splitting cost of gift

[Deleted]

A question that has been contemplated many times:

I am single. My three siblings are married with children. We buy our mother a Christmas gift from all of us. There are 15 names on the card. Should I pay 1/4 of the gift or 1/15?

I always pay 1/4 but wonder what is appropriate.

What do you think? 

[Opti]

Unless the children are donating, 1/4 or possibly 1/7 might make sense. Really depends on what you can get your sibs to agree to. Is there a reason you all always do a group gift?

[geenamercile]

Hmmm, I think it depends on how old the kids are and if they are on their own yet.  I say each house hold should cover some cost of it.  If all the children are still young and fall under their parents I would say 1/4 (4 house holds, I do count married people as a unit here).  If the children are out of the house and living on their own then I would say they should kick in some, maybe not a full equal split depending on where they are at in life.    

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

How old are the children?

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 18:41:10 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Hmmm, I think it depends on how old the kids are and if they are on their own yet.  I say each house hold should cover some cost of it.  If all the children are still young and fall under their parents I would say 1/4.  If the children are out of the house and living on their own then I would say they should kick in some, maybe not a full equal split depending on where they are at in life.    

My sibling's spouses are adults. Their name is on the card. Should they kick in?

I am just sort of "surveying" what people think.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 18:41:26 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

How old are the children?

The children's ages range from 15 to 25.

Again, this is just sort of a survey. It is a question I keep to myself when it comes to my family. 

[geenamercile]

Dec 20, 2021 18:43:20 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:41:10 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Hmmm, I think it depends on how old the kids are and if they are on their own yet.  I say each house hold should cover some cost of it.  If all the children are still young and fall under their parents I would say 1/4.  If the children are out of the house and living on their own then I would say they should kick in some, maybe not a full equal split depending on where they are at in life.    

My sibling's spouses are adults. Their name is on the card. Should they kick in?

I am just sort of "surveying" what people think.

I would say no to the spouses, and if they are joint potters how would you determine who kicked in what anyways.  

[billisonboard]

My Mother liked my brother seven times more than she liked me and my sister three times as much. So when we did a group gift, I only paid 1/11th of the total.

[Tennesseer]

Dec 20, 2021 18:44:28 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:41:26 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

How old are the children?

The children's ages range from 15 to 25.

Again, this is just sort of a survey. It is a question I keep to myself when it comes to my family. 

The grandchildren should kick in something if they are earning an income. What percentage I don't know.

[geenamercile]

Dec 20, 2021 18:44:28 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:41:26 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

How old are the children?

The children's ages range from 15 to 25.

Again, this is just sort of a survey. It is a question I keep to myself when it comes to my family. 

The 15 year old again I would say no too, if the 25 year old is working then yea I think they should kick in something but then I also think they would have a right to have a say on what the gift is.  Also when I go in to a joint gift with someone we always figure out what people can kick in before picking the gift so we have a budget for it.  If anyone pushes for a gift that is over the budget, then they are 100 percent responsible for the extra (or if 2 people want to go over the budget they can figure it out the extra between them), so maybe not an equal split for the 25 depending on the gift.  I started buying my own gifts for people once I was working full time.

[billisonboard]

I am curious as to the amount of money we are talking about here. Are we talking cars? Cruises? Toaster ovens?

[Opti]

Maybe cellphone, laptop level? 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

High school graduates who are not going to college--yes
High school graduates who are going to college--no
College graduates--yes
still in high school regardless of job status--no

Now, if their parents are going to cover their share, then that's fine. 

[wvugurl26]

On my mom's side, we give a joint gift to my grandma. We generally stick to $35-50 per family. All kids/spouses and grandkids names are on the card. My brother and I are the only grandkids who contribute. Actually I just cover it for us now. DH and I make over double what my brother does and he does lots of electrical stuff around the house that saves us a ton of money.

The other grandkids are still in college, just getting started or there's one minor left.

I do agree with Chloe if their parents want to cover them that's fine. I could see it being messy collecting from 15.

[buystoys]

This is why I don't like joint gifts.  I used to do a set amount to siblings and parents regardless of how many children were at home.  Kids got a gift until they went to college, then they got a card.  Same with birthdays.  Kids in school get a small gift, everyone else gets a card.

Call me stingy!  I'm just not into giving or receiving gifts.

[laterbloomer]

To me it just feels wrong. Not so much for you as for your Mom. That's a whole lotta people that are cheaping out on giving her Christmas gifts. I'm guessing she gets all 8 grandkids and the 3 spouses something.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 18:59:44 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I am curious as to the amount of money we are talking about here. Are we talking cars? Cruises? Toaster ovens?

My brother picked out a La-Z-Boy recliner that was $750. 

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 18:48:42 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

My Mother liked my brother seven times more than she liked me and my sister three times as much. So when we did a group gift, I only paid 1/11th of the total.

I am going to ask everybody in my family what they spent on Christmas for everybody else and reimburse them all. I will pay for everybody's gift giving. 

Edited: If I am paying for their gift to grandma, it's only fair that I pay for the gift to mom, dad, brother, and sister. Why would I only pay for one and not the others?

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 20, 2021 18:29:58 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

A question that has been contemplated many times:

I am single. My three siblings are married with children. We buy our mother a Christmas gift from all of us. There are 15 names on the card. Should I pay 1/4 of the gift or 1/15?

I always pay 1/4 but wonder what is appropriate.

What do you think? 

I pay for my family gifts, husband pays for his family gifts, we slap each other's names on the card.
When husband and his two sisters get a joint gift for their mom, they split the cost between the three of them, and again, all spouses and kid names are added to the card. Same when it's my siblings and I doing something for the parental units.

Demographics: husband and I are DINKs and aren't common potters. Husband's sister is married with two kids (and I assume all finances are joint), and his youngest sister is single. My sister is married with two kids and brother is single.

[steph08]

My brother and I sometimes split gifts for my parents. But we are both married with two little kids. 

Last year, my dad got a welding class and my mom got $$ toward a new recliner for Christmas. 

Then I hounded my brother until April to send me the money he owed. Brothers. 

[Artemis Windsong]

what are DINKS?  common potters?

[wvugurl26]

I don't know what we would get my grandma if everyone got her a gift. She has everything she needs. She doesn't have expensive tastes. She's in the downsize and spend money stage. She doesn't need more stuff. Everyone gets checks from her.

This year the ideas my aunt got from conversations were flannel sheets, new knives and we always throw in restaurant gift cards.

Depending on if she's at home, some years I send flowers separately.

For my grandma on dad's side, my brother and I have always contributed separately. We have gotten her some big things though, new dishwasher, new dining table chairs, new lift recliner, etc. In this case, my brother and I have never cared that we both paid and the others were a couple contributing. Our grandparents did everything to help us get started despite not being high income. We both feel we will never repay that.

[Tiny]

I had the same issue with my siblings - I was single they were not. We split the gift total 4 ways.

My siblings added their kids names to the card and didn't stop until the kids were out of the house (mostly). The group gift was usually between $200 and $300 dollars. Since my siblings weren't asking me to chip in an amount that was a "hardship" for me - I never complained. The end result was worth it to me.


Another way to think about it might be based on how well each family is doing. If the raking in the dough family member thinks nothing of thinking a $4K gift (each sibling/family should pitch in $1K)is appropriate  and one or more of the other siblings simply can't afford that... then that's gonna get complicated.


As for the kids being on the card - my observation is that some parents handle being 'empty nesters' better than others and can stop including their kid(s) as soon as they move out... other's can't. On a funny note... one sibling and spouse started adding their pets (because Grandma would pet sit) to the yearly card for the gift because their own kids were no longer "coming home from college".

[Tiny]

Dec 20, 2021 21:55:03 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

what are DINKS?  common potters?

Double Income No Kids.    If you have two professions (with no kids) they potentially have A LOT of disposable income.  

[Opti]

Dec 20, 2021 21:55:03 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

what are DINKS?  common potters?

Double Income No Kids  (i.e. both partners work outside the home for $$)

[Tiny]

Dec 20, 2021 20:25:23 GMT -5 @beckaroo said:

Dec 20, 2021 18:59:44 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I am curious as to the amount of money we are talking about here. Are we talking cars? Cruises? Toaster ovens?

My brother picked out a La-Z-Boy recliner that was $750. 

How does this expense compare to previous years?   
I'm guessing with taxes and delivery it will be close to 1K - so $250 per family.     

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2021 21:55:03 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

what are DINKS?  common potters?

And common potters are married couples who mingle their finances- joint checking and credit card accounts, for example.

My own feeling:  it's Christmas.  Let it go.  No one should be keeping score. 

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Oh, thank goodness we don't do holiday shopping and mostly no gift giving.

DH & I do not gift each other, and if we do, it is something really inexpensive and usually something super silly or an inside joke kind of thing. We would so much rather have an experience than a thing. We have spent a considerable amount this year on home improvements on the house we bought last summer. We have plans to do more improvements this coming year, and within the 2 years following that, hopefully we can do an addition on the back of the house. Those plans nix any thought of gifting between ourselves and we are perfectly happy to designate the improvements as gifts.

We gift money to our remaining parents and also to our 3 kids. None of our siblings on either side of the family gift each other. No one lives close to anyone else, so it has been years since there was an opportunity for a major family gathering at the holidays.

The only person actually shopped for is our only grandchild and I was able to find some great learning things online for him. Dodged the store shopping bullet!

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 20, 2021 23:41:39 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Dec 20, 2021 21:55:03 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

what are DINKS?  common potters?

Double Income No Kids.    If you have two professions (with no kids) they potentially have A LOT of disposable income.  

In my best Jean Ralphio impression, we are FLUHUUUUUSH with CAAAAAASH.

[bean29]

I hate group gifts.

If I did a group gift with my DB and DS - I would do 1/3, but I generally avoid group gifts.  you give up some of your authority to choose the gift, and sometimes end up with awkward collection issues.  We had more issues with this in DH's family - he has 7 brothers, so collecting from everyone is a PIA.  My Mom also discovered that when she had contributed to group gifts with friends the recipients were not clear that the "gift" was from multiple people.

I just say no when asked to contribute to a group gift now.