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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2020 11:54:04 GMT -5
What a night last night. Had to talk my dad off a ledge. He was back to yelling about selling the resturant which caused a fight with my mom, understandably. It just so coincided with him having to go out to my grandma's (his mom) which never ends well. So we had a long talk. I asked him if he's viewing it more as his "second job" than he owns the place. I said that I can say it now as an adult, you were a dick when you worked two jobs. I said I wonder if doing it again now is a trigger. I also asked him which do you want to be, you are 58 do you want to deal with the stupid crap at your current job and try to keep hunting for another one till you retire or do you want to be your own man? You've built a community with this place and it means a lot to people, personally I'd rather give up corporate life than this. If I didn't have kids and the mortgage I'd quit in a heartbeat and just work the front of the business. DH asked me if I saw the irony in what I was telling dad. Yes, yes I did thank you. Totally realized I was looking in a mirror and that I saved myself $300 an office visit having the epiphany last night instead of in a doctor's office. You're welcome. I don't think he will sell it but he's got to stop with the tantrums. I pointed out to him that DH, myself and my brother (despite his bad habits) are capable of running the place so if he needs a weekend or two to do things then go ahead. We need to know in advance preferably but we can take over. I said it's not a burden when it's for family and quite different from when great uncle used to leave dad holding the bag when we were little. Don't know if he will take me up on it but I put it out there. I told him at least wait a year. That's the first major hurdle and what people advise to do when making big decisions. I also said put a date on the calendar to quit your other job, you can always change your mind but at least then you feel like you have an out which can go a long way to relieve stress. I flipped the hospital the bird as soon as I had a start date for here. OMG...I have a kid the same age as your dad!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2020 11:55:40 GMT -5
Sometimes I have to remind DH that his parents are my GRANDPARENTS age when he makes comments about my parents.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2020 12:12:32 GMT -5
What a night last night. Had to talk my dad off a ledge. He was back to yelling about selling the resturant which caused a fight with my mom, understandably. It just so coincided with him having to go out to my grandma's (his mom) which never ends well. So we had a long talk. I asked him if he's viewing it more as his "second job" than he owns the place. I said that I can say it now as an adult, you were a dick when you worked two jobs. I said I wonder if doing it again now is a trigger. I also asked him which do you want to be, you are 58 do you want to deal with the stupid crap at your current job and try to keep hunting for another one till you retire or do you want to be your own man? You've built a community with this place and it means a lot to people, personally I'd rather give up corporate life than this. If I didn't have kids and the mortgage I'd quit in a heartbeat and just work the front of the business. DH asked me if I saw the irony in what I was telling dad. Yes, yes I did thank you. Totally realized I was looking in a mirror and that I saved myself $300 an office visit having the epiphany last night instead of in a doctor's office. You're welcome. I don't think he will sell it but he's got to stop with the tantrums. I pointed out to him that DH, myself and my brother (despite his bad habits) are capable of running the place so if he needs a weekend or two to do things then go ahead. We need to know in advance preferably but we can take over. I said it's not a burden when it's for family and quite different from when great uncle used to leave dad holding the bag when we were little. Don't know if he will take me up on it but I put it out there. I told him at least wait a year. That's the first major hurdle and what people advise to do when making big decisions. I also said put a date on the calendar to quit your other job, you can always change your mind but at least then you feel like you have an out which can go a long way to relieve stress. I flipped the hospital the bird as soon as I had a start date for here. OMG...I have a kid the same age as your dad! My first thought was I'm only 7 years younger than Drama's dad and Ex 1.0 is the same age as him. Way to make me feel old!!!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2020 13:36:28 GMT -5
Correction my dad will be 60 in April. Does that make anyone feel better?
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 24, 2020 13:52:02 GMT -5
That's fabulous finnime ! You are allowed to brag.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 24, 2020 14:57:27 GMT -5
Received a nastygram from one of the parents on the 5/6th grade bball team that I'm coaching. Her daughter had a panic attack on my bench during Fri night's game and another one on Sat before the game started. On Fri night as I was trying to calm her down after the game, like she legit was breathing scary fast still. The mom walks up and tells the kid to cut the drama. Sat, she said suck it up. Before the mom walked up Sat, I was telling the girl that I have panic attacks too, they're scary, how can I help, offered to talk to her parents with her if she needed me to, etc
Email basically said to mind my own business with her kid and that I had no right to "diagnose" a panic attack. Yeah I probably shouldn't have said so much but I just felt so dang bad for this kid if those are her mom's reactions. Her dad is an idiot.
Email went on to say how I've made the team all about my kid and our point guard all season and they seem like the only kids on the team that I care about. Meanwhile, I've been bending over backwards all season to teach and encourage her kid to be a better player because I see the potential and all her mom does is yell.
I don't use any of my other strong players. Which is complete bullcrap because I coach every kid, drive myself crazy giving them equal playing time, and actually tend to focus on the weaker ones in particular if they are trying hard. Remember bragging on the shortest kid finally getting her first basket. Yeah, I benched my kid to have her do that. Another game we got up by 10 and I benched DD after 3 mins because it was clear we were going to easily win without her.
I have DD and the point guard demo all the drills in practice. Um, yeah, otherwise no one else gets it. I've tried using the other kids, none of them have the bball IQ yet to pick it up.
DD and the point guard are clearly the stars of the team. They have worked their butts off and are playing 25-50% better than the rest of the team. Both do exactly what I ask them to including dishing the ball to other players when I say they can't shoot anymore. DD is one of only two sixth graders on the team and it shows. Last year when I was asst coach and DD was a 5th grader, the head coach chose to only take 7 players to games to increase the playing time of the 6th graders. I've chosen to carry a bench of 10 every game, sitting one out because subbing 11 equally is crap.
Tournament rules are play to win (doesn't have to be equal), so when we were up by 10 at the half, rather than sit DD yet again, I had her play point guard with the sole goal of feeding the weaker players to get shots. I did sit the point guard. Seemed like a no brainer 6th grade vs 5th grade, wait your turn thing. Meanwhile, this kid got to play sufficiently more because she was playing pretty well and I want her to get more experience.
We didn't pass to her DD enough last game. Yeah because she wasn't working to get open and most of my team can't pass far enough to the low post.
Kid told her mom that I was telling them to only give the ball to DD or pt guard. Um, yes, when we were inbounding up by 1 pt with 15 seconds left and just needed to hold the ball for the win. Kid probably left that minor detail out.
I need to teach my bench players to support the team - no idea what game she is watching here, but her kid pouts the whole time she is out and she is only out because her turn is up. The rest of the team is in it cheering and bonding.
So frickin ridiculous; glad I've spent well over a hundred hours volunteering this season to get completely crapped on. I responded that I read the email and would need a 24 hour cooling off period to respond. Then, I bawled my eyes out for an hour.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Feb 24, 2020 15:05:48 GMT -5
azucena if the mom doesn't like your team she should find another. My bet would be they'd also have problems at a new team. You sound like a coach who really cares about all the girls on the team. About the only thing I can think of to say in defense of the mother is that I would be irritated if someone 'diagnosed' my child.
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2020 15:06:33 GMT -5
Hugs azucena. You don't need Mommy dearest on top of everything else you are going thru right now. Try to remember this is more a reflection on her mom (and sounds like the kid too if she pouts) than you. She is free to find another team for her child if she thinks you can't coach properly. Your duty is to the team, not her special snowflake.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2020 15:06:49 GMT -5
azucena This fall under the heading of "No good deed goes unpunished."
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 24, 2020 15:22:10 GMT -5
Thanks all. FWIW, I said can you tell me what's going on with you and she said no. I said it looks very much like you're having a panic attack; I know because I have them too. Fri night I spent at least 10 mins after the game trying to calm her down. No idea where her mom was. If she had appeared, I would have gladly handed her kid off.
It's our school team, and we only have two more weeks. This mom had been their coach for 3rd and 4th grade and was supposed to be my asst but her work schedule wasn't flexible enough to help out much. I did try to include her as much as I could without hashing out every detail/decision.
Bonus is that an hour before the email came in, I had ordered pizza to be delivered for our after school study hall as a tournament celebration snack before our game tonight. Bet she hears about it and thinks I'm making amends.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 24, 2020 15:33:54 GMT -5
FWIW I don't see the words "panic attack" as diagnosing someone. It's a series of behaviors and can be situational. I'd be more concerned with my kid than the coach.
Now if you had said "panic attack" and handed my kid a Xanax THEN I'd be offended/pissed.
Maybe mom has something going on elsewhere she's choosing to project onto you?
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 24, 2020 23:41:57 GMT -5
That stinks, azucena. And ditto everyone else - sounds like a reflection of the mom/kiddo and not you.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 24, 2020 23:47:42 GMT -5
Crazy story from today’s work travel adventures (if you’re FB friends with me, you’ve already seen this):
Work travel adventures....
I have friends and colleagues who go to exciting places like Italy, England, San Francisco, Guam, Seattle, NYC and more for work travel. Me? This week I ended up on the roof a building that is a seagull nesting site. And it gets better - apparently they fight each other and eat the dead ones, so the roof is littered with seagull bones. 🤢 My face must have been priceless as the store assistant manager was telling me this before I climbed up to the roof. He said several times it wasn’t a joke, and as per my photo evidence, he was serious.
Seriously one of the grossest things I’ve seen and experienced on a work site visit (which is saying a lot because I started my career doing site visits to beef/pork/poultry kill/processing facilities).
And on a related but different note, DH is probably ready for me to never travel again. Three of my last 4 trips, someone has been or gotten sick. Today I got a call from the school nurse that C complained of a headache so was sent to her office. He had a temp of 101 and we needed to come get him. I call DH, and then make him an appointment at the pediatrician. Turns out the kid has strep. 🤦♀️
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 25, 2020 7:34:19 GMT -5
azucena, don't let one parent of a snowflake ruin your experience. You were and are providing coaching in more than just sport.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2020 7:59:53 GMT -5
Correction my dad will be 60 in April. Does that make anyone feel better? Nope.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2020 8:18:43 GMT -5
Now Gwen has an intestinal bug. She was at mom's yesterday and again today. I went thru the house Lysol-ing the crap out of everything we touch. This is getting ridiculous.
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Post by gs11rmb on Feb 25, 2020 8:20:07 GMT -5
I had a text last night from the mother of one of my DD’s friends saying that her 12 year old niece committed suicide. She was letting parents know in case her daughter talked to our daughters about what happened.
I didn’t know this girl (they live in AZ and we’re in GA) and have no idea what she’s been struggling with but I’m just stunned. I can’t begin to imagine how her parents will cope or that a child could feel such despair.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 25, 2020 8:21:47 GMT -5
How terrible for everyone, gs11rmb.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 25, 2020 9:44:11 GMT -5
Thanks for the support guys. Nice to have a safe space to get more unbiased feedback.
I'm going to be the bigger person and apologize for taking my concern too far and state that if her kid gets upset on the bench again that I'm going to expect her or her husband to take care of her. I'll address some of her comments about my coaching and perceived favoritism at a very high level but I refuse to justify all of my coaching choices and answer each one of her complaints. I'm keeping in mind that DD11 will play with this kid again in two years when they are 7/8th grade team together. Then, I'm going to keep doing my thing and enjoying the last couple week's of my team's season.
It's clear that this mom, who played bball in college, has been frustrated with how unmotivated her kid has been on the court for the entire season. I was hopeful that me coaching her instead of her mom would help this kid try harder and improve but it hasn't. Instead the email made it clear that now the mom is sure my kid is favored so that's why her kid is unmotivated.
The kid's grandma sat thru our study hall in what felt like a bodyguard situation. Grandma had never done that before. That was the tipping point for my brain to say yeah maybe I overstepped with the kid's well-being in mind but hello this mom is bat-shit-crazy because who sends Grandma in to watch the coach. Just pull your kid from study hall if you don't trust me. And, I noticed that our athletic director watched our entire game for the first time this season - coincidence, I think not. Whatever, I did my coaching thing without second guessing myself and couldn't even tell you if kid's mom was in the gym at all.
The silver lining of this drama was kid played jer best game of the season. She was more aggressive than I've ever seen her - I knew she wasn't playing at 100%. I'm pretty sure her mom ragging on me to kid and making it all my fault that kid hasn't had a good season took the pressure off kid which pretty much proves my theory. Whatever - I was happy to see some success for this kid. In one great play, DD11 was driving to the basket, met a defensive wall, and dumped a perfect pass out to kid who swished a bucket. They proceeded to run up the court high-fiving which was icing on the cake.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2020 10:04:23 GMT -5
Has mom considered the kid might not like basketball?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 25, 2020 10:32:45 GMT -5
Has mom considered the kid might not like basketball? Yeah, that crossed my mind as I was reading thru the posts.
I forced both of my kids to play vball for 4th grade. My stated logic is that if I have to sit thru games of their sports that I don't like (soccer in particular) then they can damn well give me a season of the sport I love. If they don't want to play after 4th grade, so be it.
K loves vball and has happily played in 5th and 6th grades. I'm not sure she'll be playing in 7th grade but that's her choice.
C seems to be mostly enjoying vball. Enough that he said yes when I asked if he wanted summer camps of vball. I don't know if he'll want to play in 5th grade or not. It's his call and I'm trying to not push or let anyone else push because with him, that's the surest way to get him to NOT want to play.
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 25, 2020 10:42:53 GMT -5
Since mom played college basketball, her daughter may think she can never be what her mom wants her to be and mom is trying to relive her youth.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 25, 2020 11:11:55 GMT -5
Has mom considered the kid might not like basketball? This is one of the things I asked the kid over the weekend that was mentioned in the nastygram as not my business. Kid clearly hasn't been happy all season long in practice or games, so I asked what her favorite part of bball was and she said she didn't know. I said do you like to play and she didn't answer. I said if she needed my help to talk to her parents about it, I'd be willing to talk to them with her. After last night, it's clear that while she may not love bball, she enjoys it when the pressure is lifted. I shared high level with a couple of mom friends from the team to get their opinion on if I was favoring DD - met with resounding no's. They reported (unasked) this morning that the mom wasn't in the gym at all during the game and each said it was amazing the difference in kid's play without mom there.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 25, 2020 11:30:05 GMT -5
Has mom considered the kid might not like basketball? Yeah, that crossed my mind as I was reading thru the posts.
I forced both of my kids to play vball for 4th grade. My stated logic is that if I have to sit thru games of their sports that I don't like (soccer in particular) then they can damn well give me a season of the sport I love. If they don't want to play after 4th grade, so be it.
K loves vball and has happily played in 5th and 6th grades. I'm not sure she'll be playing in 7th grade but that's her choice.
C seems to be mostly enjoying vball. Enough that he said yes when I asked if he wanted summer camps of vball. I don't know if he'll want to play in 5th grade or not. It's his call and I'm trying to not push or let anyone else push because with him, that's the surest way to get him to NOT want to play.
Sometimes kids don't like a sport because they aren't good at it. So there's a fine line with saying keep playing and work to improve and maybe you'll be more comfortable and have fun and truly forcing them to play when they don't want to. That was DD11 with vball. Last year (5th) was her first time playing and she was terrible, particularly in comparison to bball. I sent her to vball camp this summer when she didn't want to go and said just see if you work at it during camp what happens and then you can decide. Low and behold she was better than the incoming 5th graders who had never played before. Also helped that she grew into her body a bit more and wasn't so gangly and uncoordinated LOL. Pretty sure she will play this fall for her 7th grade season when it gets a bit more competitive. Last time I asked she said yes, it would help keep her in shape for bball
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 25, 2020 11:38:30 GMT -5
Yeah, K's not the greatest at vball but she's not the worst either. She wants to play and play better. The coaches at the ninja gym really love her drive to be better.
C is just athletic so he does well in most sports. Putting the effort in to be better, he's not so good at. If he doesn't play vball next year, the coaches will be bummed, a bit. He's one of their leading servers/scorers this year. He'll be in soccer in spring. I admit, I'm hoping for a couple of weeks inbetween vball ending and soccer starting.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2020 11:43:21 GMT -5
I have the least athletic kids on the planet. I think Carrot would LIKE to be, but his body kind of betrays him with his orthopedic issues. I was hoping swimming would be a sport where being crazy clumsy would not interfere too much, but he just doesn't have the leg strength. At least he seems to enjoy it for now, although towards the end of this season it was hard to get him to go to meets...which I think was mostly because they landed on his dad's weekends.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 25, 2020 12:05:54 GMT -5
I have the least athletic kids on the planet. I think Carrot would LIKE to be, but his body kind of betrays him with his orthopedic issues. I was hoping swimming would be a sport where being crazy clumsy would not interfere too much, but he just doesn't have the leg strength. At least he seems to enjoy it for now, although towards the end of this season it was hard to get him to go to meets...which I think was mostly because they landed on his dad's weekends. My kids might rival that. Lol.
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Post by alabamagal on Feb 25, 2020 12:49:43 GMT -5
I have the least athletic kids on the planet. I think Carrot would LIKE to be, but his body kind of betrays him with his orthopedic issues. I was hoping swimming would be a sport where being crazy clumsy would not interfere too much, but he just doesn't have the leg strength. At least he seems to enjoy it for now, although towards the end of this season it was hard to get him to go to meets...which I think was mostly because they landed on his dad's weekends. My kids might rival that. Lol. My ODS was very uncoordinated. He never looked like his limbs were going in the right direction. He stuck with baseball for a while. At first he looked like he was trying to both catch the ball and get out of the way at the same time. Once it looked to me like he fell down and then caught a fly ball. He said he made a diving catch. OK. YDS was super coordinated and looked like a major leaguer without even trying. Unfortunately he inherited my (lack of) foot speed, so as he got older that became a problem. He did do extremely well as an offensive lineman in high school football.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 25, 2020 13:47:14 GMT -5
C is fairly uncoordinated, but loves every sport, so for now, he plays soccer, basketball, and baseball, and swims. The kid spends more time on the ground during practices and games (for soccer and basketball) than any other kid on his team, but he gets back up and keeps playing. His soccer coach suggested we work on having him lower his center of gravity by having his feet wider apart, but so far he won’t, so we just keep going. Whatever. I more so want him to have fun and have a love of sport/being active.
Realistically, the kid isn’t going to play sports in high school (large schools and very competitive), so as long as he’s having fun and doing his best, we’ll keep encouraging him to play. We signed M up for soccer this spring, so I’m excited to see how that goes. She is 3-1/2 and very excited about it - C is even excited to go watch her play.
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 25, 2020 14:50:24 GMT -5
I have the least athletic kids on the planet. I think Carrot would LIKE to be, but his body kind of betrays him with his orthopedic issues. I was hoping swimming would be a sport where being crazy clumsy would not interfere too much, but he just doesn't have the leg strength. At least he seems to enjoy it for now, although towards the end of this season it was hard to get him to go to meets...which I think was mostly because they landed on his dad's weekends. I rival that. I took swimming lessons as an adult and learned good form, etc., but my leg strength never improved. I used to swim a half mile a day in a lap pool. No problem with the endurance. However, I was too fast for the slow lane and too slow for the fast lane at the pool. I was an excellent bowler, but that was because of my dad.
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