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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2022 8:48:32 GMT -5
I need to get started on my Swedish death cleaning. I turn 50 in a couple months. I'm 69 and this is something that's on my mind even though I haven't read the book. My parents weren't big on acquiring things but my siblings who live closer went through several downsizings with Dad after Mom died- first when he sold the house and went into Independent Living, then to a smaller unit in the place that didn't require a walk from a separate building to the dining areas, then to LTC. I'm glad I was spared it (they didn't ask me to come out and I didn't volunteer) but even at best, with multiple healthy people on the job and nothing bordering on hoarding, it's kind of heartbreaking. My one brother would send pictures of things and most went to others in the family. He's such a good YM'er that we even had the storage unit cleaned out before Dad died. I know my brother- it was probably killing him to pay Dad's money in rent on it. My SIL is going through it now after her mother's death and DDIL is about to help her mother downsize after her Dad's death, I was there for his funeral. It's gonna be a big job- little house but full of Stuff with 30 years of memories. I just bought her a copy of "Rightsizing Your Life", which does a really good job of addressing the emotional as well as practical aspects. So yes, it makes me think about someone having to clean the place out and that's one reason I de-clutter periodically and am careful about what I bring in. It also makes cleaning easier. Did anyone watch the home staging shows they had on HGTV for awhile? I swear some people could have stayed in the houses they had if they'd been willing to pare down.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 10, 2022 9:16:45 GMT -5
My nephews have already told me when I'm gone they will get a dumpster and toss most of my stuff in there.
They have told me anything that isn't in the will.
I also know any decent furniture that is left will find a home.
That was the major reason I started getting rid of Stuff that I don't use or need.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2022 9:48:26 GMT -5
And here's where most of your clothes will end up. nypost.com/2021/11/09/chilean-desert-site-of-39000-pounds-of-scrapped-clothing/I had a friend who worked at a local domestic violence shelter and for a long time they had a policy that no donation would be turned away. They had to change it because people were pretty much cleaning out Mom's house and bringing truckloads of garbage bags with used shoes and underwear, half-used containers of cleaning supplies and cosmetics and clothes that were no longer wearable. People may fantasize that they're "donating" all that but much of it ends up in landfills. There are some exceptions- DDIL gets all the kids' clothing, shoes and many toys and games from a consignment shop and they're really good quality, but I'm sure the shop is picky about what it takes in.
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Feb 10, 2022 10:02:58 GMT -5
I need to start. At this point, I am ready to chuck everything.
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mamasita99
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Post by mamasita99 on Feb 10, 2022 16:57:42 GMT -5
Aw gawd! Do not remind me of my pre-ym self! I particularly resent you reminding me of pulling into a garage, feeling flush, and asking to have the two worst tires replaced. I didn't specify which tire was the mushiest, so they chose the baldest two. I spent a good chunk of the next month searching for free air and just hating everyone in the world, including myself.
I landed up going car-free shortly after that, which I do not regret, but the memories of that time still sting. I was so un-smart! I was so proud and prickly! I resent being reminded of what a fool I was and how gently many folks treated me because it obligates me to also be gentle with fools.
I don’t judge myself so harshly for not knowing what I didn’t know back then, and I hope you find a way to give yourself the same kind of grace. There are so many things in my life that I missed out on or messed up because of lack of knowledge…… I choose to not beat myself up about mistakes I made due to lack of knowledge. I know I’m not perfect, so the most important thing to me for the last 15 years or so, has been to try to learn from whatever mistakes I make. Anyhoo, I think it matters more that we both did better once we learned better. Consider not being so hard on your former self. Please? I felt like your comment was speaking to me, Pink. I have my moments when I look back at how much time and money I wasted through the years, even when I “thought” I was doing the right thing. I have to not beat myself up, these were “growing “ experiences. All we can do is better moving forward.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2022 17:56:43 GMT -5
I actually don’t judge anybody for doing that as long as it’s on their own dime. I totally agree and I won't tell you what I'm about to spend on a couple of pieces of jewelry as soon as my favorite site has a sale. OTOH, I will fund my own LTC, my son has no student loans and if I can help it my grandchildren won't, either. Do you think your coworker with the Acura and the fancy house can say the same thing? I’m not sure why you ask that. I think I at least implied that I thought at the time that her choices were less than ideal if I got the “must be nice” comment over having the cash to pay for a set of tires. That was over 10 years ago. Maybe she’s learned some things since then and gotten to a much better position, where she can maybe fund her own LTC and maybe her children didn’t have to get student loans for college and maybe her grandchildren won’t have to either. Even with OT, I doubt either of us could make the kind of money you made in your career, so that would require a lot more sacrifices, I imagine. But anything is possible, right? But even if she hasn’t gotten to that point, that’s her business, not mine.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 17:34:19 GMT -5
My friend is on social security disability and always broke. Yet she buys unnecessary things she thinks she needs. Recently she bought a portable phone charger at Dollar General and tried convincing me I needed one; I could get it at Dollar General. It was hard to explain that I don't need one because I charge my phone at home. She must walk up and down every aisle at "dollar stores". She is constantly showing me the gadgets she buys. I don't shop like that.
Different from "it must be nice" is "I cannot believe you buy new [whatever]". Well, not that I should have to explain myself, my house is paid for and I work my a$$ off. I have plenty of retirement savings and no children to inherit it. I should be able to buy myself something new once in a while.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 17:53:28 GMT -5
My friend is on social security disability and always broke. Yet she buys unnecessary things she thinks she needs. Recently she bought a portable phone charger at Dollar General and tried convincing me I needed one; I could get it at Dollar General. It was hard to explain that I don't need one because I charge my phone at home. She must walk up and down every aisle at "dollar stores". She is constantly showing me the gadgets she buys. I don't shop like that. Yeah, BF is a bit like that, too, although his favorites are Kohl's and MicroCenter. He never met an electric gadget he didn't like and he's been sucked in by the Kohl's model, similar to Ulta, where the sticker prices are high but they have sales all the time, you get loyalty points on everything and when you spend the loyalty points on something it's "free". One writer used the phrase "looking for something to want"- I did that when I was younger- first when I was single and working, and later when DS and I went to the malls on weekends to escape from his Dad, my first husband. I can go into Costco or the local grocery with a list and come out with what's on the list. Period.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 11, 2022 18:09:46 GMT -5
I was a volunteer rep payee. The agency representative and I went to a woman's house because her son wanted the agency to help her pay her bills.
The woman was in her 80's, used a walker and was living in an efficiency low income elderly housing apartment.
She was spending more each month that she made and was using the credit union allowing her to overdraft her checking account (at $37 each time) as her "savings" account. So when her Social Security check hit each month, she was only actually receiving about half because of the overdraft on her checking account.
First you could hardly walk in the place for all the CDs and DVDs. She couldn't cook there because the kitchenette was covered in Stuff. Lots of it unopened. The living area was the same way. She could get to a couch where there was room for one person to sit. There was no place for us to sit.
We went over her fixed expenses: rent, monthly parking for her car, car payment, car insurance, telephone, prescriptions and food. That was more than her monthly income. The parking was $100 month and her car payment was about $250. Those two things and no car insurance would take her out of the hole.
She had every excuse in the book for why she had to keep the car. The agency rep told her that since she uses a walker, she should not be driving. That infuriated her and she said that is what her son said.
She would not budge on anything so the agency told her they couldn't help her until she was ready to live on her monthly income.
I was so happy when the agency rep said that because she was going to be my client if they accepted her.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 18:45:08 GMT -5
First you could hardly walk in the place for all the CDs and DVDs. She couldn't cook there because the kitchenette was covered in Stuff. Lots of it unopened. The living area was the same way. She could get to a couch where there was room for one person to sit. There was no place for us to sit. That's really sad. I suppose shopping was the only excitement she had left in her life. If I ever get like that I hope DS takes my credit cards away.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 20:32:41 GMT -5
First you could hardly walk in the place for all the CDs and DVDs. She couldn't cook there because the kitchenette was covered in Stuff. Lots of it unopened. The living area was the same way. She could get to a couch where there was room for one person to sit. There was no place for us to sit. That's really sad. I suppose shopping was the only excitement she had left in her life. If I ever get like that I hope DS takes my credit cards away. Even if he does take them away, it won’t mean that you can’t get around that if you really want to.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 12, 2022 2:13:10 GMT -5
My friend is on social security disability and always broke. Yet she buys unnecessary things she thinks she needs. Recently she bought a portable phone charger at Dollar General and tried convincing me I needed one; I could get it at Dollar General. It was hard to explain that I don't need one because I charge my phone at home. She must walk up and down every aisle at "dollar stores". She is constantly showing me the gadgets she buys. I don't shop like that. Different from "it must be nice" is "I cannot believe you buy new [whatever]". Well, not that I should have to explain myself, my house is paid for and I work my a$$ off. I have plenty of retirement savings and no children to inherit it. I should be able to buy myself something new once in a while. I think some people have the hunt and gather impulse in the extreme. Might be nurture, might be genetic, IDK. I do think that's where that comes from though.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 12, 2022 10:32:22 GMT -5
First you could hardly walk in the place for all the CDs and DVDs. She couldn't cook there because the kitchenette was covered in Stuff. Lots of it unopened. The living area was the same way. She could get to a couch where there was room for one person to sit. There was no place for us to sit. That's really sad. I suppose shopping was the only excitement she had left in her life. If I ever get like that I hope DS takes my credit cards away. She didn't have credit cards. She had an account at her drug store and they billed once a month for her purchases. She told them to put stuff on her bill. That particular drug store sells is like a general store. She had no idea of how much she was spending until the bill came. Then she would write them a check and overdraft her account. That was the battle her son was having with her.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2022 17:05:58 GMT -5
She had an account at her drug store and they billed once a month for her purchases. She told them to put stuff on her bill. That particular drug store sells is like a general store. She had no idea of how much she was spending until the bill came. Then she would write them a check and overdraft her account. That was the battle her son was having with her. Yeah, most drug stores have branched out into toys, household items and impulse purchases. It's all pretty scary since none of is knows what we might do if a little senility sets in. I REALLY need to talk with DS again and remind him I want to know if he thinks something is "off". About the only solution I can think of is an irrevocable trust that allows the trustee to pay my reasonable living expenses, including LTC if that should become necessary. The Catch-22 is that you still have to have enough mental capacity left to consent to that.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2022 19:26:09 GMT -5
DH and I cleaned out my mother's apartment after she went to assisted living, and then cleaned out his parents' house after his dad's death which was 2 year's after his mom's death. Both experiences were ghastly in different ways. That is a great part of what keeps us persistent in periodic cleanings partly so no one has to experience any sort of trauma and that our estate gets max value from the good stuff.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Feb 22, 2022 11:39:22 GMT -5
I've been on this journey for the last 10 years. My goal is to have a carefully curated collection of things I either enjoy using or looking at, need and use frequently or save for sentimental reasons and get rid of the rest. For me, it's not about saving money or being a minimalist, it's about feeling happy and at peace with what I have.
Clothes
This worked well and was so much fun. I had just gotten divorced and lost a bunch of weight and at the time I was wearing dress clothes to work 4 days/week, casual work Fridays and going out many different types of places. I had a small spare room and I took one wall and put up a temporary hanging bar, then the opposite wall I found a various shelving (book case, wire racks), some of those cheap clear plastic 3-drawer storage units that are about 15" square with wheels on the bottom, and a whole case of those clear plastic shoebox containers. On another wall, I hung a kind of peg rack thing for jewelry and accessories so I could see every piece and I put a full length mirror on the back of the door. All my clothes, shoes & accessories went in that room even coats. Then I put some boxes under the hanging clothes for "donate", "offer to friends" and "keep just in case", a trash can and some trash bags. I put everything in the room and left plenty of room to spare.
First, I went through everything and removed anything I didn't like, was worn out or obviously wouldn't fit. Then I set a goal to use each item in the room at least once and not wear it again until I had worn all of the others and not buy new things until I had gone through everything I had. Within reason - obviously I needed a few smaller pairs of pants, I don't have a different bottom for each top and I wasn't going to wear shorts in the winter. I put as many things together into outfits as I could and lined them up on the hanging rack with the empty hangers at one end.
Each day, I'd get completely dressed including shoes and accessories and take a picture in the mirror on my phone. I moved those pictures into a folder "outfits". If as I was getting dressed I decided I didn't like something it went into one of the boxes. After wearing (and doing laundry), I moved each piece from the "to be worn" section to the "already worn" section. By the time I got through everything, I had weeded out a lot. Then I went through the pictures and decided some things really weren't the best style or color for me and they needed to go. I pulled a few things out of the "keep just in case" box but not many (mostly layering pieces or accessories). The process took the better part of a year - started in spring and finished up after the holidays.
A few years later when I moved into my new husband's house, I didn't have a spare room anymore and I was limited to a 7 drawer tall chest dresser and a 3' wide closet and a standing jewelry box for my jewelry and small accessories.
Storage/Organization:
I found adjustable wire racks work great for most shoes - I combined two 3-shelf units into one 6-shelf unit with each shelf just high enough for shoes. delicate shoes or things like flip flops that can be stored on their sides can go in the clear shoeboxes (with or without lids). The square plastic storage units are perfect for sweaters. I put them in the drawer like files fold side up so you can see them all at a glance. the shoe rack fit in the closet sideways against one wall with the plastic drawer units on wheels in the middle under the short hanging clothes. The dresser drawers were kind of shallow so I rolled all of my pants to be able to see them all at once. I also rolled pajamas - bottom & top together rolled up. I put belts rolled up in a basket and scarfs folded and "filed" into another basket on top of the rolling carts so I could pull them out. Then I installed battery operated motion lights on the sides of the front wall of the closet so I could see everything.
I'm getting ready to do this again soon. Life changed, work went to all casual, now 100% remote. I gained some weight and I'm in the process of losing but I know I'll never get into a few of the smaller things again. We don't go out much and I wear leggings most days.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Feb 22, 2022 16:46:30 GMT -5
Household stuff other than clothes:
Now that we're in our smaller hopefully "forever" house, I've been doing a lot of purging and trying to keep everything pretty and organized. I installed shelving up to the ceiling over the washer/dryer and have clear boxes with an index card in the front with the contents (batteries, tape, envelopes, sewing kit, various arts & craft supplies, candles, office supplies, greeting cards, gift bags/wrap, etc.). Shoebox size for most things, triple that size for larger things. With a stack of empty boxes for when I need something else or get done with a box. It makes it easy to see what's inside and take the whole box with me to wherever in the house I'm using it. I also have a stack of the 15" square laundry baskets for things like beach towels, towels for dirty projects, cleaning cloths, etc. Bathroom has linen closet filled with 12" square boxes that can be pulled out to use (hair stuff, first aid, extra soap/shampoo, etc.) I found zippered nylon bags on Amazon to store extra pillows/blankets, so each bag is a packet that can be pulled out for overnight guests (2 pillows with cases & sheets and a blanket to go on the air mattresses). They slide under the bed.
We had accumulated a lot of kitchen stuff so I laid everything out and picked out the stuff I like and really use, set aside the stuff we don't like or use to give away and took the things I haven't used in a while but think I might use and put them in a box in the basement. After 6 months, I had gone and gotten a couple of items out of those boxes but most I was happy to give away at that point. I organized the kitchen so stuff I use all the time is in easy reach and stuff used less often is on the highest/lowest shelves.
We have a million toys for the grandkids but you'd never know it to look a the living room. I got a huge buffet server with doors & drawers for the living room that doubles as a TV stand and several leather footstool/coffee table storage things and we keep everything hidden until they arrive. All of their art supplies are in drawers in my china cabinet next to the dining room table where they do crafts. They have a shelf in the kitchen cabinets with all of their snacks organized into clear boxes.
I also try to follow, something in, something out. We like to go to thrift stores and yard sales and I participate in one of those "buy nothing" groups on Facebook and give and gift various things. I upgrade when I find something new I like but for each item I bring into the house I try to give away at least one item.
I used to feel guilty about getting rid of perfectly good things but really, it costs money to keep stuff. Storage boxes and shelving are expensive and storing stuff you don't need takes away from keeping things you want. I also found that laws of attraction thing really works. Every time I give away a load of stuff, usually within days something I've been wanting shows up either ridiculously cheap or free.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2022 17:03:19 GMT -5
I used to feel guilty about getting rid of perfectly good things but really, it costs money to keep stuff. Storage boxes and shelving are expensive and storing stuff you don't need takes away from keeping things you want. I also found that laws of attraction thing really works. Every time I give away a load of stuff, usually within days something I've been wanting shows up either ridiculously cheap or free. I agree. I'm especially happy if I think it's likely to go to someone who will get some use out of it. Other benefits for me: I don't end up buying multiples of something because I can't find the one I have, it greatly simplifies house cleaning, and I save a ton of money by not making impulse purchases of clothing and household stuff.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Feb 23, 2022 0:11:14 GMT -5
Googly Moogly!!!!! That explains alot.... Last week I viewed a video on a woman who was making "bricks" out of old cloth/clothing.... (I was wilfing around looking at "artsy" recycle/change the world stuff). Here's an article about her and her fabbricks: www.livingcircular.veolia.com/en/city/fabbrick-makes-bricks-out-our-old-clothesAnd I pondered the piles of fabric/clothes that must be somewhere in the world... I know all the used clothing that winds up in parts of Africa has complicated the economy (there's almost no need to produce clothing or cloth or any of the "industry" associated with it because there is so much used clothing being bought and sold for example. There's no need for skilled workers to make a product - just "businesses" to resell the used clothing) . FWIW: I love watching video tours of Never Too Small - small apartment re-designs. Some of the architects/designers opt to use inexpensive finishes (quality but not name brand) in their solutions for living in a small space. But to be honest - most of the Never Too small seem to be pricey and high end "apartments" for the wealthy. But, they still are interesting to see - as the apartment sizes aren't too different from "regular folk" living spaces. I think that's how I wilfed over to the Fabbricks video.
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