What if you don’t like someone at work?

[swamp]

They’ve done nothing wrong. They just rub you the wrong way. You have supervisory capacity over the person.

Can you make that inner voice shut up?

[andi9899]

I've had that happen. I wasn't their supervisor though. That's rough. In my case the lady's voice was like nails on a chalkboard. I just steered clear of her. I was nice when I spoke to her, I just tried not to talk to her at all.

Oh! And the way she talked irritated me to. She would say "hello, how are you?" Completely normal. Fine. If you said you are good and asked how she was she would always say "Jim Dandy!" I would shudder to myself. I don't know why that simple phrase bothered me so much. Then again my "dislike" of her wasn't really rational.

[TheOtherMe]

I have never been a supervisor but I have managed 3-5 trainees for 6 weeks to 12 weeks at a time.

Some I didn't like and I couldn't put a finger on a reason.  It wasn't their work.  It was something between the two of us and since I didn't know what it was, I lived with it.  It's much easier to live with it when you know the duration.

[chiver78]

after managing interns, I'm all set with supervising anyone. but I hear you on not liking someone at work, and that sometimes there isn't much you can do about it. best thing I can say is to minimize the time you have to spend with them, and keep it 200% professional. not that I think you'd not be professional, but you KWIM. 

[Tiny]

If the person is just unknowingly pushing your buttons - maybe think about the "knee jerk reaction" this person causes  and come up with a more appropriate reaction and then work on changing your behavior/thought pattern.     People who inadvertantly "push a button" - generally do NOT deserve the fall out/bad response they get.     


Another thing to do would be to try to derail the urge to "dehumanize" them.   Remind your self that someone loves them (even if it's their goldfish). Remind yourself that of whatever you can use that the person IS a person and deserves to be respected - not automatically "written off" because they are annoying.   Compassion and kindness are what you are going for. 

If the person is someone who is distasteful (they say or do stuff you don't agree with but aren't necessarily doing something dangerous or illegal) you may just have to work on focusing on their ability to do their job.     In theory, what makes them distasteful shouldn't effect their ability to do their job.    Just be careful that you don't immediately fall into "knee jerk" reactions that aren't exactly polite or civil. 


FWIW:  there's no rule that says we have to LIKE everyone we interact with.  The rules require that we treat  other people fairly, kindly, justly, and with respect.   

 

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2021 15:05:39 GMT -5 Tiny said:

If the person is just unknowingly pushing your buttons - maybe think about the "knee jerk reaction" this person causes  and come up with a more appropriate reaction and then work on changing your behavior/thought pattern.     People who inadvertantly "push a button" - generally do NOT deserve the fall out/bad response they get.     


Another thing to do would be to try to derail the urge to "dehumanize" them.   Remind your self that someone loves them (even if it's their goldfish). Remind yourself that of whatever you can use that the person IS a person and deserves to be respected - not automatically "written off" because they are annoying.   Compassion and kindness are what you are going for. 

If the person is someone who is distasteful (they say or do stuff you don't agree with but aren't necessarily doing something dangerous or illegal) you may just have to work on focusing on their ability to do their job.     In theory, what makes them distasteful shouldn't effect their ability to do their job.    Just be careful that you don't immediately fall into "knee jerk" reactions that aren't exactly polite or civil. 


FWIW:  there's no rule that says we have to LIKE everyone we interact with.  The rules require that we treat  other people fairly, kindly, justly, and with respect.   

 

Idk why that was so funny to me, but it was. And Lawd knows I needed that, because it was the first smile I’ve had all day.

[thyme4change]

I focus on the things they are competent at. It is especially helpful if it is something I hate doing. So, I wouldn't voluntarily have dinner with this person, but I am sure glad I don’t have to do the widget report anymore!!

[Happy prose]

I make them want to avoid me. Any time they come around, I assign them a new task. Eventually, they learn to not bother me.

[flamingo]

I had that at my last job (supervised someone I couldn’t stand). It was clear no one above me cared or wanted to do the hard work of, you know, actually firing her. So I got a new job   

[azucena]

I've reached this conclusion about my supervisor. I really just don't like him, not as a boss, as a co-worker, or really even as a person.

And he does do/say things on purpose to push my buttons. I get tired of being the mature one all the time. I vent to one trusted colleague who also sees that he's an idiot.

Frankly, I'm just crossing my fingers that the stock market and company options gain gang busters so he can take that early retirement he's always bragging about. And in the meantime, I ignore his most asinine requests until he asks twice which is rare. I'm convinced he has adhd, and I'm using that to my advantage.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I kick boxes to the dumpster and grind my teeth. Pray she decides to retire or I find another job before I snap.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

If it's just "them" as a person, I use it as an opportunity to practice my neutral facial expressions in stead of my "oh, you're an idiot" facial expresions. 

[tskeeter]

Oct 5, 2021 14:35:08 GMT -5 swamp said:

They’ve done nothing wrong. They just rub you the wrong way. You have supervisory capacity over the person.

Can you make that inner voice shut up?

I’ve had that happen a couple of times.  Run across people that I don’t like for no reason at all.  After a lot of thought, I concluded that the reason I didn’t like them was that personality wise they were almost exactly like me.  Apparently I can’t stand the competition at being me.

[kadee79]

I had that happen years ago...so we had a sit down.  She didn't like me either so we agreed to compromise & swap back/forth doing the dirty work.  It worked out fine for a couple of years before the business shut down.   We even swapped back/forth on our lunch hours since one of us had to be there all day long.  Since we both knew where we stood, there really weren't any major problems as long as we both did our work...and we did.

[laterbloomer]

I always know why I don't like someone. If it's me I suck it up. If it's them and I'm their supervisor they get "coached".

To me the phrase "they just rub me the wrong way" is a cop out to admitting why I don't like them.

[happyhoix]

I have a direct report I don’t like, but he mostly gets his work done. So I just count down the months to retirement when he annoys me.

He’s unhappy he doesn’t earn the same salary as coworkers who live in a very high COL area (we live in a low COL area - he lives in a 2000 square foot home on a five acre lot that he got for less than 200K - where his coworkers live, that would get them a closet.) He keeps threatening to quit. Maybe one day he finally will.