NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 14, 2021 13:05:06 GMT -5
C loves my trouser socks. He borrowed a pair because his riding boots are really too small, but it was either squeeze into them or cancel the lesson (new ones are coming). He's claimed all of mine and is wearing them today with shorts and crocs! Its a whopping 35 degrees outside, and he has to go to the school for testing. Why?!? Obviously the trouser socks are because it's cold outside and he needs something to cover his legs, you can't expect him to just go out in shorts can you? Gwen and Abby are the same way. I decided I'm not going to be like my parents and be strict about dress code (where appropriate of course) if they want to express themselves go ahead. If they want to be dumb and try to wear shorts when it's 35 outside they will likely only do it once. If they keep doing it clearly it doesn't bother them. I know a lot of people at my college would wear flip flips and a hoodie year round. It is not year round flip flop weather around here.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 14, 2021 17:05:02 GMT -5
I don’t fight with my kids about clothes either. DD looks like Kurt Cobain. DS only wears sweatpants and basketball shorts. As long as they dress appropriately for special occasions IDGAF.
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Apr 15, 2021 9:32:19 GMT -5
Me neither. My only rule is the clothes have to be clean. When DS#2 was in grade school he rarely matched. Even on picture day - although I tried to help him with that. Of course he was in the front row of the class picture with his camo shirt and checkered black shorts. Memories.....
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 15, 2021 10:28:09 GMT -5
I remember when my cousin, who had never been interested in bathing, got interested in girls and started bathing twice a day.
They didn't have a shower and he shared his home with his parents and 4 siblings on a septic system. One bathroom. Drove his mom nuts but she laughed at his deodorant. The can said to spray for 60 seconds so he sat a timer.
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Apr 16, 2021 7:35:25 GMT -5
At what age have you encouraged your kids to get a job? DS1 is 14, will be 15 in June - currently a freshman - so on the young side for his grade. DH and I have told him he will get a job at some point. He texted me yesterday that a good friend of his is working at a pizza shop and got him an application. We helped him fill it out and he is taking it to school today to ask a couple of his teachers permission to use them as a reference, plus he has to get a work permit. He wants to turn in the application today to the pizza shop. I am excited and nervous. He is in band (no sports) so he has time for a job. I also know at his age he will not work a lot. I'm just hoping for a couple days a week - even weekends are okay. We fully support him. I just hope that if he doesn't get this job, it will inspire him to try other places.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 16, 2021 8:36:50 GMT -5
I try to steer my kids towards more weather appropriate clothes, because they get sick if I don't. Thats only once in a while, though. And I do pick out picture day outfits. Otherwise, they mismatch to their hearts content.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 16, 2021 8:43:06 GMT -5
At what age have you encouraged your kids to get a job? DS1 is 14, will be 15 in June - currently a freshman - so on the young side for his grade. DH and I have told him he will get a job at some point. He texted me yesterday that a good friend of his is working at a pizza shop and got him an application. We helped him fill it out and he is taking it to school today to ask a couple of his teachers permission to use them as a reference, plus he has to get a work permit. He wants to turn in the application today to the pizza shop. I am excited and nervous. He is in band (no sports) so he has time for a job. I also know at his age he will not work a lot. I'm just hoping for a couple days a week - even weekends are okay. We fully support him. I just hope that if he doesn't get this job, it will inspire him to try other places. My kids aren't there yet, but I started working at 14 and it was great. I expect Ill encourage them to get jobs in highschool.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Apr 16, 2021 8:54:50 GMT -5
On the flip side, neither my brother or I worked when in high school - my parents said later that they wanted us to be kids then and not have to worry about jobs, etc.
Now, I did babysit and made decent money from that during high school, and I got several jobs immediately on campus at college and worked every semester and summers in between as well.
And I've never stopped working since! ha!
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 16, 2021 9:08:03 GMT -5
I think working a little can be really good for them, as long as school and extra curriculars don't suffer as a result. It'll help him get a job when he will need one, and develop a work ethic/learn what work is about.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 16, 2021 9:18:44 GMT -5
I did some babysitting and stuff my senior year of high school. My time was more valuable to be home supervising my younger brothers. They were only 2 and 3 years younger but I was more mature and well teenage boys.
Once I went to college, I worked every summer. I also had work study my last two years of undergrad and worked during grad school. My stepbrother worked clothing retail once he got his license. My brother hauled scrap and other stuff to get money. He also went to work full time with DC metro in August after high school graduation.
My aunt's oldest got a job once she was 16 and she worked through college. The youngest will be getting a job soon now that she's vaccinated. She's had issues with depression and other things. She's also content to be at home so doesn't really need money for stuff. Some kids are just different.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Apr 16, 2021 9:32:23 GMT -5
I never really pushed a job in high school because I didn't want it to effect grades and he was in several extracurriculars so I was worried about scheduling conflicts and just being overwhelmed and definitely not before he could drive because I didn't want to have to make 30 mile round trips to take him to and from work. He did start working after his Jr year and saved up a few thousand for college. I'm not sure he has the greatest work ethic though. He walked out of his second job which was awesome. In hindsight, maybe I should have put more importance on it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 16, 2021 10:17:00 GMT -5
I didn't have a job in HS my parents wanted me to focus on grades and extracurriculars which fat lot of good that did still ended up $30k in debt.
I started waiting tables for my great uncle and haven't stopped working since so I don't think I lack work ethic.
Mine is too extreme because I've put my all in (long hours, not using leave I'm entitled too, burning myself out)only to be kicked in the teeth.
Learning my job is not owed 120% that it's okay to be average has been a constant struggle.
From that perspective I have started to believe there is more to life than the American ideal of "work ethic" and I want more for my kids. This idea I need to work myself to death so corporate America can make a few more dollars for their shareholders should not be the ideal we strive towards.
There are other ways to be a productive member of society.
I will say working young does teach you what you don't want and that's not a bad thing to learn when the consequences of changing your mind are minimal. You can try on a lot of hats which gets harder to do as you start having commitments. So from that perspective I wish I had started sooner so I maybe could have broadened my view instead of getting myself so locked into my current path I feel trapped. I know logically I'm not but I've been mapping my life since middle school like a good little responsible YMer. At 38 that's causing an existential crisis.
Can you tell this topic has been weighing on me lately?
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 16, 2021 11:10:52 GMT -5
At what age have you encouraged your kids to get a job? DS1 is 14, will be 15 in June - currently a freshman - so on the young side for his grade. DH and I have told him he will get a job at some point. He texted me yesterday that a good friend of his is working at a pizza shop and got him an application. We helped him fill it out and he is taking it to school today to ask a couple of his teachers permission to use them as a reference, plus he has to get a work permit. He wants to turn in the application today to the pizza shop. I am excited and nervous. He is in band (no sports) so he has time for a job. I also know at his age he will not work a lot. I'm just hoping for a couple days a week - even weekends are okay. We fully support him. I just hope that if he doesn't get this job, it will inspire him to try other places. My kids aren't there yet, but I started working at 14 and it was great. I expect Ill encourage them to get jobs in highschool. I think it depends on what kind of jobs are available to them. My DN worked in a Garden center in HS. He eventually had to quit because they kept demanding he work more and more hours and were unreasonable about scheduling around things like football practice and games etc. My DS just talked to him about his DS looking for a job (she will be 16) and he said the Garden Center is still the same way. My kids worked for a company that ran events like company picnics and festivals. They set up tents, bounce houses and other inflatables and ran games for kids. They hired lots of kids for the summer months. Both my kids worked there in HS. You told them your availability every week and they scheduled accordingly. The kids often worked 40 hours during the summer and in spring and fall got fairly good weekend hours. DD ended up working in the office/store and doing the scheduling. The neighbor girl is about 17 and her Mom said she is working at a bar/restaurant on the weekends. She would like to work for SBUX - I have to see if DD can talk to someone on her behalf - problem is that dd never worked in a local SBUX.
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Apr 16, 2021 12:03:54 GMT -5
My DS1 that is hoping to get the job at the pizza shop - needs more to do. He is in the band, but that does not keep him busy after school. In the fall when football starts, he will be a little more busy with band. He does very well in school, grades, attendance and stays out of trouble. He is slightly socially awkward at times. His only other interests are riding his skate board and video games. Working a few hours a couple days a week will definitely benefit him.
DH & I also don't like his attitude toward money. He has no concept of saving money - even though he has a savings account that we make him put Christmas and birthday money in. He has said, "I don't need money right now, why do I have to get a job?". Or, "You (DH & I) will make me put all the money I make in the bank." For him to come to us and say he wants a job is a big step so we are definitely encouraging him. Now on the flip side, his younger brother is into soccer. Four practices a week plus games on the weekend. He is a busy kid. If he continues this path, he will not have time for a job other than summer breaks during high school since he has the opportunity to play soccer year round.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 16, 2021 12:17:55 GMT -5
Well, there's work til you drop american work ethic, and there's spending every free waking minute laying on the couch with your nose stuck in your phone watching YouTube. Then crying because nobody poured your milk for you at dinner.
Somewhere in between would be nice.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 16, 2021 12:29:58 GMT -5
I worked 15-20 hours a week and full time during breaks, getting a 2nd job usually for that. I heard about a school trip to Florida just a couple weeks into freshman year and had to go (2 weeks on site at dolphin research center). I told my parents about it, and asked that they front some money but assured them I'd pay for all of it and I did. Being independent was always my priority. That trip also changed my college plans. Can't say that I ever found a passion like marine biology, but I knew I wanted to make plenty of my own money.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 16, 2021 13:10:04 GMT -5
Both my sister and I started real jobs at 16. Since we both knew we had to pay our way through college, we needed the money and most of it needed to be saved. We both worked in college part time.
Sister and BIL handled jobs and college the same way. All 4 started at Dairy Queen. Oldest nephew ended up going through a series of jobs in high school. All 4 worked part time in college. Now youngest nephew and owner of DQ have worked out an agreement for him to buy it
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 16, 2021 14:38:20 GMT -5
I worked 15-20 hours a week and full time during breaks, getting a 2nd job usually for that. I heard about a school trip to Florida just a couple weeks into freshman year and had to go (2 weeks on site at dolphin research center). I told my parents about it, and asked that they front some money but assured them I'd pay for all of it and I did. Being independent was always my priority. That trip also changed my college plans. Can't say that I ever found a passion like marine biology, but I knew I wanted to make plenty of my own money. It's interesting what you bring up about wanting to be independent. I think that's why I was such a good saver--because I didn't want to depend on or beg for handouts from my parents. My mom was okay, but my dad was a grumpy prick much of the time, and I didn't want to have to answer to him. My siblings continued to go begging from him for most of his life, so maybe it was just me.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Apr 16, 2021 15:49:05 GMT -5
Wow, this thread has brought back a lot of memories.
I had a paper route from 10-13, then started working as a library page, shelving and mending books. At 16 I kept the library job during the week and added working as a baker's helper weekends from 2 am to 10 am. I kept both jobs plus did some baby-sitting until college at 18, where I worked work-study jobs plus waited tables plus worked at a nearby hotel gift shop plus did freelance editing for the law school journal.
DD worked at Pizza Hut beginning when she was 16. She started college at 14. She was also clueless about money and its management. She worked after that a variety of jobs including work study, at a veterinarian's and waiting tables until she graduated.
Her brother didn't work at all except for occasional jobs for me or neighbors until he graduated from high school. I gave him something like $100/month for whatever. He had struggles with depression. He took a gap year after high school and worked at the in supply chain in the hospital I was working for. He ended up that year doing management reports and otherwise helping the department director while also stocking. He added a job as a programmer for a consulting company. He started college with a full ride scholarship but always worked, doing programming and related work, including a couple of internships, plus pinch-hit at the hospital. When he graduated he stepped into an amazing job at one of the FANG companies, and is now at another of them. He makes a ridiculous salary. Unlike his sister he always managed money very well and respected its source.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 16, 2021 22:11:30 GMT -5
At what age have you encouraged your kids to get a job? DS1 is 14, will be 15 in June - currently a freshman - so on the young side for his grade. DH and I have told him he will get a job at some point. He texted me yesterday that a good friend of his is working at a pizza shop and got him an application. We helped him fill it out and he is taking it to school today to ask a couple of his teachers permission to use them as a reference, plus he has to get a work permit. He wants to turn in the application today to the pizza shop. I am excited and nervous. He is in band (no sports) so he has time for a job. I also know at his age he will not work a lot. I'm just hoping for a couple days a week - even weekends are okay. We fully support him. I just hope that if he doesn't get this job, it will inspire him to try other places. 15. But, I didn't encourage, I suggested, strongly. And then I set a deadline where I was no longer going to fund anything fun.
But, the difference is by the time I was pushing DS for getting a job, I knew he wasn't four year college material. With few activities (scouts and ultimate, which is a club sport), he had the time. DS landed in a grocery store that treats its employees well. If he ends up not going to trade school, he can work full time at the grocery store and make enough so that he can support himself. I mean, he'll have to share a two bedroom apartment and no big vacations, but, he won't be living in poverty, either. So. I am actually very comfortable with where DS is. We talked about this just the other day. While he won't have his choice of 10 different 4 year colleges, he can stay working where he is and be vested by 20. He can go to trade school. He can take a year off in between HS and trade school and work. There's plenty of room for DS to move around the grocery store. And, if he needs to get get a 4 year at 30, there's the resources to do it. He has options.
We also are asking him to save about 40% of his paycheck, now. 25ish for his savings and 15% for spending for his trip to Europe, if it happens this summer with school. He knows he's expected to have first and last months' rent, etc ready for when he moves out after graduation. I did tell him I would match his savings, by moving the money completely in my control over to his savings account.
The job was a really good thing for him.
And, it's like 30 hours a month, as he works every other weekend. He still has time for a shit ton of minecraft with his friends and ultimate practice. It works for us. And,it's not like he's rushing out to volunteer 30 hours a month, or begging me to teach him how to crochet so he can use up my stash making things to donate, either.
ETA: Honestly, I don't think work ethic is learned. It's how you are wired. My son and I are very different people. He still thinks it's hysterical that he's looking at a 9 month diesel mechanics school and I'll have 3 degrees, with hopefully #4 started soon. My DD1 is a "has to be busy all the time" person. She bemoaned how bored she was after school today. In non-covid times, she'd be in cheer, choir, scouts, and a school sport 9 months out of the year. So, we're talking 3 sports practices a week, 1-2 games, weekly choir practice, weekly scout meetings, and then the monthly campouts, 3 cheer performances in as many months, badge work for advancement, etc. Plus, except for music, she generally gets at least a b+/a- gpa. Same genetic material. Same parents. Same parenting style. I think wiring is the only way to account for the differences.
And, sure, while I think one can soften the edges of their wiring. I mean, I will actually sometimes sit down with a device and just do nothing for an hour..I don't believe people fundamentally change in radical ways. IOW, I won't hold my breath that my son is going to decide he also needs four degrees, or two work two jobs for his whole career, etc.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Apr 17, 2021 2:47:58 GMT -5
How do you handle starting to babysit? DD12 is very responsible and has had several informal mother's helper jobs with my close friends. She'll turn 13 this summer. There are two neighborhood families with toddlers that I'd easily send her to. There are a couple of other families asking, but I've barely met them and feel like I should vet them somehow. Both are new to the neighborhood, so no one can really vouch for them. Is it entirely awkward if I invite them over for hamburgers on the deck? Then, I'd at least have a gut feel.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 17, 2021 8:21:54 GMT -5
I think you'd be smart to get a feel for them azucena. You would think the family would want their kids to meet your DD ahead of time.
I was much older when I started and the girl I babysit her mom was my stepmom's coworker. They also lived at the other end of the street from my mom so low risk.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 18, 2021 11:00:54 GMT -5
Ds wants an air rifle gun. I've never liked them but I'm making a bow shooting range in the garage so I don't have a great reason other than 'guns bad'. He also wants to go/learn bow hunting which dh can't do. Once we can socialize I'm going to have to beg to tag along with acquaintances.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 18, 2021 11:10:11 GMT -5
If you have a Bass Pro or Cabelas near by some of them have target practice so you can try out various hunting bows.
DH used to regularly bow hunt if you have any questions I can ask.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 18, 2021 12:41:42 GMT -5
Me neither. My only rule is the clothes have to be clean. When DS#2 was in grade school he rarely matched. Even on picture day - although I tried to help him with that. Of course he was in the front row of the class picture with his camo shirt and checkered black shorts. Memories..... My nephew was like that. He never combed his hair and hardly ever cut it. Then he discovered girls and now he's always got his hair lined up nice and actually bathes. He bathes in Axe, but he bathes.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 18, 2021 12:58:07 GMT -5
If you have a Bass Pro or Cabelas near by some of them have target practice so you can try out various hunting bows. DH used to regularly bow hunt if you have any questions I can ask. Thats a good idea. I always like to buy local, but the one archery place has blown me off so many times, I'm assuming because I'm a woman, and the other place had the crowd of antimaskers when we tried to do a private lesson that I'm not anxious to spend money at either place anymore.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Apr 19, 2021 19:53:08 GMT -5
If he is really interested in guns, get him a gun safety course or promise him one at a certain age. IDK how old he is. Because too many kids are fascinated with guns, don't know anything about them because the are forbidden, and then touch one just once because they can't resist.... and bad things happen. Please X10. Sometimes, learning about guns makes the fascination go away. Other times, well, let's just say that one of mine is an expert marksman.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 19, 2021 21:10:28 GMT -5
If he is really interested in guns, get him a gun safety course or promise him one at a certain age. IDK how old he is. Because too many kids are fascinated with guns, don't know anything about them because the are forbidden, and then touch one just once because they can't resist.... and bad things happen. Please X10. Sometimes, learning about guns makes the fascination go away. Other times, well, let's just say that one of mine is an expert marksman. That's my thought. Guns aren't my thing, but I told him we'd do a shooting range (some day, post pandemic I'll actually look into it). I'm a little less thrilled with the idea of the air soft rifle since its a realistic looking toy gun. The older neighbor boys used to have street wide, several hour long games with a bunch of friends, and I didn't love it, but at the same time knew it looked fun. Ds doesn't have anyone to play with so he'd just be doing target practice in the garage. Can't say, "sure, shoot real arrows, but shooting plastic pellets is unacceptable!" He might have to buy it himself though.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 19, 2021 21:12:39 GMT -5
Dd can't delegate. I'm supposed to be helping her with a banner, but really she just told me what to do, how to do it, and then checked that it was ok or helped me finish my tasks. I don't want to point out to her that she got way less done with my help than on her own.
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Apr 20, 2021 7:43:20 GMT -5
So, DS1 got the job! He was so nervous going in the pizza shop to talk to the manager (last Friday), but he did it and he starts work tomorrow. He is very excited. He will be washing pots and pans and the manager told him as he gets older he will learn new duties around the shop. He knows two other employees already. This is going to be so good for him.
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