Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 14, 2021 20:15:11 GMT -5
My 7th grade son plays on a rec league basketball team. This league has always been pretty good with the parent coaches and players. My son likes to play basketball, but not so much that he'd consider a travel team. This year has been a little different though, they are doing a 10 person team and just having them play intra-squad games due to COVID. There happen to be 2 different ball hogs on the team (usually opposing teams) and 1 that is particularly bad. 70% of the time it involves him taking the ball down the court and shooting without passing at all.
Most coaches, including myself, have resolved ball hogging by telling the kids to setup basic plays and having them pass a minimum number of times before a shot is attempted. This is kind of devolving into a circus with kids just throwing up wild shots any time they get a chance. The ball hog is the coaches son and the coach is actually a very nice guy, he might just be a little passive.
I was so annoyed at the last game, but decided to keep my mouth shut after the game and think about whether or not to say anything. I'm still sort of on the fence. On the one hand, I've coached many youth sports teams and I appreciated the fact that I never had a parent butt in and try to offer tips or argue about playing time when they are just sitting on the sidelines. However, I like to think I'm pretty self aware so I always made it pretty balanced within the teams so maybe there was nothing to complain about.
Part of me wants to say something to the coach just to get it off my chest and to let him know that it's kind of BS to allow his kid to get away with what he's doing. But, I think to myself that he's giving his time (and I'm not) and there are only 4 games left. Here are my options:
1) Don't say anything, just finish out the season. 2) Say something to the coach in general about how it would be good for the team if the kids started passing the ball more since a couple kids are taking 80% of the shots, whether they have a shot or not.
I have thought about having my kid bring this up, but he's pretty reserved and won't think it's worth it. He might be right.
Thoughts?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 14, 2021 20:22:26 GMT -5
I thought #1 was good but #2 is even better. No need to name names.
Maybe save #2 for next year if the same kids and coaches.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 14, 2021 20:27:10 GMT -5
Number 1 and move on.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 14, 2021 20:29:14 GMT -5
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 14, 2021 20:31:24 GMT -5
I'd go with #1. If nobody is being hurt just move on. It's not like college scouts are watching them and it may be costing the others scholarship opportunities. Find a different league after the season ends.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 15, 2021 9:15:39 GMT -5
#1 and make sure your kid isn't on the same team next season.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 15, 2021 10:11:37 GMT -5
I know sports is suppose to build character - and that in this circumstance the kids (I assume boys) are learning that nepotism is good and encouraged and that there's nothing they can do when it happens as they have no say in it. And that they are alone in the situation - the adults condone it. Valuable lessons for later in life. For when THEY get to step into the limelight or have the upperhand.... they will know how the system works and that most likely no one will do anything about it. It's a low risk opportunity to take.
OK, I'm bitter. Once you get labeled "second class" or worse as a kid - it's hard to loose the label. That's all the other kids know you as.
If you think the dynamics being forged on the court don't leak over to other areas you are kidding yourself.
That said, I think it's admirable that you see it and want to change it.
I think letting your kid see you do nothing is not a good a thing - unless you include the kid in your plan... a "this is a learning experience - we can't do anything about it but get thru it. So it's up to us to choose how will will behave/act. What do YOU think we should do? " I'm assuming your kid is aware of the issue AND is also aware that it's NOT engraved in stone.
I think a modified #2 would be a better choice:
2) Say something to the coach in general about how it would be good for the team if the kids started passing the ball more since a couple kids are taking 80% of the shots, whether they have a shot or not.
since it would help improve their skills and would will make them better players. Sometimes you need to be manipulative rather than start a fight.
Or something to that effect. Even though they aren't "playing real" basketball - they are suppose to be improving their skills and team playing and learning how to 'forge' a team with what they have.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 15, 2021 10:43:23 GMT -5
I know sports is suppose to build character - and that in this circumstance the kids (I assume boys) are learning that nepotism is good and encouraged and that there's nothing they can do when it happens as they have no say in it. And that they are alone in the situation - the adults condone it. Valuable lessons for later in life. For when THEY get to step into the limelight or have the upperhand.... they will know how the system works and that most likely no one will do anything about it. It's a low risk opportunity to take. OK, I'm bitter. Once you get labeled "second class" or worse as a kid - it's hard to loose the label. That's all the other kids know you as. If you think the dynamics being forged on the court don't leak over to other areas you are kidding yourself. That said, I think it's admirable that you see it and want to change it. I think letting your kid see you do nothing is not a good a thing - unless you include the kid in your plan... a "this is a learning experience - we can't do anything about it but get thru it. So it's up to us to choose how will will behave/act. What do YOU think we should do? " I'm assuming your kid is aware of the issue AND is also aware that it's NOT engraved in stone. I think a modified #2 would be a better choice: 2) Say something to the coach in general about how it would be good for the team if the kids started passing the ball more since a couple kids are taking 80% of the shots, whether they have a shot or not.
since it would help improve their skills and would will make them better players. Sometimes you need to be manipulative rather than start a fight. Or something to that effect. Even though they aren't "playing real" basketball - they are suppose to be improving their skills and team playing and learning how to 'forge' a team with what they have. Yeah, the kid is a year older than my son so they'll be out of the league next year. I'm not necessarily worried about making things awkward, my only real concern is how my son would feel about it. It was obvious in this last game, so obvious that my usually reserved son's first words were" that kid was taking so many shots". The reason I haven't really discussed it with my son is because I don't want to call attention to something that he's put out of his mind. I think it bothers him for the game and 30 minutes after and he moves on. I go a little back/forth. On the one hand, the coach is the one spending his time out there, I don't want to give him a hard time. On the other hand, I think it's either a case of him being oblivious OR he is passive. Either way, part of me wants to call attention to it so he knows it's noticed. I go back and forth every time I think about it. What I think will happen if I don't say something is that I'll get even more pissed off the next game, part of me wants to get it off my chest when I'm calm and then just leave it where it is.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 15, 2021 15:41:00 GMT -5
Maybe think about how/what/when you will say something about this with your son the next time it happens.
That would be one way to make sure that he is taking away a "healthy" or "good" bit of internalization from the experience.
I suspect he feels a little helpless about the situation. or that he's being asked to participate willingly in a situation that is unfair to him. You could ask him about how he might go about fixing the inequity/unfairness and/or offer your own suggestions - even if you do nothing to change things.
I do get that it's important to learn that sometimes you have to go along to get along. Maybe acknowledging that this may be one of those situations isn't a bad thing.
I'm not sure that all people or kids are all that good at figuring out what to do or what could be done in this kind of situation so they just go along with it. They've never witnessed anyone doing something constructive about it (they could try the same tactics) OR if they've never heard how other's might navigate the situation (they just assume they got nothing so don't bother thinking about a solution - because it's not a "problem" - it just is. ).
I get it that you don't want to rock the boat at this time.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 16, 2021 9:39:18 GMT -5
What does your son think of the situation?
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