ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 11:07:58 GMT -5
We are doing everything in our power to find this type of stuff out prior to delivery. We have some physically and mentally challenged family members and the FF and I want a "normal life" where you send the kid away at 18. I've seen many patients where the parents are their challenged child's care giver throughout life. It is not a life we want for our kid and ourselves. I'm assuming by this that you mean you would chose to discontinue the pregnancy if there was something wrong. But delivering a healthy child is just the first step. There are no guarantees in life, especially with kids. #1. That is correct. #2. That is also correct. We are both in medicine. Unfortunately we've seen all to many examples of how things can go wrong. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 9, 2011 11:11:47 GMT -5
My FF intends on being out there on the water with me. She's as avid an outdoors person as I am. We've discussed this and both agree that people who seemed to fall off the face of the earth because god forbid they spend more than 10 seconds away from their kid have a sad life and we want no part of it. I do have friends who think and live life like I do WITH children. I see both sides of the spectrum and I know where I think I would like to fall on the spectrum. I think this is great when the kid gets older, meaning past the young baby stage. My point was with a NEW baby, it isn't about you anymore. I can't imagine your wife, needing a C-section, unable to drive or lift anything, sleep deprived from having a newborn, saying "Gee Honey, let's go out for that 2 hour hike today." And I can't imagine if your wife hasn't slept in a week, that she's going to say "Sure honey, go out with your friends while I'm with the colicy child. I'll take care of the baby and all the house stuff by myself." I think that your generalizations of people with children are, well, a bit too generalized. Are all your friends independently wealthy and both parents are SAHPs? If not, chances are, they are likely spending more than 10 seconds away from the kids. I work (as I'm the income getter). I'm routinely away from my kids 10-12 hours a day. My kids also go to bed between 7 and 8. So, when I am around in the evenings for them, it's not much more than two hours. My kids also have told me that they don't like it that I'm not around for them for the day to day sorts of things. I also figure that once they hit 10 or 11, my kids won't want to be with me as much. I know I'm on borrowed time, so I want to take advantage of the time I do have with the kids. Time is as much of a limited resource as money. People spend their money as they see fit, and they spend their time as they see fit. Sometimes, financial priorities change, and sometimes time priorities change as well. It's not good or bad, it just is.
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ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 11:15:55 GMT -5
My FF intends on being out there on the water with me. She's as avid an outdoors person as I am. We've discussed this and both agree that people who seemed to fall off the face of the earth because god forbid they spend more than 10 seconds away from their kid have a sad life and we want no part of it. I do have friends who think and live life like I do WITH children. I see both sides of the spectrum and I know where I think I would like to fall on the spectrum. I think this is great when the kid gets older, meaning past the young baby stage. My point was with a NEW baby, it isn't about you anymore. I can't imagine your wife, needing a C-section, unable to drive or lift anything, sleep deprived from having a newborn, saying "Gee Honey, let's go out for that 2 hour hike today." And I can't imagine if your wife hasn't slept in a week, that she's going to say "Sure honey, go out with your friends while I'm with the colicy child. I'll take care of the baby and all the house stuff by myself." I think that your generalizations of people with children are, well, a bit too generalized. Are all your friends independently wealthy and both parents are SAHPs? If not, chances are, they are likely spending more than 10 seconds away from the kids. I work (as I'm the income getter). I'm routinely away from my kids 10-12 hours a day. My kids also go to bed between 7 and 8. So, when I am around in the evenings for them, it's not much more than two hours. My kids also have told me that they don't like it that I'm not around for them for the day to day sorts of things. I also figure that once they hit 10 or 11, my kids won't want to be with me as much. I know I'm on borrowed time, so I want to take advantage of the time I do have with the kids. Time is as much of a limited resource as money. People spend their money as they see fit, and they spend their time as they see fit. Sometimes, financial priorities change, and sometimes time priorities change as well. It's not good or bad, it just is. None of our friends are as well off as us and they are all double income families. Your points are well taken. The one example I commonly refer to. I just wanted to drown my SIL. We were on the pontoon not more that 400 yards from the cabin. She was pissing and moaning about missing her baby and wanted to go back and relieve the grandparents. The very grandparents we could see on the dock with the grand baby. We told her to swim if she really wanted to go back. She hadn't been away from her kid at all that weekend up until those 10 minutes. So sad.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 9, 2011 11:42:41 GMT -5
The grandparents are local as well and want as much time as possible with the grand babies. Mine are and do too, but when DD is screaming due to teething and a sinus infection, the bonus of being a grandparent is that they get to send her back home with me. It's easy to say NOW where you want to fall on the spectrum but the kiddo hasn't been born yet. I've been dealing with a lot because the life I PLANNED with a kid isn't matching up with reality. So don't get too cozy with your ideas of how you plan to live your life because it could do a complete 180 once the kid is born. Dang it!. ;D Yeah, I have plans like we all do. However I'm open minded as well. Here's to hoping. I think you need to discuss number of kids too. With just DD, our life wasn't changing all that much. It was getting pregnant with DS when she was 10 months old that changed a lot more of our lives. Plus you have to look at a kid's personality. DD is a rule follower - at least for now. ;D and she's cautious. DS is an explorer and a runner. There's no way we can take him to our river front vacation land this summer - it's just not safe for him. And we won't risk him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2011 11:47:46 GMT -5
I remember when I was pregnant with my first. I was planning to go back to work when the baby was 3 months old, if not sooner. I had ZERO plans for being a SAHP. To be honest, I wasn't even that fond of kids. I swear, I went thought the biggest hormonally induced, life altering 180 of my life. The first year I rarely ever left that baby with anyonw. It just made me anxious to be apart from him. He's 8 now, and that's changed. LOL But, I did end up staying home until he was 4. With my second there was no choice and I had to return when he was 3 months, but I would love to be able to spend more time with both of them.
I guess what I'm saying is that weird things happen to you after you become a parent.
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hockeygrl
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Post by hockeygrl on May 9, 2011 12:57:03 GMT -5
We have a 529 and a plain vanilla savings account/CDs for Wyatt. We wanted the tax advantages of the 529, and the flexibility of the plain savings as well. We put more into the 529 than the savings. We wanted to be able to offer him SOME help with college (we never intended to pay for all of it), but also some help with other things if he finds that he wants to do something non-traditional when he gets out of high school.
As the new parent of a four month old, I can testify to the life-changing impact of babies! Before I had Wyatt, I was secretly envious of those who could afford to be a SAHM, but three months of maternity leave convinced me I wasn't cut out to be one! Sure I would like to be able to spend more time with him instead of at work, but life is life. I make sure the time we have together is spent together - not in front of the TV zoning out. It's all about quality.
I agree that life doesn't stop when the baby comes, it just becomes a matter of incorporating him/her into your activities. Wyatt spends a lot of time at the hockey rink while me or my hubby are playing. He seems to like being there, because there is a lot of stuff to look at, a lot of people to look at, and he is always with either me or the hubby.
When he's older, of course we hope he wants to play the hockey, but if he doesn't we will spend time exploring his interests until he finds out what he likes and wants to do. If that means less time for "me" stuff, so be it. I'm a kid myself, so I can't wait to go to the kid's museum and the zoo and all of the cool places they have for kids nowadays!
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happytraveler
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Post by happytraveler on May 9, 2011 17:30:41 GMT -5
My thoughts:
If you are planning to save for college for a young child, then I think putting the money into a 529 is wise move, even though nobody knows what the future holds. First, depending on the plan, you may get a state tax deduction on any contributions--so that could be worth 6-10% of the amount contributed. Second, all of the gains you accrue over the life of the plan grow tax free (if used for education). This is particulalrly relevant if you have a young child, as the funds deposited now will have a long time to grow. If they are in a taxable account, you may potentially have a significant tax liability when withdrawing the funds to pay for college. When I started saving for my kids, 529 plans did not exist--so I put money into UGMA accounts. I am now using the money in those accounts to pay for college--the tax bills are not inconsequenital. If you have a 17 year old, putting money into a 529 plan is obviously, from a tax benefit, less valuable as the funds deposited at 17 will have less time to grow. While nothing is certain, I think most parents have a pretty good feel for where their kids will be heading after high school at a pretty young age. If it turns out that you think post high school education is not in your son or daughter's future when they hit junior high school, you can always stop contributing to the 529--maybe open a UGMA if you want to hedge your bets.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on May 9, 2011 17:43:16 GMT -5
My understanding of financial aid makes a 529 far superior to a UGMA/UTMA account. When filing for financial aid, the govt and school will expect the student to deplete any assets they have to pay for school. This will substantially limit the amount of aid that the student receives. The amount that a parent is expected to contribute from their assets is far less (I believe that a parent is supposed to contribute 5% of assets while a student would be expected to contribute 30%?). Because the 529 is not the asset of the student, the threshold for what should be contributed out of it is substantially lower. If you think that your child/children will be going to school, avoid placing ANY funds in their name and utilize Roths (for you and your spouse), 529s, and other tax advantaged plans first.
Additionally, a UGMA account will become the child's money upon reaching the age of majority (18 in most states). If little suzie decides she wants to blow that money on fast cars and blow, you won't have much say in it. If it is in a 529 where mom and dad are the owner or if it is in your roth, you will have a lot more control over what the funds are used for.
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sil
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Post by sil on May 9, 2011 18:21:04 GMT -5
We learned that DS has autism when he was about 3 years old (18 months ago). All tests prior to this point were "normal"
However, we are saving in a 529 for him and for DD. They are very small accounts right now, but as they get older, daycare gets cheaper, our contributions will go up. One day, we will have no more daycare expense, and no more student loans of our own to pay off. When that day comes, we'll have $2000 extra that we could put towards college savings a month (exceeding the max for 529s, I know)
I do not intend to save more than the total cost of a single 4-year degree. This way, we can either split the savings between the kids, or if one opts to skip on college (or a trade school) the other gets the pot. In the back of my mind, I wonder if DS will be able to go to college (he has no academic delays) For now, we are saving with the assumption that we will have a "normal life" and he will be in charge of his own adulthood.
Anyway, since you are saving for your own future, and you have student loans and some daycare expenses, my advice would be to wait until daycare expenses drop and student loans are paid off, then re-direct that budget allocation to a 529.
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ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 18:26:14 GMT -5
Anyway, since you are saving for your own future, and you have student loans and some daycare expenses, my advice would be to wait until daycare expenses drop and student loans are paid off, then re-direct that budget allocation to a 529. Ah man, I was hoping to save that money for myself (retirement) when the student loans are paid off. Darn kids.
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sil
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Post by sil on May 9, 2011 18:33:40 GMT -5
LOL
Ive got option B for you then - Retire the year before the kids start college so your income looks low on the FAFSA and scholarship applications and they can get lots of need-based aid!
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on May 9, 2011 18:41:25 GMT -5
I don't know about "aid". The only offer that my DS with no income and old enough to not have us count on his FAFSA was for $45,000 in loans. No grants, no work study, nada.
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ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 18:55:37 GMT -5
LOL Ive got option B for you then - Retire the year before the kids start college so your income looks low on the FAFSA and scholarship applications and they can get lots of need-based aid! There ya go. Homerun!
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 9, 2011 18:59:58 GMT -5
LOL Ive got option B for you then - Retire the year before the kids start college so your income looks low on the FAFSA and scholarship applications and they can get lots of need-based aid! There ya go. Homerun! And screw the kids who come from lower income families who genuinely need the aid... Nice!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 9, 2011 19:05:16 GMT -5
My FF intends on being out there on the water with me. She's as avid an outdoors person as I am. We've discussed this and both agree that people who seemed to fall off the face of the earth because god forbid they spend more than 10 seconds away from their kid have a sad life and we want no part of it. LOL! Have you ever taken a baby camping? You do realize they don't jump out of the womb twelve years old right? They really aren't capable of doing much the first few years, and if you're like most couples, right about the time the first one is old enough to start doing stuff, you'll have another one and start the few years of not being able to do much all over again. If you stop at two, and have them fairly close together, you should only have to "fall off the face of the earth" as you put it for about five years or so. If you have them further apart, or have more than two, it'll be more like a decade.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2011 19:05:24 GMT -5
When that day comes, we'll have $2000 extra that we could put towards college savings a month (exceeding the max for 529s, I know)
Depends on the plan I guess, but in MN you can contribute as much as you want every year. There is just a cap on the account balance of 235K.
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ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 19:30:50 GMT -5
LOL! Have you ever taken a baby camping? That's what Grandma/Grandpa and Grandma/Grandpa are for. "Here's the kid, we'll see you on Sunday." They really aren't capable of doing much the first few years, and if you're like most couples, right about the time the first one is old enough to start doing stuff, you'll have another one and start the few years of not being able to do much all over again. NO two kids. ONE, that's it. I'm getting cut as soon as we confirm it's a healthy kid.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 9, 2011 19:41:01 GMT -5
That's what Grandma/Grandpa and Grandma/Grandpa are for. "Here's the kid, we'll see you on Sunday." Sounds like you've got it all figured out. I'm sure that everything will go exactly according to plan too. If there's one thing having a few kids has taught me, it's that anything child related always goes exactly as planned.
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ruger2506
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Post by ruger2506 on May 9, 2011 19:56:46 GMT -5
That's what Grandma/Grandpa and Grandma/Grandpa are for. "Here's the kid, we'll see you on Sunday." Sounds like you've got it all figured out. I'm sure that everything will go exactly according to plan too. If there's one thing having a few kids has taught me, it's that anything child related always goes exactly as planned. I understand. A man can plan and dream can't he? I guess as long as momma is understanding and doesn't mind me being gone for the tournaments, we'll be OK. ;D I guess I'll have to reciprocate and watch the kid while she want's to go play with her friends.
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