Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,357
|
Post by Tiny on Feb 7, 2022 11:00:08 GMT -5
Anyone on the Journey that is Minimalism (or Simple Living or maybe it's called Living with Less)? I've actually been on the Journey for many years. It's hard to part with stuff. And there always more stuff to buy (or that seems that one needs to buy - because everyone else is buying it.... ) I'm not really aspiring to have the perfect Minimalist/Living with Less home or wardrobe or life -- but I do like that some of the you-tube channels I watch and some of the articles I've read (and some Ted Talks) have pointed out that taking care of a lot of stuff can create anxiety and stress and cause lots and lots of daily decisions. I also like that they cover some of the emotional issues with parting with stuff. And that the process isn't a "one and done" that it's an on going journey/process. I am working towards having my stuff cause me less stress and anxiety (and having to make fewer decisions about it). I'm also hoping I can get my "cleaning the house" times down. I'm back to doing some Fly Lady routines (and dabbled with the Clean Mama routines...) But alas you can't clean "clutter" so I'm still working on cutting back the clutter. I watched some of the PBS Rise of American Consumerism - one of the shows highlighted 3 (or 4) American families and documented all the stuff they had in their overflowing houses (and garages and yards). And these families were typical - they weren't special or outriders. Anyone doing a "no buy" month (or longer) for a particular area of your home or life? What's working for you? I've also dabbled/watched/considered some of the decluttering via organization processes, but I've found that you really can't organize "clutter" and I'm still buried under clutter. I've been in a "no buy" for clothes and accessories since January 2021. ::sigh:: and I still have plenty of clothes to wear. Anyone going thru their wardrobe/clothing (shoes, accessories, jewelry) and working towards having less? I've worked on this in the past - and I did have a workable but still large wardrobe - but since I've been WFH (and possibly only returning to the office for 2 days (casual/jeans) a week) I don't need so much "Office wear". So I need to whittle down that at some point... Right now I've been working on a "wear out/use up" winter casual clothing - since October I've been rotating thru the same 5 "Business Causal" work tops each week until they are "worn out" or just "I am so done with this top" None of these have been "donate" worthy so they go to the rag pile (or cat bed) or trash. I've also been doing the same with 5 "at home tops" - I'm wearing sweat pants or leggings or pajama bottoms.... and then jeans if I go out. I'm done with (trashed, used in a cat bed before going to the trash) 7 of the business causal tops and am working on 5 more. I still have about 20 "in good shape almost new Business Casual tops... so I will have to make a decision on those - to keep or donate. Atleast the ones that I could "use up" I have "used up". I'll be switching over to my spring/summer wardrobe at some point. I have far fewer Spring/Summer wardrobe pieces so I expect it will be easier. I'm not sure what my end goal is with this... I don't see an end... I have so much clothing and shoes and accessories.... And I haven't purchased new clothing since Fall of 2020 (when I bought winter pajamas and some long sleeved t-shirt type tops (I didn't need to the long sleeved t-shirts in retrospect - I had a dozen buried in the closest. ) Anyone buying (or making*) some organization systems as you've decluttered (and can therefore organize)? What worked or didn't work? The Clutterbug Channel on you tube had a "test" to help you figure out your organizational style - and I have to admit - being labeled a "Butterfly" and being shown some organizational tips so I can "see my stuff" lifted a weight from my shoulders. Being given "the OK" to not have my "organized" areas look exactly like the magazine spreads and my friends and relatives "organized" areas was a relief. I made a couple of changes under my kitchen and bathroom sinks with how they are arranged and organized (to fit the way I need to have them organized - and not the way everyone else needs them organized) and both areas came to together nicely and they are both more useful to me and less stress inducing. I even cleared out some additional stuff (and some "organizational" products that I bought that were NOT doing it for me). * I recently used a handful of Amazon and Chewy boxes (and some contact paper from the dollar store) to make some custom sized storage boxes - so I could SEE what was in them - for my front hall to hold hats/gloves and scarfs and my collection of folding umbrellas and then a couple of boxes/trays to hold Cat Litter Box supplies (plastic bags) and their nail clippers, brushes, pill boxes (they have daily pills) etc. I figured I'd start with a $4.00 spend on sticky paper and make use of all the cardboard boxes/trays I keep having to recycle to see what worked and what didn't. And then branch out into more expensive/nicer looking containers if warranted. Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make due with less it will effect our consumer economy?
|
|
anciana
Well-Known Member
Joined: Sept 20, 2011 11:34:57 GMT -5
Posts: 1,048
|
Post by anciana on Feb 9, 2022 9:54:40 GMT -5
A lot of interesting thoughts here, Tiny! I don't know that I could move on towards minimalism at this point in my life, kids are still growing and so is all the stuff that we keep acquiring, lol There are several threads around here that you might be able to find like-minded people. Decluttering thread is a lively one and moves very quickly: 2022 Declutter & Organize Your Life
These posters are doing their own version of "spend nothing month": 2022 Controlled Spend and No SpendI am sure there are few others that touch on what you wrote here about but those two come to mind first, I am just not sure if you ever checked them out before. Good luck on your Journey, I think it's a worthwhile one!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 10:29:06 GMT -5
I agree on checking out the specific threads but here are my answers.
Anyone doing a "no buy" month (or longer) for a particular area of your home or life? What's working for you?
Not really- I just don't buy Stuff that others do- holiday decorations, knicknacks, single=purpose kitchen gadgets, tools, small electronics. I buy things only if something needs to be replaced. If you keep the clutter down it means you don't end up buying multiples of something because you lost the original.
Anyone going thru their wardrobe/clothing (shoes, accessories, jewelry) and working towards having less?
I've stayed the same size over the years and keep things till they wear out or are ripped or soiled beyond repair. Just last weekend I wore my 38-year old Brooks Brothers camel-hair coat to a funeral. Sometimes I don't wear something for years and then I start wearing it again. I rarely buy clothes- so much is cheap stuff made in China that will fall apart and end up in a landfill in a year. Same with shoes- I buy Birkenstocks, American-made boots that last for years, and have quite a few pairs of Italian-made dress shoes that I bought back when I was working. No need to buy more. My jewelry is all real so no, I don't throw it out or donate it.
Anyone buying (or making*) some organization systems as you've decluttered (and can therefore organize)?What worked or didn't work?
Not really. I do try to follow the advice not to store anything on the floor- makes it harder to clean. Also not thrilled with the plastic storage bins- unless it's seasonal things, it's just postponing the inevitable de-cluttering decisions. And, if you pare down, you don't need to organize.
Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make do with less it will affect our consumer economy?
I doubt most people are going to change. Retail therapy is alive and well and I just bought stock in a company that buys blocks of storage units. BF moved a lot of his stuff to a storage unit over a year ago. He hasn't been back to it- just keeps paying the rent. It's big business. I look at all the stuff set out at garage sales- clothing, decorative items, glassware, etc.- and wonder what people spent to buy them and how many of the things were actually worth it to them.
|
|
bean29
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 9,887
|
Post by bean29 on Feb 9, 2022 10:38:09 GMT -5
I always want to declutter, but actually having time to do it is more problematic. In addition, I have a DH who is not quite a hoarder, but he does not like to get rid of stuff and he will do things like buy a bunch of miscellaneous crap at a rummage sale, and then it defeats the purpose of me decluttering. My kids and I have to work around DH which is why I either discretely load stuff in my car to take to goodwill or the kids take it and put in the garbage can before DH sees it. I have also had DS come over on Saturday and go to the with me while DH is at the office.
Still, my DD has accepted a lateral transfer (in order to gain credentials/experience to move up) and as a result, she will give up her apartment and move in with her boyfriend. I think his apartment is higher end (it is in the Deer District in downtown MKE), so I expect her furniture to get absorbed back into our house. Since when my son moved out he took a Queen Bed and a Sofa, it should not cause too much of a problem. She says she did not pay for a lot of her furniture and some of her kitchenware was given to her from an old roommate, but she just bought the living room furniture last spring. I have a hard enough time deciding what to keep/get rid of when it is my stuff (or DH's). Trying to decide what to keep get rid of when it was left behind by one of your kids is even worse.
I have thought about doing the spend nothing month also, but I have never done it.
I knew about Fly lady, I have never visited the clutterbug channel - I will have to check it out. Getting some insight into the emotional issues with getting rid of stuff might be just what I need. I have to start dealing with my paperwork and other clutter, so I can make some room in my house.
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,357
|
Post by Tiny on Feb 9, 2022 11:10:53 GMT -5
There are several threads around here that you might be able to find like-minded people. I am sure there are few others that touch on what you wrote here about but those two come to mind first, I am just not sure if you ever checked them out before. Good luck on your Journey, I think it's a worthwhile one! Thanks! I will look for the threads you suggested (and search for other ones).
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,357
|
Post by Tiny on Feb 9, 2022 11:22:49 GMT -5
Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make do with less it will affect our consumer economy?
I doubt most people are going to change. Retail therapy is alive and well and I just bought stock in a company that buys blocks of storage units. BF moved a lot of his stuff to a storage unit over a year ago. He hasn't been back to it- just keeps paying the rent. It's big business. I look at all the stuff set out at garage sales- clothing, decorative items, glassware, etc.- and wonder what people spent to buy them and how many of the things were actually worth it to them. One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else.  
|
|
Tiny
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 21:22:34 GMT -5
Posts: 13,357
|
Post by Tiny on Feb 9, 2022 11:37:55 GMT -5
I always want to declutter, but actually having time to do it is more problematic. In addition, I have a DH who is not quite a hoarder, but he does not like to get rid of stuff and he will do things like buy a bunch of miscellaneous crap at a rummage sale, and then it defeats the purpose of me decluttering. My kids and I have to work around DH which is why I either discretely load stuff in my car to take to goodwill or the kids take it and put in the garbage can before DH sees it. I have also had DS come over on Saturday and go to the with me while DH is at the office. I don't have quite the same in flow of stuff - but I can say that "decluttering" is not a one and done thing. It's an on going "chore". I like the idea of "recycling" or "upcycling" ones stuff (or stuff found for free or inexpensively). The "custom" organization boxes I made from cardboard boxes I had on hand was inspired by a value I hold dear: "Reuse, Recycle, Reduce" I apply that with a "right tool for the job" so I don't wind up "making due" with something that just makes my life more difficult - I replaced my "make due with" pots/pans one by one with better suited to the job I need them to pots and pans. I no longer have pots with hot spots or lids that didn't work very well. I no longer have pans with hot spots or ill fitting lids or jelly roll/cookie sheets that warp in the oven. I also have fewer pots and pans. On a funny note - some of the youtube channels and articles I've read about this - addressed the assumption that this literally meant NO SPENDING - so no outings (planned or otherwise) or no eating out or not paying your bills! I've mostly done "no spend" plans in order to curb impulse spending and use up what I had at home (or whittle down the supply of stuff I had at home). So no spend on household products or clothes or accessories for example. Many of the youtubers who deal with declutter/minimalism/organization/ the reuse/recycle/reduce ideas usually have a video or two dealing with the emotional issues. Knowing you are not alone or that you aren't experiencing anything out of the ordinary and getting some gentle suggestions on how to acknowledge the feelings and then work with/thru them is helpful. With all things you have to find your way thru the youtubers going for an 'extreme' point of view to get viewers/likes and the one's who genuinely are documenting their journey and want to help other people. The Fly Lady channel is "dense" I remember trying to work thru her system when it was just text blog or webpage on line (or maybe a newsletter). I like the Fly Lady's approach but when I was recently revisiting it - I found that using some youtube channel videos that broke down the "plan" into a more easily accessible format was helpful. I like the positive "whole person" approach the Fly Lady uses. So, I'm kind of back to working on doing a daily routine. It's a journey and we all do what we can.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,629
Member is Online
|
Post by raeoflyte on Feb 9, 2022 11:45:03 GMT -5
I've been decluttering for 20 years. I think dh is most of the issue, but I bring my own problems. There was a meme - "why spend $7 on something at Walmart that I can spend 5 hours and $92 making myself" that pretty well sums up my recreational life. Jack of all, master of none kind of person. Plus kid stuff that I really struggled to part with until recently.
Focusing on my stuff though, I've never liked having a lot of clothes or shoes. It's easier to stay on top of things when you have to do laundry mid week imo. The pandemic threw my system out of whack though. I needed more casual clothes, but didn't want to toss my work wardrobe. Now I have too much of each. But I bought the 100 day dress from Wooland. 100% wool, good at repelling stains and odor. Their spiel is you can wear it every day, and I love it. It is my new uniform for work and anything that isn't project day clothes. Passes for casual and dressier work wardrobe. I plan on doing a serious decluttering of my closet and dresser to get back to a capsule wardrobe, and a stash of project clothes.
I don't have issues with wanting stuff other people do, or feeling pressured by anyone. I love other people's homes that are a little sparse.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2022 11:56:13 GMT -5
Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make do with less it will affect our consumer economy?
I doubt most people are going to change. Retail therapy is alive and well and I just bought stock in a company that buys blocks of storage units. BF moved a lot of his stuff to a storage unit over a year ago. He hasn't been back to it- just keeps paying the rent. It's big business. I look at all the stuff set out at garage sales- clothing, decorative items, glassware, etc.- and wonder what people spent to buy them and how many of the things were actually worth it to them. One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else. My friend married a doctor, and has a household income 3+ to probably 9 times the rest of her group of friends. We traveled together, and it was a little bit of a strain, because she just mindlessly likes to buy shit, and I like to be more judicious. She's the same with Christmas gifts. Try to get it though her head that we just want to get together, we don't need stuff. I'm donating a couple mugs I got from her that I didn't need, and don't have the room for. Anyway, back to our trip, I feel like I fully covered my share, but there were times like each of us treated, and afterward the third lady mentioned next time we stick to a predetermined amount. Now it makes me wonder if I missed something? Ugh. Part of it was food, too, trying to stick to a diet + not wasting money on food/drinks I neither wanted nor could finish. Maybe it's not a big deal to her, but this is the only reason I have the net worth that I do, because I don't waste money. I didn't marry a rich doctor to bankroll my whims. (Anyway, sorry for devolving into a rant.)
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,937
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Feb 9, 2022 12:15:17 GMT -5
Anyone doing a "no buy" month (or longer) for a particular area of your home or life? What's working for you?
I have never tried a "no buy" month. I am paranoid as soon as I decide to do one that I will suddenly want/need a bunch of stuff that I don't need right now.
I typically just shop with a list. If it's not on the list then I don't go into that area of the store and look around. I will occasionally buy food that's not on the list if there is a sale or my husband wants something, but most of the time if its not on the list, it's not on my radar and I don't really notice it in the store.
Anyone going thru their wardrobe/clothing (shoes, accessories, jewelry) and working towards having less?
I did this both times that I moved. It's a lot easier to give something up when you have to review each item and decide if it's going to be used enough to justify moving it to a new location. I was pleased that with the current house there was enough space left over in the master bedroom closet to let my husband move his clothes into it too. In our last house I hogged the whole closet and he had to keep his clothes in the spare bedroom closet.
Anyone buying (or making*) some organization systems as you've decluttered (and can therefore organize)? What worked or didn't work?
In our old house I was able to keep myself in check because the house was very small. I knew anything I bought for the house I had to get rid of something that I already had, which put a big damper on purchases. In the new house we have a ton of space, but I am out of the habit of buying home decor, so I only think about buying something if its on my shopping list.
Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make due with less it will effect our consumer economy?
I think eventually our nation will hit the point that the middle class is stretched too thin with rent/food/medicine that they will be forced to scale back purchases. If that happens, it will have a huge impact on the economy. However the stresses of housing and food inflation will probably disrupt the system before we feel the impact of less consumer spending.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 12:24:02 GMT -5
Anyone doing something else in this vein? Do you think if enough people make do with less it will affect our consumer economy?
I doubt most people are going to change. Retail therapy is alive and well and I just bought stock in a company that buys blocks of storage units. BF moved a lot of his stuff to a storage unit over a year ago. He hasn't been back to it- just keeps paying the rent. It's big business. I look at all the stuff set out at garage sales- clothing, decorative items, glassware, etc.- and wonder what people spent to buy them and how many of the things were actually worth it to them. One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else. People made fun of me because I still had a Blackberry until about 4 years ago. People I didn’t even know would say “is that a BLACKBERRY?!” I would usually just laugh. I tend to not replace things that still work for me. Just because there’s a newer version, doesn’t mean I’m tempted to go out and buy it. I definitely don’t care about buying stuff just to be able to say I have it or impress other people. I will buy something task specific if it makes something I do regularly easier.. FWIW, in my experience, it is freeing to not have an overwhelming amount of stuff. It does require ongoing effort though, and always being mindful of what you choose to bring into your home.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,937
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Feb 9, 2022 12:42:23 GMT -5
One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else. I have a relative that spent years looking down on me for not having the latest name brand clothes or this year's iphone, or name brand home decor. She didn't really stop the eye rolling and disdainful comments until a few years ago when I paid cash for a new car, and she realized that we were making a lifestyle choice as opposed to just being poor.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 13:23:01 GMT -5
I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. As soon as I hear that a certain item is the latest "must-have" I am determined not to buy it. I see this especially at Christmas- you buy everyone on your list an InstaPot, and Air fryer, an iPad- whatever is hot that year.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,665
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Feb 9, 2022 13:40:44 GMT -5
I like and use all my kitchen gadgets. I didn't run out and buy them when they were the hot item though. Instant pot was a gift from my dad one year at Christmas. I think by waiting, we got what suited us. DH's cousin advised getting a bigger air fryer and it has worked well.
I made the gadgets a home under a folding table with tablecloth, both things I already had. That was in Feb 2020. In March 2020, it also became DH's desk.
Our kitchen would work for someone who was minimalist. It was 100% not designed by a baker. DH got everyone's cast offs when he bought his house. We are still getting rid of that crap.
Some things we are getting rid are from a time when we had a much different income. Some can't always afford the best quality. Sometimes you have to buy what will work for now and still allow you to pay rent and buy groceries.
Time has been a factor for us as well in trying to reign in the clutter. It got better with covid but then donation places were closed.
I do think we are mindful of purchases, do we need it, where will it go, what purpose does it serve. There's no PS5s or the latest cell phone models here.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 13:59:36 GMT -5
One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else. I have a relative that spent years looking down on me for not having the latest name brand clothes or this year's iphone, or name brand home decor. She didn't really stop the eye rolling and disdainful comments until a few years ago when I paid cash for a new car, and she realized that we were making a lifestyle choice as opposed to just being poor. Years ago, when I started using what I’d learned from you all, when I needed to buy new tires, a coworker/friend said “It must be nice to be able to pay cash for a set of tires”. The comment irritated me a bit, but I just said something like “it’s not like it just magically happened, it’s because I’ve learned to make better choices with my money”. We had the exact same salary. She had a McMansion built a few years after I bought my house. Hers cost more than 3x what mine did. She bought a new Acura right after she moved into her new house. Her husband made minimum wage and refused to find a better paying job, and they had 3 minor children at the time. I’d chosen to stay in my modest “starter” house, and I’d resisted replacing my car. I’d wondered how she was making all those new hefty expenses work, but it wasn’t my business to mind. Her comment rubbed me the wrong way and made me want to point out the differences between how we spend our money. But I didn’t, beyond saying it was due to my choices that I could pay cash for a set of tires.
|
|
Spellbound454
Senior Member
"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
Joined: Sept 9, 2011 17:28:42 GMT -5
Posts: 3,982
|
Post by Spellbound454 on Feb 9, 2022 15:02:12 GMT -5
Yes I have a rule that if I haven't worn it in a year....... I'm not going to wear it.... so it goes. (aside from smart coats/suits etc) It helps keep my wardrobe full of reasonably smart things. I get quite distressed by clutter so every now and then there will be a binge... where if its not nailed down it goes. I'm like that at School.... I have literally seconds to get to the cupboard to get ie scissors... so everything has to be in place and ready. Got a couple of kitchen drawers though, which I like... and they are full of everything from birthday candles to radiator keys. Its a must have so everything runs smoothly.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,113
|
Post by azucena on Feb 9, 2022 15:09:49 GMT -5
One of the topics I bumped into on the various youtube channels was how to deal with the "peer pressure" to spend money or to keep buying new stuff. And how sometimes when getting off the "buy stuff just to buy stuff" merry go round - you might loose friends or need to find a new group of like minded people. So, I do agree that the movement to buy less stuff would need to take over a large part of the population for it to effect the economy. And it might be hard to get a large portion of the population to get on the bandwagon - because of that search for "happiness" by buying more stuff. I resisted buying an insta pot and I know I got weird looks from family members (and some friends) - as in how could I NOT buy one? They were amazing! That blew over and now I've got "two heads" because I don't have an air fryer. (I literally do not have the counter space or the storage for these devices... and I don't want to have to deal with the decision making involved with when do I get rid of it and how do I get rid of it once I'm tired of using it. I'd rather spend money on something else. I have a relative that spent years looking down on me for not having the latest name brand clothes or this year's iphone, or name brand home decor. She didn't really stop the eye rolling and disdainful comments until a few years ago when I paid cash for a new car, and she realized that we were making a lifestyle choice as opposed to just being poor. Had this conversation with DD13 a few weeks ago when she made a snide comment about my 2014 minivan compared to another family's brand new one. Said mine is completely paid for and currently saving for the next $15k version in a few years while they are paying $450/month for 5 yrs. That stopped her right in her tracks as she did the math on that. Similar to what Pink said about paying cash for tires
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2022 15:15:53 GMT -5
My brother tried to pull the "must be nice" shit on me once. Told him, must be nice to have a truck, and a boat, and stay in hotels every weekend for your kids travel hockey. He shut up for a while.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 15:30:58 GMT -5
My brother tried to pull the "must be nice" shit on me once. Told him, must be nice to have a truck, and a boat, and stay in hotels every weekend for your kids travel hockey. He shut up for a while. I maybe would’ve received it a little differently from someone that didn’t have the exact same base salary as me. She actually made more money than me though, because she worked OT and I didn’t. If she’d asked what I meant about my choices, I would’ve happily shared, in hopes she might find something I said useful. My Mom has made similar comments, but I’m not going to get started on that.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2022 15:58:27 GMT -5
My brother tried to pull the "must be nice" shit on me once. Told him, must be nice to have a truck, and a boat, and stay in hotels every weekend for your kids travel hockey. He shut up for a while. I maybe would’ve received it a little differently from someone that didn’t have the exact same base salary as me. She actually made more money than me though, because she worked OT and I didn’t. If she’d asked what I meant about my choices, I would’ve happily shared, in hopes she might find something I said useful. My Mom has made similar comments, but I’m not going to get started on that. It's easier to speak plainly like that with family. I wouldn't say too much to a coworker either.
|
|
haapai
Junior Associate
Character
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:40:06 GMT -5
Posts: 5,871
|
Post by haapai on Feb 9, 2022 18:58:31 GMT -5
I have a relative that spent years looking down on me for not having the latest name brand clothes or this year's iphone, or name brand home decor. She didn't really stop the eye rolling and disdainful comments until a few years ago when I paid cash for a new car, and she realized that we were making a lifestyle choice as opposed to just being poor. Years ago, when I started using what I’d learned from you all, when I needed to buy new tires, a coworker/friend said “It must be nice to be able to pay cash for a set of tires”. The comment irritated me a bit, but I just said something like “it’s not like it just magically happened, it’s because I’ve learned to make better choices with my money”. We had the exact same salary. She had a McMansion built a few years after I bought my house. Hers cost more than 3x what mine did. She bought a new Acura right after she moved into her new house. Her husband made minimum wage and refused to find a better paying job, and they had 3 minor children at the time. I’d chosen to stay in my modest “starter” house, and I’d resisted replacing my car. I’d wondered how she was making all those new hefty expenses work, but it wasn’t my business to mind. Her comment rubbed me the wrong way and made me want to point out the differences between how we spend our money. But I didn’t, beyond saying it was due to my choices that I could pay cash for a set of tires. Aw gawd! Do not remind me of my pre-ym self! I particularly resent you reminding me of pulling into a garage, feeling flush, and asking to have the two worst tires replaced. I didn't specify which tire was the mushiest, so they chose the baldest two. I spent a good chunk of the next month searching for free air and just hating everyone in the world, including myself.
I landed up going car-free shortly after that, which I do not regret, but the memories of that time still sting. I was so un-smart! I was so proud and prickly! I resent being reminded of what a fool I was and how gently many folks treated me because it obligates me to also be gentle with fools.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 19:43:33 GMT -5
We had the exact same salary. She had a McMansion built a few years after I bought my house. Hers cost more than 3x what mine did. She bought a new Acura right after she moved into her new house. It's locking yourself into high house payments and car payments that will kill you. I was house-poor in NJ but a modest Cape in a decent school district cost a whole lotta money. Fortunately I drove the same car from 1991-2003 and it was just a modest Japanese-brand sedan. I do not get people buying 5-BR 6-bath houses on 3 floors when they have only 2 kids, or a shiny new F-150 truck with fancy wheels when they don't really need a truck for work. My "it must be nice" moment happened in my first job when I went to Europe, which was my dream from even before HS. I don't know why. I was 25, it was 1978 and not that common. I responded to my "must be nice" coworker comments by pointing out that the POS 1973 Hornet I was driving probably cost a lot less than what they had in their garage(s). Travel was my priority. Cars never were.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 19:44:31 GMT -5
Years ago, when I started using what I’d learned from you all, when I needed to buy new tires, a coworker/friend said “It must be nice to be able to pay cash for a set of tires”. The comment irritated me a bit, but I just said something like “it’s not like it just magically happened, it’s because I’ve learned to make better choices with my money”. We had the exact same salary. She had a McMansion built a few years after I bought my house. Hers cost more than 3x what mine did. She bought a new Acura right after she moved into her new house. Her husband made minimum wage and refused to find a better paying job, and they had 3 minor children at the time. I’d chosen to stay in my modest “starter” house, and I’d resisted replacing my car. I’d wondered how she was making all those new hefty expenses work, but it wasn’t my business to mind. Her comment rubbed me the wrong way and made me want to point out the differences between how we spend our money. But I didn’t, beyond saying it was due to my choices that I could pay cash for a set of tires. Aw gawd! Do not remind me of my pre-ym self! I particularly resent you reminding me of pulling into a garage, feeling flush, and asking to have the two worst tires replaced. I didn't specify which tire was the mushiest, so they chose the baldest two. I spent a good chunk of the next month searching for free air and just hating everyone in the world, including myself.
I landed up going car-free shortly after that, which I do not regret, but the memories of that time still sting. I was so un-smart! I was so proud and prickly! I resent being reminded of what a fool I was and how gently many folks treated me because it obligates me to also be gentle with fools.
I don’t judge myself so harshly for not knowing what I didn’t know back then, and I hope you find a way to give yourself the same kind of grace. There are so many things in my life that I missed out on or messed up because of lack of knowledge…… I choose to not beat myself up about mistakes I made due to lack of knowledge. I know I’m not perfect, so the most important thing to me for the last 15 years or so, has been to try to learn from whatever mistakes I make. Anyhoo, I think it matters more that we both did better once we learned better. Consider not being so hard on your former self. Please?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 19:53:10 GMT -5
We had the exact same salary. She had a McMansion built a few years after I bought my house. Hers cost more than 3x what mine did. She bought a new Acura right after she moved into her new house. It's locking yourself into high house payments and car payments that will kill you. I was house-poor in NJ but a modest Cape in a decent school district cost a whole lotta money. Fortunately I drove the same car from 1991-2003 and it was just a modest Japanese-brand sedan. I do not get people buying 5-BR 6-bath houses on 3 floors when they have only 2 kids, or a shiny new F-150 truck with fancy wheels when they don't really need a truck for work. My "it must be nice" moment happened in my first job when I went to Europe, which was my dream from even before HS. I don't know why. I was 25, it was 1978 and not that common. I responded to my "must be nice" coworker comments by pointing out that the POS 1973 Hornet I was driving probably cost a lot less than what they had in their garage(s). Travel was my priority. Cars never were. Well, as long as they aren’t asking me for money and they aren’t hurting anyone, I don’t really care what people spend their money on. If I had millions and billions of dollars, I’m pretty sure I’d buy something you or somebody, somewhere would frown upon. I don’t judge the ultra rich for spending their money on impractical things that make them happy. I actually don’t judge anybody for doing that as long as it’s on their own dime.
|
|
haapai
Junior Associate
Character
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:40:06 GMT -5
Posts: 5,871
|
Post by haapai on Feb 9, 2022 19:56:41 GMT -5
Aw gawd! Do not remind me of my pre-ym self! I particularly resent you reminding me of pulling into a garage, feeling flush, and asking to have the two worst tires replaced. I didn't specify which tire was the mushiest, so they chose the baldest two. I spent a good chunk of the next month searching for free air and just hating everyone in the world, including myself.
I landed up going car-free shortly after that, which I do not regret, but the memories of that time still sting. I was so un-smart! I was so proud and prickly! I resent being reminded of what a fool I was and how gently many folks treated me because it obligates me to also be gentle with fools.
I don’t judge myself so harshly for not knowing what I didn’t know back then, and I hope you find a way to give yourself the same kind of grace. There are so many things in my life that I missed out on or messed up because of lack of knowledge…… I choose to not beat myself up about mistakes I made due to lack of knowledge. I know I’m not perfect, so the most important thing to me for the last 15 years or so, has been to try to learn from whatever mistakes I make. Anyhoo, I think it matters more that we both did better once we learned better. Consider not being so hard on your former self. Please? Did you miss the last clause? Laughing at myself comes pretty easily these days. Being kind and patient with young'uns who are just as foolish as I once was is so much harder.
|
|
laterbloomer
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2018 0:50:42 GMT -5
Posts: 4,347
|
Post by laterbloomer on Feb 9, 2022 20:03:17 GMT -5
For frugal living I really like reading Mr. Money Mustache. He saved and invested and was able to "retire" really young. The retiring young ship has sailed for me but I can use a lot of his methods to save quickly to make up a bit for my late start.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 15:37:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2022 20:17:52 GMT -5
I actually don’t judge anybody for doing that as long as it’s on their own dime. I totally agree and I won't tell you what I'm about to spend on a couple of pieces of jewelry as soon as my favorite site has a sale. OTOH, I will fund my own LTC, my son has no student loans and if I can help it my grandchildren won't, either. Do you think your coworker with the Acura and the fancy house can say the same thing?
|
|
countrygirl2
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 7, 2016 15:45:05 GMT -5
Posts: 16,712
|
Post by countrygirl2 on Feb 9, 2022 22:50:05 GMT -5
I know I have spent too much on stuff and I'm working hard not to. I am doing better; I went into TJ Maxx and only spent a few dollars on a shirt for DD.
I'm going to need to buy or make me some clothes as I continue losing weight. I'm trying to wait until I meet my goal before I do but my clothes are getting pretty big. I have DD in good shape clothing wise, but I spend her money on clothing and things for her, as I need to anyway.
I don't need anything else really but I like my house to look nice and I do buy things for it.
But I think why am I saving and doing without things I would like to have, at our age? But still silly to waste money on wants and not needs.
|
|
plugginaway22
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 10:18:42 GMT -5
Posts: 1,649
|
Post by plugginaway22 on Feb 10, 2022 8:03:47 GMT -5
We just returned from a great week away at a very small 1 BR 1 BA AirBnb. Only the absolute essentials are there: 4 coffee mugs, 4 plates, 4 towels, and it was everything we needed! I look around at our 4 BR 2 BA large home and know that we could definitely downsize and simplify. We raised 3 kids and have been here for over 25 years. DH and I recently retired so I have been working on taking boxes of things to the local community aid, but it is obvious we need to do more.
A few years ago I read 'The Art of Swedish Death Cleaning' which basically says to take care of your $hit now so your kids don't have to. It really spoke to me and I need to go re-read it for more motivation.
|
|
Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,659
|
Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 10, 2022 8:20:14 GMT -5
I need to get started on my Swedish death cleaning. I turn 50 in a couple months.
|
|