raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,720
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 21, 2021 13:01:10 GMT -5
I'd say it's household split. Once the kids are on their own, they can contribute *or not*. Candy was always a hit for gifts to my grandma when I was poor and one I still recommend.
Dh and I are common potters but he's in charge of gifts to his family and me for mine. We sign both our names and the kids names to tags. I really don't watch the total cost much anymore. My parents don't need anything while his have less disposable income and more expensive tastes. We probably spend more on his folks most years but it's more of a fair doesn't mean equal set up.
It sounds like the problem is 1 person is picking the gift and telling people what they each owe. I'd separate from the group gift in that dynamic if it was causing issues.
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tractor
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 15:19:30 GMT -5
Posts: 3,455
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Post by tractor on Dec 21, 2021 15:24:38 GMT -5
what are DINKS? common potters? Double Income No Kids. If you have two professions (with no kids) they potentially have A LOT of disposable income. In theory, when my wife and I had no kids, our income was smaller and we had less money than we do now. Only 3 more months until both kids are off the payroll!! DINKS again in 2022 😊
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susana1954
Well-Known Member
Joined: Feb 23, 2021 18:50:55 GMT -5
Posts: 1,397
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Post by susana1954 on Dec 21, 2021 15:25:53 GMT -5
View it as per household. Then if you want to collect from your own spouse/SO and children, go for it. I know if I were doing this sort of thing, I would be hesitant to ask my own kids to contribute even though they are adults in their 40s and have good jobs. They also have kids and a lot of expenses associated with that. They might prefer to bake cookies or something as opposed to kicking significantly more into a group gift, and it wouldn't be fair for me to force them to participate. Is that really the problem? That you are being forced to spend more $$$ on a present than you are comfortable spending? So you want more people to split the cost? I just can't see getting hung up on how many people's names are on the card. Some of the parents probably signed it for them.
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bean29
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 9,923
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Post by bean29 on Dec 21, 2021 15:26:25 GMT -5
Is it a lift chair? or Just a regular lift chair. My Mom called me in September and asked me to go with her to look at a lift chair. I don't think she really needed on RN, but she needed to replace her La-Z-Boy and she decided to get one with a lift. I called DH, cause he has a truck, and he decided to go with. We bought a chair for my Mom that day, and one for his Dad. His Dad really needed it, but had not asked for one, or made any move to get one. We paid for it ourselves, did not ask anyone else to contribute.
I think the question is can you afford $350. If you can't then you should speak up.
I always tell myself we are not in a competition, and my Brother does a lot of maintenance stuff for my Mom too, so I just try to do anything she asks of me.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,301
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Post by giramomma on Dec 21, 2021 18:12:24 GMT -5
I think I'm grateful I'm an only child. I'm also grateful that I think at this stage, my inlaws would rather come over for Sunday meals than get stuff from us. MIL has done another round of decluttering in preparation for the next phase. She's even working through her stash very diligently. I didn't get my inlaws any gifts for Christmas. Technically, I don't have any excuses. There is no room for the extra mental load for DH or me right now.
They were pretty excited to get meatloaf on Sunday. It's a meal they don't make because they don't want meat loaf left overs ad naseum. FIL had a second helping of dessert. Something my inlaws never have because two people don't need a whole cake, a whole pie, etc
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