - it's the only one you have control over anyway. Hopefully your H comes to his own conclusion that another stress reliever might be better, but he may not. Will you be able to live with him keeping that habit forever?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 10, 2021 9:44:46 GMT -5
Is he annoyed about what you read? Or time you spend reading? The first I'd push back on. You're even reading them on kindle so there aren't book covers he'd be embarressed by lying around. The time issue, maybe but - I really doubt your shirking your share of parenting duty, books or no books.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 10, 2021 10:10:51 GMT -5
Sorry I projected this is a sore spot right now. Post deleted.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 10, 2021 11:32:31 GMT -5
Let me be clear, he's not dictating what I'm reading. He just voiced an opinion on what I'm reading. (FWIW, the last time he voiced an opinion was several years ago.) He has NEVER said that I'm not allowed to read it nor would he ever say that. Me reading less is due to the fact that I read too much in strictly MY opinion - he has NEVER voiced any problem with the amount of time I spend reading. I'm the one who's noticed how much time I spend reading, especially being on maternity leave for the past 2 months. I go back to work full-time in about a month and there's plenty of other things that I can spend my time on instead of reading. DD2 isn't awake the whole time I'm awake and some items that I can accomplish are MUCH easier to do with her sleeping or otherwise occupied, and DD1 is either in school or keeping herself occupied.
My point of my earlier post was to vent my frustration of the situation. FWIW when I found out initially, I told him that he can't in front of either kid so none of the kids are exposed directly to what he's doing or even know what's he doing. If DD1 knew about it, I'm confident that she would tell me and DH even mentioned if he didn't want me to know, why would he in front of her. He and I have NEVER dictated what either of us can do, and we both realize we are our own person. I have voiced my concerns about what he's doing and he's voiced his thoughts about it. It's not a fun situation for either of us.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 10, 2021 12:40:50 GMT -5
I was reading the first post as more of a tit for tat situation, and glad it isn't that. I'd love it if my dh could keep his opinions to himself about my tv shows and book preferences for years at a time. It doesn't sound like he's smoking much, and while my dh quit cigarettes he smoked and now vapes weed and we've had arguments about where that occurs. Is he changing clothes afterwards and doing his own laundry (to tackle smell and deal with higher volume). I think those would be my asks, knowing he wasn't ready to quit.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 10, 2021 13:03:03 GMT -5
Taz - don't take this as piling on. There's a lot of difference btwn hiding his habit and you taking time to read. Are there other things you could be doing? Always. But you just had a baby so your body needs as much rest as you can get. Reading is great stress relief.
I feel lazy almost every time I carve out a couple hours to read. But I'm trying to reframe it as self-care and more often than not DD13 or DD9 are tucked up next to me reading their own books. I know genetics play a starring role in my girls being bright, but I also credit all of the words I read them and now how many more they are digesting themselves. Literacy in ages 0 to 5 is key.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 11, 2021 14:41:55 GMT -5
I dreamt about having a baby last night, and it was a really good dream. Not that I'm going to go down that path, but if it were easier, I'd totally be the lady in the shoe.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 15, 2021 7:28:12 GMT -5
We spoke with 3 of ds 4 core teachers and they were all surprised at the amount of time he's doing homework. His science teacher called us outside of conferences after talking with the social studies teacher she was so concerned. It was good ds was on all the meetings, and now that we're clearer on expectations we can work through it better. They said 3-5 hours a week max, so I'm hoping we can get to that.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2021 8:17:40 GMT -5
Glad you got some clarification, Rae!! Hopefully C feels better about it too.
I'm interested to see how PT conferences go. This will be our first ones since A got her ADHD meds. We don't have an official 504 for her yet but so far we seem to be doing world's better. She told me today she doesn't hate school anymore!! I have a feeling J will get a dx of the same soon. And it wouldn't surprise me if T follows, he is A's little mini (except he's nearly as big as her, lol!).
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 15, 2021 8:24:08 GMT -5
Cleaning the girls bedroom after we had DH quarantined there. Holy shit my 11 year old is a freaking animal. WTF is with all the Q tips?! Cups everywhere like she's the kid in Signs. We had McDs last Thursday. I'm going with this is a phase like not showering and not a complete failure as a parent. DH and I plan to replace the beds with bunk beds we miscalculated. We've gotten our money's worth out of Gwen's and Abbys was less than $100. Replacing those will help cut down the chaos because there will be room to organize. My kid's room is full of beer bottles and cups of water. She's been in the phase for a very long time.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 15, 2021 8:27:23 GMT -5
House stuff: I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, DD and DH are both actually diagnosed. So cleaning and attention spans aren't happening. Since I left work in April I've been working on minimizing our stuff. I took 15 trash bags out of Aly's room!! No joke. We probably need to clean again since she inherited more since we did the big purge. But having less is helping soooo much. taz157 - all the hugs. H was a smoker for a long time. It wasn't so much the smoking, but the feeling of betrayal. It took Aly noticing him smoking for him to stop. I hope you all can find a good solution soon! Smoking has never been my thing, but I know I use other crutches when life is stressful. Hopefully he can find a better way to work with his stress. I miss you all! Finally got the app figured out since I don't have a PC anymore. Let's see if I can keep up with that What? So you are a FT SAHM? I know you wanted to do that. That's great. Also, I don't really keep up on this thread but saw your name and wanted to say hi. Hope you are well.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 15, 2021 9:10:29 GMT -5
andi9899 I am taking some time to figure out what I want to do next. I have been subbing at the preschool and I've been making mats like crazy (74 since April). It's so nice to be away from work though. I definitely won't go back there.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 15, 2021 11:17:30 GMT -5
andi9899 I am taking some time to figure out what I want to do next. I have been subbing at the preschool and I've been making mats like crazy (74 since April). It's so nice to be away from work though. I definitely won't go back there. I'm glad you're doing well. Life is too short to not love what you do.
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Poptart
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Post by Poptart on Oct 15, 2021 14:27:29 GMT -5
So I am one step closer to legal motherhood, it seems like the state is moving towards ending my stepsisters rights, and we might be able to adopt my nephew by late June 2022.
No one ever told me that motherhood was endless cleaning and doing laundry, I am tired you guys. I might just invest in a cleaning lady but I feel weird about having someone come in to clean my house, plus it's really not cheap, I found one company that charges $25.00 an hour for a minimum of four hours, does that sound right to you guys? I just want one day where I don't have to wash dishes or put laundry away.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 15, 2021 14:38:42 GMT -5
I put off having a cleaning lady for 4-5 yrs. My kids are 9 and 13 now so I'm not in the super young motherhood phase, but my job responsibilities have become overwhelming at times. I found one for $25/hour for 4 hours every other week which is a good deal for her in StL. I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Mine doesn't do dishes or laundry though. DH keeps up with the dishes while I do the laundry with the girls helping a ton.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Oct 15, 2021 16:44:59 GMT -5
Hey all. It has been awhile. The girls and I are doing well. YDD has enjoyed travel soccer, but 3 days a week of practice and 1 to 2 games on weekends is making me look forward to the last fall game Nov 6th. She also wants to do chess club after school on Wed. So that ends at 4:30 and then she has to be at the field at 5:15. ODD is doing okay in school. Her grades range from a high C to As. The C is in English and trying to get her to do her journal assignments. She can write, but just doesn't like putting her opinions out there. Her grades on the assignments completed are normally in the A range. I am just trying not to stress her or myself out to much. We have had 1 week so far that she went all 5 days without having to leave early. She is really enjoying her cooking class which is her first block. She won't ride the bus, so I have been driving her and another girl to school in the morning, and the other's girl mom has been picking them up. Work is good. This years 8th graders are pretty easy to handle over all. There dad is still in the basement. Honestly, don't see him much, and he does the bare bare minimum, but so be it. It has been less stressful with just doing it myself vs expecting help and having it not happen. I started going to the gym really just to have some me time. I do normally meet a friend there Friday nights, and I am doing a ladies thing once a month with another friend. I am tried most nights, but over all feeling a lot more positive about things.
I hope everyone else is doing well.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 17, 2021 23:10:21 GMT -5
Good to see you Geena and Sam!
We got a letter that ds has missed a concerning amount of school, and fair, he's missed 8 days. But the letter says the average student misses 3 days a year which I think is painfully out of touch given current circumstances.
Pcr results the school will take are 48-72 hours. And considering that ds did schoolwork all day, everyday when he was out with covid symptoms (to start, then waiting for results), I'm annoyed about the letter. I'm sure he'll miss more so it'll be interesting if they escalate.
Plus he's always missed more than average with his diabetes. We were crazy conservative about sick day protocol the first 2 or 3 years and never heard anything about it. But this year dd's teacher had to notify us when her total absences were at 5 days and now the letter for ds. (We pulled them out for 3 days for camping bringing their total absences up). Weird timing for them to crack down.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 17, 2021 23:24:19 GMT -5
I'd be a bit miffed about that too, Rae. If he's been keeping up with his school work and there were documented reasons for the absences, it seems like the school just is worried about losing their funding (at least that's how MO operates. It's crazy). Hopefully soon schools get to be more flexible with school from home options when needed, much like workplaces going to WFH flex options.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Oct 18, 2021 14:01:04 GMT -5
Pretty early in the year to miss 8 days already. Our worst year for TT was around 8 total, 5 of which were due to his getting pneumonia the 2nd week of school. I was slightly worried about it, but what can you do? Not like he was struggling to keep up, anyway. I think he tested at 6th grade level for math and 5.3 for reading last week, or maybe the other way around. I can't remember.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 18, 2021 14:15:49 GMT -5
If a lot of those are being out for COVID testing I think it's unrealistic to expect 3 days a year when kids under 12 can't be vaccinated yet.
Here if it's COVID related it's automatically excused and doesn't count against you as far I can tell.
Otherwise we'd be getting tons of letters since they've both been out way over 3 days and we're not even though October.
Hopefully their natural immunity will carry them through till they can get vaccinated.
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