sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on May 13, 2011 13:48:19 GMT -5
I think what sarcastic said is the ideal way, however I wouldn't have wanted to do that, it is too formal for me. DH and I didn't move in together until we were engaged. If you have the intention of marrying her some day then maybe something a little more informal is appropriate, like your option 2 (assuming she doesn't have issues handling her money). Maybe you pay rent, she pays utilities and 1 week you buy groceries, the next week she does. I just feel that in a committed relationship, writing each other checks just isn't very romantic you know? If you know she is the right person, maybe it can be a bit more casual without one person feeling taken advantage of. i don't think of it as "formal" so much as organized! lol we have XX% directly deposited into our joint account, XX% deposited into our savings and the rest into our own personal accounts. we never have to ask who's turn is it to pay groceries/electricity/etc. writing checks isn't romantic (something we don't do), and neither is trying to remember who paid the bill last time...
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,748
|
Post by souldoubt on May 13, 2011 13:51:38 GMT -5
Some thoughts after reading through the thread:
-I agree with the poster who mentioned owning his own place and having his GF pay for utilities and money towards groceries. When I own my own place I'll be able to afford it on my own and if I'm serious enough to have my GF live with me then anything she pays towards it is gravy and money in the bank for me. The place will be in my name and if things don't work out I'll still be the one living there when all is said and done.
-My GF is just finishing up school and I pay more often than not when we go out. She offers to pay all the time as well and I let her pick up some of the smaller stuff. I don't mind this situation at all for a variety of reasons. That said if she ever told me it was selfish I didn't pay more because I make more I'd her before she could retract the statement but I say this knowing full well she would never say something like that.
-If we were renting a place together I'd pay more than half, how much more it's hard to say. If ehr and I lived together I could end up paying about what I do now living with roommates. If I wanted to live in nicer place then I'd have no problem paying more as my intent isn't to leave her with nothing left each month.
All this said a lot of what I say is due to the girl I'm dating. Financially we're on the same page she's just at a different point in her life. She paid her way through school, has remained debt free, pays her CC off if she ever uses it and has worked the entire time while going to school. I've got friends who date/support people who bring far less to the relationship and there's no way I could put up with what some of them do.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,490
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 13, 2011 13:54:12 GMT -5
DH and I started living together before we got married. We were engaged and headed down that road anyhow, finanically it seemed really silly to maintain two separate households in the name of propriety. I've never lived with a guy that I was just dating. Personally I hate roomates and if I wasn't getting married I am living ALONE. DH gets to stay because he is my husband. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:04:16 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:11:26 GMT -5
DH gets to stay because he is my husband. What about your new roommate?!
|
|
jd2005
Established Member
Joined: Mar 15, 2011 14:16:37 GMT -5
Posts: 411
|
Post by jd2005 on May 13, 2011 14:11:53 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. I should have gone with this ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1.gif) I'll be chatting with my SO over the weekend and get her input. She has already brought it up (one of the reasons I love her - we are very on the same page). If she wants to do a 50/50 split, I'll do that, but it just seems unfair because I am asking her to move into a place that she alone could not afford (whereas I can).
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:11:54 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years.
Meghan, you're such a YM rebel ;D
How do you guys handle things?
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:13:16 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. Meghan, you're such a YM rebel ;D How do you guys handle things? I beat him up every pay day and rob him blind. ;D I make $10,000 more than him, but I also have consumer debt I'm (almost done!) paying, student loans, and other personal things. Split evenly: Rent ($415 each) Electric (right now it's under $15 each) FIOS ($25 each, we both use the internet) Groceries (we stick to a basic budget number, but I cover any overages, doesn't matter who's purchases make us go over) Savings (we both contribute $100 each month to our joint savings and whatever the hell we feel like to our personal accounts. those are none of the business of the other.) Proportional: Car insurance (my share is more) Cell (my share is more since I have a data plan) Um, I can't think of anything else. Oh, if we need things for the apartment I tend to purchase them myself since I'm normally the who notices something ran out. And renter's insurance is super cheap ($84 a year), so we kind of just deal with it when it's time to pay.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,490
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 13, 2011 14:13:31 GMT -5
What about your new roommate?! Well, she hasn't been earning her diapers lately so I am not so sure. She's never going to have a comfortable retirement at this rate, I might have to get school of hard knocks on her. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) I told DH he doesn't have to worry about me wanting to remarry. I might date if he were to go early but I've already spent 5 years getting adjusted to DH, I am not interested in having to adapt to a new guy once DH is gone.
|
|
sarcasticgirl
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 14:39:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,155
Location: Chicago
|
Post by sarcasticgirl on May 13, 2011 14:15:48 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. Gotta think about the bills in order to pay them, it's amazing you have electricity and a roof over your head! lol
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,395
|
Post by swamp on May 13, 2011 14:16:39 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. Same here. DH (when he was DBF) just kinda showed up at my house and didn't leave.
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on May 13, 2011 14:19:12 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. Same here. DH (when he was DBF) just kinda showed up at my house and didn't leave. <<Sounds really familiar to CarolinaKat>>
|
|
bobosensei
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 11:32:49 GMT -5
Posts: 1,561
|
Post by bobosensei on May 13, 2011 14:20:47 GMT -5
I didn't read past the first few posts, but I don't think it should matter who makes more. Split the bills equally or as close to equally as possible.
With that said I never lived with a man before I was married. I did have 2 roommates though. We each got a utility in our name, then we woud sit down each month and figure out who owed who what. As for food, we did a good bit of eating out, but we also shared the groceries. We just took turns shopping and it all worked out.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,490
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 13, 2011 14:22:47 GMT -5
Same here. DH (when he was DBF) just kinda showed up at my house and didn't leave.
Ditto, no one warned me that if you feed them they keep coming back!
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:23:40 GMT -5
Not saying this would be the OP, but sometimes the "fair" thing to do in the eyes of others doesn't always make the most sense for the couple. If he really has no problem paying 3/4 of the expenses while she pays 1/4 then go ahead. Just remember that 3/4 of her money is then hers to do with as she pleases while you're only left with 1/4 your income.
Interesting way to put that. The whole reason to split things proportionally is because 3/4 of the EXPENSES is NOT necessarily 3/4 of your INCOME.
If I make $2,000 per month and DF makes $500 per month and our expenses are $400/month, me paying 375 while he pays 125 is a 3/4 split of expenses. But $375 is NOT 3/4 of my income of 2,000.
Oversimplified example but you get the idea. It sounds like you're saying it didn't work for you because the higher earner paying 3/4 of expenses was left with only 1/4 of their income. That's not usually how it works, unless your expenses happen to be exactly equal to your income.
|
|
bobosensei
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 11:32:49 GMT -5
Posts: 1,561
|
Post by bobosensei on May 13, 2011 14:24:00 GMT -5
This thread is cracking me up now because BF and I put absolutely no thought into the whole living together thing. It's really amazing that we survived the past four years. I should have gone with this ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1.gif) I'll be chatting with my SO over the weekend and get her input. She has already brought it up (one of the reasons I love her - we are very on the same page). If she wants to do a 50/50 split, I'll do that, but it just seems unfair because I am asking her to move into a place that she alone could not afford (whereas I can). Mmm...okay that changes things a little. If you are asking her to move into a place she couldn't afford and therefore is only moving into because you asked her to you should probably cover a little more of the expense of the rent. I'm assuming sizewise it isn't bigger so electric bill wouldn't necessarily be more for her.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:24:48 GMT -5
I invited mine over on the first date to watch a movie and he never left. he still has yet to actually watch History of the World. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,490
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 13, 2011 14:27:42 GMT -5
Fair enough Firebird, I worded that poorly.
It was more that it seemed "fair" for me to pay for more but then it seemed like DH had more money to spend, was jacking up the electric bill that was paying more for etc. It seemed like DH was benefiting far more than I was from the split.
A large part had more to do with our money philophies because I am a saver and he is a spender. It worked better for us just to do a community pot because it is a lot easier for DH to be held accountable when it's all one pot and it's a lot easier for me to feel less skewed because I don't feel like I am the one doing all the saving while he's getting to spend spend spend.
If we had/were more on the same page philosphy wise then a split with me paying more and/or separate accounts probably would have worked just fine for us.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:27:46 GMT -5
I invited mine over on the first date to watch a movie and he never left. he still has yet to actually watch History of the World. You mean you never finished the movie?!
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on May 13, 2011 14:27:52 GMT -5
I invited mine over on the first date to watch a movie and he never left. he still has yet to actually watch History of the World Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) Fixed ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:28:49 GMT -5
I should have gone with this ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1.gif) I'll be chatting with my SO over the weekend and get her input. She has already brought it up (one of the reasons I love her - we are very on the same page). If she wants to do a 50/50 split, I'll do that, but it just seems unfair because I am asking her to move into a place that she alone could not afford (whereas I can). Mmm...okay that changes things a little. If you are asking her to move into a place she couldn't afford and therefore is only moving into because you asked her to you should probably cover a little more of the expense of the rent. I'm assuming sizewise it isn't bigger so electric bill wouldn't necessarily be more for her. I agree. When my roommate moved out and we decided to live together, I knew the apartment I was living in was out of BF's income range so we chose a place that was ridiculously cheap for our area. When we moved into our second place we again stuck with a cheaper place because a) we don't need much and b) more disposable income was the goal for both of us. Even though I make more than BF, he still has money to burn after obligations are paid. That's all that matters to us. Huh, I guess I did think things through with our living situation. ![::)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/eyesroll.png)
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:30:20 GMT -5
It was more that it seemed "fair" for me to pay for more but then it seemed like DH had more money to spend, was jacking up the electric bill that was paying more for etc. It seemed like DH was benefiting far more than I was from the split.Oh, I completely appreciate that point (ask me how often we'd run the AC if DF and I didn't live together... and then ask me who pays the electric bill ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/angry_smile.gif) ... not that it matters now that we're getting hitched ![](http://boards.msn.com/Themes/default/emoticons/tongue_smile.gif) ). I was just trying to understand what you meant. I think the 50-50 split depends on a lot of things. Like I said, a 50-50 split would have left DF with 10% of his take-home for non-bills. Meaning we could never go out unless I paid, he could never save a penny, and I'd be completely responsible for things like groceries. He wouldn't have had a chance to blow anything.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:30:45 GMT -5
I invited mine over on the first date to watch a movie and he never left. he still has yet to actually watch History of the World. You mean you never finished the movie?! Dude, that is, like, my favorite movie ever! But yeah... he never got past the cavemen. I keep reminding him he needs to watch it. I almost s$*% myself when he told me he never saw Spinal Tap.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:31:39 GMT -5
Dude, that is, like, my favorite movie ever! But yeah... he never got past the cavemen. I keep reminding him he needs to watch it.Ah... I thought you didn't finish the movie for... some other reason ![](http://media.funsmileys.com/smileys/bed_time.gif)
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,490
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 13, 2011 14:33:01 GMT -5
We were bad YM-ers and went to one pot pretty quickly because it was either keep trying to do the "right" thing finanically or kill each other.
We couldn't afford joint assets anyhow and the only debt we have is our student loans which will remain separate debts till we either get them paid off or die, spouses aren't responsible.
So it worked out for us, there really wasn't much to risk by combing finances before marriage, but a hell of a lot to lose keeping them separate.
|
|
Cookies Galore
Senior Associate
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 18:08:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,788
Member is Online
|
Post by Cookies Galore on May 13, 2011 14:34:05 GMT -5
Dude, that is, like, my favorite movie ever! But yeah... he never got past the cavemen. I keep reminding him he needs to watch it.Ah... I thought you didn't finish the movie for... some other reason ![](http://media.funsmileys.com/smileys/bed_time.gif) That's why he's never actually seen the whole movie! <high five>
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:35:02 GMT -5
We were bad YM-ers and went to one pot pretty quickly because it was either keep trying to do the "right" thing finanically or kill each other.I had a REALLY hard time with this one. My preference would have been to combine pots straight away, and I knew I needed to hold off until we were at least engaged. I nearly went crazy trying to make sure all the bills got paid. The way things work in my brain, it's much easier to run things smoothly out of one account. My stuff, his stuff, and our stuff. I can't wait until June, our first official month of combined finances! ![](http://serve.mysmiley.net/party/party0006.gif)
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 13, 2011 14:35:47 GMT -5
That's why he's never actually seen the whole movie! <high five>
Well done. And you wonder why he never left? ;D
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 13, 2011 17:27:41 GMT -5
<< I understand you didn't hide from him. But I think it would be unfair of you to automatically expect him to cover extra expenses for your kids just because he makes more money than you and you don't get child support. You said he already covered the basics. Did he promise you that he would pay for their extra-curricular activities and didn't come through or you just assumed he would because he made good money? >>
But they were MARRIED. Is it OK for one spouse to have plenty of extra money while one spouse has none?
If you don't want to be financially responsible for minor children, that's fine, but don't marry someone who has them. Minor children are a package deal, you don't marry their parent while escaping responsibility for them.
|
|
|
Post by stl76 on May 14, 2011 8:27:41 GMT -5
But he didnt escape responsibility, he provided for then, just not the extracurricular activities which you shouldnt expect automatically just because he makes good money. A woman is just as capable as a man to earn a higher income, if it was that important to her, she should have attempted to earn more. It is a two way street.
|
|