formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Sept 14, 2021 17:04:19 GMT -5
Too often good schools are code for wealthy parents. And white… My son went to kindergarten at the school that covered large mansions with room for horses and an incredibly large trailer park. It was a good school because whether the parents were from the trailer park or from the mansions they sent their kids to school with a full nights sleep and actually gave a crap about their kids education and behavior. Parent teacher night was a complete madhouse because everybody showed up. My other son went to a preschool where 90% of the parents were brown skinned first-generation immigrants. But because these particular brown skin people came from a culture that valued stable families, law and order, and education, my son did very well there. In general, I think a good school is one where the parents actually have their necks together, and where the school is actually a good fit for your kid. I took my son out of the school that was very very wealthy and where the parents were very involved and put him into another school where disproportionately large number of the parents are first generation immigrants and refugees. He was floundering before and is now doing great. I don’t think the first school is necessarily a bad school, but it was not a good fit for him.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 14, 2021 17:11:38 GMT -5
My son went to kindergarten at the school that covered large mansions with room for horses and an incredibly large trailer park. It was a good school because whether the parents were from the trailer park or from the mansions they sent their kids to school with a full nights sleep and actually gave a crap about their kids education and behavior. Parent teacher night was a complete madhouse because everybody showed up. My other son went to a preschool where 90% of the parents were brown skinned first-generation immigrants. But because these particular brown skin people came from a culture that valued stable families, law and order, and education, my son did very well there.
Just curious, which ones are the brown skinned people who come from the culture that doesn't value families, law & order or education?
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Sept 14, 2021 17:14:29 GMT -5
When my kids were young, we lived in a county with bad school ratings. The elementary school was ok, but after that ratings were horrible. Oldest 2 started at public. Oldest did great, was in gifted program. Kid 2 had issues due to ADD. Kid 3 started in private school so he could start K5 early. After 2 years we moved others to private school and that is where they went through 12 grade. Every year we would consider all the money and wonder if it was worth it. We knew many kids who went through the horrible rated public school and did very well. These were mostly kids who had upper middle class, involved parents, and many were in gifted program. The only test scores that matter are your own kids. Agree with the bolded. Honestly, @mj the fact that you are concerning yourself with the quality of his education is probably the biggest indicator of his future success. Good luck with whatever decision you choose.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Sept 14, 2021 17:25:37 GMT -5
My son went to kindergarten at the school that covered large mansions with room for horses and an incredibly large trailer park. It was a good school because whether the parents were from the trailer park or from the mansions they sent their kids to school with a full nights sleep and actually gave a crap about their kids education and behavior. Parent teacher night was a complete madhouse because everybody showed up. My other son went to a preschool where 90% of the parents were brown skinned first-generation immigrants. But because these particular brown skin people came from a culture that valued stable families, law and order, and education, my son did very well there.
Just curious, which ones are the brown skinned people who come from the culture that doesn't value families, law & order or education? Different cultures have very different ideas about how important education is, under what circumstances one should have children. For example, there are plenty of blue-eyed hillbillies who have no problem letting their six-year-old stay up past midnight on a school night watching R-rated movie. They don’t care that their kid will be too tired to learn anything the next day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2021 18:37:03 GMT -5
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the best school vs. an average school. Which school has the most opportunity to explore? Which school will fit your child, no matter how they might grow/change/get to know themselves better?
DH and I have done nothing "wrong," and yet we've ended up with at least one kid that's not going to a 4 year college. Rather he's going to a tech school to be a mechanic. We didn't really "see" this was his path until 10th grade.
We are very fortunate that the high school has a full auto shop, complete with lifts. The other day, he rode in a car on a lift to learn how to test brake fluid. We are fortunate that he goes to a high school where there is a place for him.
They also have pretty good academics. He's taken AP history classes most every year. (I know. Don't ask). What's interesting is that one would assume since DS is on the tech school (or working full time out of HS) path, (and has eh grades) that he'd be hanging out with the trouble makers, however you define that. Yet, he's the first to say "I'm not stupid enough to tell the teacher to F*ck off." "I'm not stupid enough to do drugs at school." All of his friends are college bound. It's a pretty interesting dynamic to watch.
(And while I'm on that. In my parts, the rich folks just have the better drugs and better alcohol. Because more money. The private high school in town takes the kids that fail out of public schools, because parents can donate money to buy their kids a spot in the school). One of my old clients has a dad who splits his time between here and DC, because he's has a pretty big political career out there. She went to our state flagship, in the town we live in, because it's good enough. She knows she's going to need to go to grad school. So getting into her best, perfect dream school for undergrad isn't even a thing. because she knew there would be grad school bills to foot in the future. DD1 is looking down paths that will have her going to grad school. We'll counsel her to do the same. Pick a pretty good college, in case your interests change...but will still get you to grad school if you choose.
ETA: The things I would look at are- Teacher/Principal Turnover Curriculum
What does discipline look like What kind of opportunities are there with student orgs, club sports, etc. I’m still working my way through this thread, but I wanted to comment on that. I used to know a guy that graduated from one of the well known private schools in the area. He said that is where he was introduced to hard drugs, at his private school. All he knew about was weed, but his classmates were doing cocaine and more expensive drugs. Meanwhile, I was having fits because my child in 6th grade at a public school had classmates selling blunts. I considered sending my kids to private school, but nowhere in the area seemed really safe, considering what my old friend shared about his private school experiences. From what I can tell in hindsight, a good student with involved parents, is likely to have good support from teachers and administrators at almost any school they attend. My children went to an imo mediocre middle school. But when they saw that I was a concerned parent that had no problem getting involved and showing up to address problems, AND was willing to go to the school board if needed, they got some “act right” IRT my children. It’s kind of like how the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I’m not saying that always works to ensure your child gets a good education, I’m just saying that even in “subpar” schools, an involved parent can make the difference in the kind of education a child gets and how they are treated. Off to read the rest of the thread…..
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 14, 2021 19:44:56 GMT -5
I’m still working my way through this thread, but I wanted to comment on that. I used to know a guy that graduated from one of the well known private schools in the area. He said that is where he was introduced to hard drugs, at his private school. All he knew about was weed, but his classmates were doing cocaine and more expensive drugs. What's worse are the parents that turn a blind eye to this fact. You see, the parents at our parochial school who send their kids to the private (Catholic) high school think the Hand of God himself is coming down to protect their kids from any wrong doing, and apparently put a chastity belt on their kids, too. These parents think their kids are getting through school without doing drugs, drinking or having sex just because they go to a Catholic school. I do have fun with it, in a pretty bad sort of way. I made sure I told DS the truth of the history of good drugs, etc at the private school, which then he told all of his friends at school. I can only imagine parents' heads exploding slightly.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Sept 14, 2021 19:52:34 GMT -5
Just curious, which ones are the brown skinned people who come from the culture that doesn't value families, law & order or education? Different cultures have very different ideas about how important education is, under what circumstances one should have children. For example, there are plenty of blue-eyed hillbillies who have no problem letting their six-year-old stay up past midnight on a school night watching R-rated movie. They don’t care that their kid will be too tired to learn anything the next day. You really have no idea how you sound, do you?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2021 20:04:02 GMT -5
Different cultures have very different ideas about how important education is, under what circumstances one should have children. For example, there are plenty of blue-eyed hillbillies who have no problem letting their six-year-old stay up past midnight on a school night watching R-rated movie. They don’t care that their kid will be too tired to learn anything the next day. You really have no idea how you sound, do you? I have a really good memory and she was the one that told me back in the MSN days, that I should be grateful for slavery since it was the reason I was born in the US. So she doesn’t give a fuck how offensive her posts are.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 14, 2021 20:25:10 GMT -5
I went to college with a guy who went to private catholic high school. He openly admitted that senior year their goal was to get drunk at lunch every day.
There are shitty parents in every race, color, religion.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2021 21:09:23 GMT -5
You really have no idea how you sound, do you? I have a really good memory and she was the one that told me back in the MSN days, that I should be grateful for slavery since it was the reason I was born in the US. Excuse me?!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2021 21:18:40 GMT -5
I’m still You see, the parents at our parochial school who send their kids to the private (Catholic) high school think the Hand of God himself is coming down to protect their kids from any wrong doing, and apparently put a chastity belt on their kids, too. Ha. I later found that so many of my female classmates (class of 1971) were getting contraception at Planned Parenthood, we should have car-pooled.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2021 21:18:57 GMT -5
I’m still working my way through this thread, but I wanted to comment on that. I used to know a guy that graduated from one of the well known private schools in the area. He said that is where he was introduced to hard drugs, at his private school. All he knew about was weed, but his classmates were doing cocaine and more expensive drugs. What's worse are the parents that turn a blind eye to this fact. You see, the parents at our parochial school who send their kids to the private (Catholic) high school think the Hand of God himself is coming down to protect their kids from any wrong doing, and apparently put a chastity belt on their kids, too. These parents think their kids are getting through school without doing drugs, drinking or having sex just because they go to a Catholic school. I do have fun with it, in a pretty bad sort of way. I made sure I told DS the truth of the history of good drugs, etc at the private school, which then he told all of his friends at school. I can only imagine parents' heads exploding slightly. And this is why if I go the private school route I’m going to try and steer clear of the private religious ones. Not that drugs don’t happen at other private schools…. Or public ones….
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 14, 2021 21:41:22 GMT -5
My son went to kindergarten at the school that covered large mansions with room for horses and an incredibly large trailer park. It was a good school because whether the parents were from the trailer park or from the mansions they sent their kids to school with a full nights sleep and actually gave a crap about their kids education and behavior. Parent teacher night was a complete madhouse because everybody showed up. My other son went to a preschool where 90% of the parents were brown skinned first-generation immigrants. But because these particular brown skin people came from a culture that valued stable families, law and order, and education, my son did very well there.
Just curious, which ones are the brown skinned people who come from the culture that doesn't value families, law & order or education? 👀🍿
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minnesotapaintlady
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Sept 15, 2021 7:32:50 GMT -5
What's worse are the parents that turn a blind eye to this fact. You see, the parents at our parochial school who send their kids to the private (Catholic) high school think the Hand of God himself is coming down to protect their kids from any wrong doing, and apparently put a chastity belt on their kids, too. These parents think their kids are getting through school without doing drugs, drinking or having sex just because they go to a Catholic school. I do have fun with it, in a pretty bad sort of way. I made sure I told DS the truth of the history of good drugs, etc at the private school, which then he told all of his friends at school. I can only imagine parents' heads exploding slightly. And this is why if I go the private school route I’m going to try and steer clear of the private religious ones. Not that drugs don’t happen at other private schools…. Or public ones…. Fwiw, that's not been the experience at the private religious school my kids go to, meanwhile the public high school is a cesspool. Which just goes to show that you really need to evaluate schools individually.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 15, 2021 7:40:49 GMT -5
And this is why if I go the private school route I’m going to try and steer clear of the private religious ones. Not that drugs don’t happen at other private schools…. Or public ones…. Fwiw, that's not been the experience at the private religious school my kids go to, meanwhile the public high school is a cesspool. Which just goes to show that you really need to evaluate schools individually. Agreed. Regardless of the school’s reputation, parents actually need to GAF about their kids, meet their friends, and know what’s going on at the school.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 8:14:48 GMT -5
Regardless of the school’s reputation, parents actually need to GAF about their kids, meet their friends, and know what’s going on at the school. I once read a study that concluded that the best measure of success for a kid in school was how involved the parents were- not the $$ per pupil, not the amount of fancy electronic teaching aids, etc. What I liked about my son's military school was that every parent WANTED their kid to be there and most had committed significant sums to pay for it or had gone to the work of applying for a scholarship for them to get them they education they deserved. It makes a difference. I suppose there are parents who send their kid to boarding school so they can forget about them (and I think that was what my own mother thought, although she later changed her mind ) but that wasn't what I saw.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Sept 15, 2021 8:25:29 GMT -5
Too often good schools are code for wealthy parents. Which means making connections that could help you the rest of your life. That is a big reason rich people work so hard to have their kids in good schools.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 15, 2021 8:31:08 GMT -5
Too often good schools are code for wealthy parents. Which means making connections that could help you the rest of your life. That is a big reason rich people work so hard to have their kids in good schools. Maybe once you hit college and beyond, but how many people are still in regular contact with folks they attended K-12 with?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 8:36:59 GMT -5
Too often good schools are code for wealthy parents. Which means making connections that could help you the rest of your life. That is a big reason rich people work so hard to have their kids in good schools. Yeah, there's "the network". I think it's more important in college but to get into those colleges you need to have a good HS education.... it starts with the right pre-school. I saw that with my late husband's sister and her DH, who had a son the same age as DS. They really did have to apply to pre-schools and it was in NYC, so very competitive. Their son went to The Buckley School, didn't make it into the Ivies but just below that tier, and later got an MBA at Georgetown. I couldn't afford to play in that tier and am proud of what DS accomplished with a BA from a respectable private university (Drake in Des Moines).
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Sept 15, 2021 8:38:36 GMT -5
Just curious, which ones are the brown skinned people who come from the culture that doesn't value families, law & order or education? Different cultures have very different ideas about how important education is, under what circumstances one should have children. For example, there are plenty of blue-eyed hillbillies who have no problem letting their six-year-old stay up past midnight on a school night watching R-rated movie. They don’t care that their kid will be too tired to learn anything the next day. But you didn't specify these particular white skinned people valued families, law and order and education.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Sept 15, 2021 8:42:45 GMT -5
Which means making connections that could help you the rest of your life. That is a big reason rich people work so hard to have their kids in good schools. Maybe once you hit college and beyond, but how many people are still in regular contact with folks they attended K-12 with? A lot of wealthy people are. They go through most of the education system together.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 15, 2021 8:43:30 GMT -5
What's worse are the parents that turn a blind eye to this fact. You see, the parents at our parochial school who send their kids to the private (Catholic) high school think the Hand of God himself is coming down to protect their kids from any wrong doing, and apparently put a chastity belt on their kids, too. These parents think their kids are getting through school without doing drugs, drinking or having sex just because they go to a Catholic school. I do have fun with it, in a pretty bad sort of way. I made sure I told DS the truth of the history of good drugs, etc at the private school, which then he told all of his friends at school. I can only imagine parents' heads exploding slightly. And this is why if I go the private school route I’m going to try and steer clear of the private religious ones. Not that drugs don’t happen at other private schools…. Or public ones…. There were no drugs at the private religious high school in my area. My brother attended through HS, and I attended through 6th, my sister through 8th. You can't paint any of these places with a broad stroke. (I would not send my kids to my old private school due to bullying, not drugs/alcohol).
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 15, 2021 8:49:05 GMT -5
I changed schools from elementary to junior high, and it was hard. Friendships were already established from elementary school, while I had only 1 friend there from elementary. My 11 yo has just started middle school, and he has lots of friends from elementary school there. It's made the transition so much easier. That's why we plan on staying at the same school for the duration. I'm really glad he's having so much more of a better experience than I had.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 15, 2021 9:30:19 GMT -5
Which means making connections that could help you the rest of your life. That is a big reason rich people work so hard to have their kids in good schools. Yeah, there's "the network". I think it's more important in college but to get into those colleges you need to have a good HS education.... it starts with the right pre-school. I saw that with my late husband's sister and her DH, who had a son the same age as DS. They really did have to apply to pre-schools and it was in NYC, so very competitive. Their son went to The Buckley School, didn't make it into the Ivies but just below that tier, and later got an MBA at Georgetown. I couldn't afford to play in that tier and am proud of what DS accomplished with a BA from a respectable private university (Drake in Des Moines). Yeah you basically have to go the private school route in NYC - otherwise your kid will be going to P.S. 123456789. Yet another reason on the list of infinity reasons why I would never want to raise a family in the city.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Sept 15, 2021 9:40:13 GMT -5
I changed schools from elementary to junior high, and it was hard. Friendships were already established from elementary school, while I had only 1 friend there from elementary. My 11 yo has just started middle school, and he has lots of friends from elementary school there. It's made the transition so much easier. That's why we plan on staying at the same school for the duration. I'm really glad he's having so much more of a better experience than I had. Yes the plan was to keep him in the same district all the way through…. But at what cost? Should I have to rent forever or purchase an overpriced condo/townhouse (with outrageous HOA fees) and never have any financial breathing room?
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 15, 2021 10:10:23 GMT -5
I changed schools from elementary to junior high, and it was hard. Friendships were already established from elementary school, while I had only 1 friend there from elementary. My 11 yo has just started middle school, and he has lots of friends from elementary school there. It's made the transition so much easier. That's why we plan on staying at the same school for the duration. I'm really glad he's having so much more of a better experience than I had. Yes the plan was to keep him in the same district all the way through…. But at what cost? Should I have to rent forever or purchase an overpriced condo/townhouse (with outrageous HOA fees) and never have any financial breathing room? Yeah, I don't know what you should do in your situation. I'm fortunate that, even if we were to move out of district, we'd likely be able to keep the boys at their current schools due to schools of choice. We do have our youngest in a different elementary through the SOC. I was just talking to my DH about the possibility of moving him to the nearest school, but he thinks it's worth it to continue driving him to the other school because of the peer group, and how much our 8 yo is likely to pick up bad attitudes from his classmates. That is our tricky kid, so I agree. Plus, we're only talking 4 miles/9 minute drive to his current school.
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minnesotapaintlady
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Sept 15, 2021 10:49:40 GMT -5
Both my kids jumped school systems. One in 9th grade and one in 5th. They were both involved in a lot of extracurriculars that had kids from both school systems though, so it wasn't like they knew nobody at the new school. I'm not sure it would matter with my youngest though as he makes friends in about 2 minutes. Not so with my older son, but he didn't really have any close friends at the school he left either.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 15, 2021 15:24:25 GMT -5
I never jumped school systems and I remained friendless through a good chunk of middle school. My friends from elementary school decided to start moving up the social ladder and there was no way short of a 90's teen movie miracle I was ever going to be able to climb with them. I was a liability.
Honestly I may have done better moving if it had been the option. New people wouldn't have known where I stood in the pecking order. Middle school was fucking brutal. I didn't find my niche/group until high school when I joined drama.
It worked out though I have been friends with my BFF for 23 years now. We met in 8th grade art class. We were at what was considered the losers table. We have one of those friendships it doesn't matter how long we haven't talked or seen each other it starts where we left off. I'm always there for her and she's always there for me.
There are going to be a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas. I have made peace with the fact that myself and my parents made decisions with the variables they were aware of at the time. The same is going to happen in regards to my kids. There may be issues and resentments a long the way but as they grow older I hope they come to realize I made my decisions based on what I thought was best for them at the time. Nobody has a crystal ball.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 15, 2021 17:27:54 GMT -5
I never jumped school systems and I remained friendless through a good chunk of middle school. My friends from elementary school decided to start moving up the social ladder and there was no way short of a 90's teen movie miracle I was ever going to be able to climb with them. I was a liability. Honestly I may have done better moving if it had been the option. New people wouldn't have known where I stood in the pecking order. Middle school was fucking brutal. I didn't find my niche/group until high school when I joined drama. It worked out though I have been friends with my BFF for 23 years now. We met in 8th grade art class. We were at what was considered the losers table. We have one of those friendships it doesn't matter how long we haven't talked or seen each other it starts where we left off. I'm always there for her and she's always there for me. There are going to be a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas. I have made peace with the fact that myself and my parents made decisions with the variables they were aware of at the time. The same is going to happen in regards to my kids. There may be issues and resentments a long the way but as they grow older I hope they come to realize I made my decisions based on what I thought was best for them at the time. Nobody has a crystal ball. Well, I left the private elementary school with the bullies, and that was best for me, even though I went to mnowiy next to no one. Loneliness was better than getting bullied. I knew from my own experience there was no way I would put up with that for my kids. I also see things are different with boys. They tend to be more accepting and less catty. Not that my YDS doesn't run into issues with some boys, but he is more competitive.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Sept 15, 2021 17:33:07 GMT -5
Different cultures have very different ideas about how important education is, under what circumstances one should have children. For example, there are plenty of blue-eyed hillbillies who have no problem letting their six-year-old stay up past midnight on a school night watching R-rated movie. They don’t care that their kid will be too tired to learn anything the next day. But you didn't specify these particular white skinned people valued families, law and order and education. There are plenty of places in this country where I could send my kids to schools where everybody looks like them, and they would get a shitty education because the culture doesn’t value education and many of the parents are either on drugs or otherwise too distracted to parent. Culture and race are not the same thing. Not all cultures are the same. And your views of education, family, discipline of children etc. are going to be influenced by the culture you’re in. If you want to claim that that view makes me racist, well, I can’t stop you. I have a cousin who grew up in a ghetto neighborhood with a train wreck mother in an absent father. Despite the fact that she was able to marry up and never had to work or worry about money, her kids had a lot of trouble in school because it took her way too long to realize that things like consistent bedtimes and consistent discipline were necessary. These things simply weren’t valued in the culture she grew up in. If you want your kids to get a good education, money and melanin levels aren’t anywhere near as important as having parents who value education and Are willing to do what it takes to make sure their kids show up to school ready to learn.
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