what are you doing right now?

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jan 6, 2024 17:39:33 GMT -5 busymom said:

I've spent most of the last 2 days organizing my paperwork for tax time.  Our accountant normally mails out a packet towards the end of the month for me to "fill in the blanks", then I always ask some questions on how the tax laws are changed from the previous year.  Yes, this is early for me, but with everything that is already on the calendar for the new year, I thought I'd better do it when I've got the time.  

I started mine last week, but I won't have the brokerage statements until towards the end of January anyhow.  That and my W2 are pretty much all I need. 

[Opti]

Wet snow outside. It was already slick early afternoon, so I decided not to do laundry as I don't want to fall going up and down concrete steps. Tomorrow's rain will probably wash it all away. Hope I can get in at least work clothes laundry but would like to do sheets and towels. Did some fleece laundry Friday after work, have more to go but it will wait.

Tempted to not attend an online meeting although before the snowstorm I planned to go in person. Have no desire to test out bus times in the dark & cold with wet snow. It was erratic enough getting home from work. Hopefully next weekend will be the last of holiday traffic or whatever is making the schedule so wonky. Looks like we might get less than the promised 4 or so inches before its all rain.

[Pink Cashmere]

I am trying to figure out how to make it clear, and stick to it at my counseling appointment next week, that I am in counseling for ME, and I’m not interested in using that time to work on shit with Mister.

When I said something about that at my last appointment, she said something about me needing to be able to walk and chew gum. I guess that even though I’ve tried to be clear about my intentions from the beginning, because I do talk about shit with Mister, I’ve still not been clear enough. I’m not sure how to be more clear though, since I’ve been consistent about being there for ME. I guess it is easy for us both to get sidetracked since shit with Mister is part of my current problems, but I still don’t want to walk and chew gum at the same time, as far as that goes. I want to work on ME more than I want to work on my relationship with him.

I feel like working on ME will either help make the relationship better, or end it, but either way, I will be in a better place mentally and emotionally. And that is what I’m after, taking care of, and tending to ME. If any relationship I have requires me to keep making my own well being less important than what somebody else wants from me, that my body is going to keep escalating in rebellion, those relationships are ultimately no good for me. 

I am tired of having one physical issue after another, and feeling bad physically, more often than not. I am tired of my body yelling at me and trying to get my attention about shit in my life.

That point was proven when, during my last session, the one that the walking and chewing gum comment was made, when she said something about Mister and I having a session together, I could FEEL my body instantly reacting to the thought, and I ended up with tears rolling down my face. I was immediately honest with her about what I was feeling in my body, and it was obvious I really was feeling distressed, because the tears started rolling within seconds. I told her to please ignore the tears, and let’s just keep going, because in my mind, my time with her was limited, and she wasn’t getting paid to console me because I was in tears, I could cry later.

To me, the way I reacted to her suggestion (again) that Mister and I have a session together, means that the relationship has obviously become yet another source of stress for me. I really don’t want to use counseling to work on my relationship with him right now. I want to work on me, because there is a reason I have all these bad relationships with people. I am aware of and acknowledge ways that what they do is bad for me, but I still allow a lot of shit, whether it’s from a warped idea of what loving someone requires of me, or because I don’t know how to love and take care of myself first, idk. Honestly, I think it is both. The reasons why and things I need to correct don't mean that I’m a bad person or even that they are bad people, I just need to learn how to keep or get myself out of shit that’s bad for me, because of how I love people. If even my relationship with Mister completely blows up or ends before I get myself together and get to a better place, I have to believe that the work I want to do means I will still be okay.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 6, 2024 17:50:10 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

I'm just sitting here alone. I'm under a heated blanket, listening to a video about positive thinking.

Feeling warm with a hot cup of coffee, breathing in and out, alive. 

Sometimes anxiety comes out of nowhere, but I learned how to hold it and let it go.

After my coffee gets cold,  (lol, I'm a very slow drinker) I will do the following or not:

I will finish up my laundry.
Make a list of the most important accounts to update my credit card.
Look at my accounts
Figure out the timing to when I should activate my new credit card.
Do 1 hour of work for my job.
Clean my desk but only for 15 minutes
Journal
Try to speak with my brother if I can get the timing right as he's in a different time zone.

I read your thread, and didn’t know what to say, so imma just say here that if you choose “not” on completing that list, give yourself some grace and don’t beat yourself up about it.

If you don’t get to all the stuff you feel is important this evening, try again tomorrow.

[soupandstew]

Jan 6, 2024 17:50:10 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

I'm just sitting here alone. I'm under a heated blanket, listening to a video about positive thinking.

Feeling warm with a hot cup of coffee, breathing in and out, alive. 

Sometimes anxiety comes out of nowhere, but I learned how to hold it and let it go.

After my coffee gets cold,  (lol, I'm a very slow drinker) I will do the following or not:

I will finish up my laundry.
Make a list of the most important accounts to update my credit card.
Look at my accounts
Figure out the timing to when I should activate my new credit card.
Do 1 hour of work for my job.
Clean my desk but only for 15 minutes
Journal
Try to speak with my brother if I can get the timing right as he's in a different time zone.

I struggle a lot with anxiety so your statement about "hold it and let it go" sounds very interesting to me.  I would love to hear more tips on the strategies you found. 

[soupandstew]

Jan 6, 2024 18:10:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am trying to figure out how to make it clear, and stick to it at my counseling appointment next week, that I am in counseling for ME, and I’m not interested in using that time to work on shit with Mister.

When I said something about that at my last appointment, she said something about me needing to be able to walk and chew gum. I guess that even though I’ve tried to be clear about my intentions from the beginning, because I do talk about shit with Mister, I’ve still not been clear enough. I’m not sure how to be more clear though, since I’ve been consistent about being there for ME. I guess it is easy for us both to get sidetracked since shit with Mister is part of my current problems, but I still don’t want to walk and chew gum at the same time, as far as that goes. I want to work on ME more than I want to work on my relationship with him.

I feel like working on ME will either help make the relationship better, or end it, but either way, I will be in a better place mentally and emotionally. And that is what I’m after, taking care of, and tending to ME. If any relationship I have requires me to keep making my own well being less important than what somebody else wants from me, that my body is going to keep escalating in rebellion, those relationships are ultimately no good for me. 

I am tired of having one physical issue after another, and feeling bad physically, more often than not. I am tired of my body yelling at me and trying to get my attention about shit in my life.

That point was proven when, during my last session, the one that the walking and chewing gum comment was made, when she said something about Mister and I having a session together, I could FEEL my body instantly reacting to the thought, and I ended up with tears rolling down my face. I was immediately honest with her about what I was feeling in my body, and it was obvious I really was feeling distressed, because the tears started rolling within seconds. I told her to please ignore the tears, and let’s just keep going, because in my mind, my time with her was limited, and she wasn’t getting paid to console me because I was in tears, I could cry later.

To me, the way I reacted to her suggestion (again) that Mister and I have a session together, means that the relationship has obviously become yet another source of stress for me. I really don’t want to use counseling to work on my relationship with him right now. I want to work on me, because there is a reason I have all these bad relationships with people. I am aware of and acknowledge ways that what they do is bad for me, but I still allow a lot of shit, whether it’s from a warped idea of what loving someone requires of me, or because I don’t know how to love and take care of myself first, idk. Honestly, I think it is both. The reasons why and things I need to correct don't mean that I’m a bad person or even that they are bad people, I just need to learn how to keep or get myself out of shit that’s bad for me, because of how I love people. If even my relationship with Mister completely blows up or ends before I get myself together and get to a better place, I have to believe that the work I want to do means I will still be okay.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

It makes perfect sense to me.  I'm hearing that you don't just want to fix today's issues but fix the root causes of today's issues which includes the part of you that struggles in relationships with your mother and Mister, including setting and maintaining boundaries.  You want to stop a cycle of choices that hurt you, mentally and physically.  You want to find a solid path to relationships that respect who you are.  Perhaps you want to find a balance between your very giving and loving heart, and other's tendency to take advantage of that.  Nothing wrong with any of that.  I'm sure that my hearing of your words is imperfect, so I apologize if anything I said is offensive.

[giramomma]

Jan 6, 2024 17:33:30 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I just took a 2.5 hour nap. Seriously. I physically feel fine. That is atypical. A half-hour, 45 minute nap on a Saturday afternoon is normal, but not this. Huh.

It's the toll work is taking on you. As much as I think I'm dealing well with work, I'm really not.

It's been a year, now, that stuff started going down. 

A year of putting up a front at work like working where i am is like freaking Disney. Watching my friend get targeted and keeping it to myself. 

I only trust literally two people in real life, right now and even that is cautious. And, unfortunately, my husband isn't in there. Which is a nice little load of extra. It's too much work, for me to do the work right now. Much more efficient to lump everyone into one bucket. Especially if I'm expect to perform 40 hours a week.

I don't dare reach out to folks that used to be my support group. Because if I accidentally let it slip about what's been happening, they will talk and it will come against me.  I was lucky come out OK the first time. I don't think lightening strikes twice.

[Sunnyday]

Jan 6, 2024 18:22:26 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Jan 6, 2024 17:50:10 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Sometimes anxiety comes out of nowhere, but I learned how to hold it and let it go.

I struggle a lot with anxiety so your statement about "hold it and let it go" sounds very interesting to me.  I would love to hear more tips on the strategies you found. 

It took me a long time get here. I won't get so much into my story, but depending on how severe it is, I have several techniques. 

Your anxiety is different from my anxiety, so it may or may not work for you.

The first step for me was understanding what happened to me as a child (extensive trauma).  Lots of lots of 'inner child" work. (This is not a quick win, so skip it for now.)

When I understood what core messages (lies) that I was telling myself, I could eventually address and talk my way out of it.

Sometimes our mind goes into a negative loop, and we need to physically break it.  Get up, wash your hands, breathe, take a shower, take a walk, look to side-to-side (just using your eyes, not moving your head), tap yourself.  Look up somatic healing.

I also use a process called the "golden thread" line of questioning when it's very severe.  You must have this conversation with the understanding that the person who answers you is not an adult but a child. Do not shame, bully; if you would not say it to a child, do NOT say it to yourself.

Q: Why am I anxious?
A: I'm anxious because my ex thinks that I'm being difficult.

Q: Are you being difficult?
A: No, I think that I'm being reasonable.

Q: So why are you anxious?
A: Because he thinks that I'm being difficult.

Q: Can you control how he sees you?
A: No

Q: Are you responsible for how he sees you?
A: No

Q: Why are you then feeling anxious?
A: I want to be loved, and it hurts that he thinks this about me.

Q: Do you think that you are not loved?
A: Yes.

Q: Is that true? What about X and Y an Z?
A: That is only 3 people. 

Q: It's 3 people, but you are loved.
A: I guess.

Q: So you are loved, but why are you feeling anxious about him not thinking positively about you?
A: Because I want him to love me, and he doesn't

Q: Can you force someone to love you?
A: No

Q: Would you like someone who you didn't love trying to hold you responsible for loving them?
A: No

Q: Does your value depend on him thinking positively about you.
A: yes, because if he doesn't love me, no one will.

Q: Is it true that no one will love you? You got him to love you at one point? And what about B, C and K?
A: Yeah, I guess.

And so on.....

If that is too hard or too "woo woo," you can ask yourself what the worst case scenario is if the anxiety is related to a specific thing.  Sometimes accepting the worst case scenario makes it easier to realize that you can make it through.

If you have more generalized anxiety, then you will have to do more work to address it. 

Essentially, any feeling that you fight makes it worse. What you resist, persist.

Accept the fact that you are anxious without guilt or shame, you are a human with human emotions. And talk to yourself as if you were own child or someone else's child. Self-soothe. 

If that doesn't work, then find ways to detach.  Think things like "Wow, that is an interesting feeling that I'm having!"
Emotions are not facts, they pass. Let it pass. Don't fight. Let it flow through you like water. 

If the anxiety is crippling, speak to it like a child.  "Momma has to do this thing right now, but when I'm done. I'll get back to you."  Then, actually get back to it. 

This post is too long already, so I'm just going to stop now.

[soupandstew]

Jan 6, 2024 19:01:09 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Jan 6, 2024 18:22:26 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I struggle a lot with anxiety so your statement about "hold it and let it go" sounds very interesting to me.  I would love to hear more tips on the strategies you found. 

It took me a long time get here. I won't get so much into my story, but depending on how severe it is, I have several techniques. 

Your anxiety is different from my anxiety, so it may or may not work for you.

The first step for me was understanding what happened to me as a child (extensive trauma).  Lots of lots of 'inner child" work. (This is not a quick win, so skip it for now.)

When I understood what core messages (lies) that I was telling myself, I could eventually address and talk my way out of it.

Sometimes our mind goes into a negative loop, and we need to physically break it.  Get up, wash your hands, breathe, take a shower, take a walk, look to side-to-side (just using your eyes, not moving your head), tap yourself.  Look up somatic healing.

I also use a process called the "golden thread" line of questioning when it's very severe.  You must have this conversation with the understanding that the person who answers you is not an adult but a child. Do not shame, bully; if you would not say it to a child, do NOT say it to yourself.

Q: Why am I anxious?
A: I'm anxious because my ex thinks that I'm being difficult.

Q: Are you being difficult?
A: No, I think that I'm being reasonable.

Q: So why are you anxious?
A: Because he thinks that I'm being difficult.

Q: Can you control how he sees you?
A: No

Q: Are you responsible for how he sees you?
A: No

Q: Why are you then feeling anxious?
A: I want to be loved, and it hurts that he thinks this about me.

Q: Do you think that you are not loved?
A: Yes.

Q: Is that true? What about X and Y an Z?
A: That is only 3 people. 

Q: It's 3 people, but you are loved.
A: I guess.

Q: So you are loved, but why are you feeling anxious about him not thinking positively about you?
A: Because I want him to love me, and he doesn't

Q: Can you force someone to love you?
A: No

Q: Would you like someone who you didn't love trying to hold you responsible for loving them?
A: No

Q: Does your value depend on him thinking positively about you.
A: yes, because if he doesn't love me, no one will.

Q: Is it true that no one will love you? You got him to love you at one point? And what about B, C and K?
A: Yeah, I guess.

And so on.....

If that is too hard or too "woo woo," you can ask yourself what the worst case scenario is if the anxiety is related to a specific thing.  Sometimes accepting the worst case scenario makes it easier to realize that you can make it through.

If you have more generalized anxiety, then you will have to do more work to address it. 

Essentially, any feeling that you fight makes it worse. What you resist, persist.

Accept the fact that you are anxious without guilt or shame, you are a human with human emotions. And talk to yourself as if you were own child or someone else's child. Self-soothe. 

If that doesn't work, then find ways to detach.  Think things like "Wow, that is an interesting feeling that I'm having!"
Emotions are not facts, they pass. Let it pass. Don't fight. Let it flow through you like water. 

If the anxiety is crippling, speak to it like a child.  "Momma has to do this thing right now, but when I'm done. I'll get back to you."  Then, actually get back to it. 

This post is too long already, so I'm just going to stop now.

Thank you so much for taking the time to sketch out the steps involved.  I am truly grateful.  I love your statement about the feelings that we fight becoming worse.  I know the childhood roots of my anxiety, but I think the golden thread conversation will be very helpful in working through each situation.  Accepting the worst cases scenario is a powerful tool indeed and one I try to employ.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 6, 2024 18:33:24 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Jan 6, 2024 18:10:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am trying to figure out how to make it clear, and stick to it at my counseling appointment next week, that I am in counseling for ME, and I’m not interested in using that time to work on shit with Mister.

When I said something about that at my last appointment, she said something about me needing to be able to walk and chew gum. I guess that even though I’ve tried to be clear about my intentions from the beginning, because I do talk about shit with Mister, I’ve still not been clear enough. I’m not sure how to be more clear though, since I’ve been consistent about being there for ME. I guess it is easy for us both to get sidetracked since shit with Mister is part of my current problems, but I still don’t want to walk and chew gum at the same time, as far as that goes. I want to work on ME more than I want to work on my relationship with him.

I feel like working on ME will either help make the relationship better, or end it, but either way, I will be in a better place mentally and emotionally. And that is what I’m after, taking care of, and tending to ME. If any relationship I have requires me to keep making my own well being less important than what somebody else wants from me, that my body is going to keep escalating in rebellion, those relationships are ultimately no good for me. 

I am tired of having one physical issue after another, and feeling bad physically, more often than not. I am tired of my body yelling at me and trying to get my attention about shit in my life.

That point was proven when, during my last session, the one that the walking and chewing gum comment was made, when she said something about Mister and I having a session together, I could FEEL my body instantly reacting to the thought, and I ended up with tears rolling down my face. I was immediately honest with her about what I was feeling in my body, and it was obvious I really was feeling distressed, because the tears started rolling within seconds. I told her to please ignore the tears, and let’s just keep going, because in my mind, my time with her was limited, and she wasn’t getting paid to console me because I was in tears, I could cry later.

To me, the way I reacted to her suggestion (again) that Mister and I have a session together, means that the relationship has obviously become yet another source of stress for me. I really don’t want to use counseling to work on my relationship with him right now. I want to work on me, because there is a reason I have all these bad relationships with people. I am aware of and acknowledge ways that what they do is bad for me, but I still allow a lot of shit, whether it’s from a warped idea of what loving someone requires of me, or because I don’t know how to love and take care of myself first, idk. Honestly, I think it is both. The reasons why and things I need to correct don't mean that I’m a bad person or even that they are bad people, I just need to learn how to keep or get myself out of shit that’s bad for me, because of how I love people. If even my relationship with Mister completely blows up or ends before I get myself together and get to a better place, I have to believe that the work I want to do means I will still be okay.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

It makes perfect sense to me.  I'm hearing that you don't just want to fix today's issues but fix the root causes of today's issues which includes the part of you that struggles in relationships with your mother and Mister, including setting and maintaining boundaries.  You want to stop a cycle of choices that hurt you, mentally and physically.  You want to find a solid path to relationships that respect who you are.  Perhaps you want to find a balance between your very giving and loving heart, and other's tendency to take advantage of that.  Nothing wrong with any of that.  I'm sure that my hearing of your words is imperfect, so I apologize if anything I said is offensive.

I typed out a long post, that I ended up deleting instead of posting. 

I am not offended at all.

You got it all right, and I appreciate you making the effort to reply to my post in a way that made me feel like I’m not crazy for how I feel and what I want for myself. Thank you.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ugh I'm still sick. I got a bad sinus headache going on now. Took some Dayquil to relieve the pressure I'm out of Sudafed.

My HS boyfriends mom passed away. Caught the obit on Facebook. She had Alzheimers.

That really sucks. I gave my condolences.

[swamp]

Jan 6, 2024 16:13:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Eating breakfast this morning, we watched fat black squirrel while he ate at the suet.  I don’t ever remember seeing a squirrel that was that much of a chonk, he’d probably give Sheldon a run for his money!  

Sometimes when I’m skimming instead of reading closely, I jumble up adjoining lines. 

I read that as “eating squirrel for breakfast this morning” 

[NoNamePerson]

Jan 6, 2024 20:19:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 6, 2024 16:13:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Eating breakfast this morning, we watched fat black squirrel while he ate at the suet.  I don’t ever remember seeing a squirrel that was that much of a chonk, he’d probably give Sheldon a run for his money!  

Sometimes when I’m skimming instead of reading closely, I jumble up adjoining lines. 

I read that as “eating squirrel for breakfast this morning” 

  You were not alone. I just didn’t want to admit it out loud. 

[swamp]

Jan 6, 2024 18:10:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am trying to figure out how to make it clear, and stick to it at my counseling appointment next week, that I am in counseling for ME, and I’m not interested in using that time to work on shit with Mister.

When I said something about that at my last appointment, she said something about me needing to be able to walk and chew gum. I guess that even though I’ve tried to be clear about my intentions from the beginning, because I do talk about shit with Mister, I’ve still not been clear enough. I’m not sure how to be more clear though, since I’ve been consistent about being there for ME. I guess it is easy for us both to get sidetracked since shit with Mister is part of my current problems, but I still don’t want to walk and chew gum at the same time, as far as that goes. I want to work on ME more than I want to work on my relationship with him.

I feel like working on ME will either help make the relationship better, or end it, but either way, I will be in a better place mentally and emotionally. And that is what I’m after, taking care of, and tending to ME. If any relationship I have requires me to keep making my own well being less important than what somebody else wants from me, that my body is going to keep escalating in rebellion, those relationships are ultimately no good for me. 

I am tired of having one physical issue after another, and feeling bad physically, more often than not. I am tired of my body yelling at me and trying to get my attention about shit in my life.

That point was proven when, during my last session, the one that the walking and chewing gum comment was made, when she said something about Mister and I having a session together, I could FEEL my body instantly reacting to the thought, and I ended up with tears rolling down my face. I was immediately honest with her about what I was feeling in my body, and it was obvious I really was feeling distressed, because the tears started rolling within seconds. I told her to please ignore the tears, and let’s just keep going, because in my mind, my time with her was limited, and she wasn’t getting paid to console me because I was in tears, I could cry later.

To me, the way I reacted to her suggestion (again) that Mister and I have a session together, means that the relationship has obviously become yet another source of stress for me. I really don’t want to use counseling to work on my relationship with him right now. I want to work on me, because there is a reason I have all these bad relationships with people. I am aware of and acknowledge ways that what they do is bad for me, but I still allow a lot of shit, whether it’s from a warped idea of what loving someone requires of me, or because I don’t know how to love and take care of myself first, idk. Honestly, I think it is both. The reasons why and things I need to correct don't mean that I’m a bad person or even that they are bad people, I just need to learn how to keep or get myself out of shit that’s bad for me, because of how I love people. If even my relationship with Mister completely blows up or ends before I get myself together and get to a better place, I have to believe that the work I want to do means I will still be okay.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

Yes It does.  

Help me fix myself so I stop being involved in toxic relationships.  I don’t want to fix just one relationship 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Grandma was approved for Medicaid. I just got the card in the mail and approval letter.

This is a HUGE monkey off my back.

[azucena]

Sunny - that was deeply insightful. Thank you for posting it.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 6, 2024 20:24:23 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jan 6, 2024 18:10:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am trying to figure out how to make it clear, and stick to it at my counseling appointment next week, that I am in counseling for ME, and I’m not interested in using that time to work on shit with Mister.

When I said something about that at my last appointment, she said something about me needing to be able to walk and chew gum. I guess that even though I’ve tried to be clear about my intentions from the beginning, because I do talk about shit with Mister, I’ve still not been clear enough. I’m not sure how to be more clear though, since I’ve been consistent about being there for ME. I guess it is easy for us both to get sidetracked since shit with Mister is part of my current problems, but I still don’t want to walk and chew gum at the same time, as far as that goes. I want to work on ME more than I want to work on my relationship with him.

I feel like working on ME will either help make the relationship better, or end it, but either way, I will be in a better place mentally and emotionally. And that is what I’m after, taking care of, and tending to ME. If any relationship I have requires me to keep making my own well being less important than what somebody else wants from me, that my body is going to keep escalating in rebellion, those relationships are ultimately no good for me. 

I am tired of having one physical issue after another, and feeling bad physically, more often than not. I am tired of my body yelling at me and trying to get my attention about shit in my life.

That point was proven when, during my last session, the one that the walking and chewing gum comment was made, when she said something about Mister and I having a session together, I could FEEL my body instantly reacting to the thought, and I ended up with tears rolling down my face. I was immediately honest with her about what I was feeling in my body, and it was obvious I really was feeling distressed, because the tears started rolling within seconds. I told her to please ignore the tears, and let’s just keep going, because in my mind, my time with her was limited, and she wasn’t getting paid to console me because I was in tears, I could cry later.

To me, the way I reacted to her suggestion (again) that Mister and I have a session together, means that the relationship has obviously become yet another source of stress for me. I really don’t want to use counseling to work on my relationship with him right now. I want to work on me, because there is a reason I have all these bad relationships with people. I am aware of and acknowledge ways that what they do is bad for me, but I still allow a lot of shit, whether it’s from a warped idea of what loving someone requires of me, or because I don’t know how to love and take care of myself first, idk. Honestly, I think it is both. The reasons why and things I need to correct don't mean that I’m a bad person or even that they are bad people, I just need to learn how to keep or get myself out of shit that’s bad for me, because of how I love people. If even my relationship with Mister completely blows up or ends before I get myself together and get to a better place, I have to believe that the work I want to do means I will still be okay.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

Yes It does.  

Help me fix myself so I stop being involved in toxic relationships.  I don’t want to fix just one relationship 

Right! Thank you for being one of the people that understands what I’m saying and wanting to do!

If at my next appointment, I can’t get her to really understand that even if I might mention shit with my relationship with Miser, trying to fix that relationship is NOT why I am seeking help from her, I will probably, fire her. Seriously.

[azucena]

I think you quote swamps exact words to your therapist. I don't think it can be said any clearer and fwiw I think you're on the right track.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jan 4, 2024 17:10:18 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I have spent the day block text messages from the GQP about their upcoming caucus.  I don't know how they got my phone number.

I have gotten a lot of calls from area code 202 which is DC.  Those don't ring and they leave no message.


I also received an email today that my student loans have been forgiven.  That's nice.  I paid them off in 1980,   

Try not to pay an African prince $4,500 for an ice maker. 

Jan 4, 2024 18:00:13 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

They are pushing super hard for cameras on all the time unless there's 20 or more attendees. In those cases, it can remain off unless you are speaking. There are some I can leave it off for and others based on who's attending, I turn it on. Although depending on how badly meetings are scheduled, it might remain off because I'm stuffing my face. Usually those are ones where I don't need to speak or I have very little to say. That's what happens when you book 11-2 solid.

I don't feel having it on it makes me more connected to my coworkers.

My health insurance doesn't do the discount thing for my particular plan. I do believe that sort of thing, physical and results is mandatory for the cheaper, high deductible plans. They do call regularly trying to get me to enroll in 2 different wellness programs. Of course these are not run by the insurer so not subject to the same privacy rules. Verizon has the number flagged as spam.

Having the camera on is generally expected in my line of work. Plus, we all eat on camera. Our jobs are so hectic that virutal meetings are the easiest time to eat.  

Jan 4, 2024 18:06:16 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm about to cry, in a good way. buckle up, it's a little long-winded even after edits. 

I posted about the shit going on with my parents, and I had booked the cruise a month or so ago when my mom was all up about "yes, I'm good to come pup-sit" and all that. well, part of the reason I hadn't asked mooch and M was that the rescue pup they adopted last winter has been having major issues. he apparently has a chemical imbalance of sorts that makes him unpredictable and vicious, and it presents late in the day as like a sundowner dementia. this pup is barely 2yo. they won't return him to the rescue as they fear he would be adopted out to a family with kids, and no child is going to survive what they have as adults. this was actually one of the things I wasn't ready to talk about whenever I posted a comment about having shit I'm not good to air just yet. this is a much longer story, but the detail here was needed for some background. short version for now is that they both have major scars and the pup is heavily medicated.

anyway, the last few times my two crashed with them, LD and C had tussled. one of the last times, they tussled enough that mooch had to physically separate them. LD broke skin unintentionally, and C came back at both of them a few times. for this reason, I hadn't ever considered asking them to watch my two for a week while I go cruise. and then my sister dropped a bomb that mom won't drive with the goofy glasses, and dad can't (I knew that) after surgery. well, obv I'm not gonna push the issue on my parents, but shit....if y'all had told me about what you had going on, I wouldn't have booked the damn cruise. 

so when I reached out to the daycare to ask about adding a day next week for Punk, I asked about their boarding policies as pup care got squidgy for an upcoming trip. I know they would be very well taken care of, at $200/day for 2 pups. oh, and LD wouldn't put the questionable leg down earlier when we went out for outs, so we have repeat xrays tomorrow. 

anyway, I just got off the phone with mooch and M, where I explained ALL of this detail, and I could hear mooch in the background sucking air through his teeth. I get ya, dude, I have the same hesitation for the exact same reason. I didn't ask in the first place for exactly that hesitation. about 20min into the convo, M pipes up to offer that she can stay here for the week, except the day she has to go into the office. wait, what?? I didn't ask b/c I didn't think she would go for that! she said, it's not ideal, but she could. she just has to confirm if she has to travel that week for a project she picked up this morning, but she is good to crash here as long as she doesn't have to go anywhere else. tears are coming.....that would solve everything and save me $1k in the process. 

I still have some details to work out, but it looks like this may all end up being okay. well, pending LD's xrays tomorrow am. oy. are we sure it isn't still 2023? because it sure feels like it. 

I'm glad this has worked out for you. $100/day/dog is twice as much as we pay around here. 

Jan 4, 2024 18:43:38 GMT -5 weltz said:

Jan 4, 2024 17:46:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As much as I kvetch here about the trials and tribulations of maintaining an older house (and thanks to all for listening) it's still a better deal economically as long as I can tolerate being point person in dealing with it due to DH's advancing age and hearing loss.  So many people have asked why we don't move; to where?  A tiny "senior community" patio home is $500,000 minimum and I still have to deal with maintenance issues, plus HOA fees and very long distances for healthcare.  A relatively small apartment (1100 sq ft) will be $3,000 a month, and many, many more miles to drive for healthcare, groceries etc.  

We paid $60,000 for our house back in 1995 and have probably put another $60,000 in over time.  Local listings for a 3 bedroom, 1-1/2 bathroom like ours are $289,000 and ours has many more amenities than those which is crazy in my mind.  We are, thankfully, considered a multi-ethnic area which is the lifestyle we embrace.  

Pink Cashmere   Our home was built in 1959 with real wood paneling in the dining area.  We originally planned to skim coat it to fill in the grooves and did that on one wall, but we weren't that happy with the results and just painted over the rest of it and added a chair rail all around.  We're happy with the outcome.

Wow!  I live in a 1,000 sf apartment in the heart of the city and I pay $940 a month, with heat and hot water included. It's a gorgeous apartment, full of light, with hardwood floors and a balcony, and  the grocery store, pharmacy, sports complex and clinic are across the street.

Yeah, $940/month including heat and hot water for that size of an apartment is way in the rear-view mirror for my location. 

Jan 4, 2024 21:04:33 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I just finished the best online comic I've ever read.

It was a SpongeBob comic where Patrick turns evil and unleashes an apocalypse on Bikini Bottom.

I want an actual graphic novel of this! I am glad the artist offers it for free but damn I'd be willing to pay.

Just an adjacent thought: I'm glad the publication of graphic novels have increased. As a teacher, it's been a big help for non-readers. 

Jan 4, 2024 21:54:44 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I don’t know if it’s the phase of the moon or prolonged holiday blues or what but the boards as a whole have been all about pissing in each others cereal since the first of the year. I personally don’t need that in my life so I’m taking a break for a bit

I must have missed something(s). I hope I see you back soon. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jan 5, 2024 14:24:41 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

TD and I need to have a stove discussion.  I do understand his logic in keeping old appliances because new ones do not have near the longevity.  But this is getting ridiculous.

Problem 1:  The burners tilt if there is not enough weight on them.  They also unevenly tilt so I need to rotate a pan around.  The burners have hot spots on them that if I put something onto simmer (even in a cast iron Dutch oven) it’ll burn at the hot spots unless I get up and rotate regularly.

Problem 2:  The oven is about 25° cooler than its set at.  We can adjust the setting, but it’s still a pain.

Problem 3:  Which is my tipping point.  I turn the oven on to heat up, and it turns off automatically.  I’m trying to make Parmesan crisps, and the oven has turned off twice.  

Of course, this didn’t happen when TD was baking his pies last week.  

Um, yeah, I agree with everyone else. Get a new range/stove/oven whatever it is. We also have a double oven (no bottom drawer). We cook enough that its necessary. Our stove top is gas though.  A few years ago at our previous house, we had to replace the oven/stove. At that house, we didn't have gas, but I don't remember why we didn't get induction. It may have been because of the price different. The house we bought  May 2022 had a basic electric glass top in it even though there was gas line there. We didn't even test the oven/stove top. We just ordered a new unit. We weren't going to have access to natural gas and not use it. 

Jan 5, 2024 20:03:21 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

It doesn’t help that I’m looking at a $3000+ Bosch induction stove.  I want induction, especially after getting a chance to play around with it while in the cruise.  

I need to do some more research on this.

Jan 6, 2024 10:49:04 GMT -5 daisylu said:

The birthday party last night was SO MUCH FUN! I forgot how charming I can be when I want to. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jan 6, 2024 17:39:33 GMT -5 busymom said:

I've spent most of the last 2 days organizing my paperwork for tax time.  Our accountant normally mails out a packet towards the end of the month for me to "fill in the blanks", then I always ask some questions on how the tax laws are changed from the previous year.  Yes, this is early for me, but with everything that is already on the calendar for the new year, I thought I'd better do it when I've got the time.  

I haven't even thought about tax forms yet!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jan 6, 2024 18:43:54 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jan 6, 2024 17:33:30 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I just took a 2.5 hour nap. Seriously. I physically feel fine. That is atypical. A half-hour, 45 minute nap on a Saturday afternoon is normal, but not this. Huh.

It's the toll work is taking on you. As much as I think I'm dealing well with work, I'm really not.

It's been a year, now, that stuff started going down. 

A year of putting up a front at work like working where i am is like freaking Disney. Watching my friend get targeted and keeping it to myself. 

I only trust literally two people in real life, right now and even that is cautious. And, unfortunately, my husband isn't in there. Which is a nice little load of extra. It's too much work, for me to do the work right now. Much more efficient to lump everyone into one bucket. Especially if I'm expect to perform 40 hours a week.

I don't dare reach out to folks that used to be my support group. Because if I accidentally let it slip about what's been happening, they will talk and it will come against me.  I was lucky come out OK the first time. I don't think lightening strikes twice.

I had an inkling of that thought also. 
I told the school staff on Thursday afternoon. 
Three people burst into tears on the spot. 
Two others were crying at the end of the work day (45 minutes later). 
Another two came into my office on Friday asking me to take the with them to whatever school I end up at next. 
I've heard from others who work in different buildings who are shocked and sad. 

Maybe I am emotionally and/or mentally exhausted, and that's why I'm so tired today. 

[busymom]

My MIL is truly a gift, and I'm glad she's still around.  She taught me very early in my marriage that you cannot "make" anyone do anything, not even in their own best interest.  Not even people you truly love.
That little nugget has served me well over the years.  


I agree that a therapist's focus should be on helping you help yourself.  Like the old oxygen mask analogy.  You cannot take care of others without taking care of yourself first.  

[toomuchreality]

Jan 5, 2024 8:41:05 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jan 5, 2024 7:22:16 GMT -5 daisylu said:

It is 18 degrees here this morning. Was going to go into the office, but no. The storm for tomorrow has been downgraded to 5 to 8 inches of snow. We'll see. 

What's really sad is that I don't think we've even had 5 inches of snow so far. And we live in a state that's supposed to get a good amount of snow.

Same here. I think we've had a skiff of snow twice, this year. So much for, The greatest snow on Earth. Our license plates no longer say that.

[minnesotapaintlady]

We have this pain management program through work that hooked me up with a virtual PT last year for my knees.  I kind of bailed on doing it because it seemed to be making things worse, I intend to start up again though because they insist it's better to keep going despite that.  Anyhow last week they sent me these electrical devices to put on the pain area for an hour a day, and omg, I freaking love this thing.  I don't know how much they help long-term when they're off, but they sure feel good on.  Now I've moved on to slapping it on my back and I may never take it off.    It's like a non-stop massage.

[CCL]

Jan 6, 2024 23:22:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

We have this pain management program through work that hooked me up with a virtual PT last year for my knees.  I kind of bailed on doing it because it seemed to be making things worse, I intend to start up again though because they insist it's better to keep going despite that.  Anyhow last week they sent me these electrical devices to put on the pain area for an hour a day, and omg, I freaking love this thing.  I don't know how much they help long-term when they're off, but they sure feel good on.  Now I've moved on to slapping it on my back and I may never take it off.    It's like a non-stop massage.

What's it called? Is it like a TENS unit? That might be what I need.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jan 7, 2024 0:05:49 GMT -5 CCL said:

Jan 6, 2024 23:22:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

We have this pain management program through work that hooked me up with a virtual PT last year for my knees.  I kind of bailed on doing it because it seemed to be making things worse, I intend to start up again though because they insist it's better to keep going despite that.  Anyhow last week they sent me these electrical devices to put on the pain area for an hour a day, and omg, I freaking love this thing.  I don't know how much they help long-term when they're off, but they sure feel good on.  Now I've moved on to slapping it on my back and I may never take it off.    It's like a non-stop massage.

What's it called? Is it like a TENS unit? That might be what I need.

I had to look up TENS unit, but yes, I think it's about the same thing.  It's called an enso.

www.hingehealth.com/product/enso/

[countrygirl2]

The stove I bought is pretty utilitarian. If it were something I was keeping for a long time I would have gotten a really nice one but this will go with the modular when we sell it. If we don't sell it, well stick with it for some time I guess.

[countrygirl2]

Today was good. DIL came and got us, we went to the Korean store and got some things. Than we decided to go to lunch. We found a cajun catfish, shrimp, chicken place. Took quite awhile to get the food but it was awesome. For 4 of us $100, ouch, but DD wanted to pay. I won't let her often because I'm afraid they will think we are taking advantage of her, but I did today. I will notate it was family, and she feels like she has really done something nice which she did. She wants to feel like she can take turns doing things like that, it has been months since I let her so it should be ok.

I'm sitting here with grandson on a program which is going through all the elements and explaining each one. He is thrilled with it all interested, by now I'm getting pretty bored but if he likes it, ok. He is having little behavior issues at school, his mom said this teacher really likes him and thinks he is a really smart kid. It does make a difference. He has had one or two issues but that's about it so far.

She, DD, and I are going to a movie one day. Tomorrow evening she is going to belly dancing, LOL! And one evening she is taking little guy skating again, he really likes that, its ice skating. He is picking it up. He said their class now has 35 kids and they have separated it into 3 classes. One is 2nd/3rd grade and now 2 others. They are getting a new Russian kid, he didn't know if girl or boy. That will be nice, maybe he can help them get acclimated.

So she is over whatever was bugging her for a couple of days. Like hubs said she tries and at heart is a good person. I think half her issues is moodiness from hormones. Used to get me until I had a hysterectomy, after that no more issues.

So today was good. I'm very tired again and about ready for bed I think. Night all.

[toomuchreality]

Jan 6, 2024 12:47:43 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Truth 100%!