This made me cry

[thyme4change]

Man with Alzheimer’s forgot he was married to his wife. He proposed, and they wed again: ‘There wasn’t a dry eye.’
By Cathy Free

www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/06/21/alzheimers-wedding-husband-wife-vow/

Lisa and Peter Marshall were watching a wedding scene on a TV show late last year when he suddenly looked at his wife and exclaimed, “Let’s do it!’ ”

“Do what?” she asked.

When he pointed to the TV, she asked: “Do you want to get married?”

He said yes with a big smile.

“Well, okay — we should get married then,” Lisa Marshall recalled telling him.

The next day, she wondered whether her husband would remember asking her, and he didn’t. He also didn’t remember their first wedding, said Marshall, and for the past six months he has simply thought of her as his favorite caregiver.

Peter Marshall, 56, has early onset Alzheimer’s disease — a form of dementia that generally afflicts people in their 30s to 60s and makes up about 10 percent of Alzheimer’s cases overall.

[Tennesseer]

My dad who had dementia asked my sister/his daughter to marry him.  My sister gently reminded him who she was.  Dad cried.

[ners]

One of the times my mom was rehabbing on illness we would walk the halls to build up strength. She would introduce me as her sister. I would tell her she did not have a sister and she would get sad.

[haapai]

My great-grandmother came to believe that her son was her husband.  Consequently, she treated my grandmother as "the hussy who was sleeping with her husband". 

[thyme4change]

Jun 21, 2021 12:43:32 GMT -5 ners said:

One of the times my mom was rehabbing on illness we would walk the halls to build up strength. She would introduce me as her sister. I would tell her she did not have a sister and she would get sad.

My Grandma would tell my Mom that she just talked to my Grandpa on the phone and he was coming to pick her up. Instead of just saying "that's nice" my Mom reminded her Grandpa had been dead for 30 years. And my Grandma would mourn him as this was the first she heard of it. I dont know which was worse, her beloved husband dying every week or so, or the disappointment that he didn't show up - if she still remembered he was on his way.

[Deleted]

“Once a man, twice a child” always comes to my mind when I think about people with Alzheimer’s.

The beautiful thing IMO about the couple in the OP (I didn’t read the article because I didn’t want to cry) is that he still wanted to marry her, the same woman he’d already chosen years before. I hope that was at least a little comfort to his wife, despite everything else. He didn’t remember that they were already married, and he still wanted to marry her. That’s so sweet.

[Tennesseer]

Jun 21, 2021 17:42:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Jun 21, 2021 12:43:32 GMT -5 ners said:

One of the times my mom was rehabbing on illness we would walk the halls to build up strength. She would introduce me as her sister. I would tell her she did not have a sister and she would get sad.

My Grandma would tell my Mom that she just talked to my Grandpa on the phone and he was coming to pick her up. Instead of just saying "that's nice" my Mom reminded her Grandpa had been dead for 30 years. And my Grandma would mourn him as this was the first she heard of it. I dont know which was worse, her beloved husband dying every week or so, or the disappointment that he didn't show up - if she still remembered he was on his way.

Your grandma was my mom who had Alzheimer's disease. After dad died mom would ask where dad was. Mom was told he died. Mom cried. Mom asked again where dad was. Mom was told dad died. Mom cried.

I told the siblings stop telling momm dad died. She is always hearing dad died for the first time after she asks. I told them to tell mom dad was just with her and he went back to his room for a nap.

Mom was satisfied.

[stillmovingforward]

Tenn - that was the right thing to do and incredibly kind.

[Opti]

Jun 21, 2021 13:34:27 GMT -5 haapai said:

My great-grandmother came to believe that her son was her husband.  Consequently, she treated my grandmother as "the hussy who was sleeping with her husband". 

Not surprised. The oldest memories are the ones that persist the longest. So if the disease makes you think you are in your twenties, only people around you in your twenties seem like contemporaries.

[Tennesseer]

Jun 22, 2021 1:39:31 GMT -5 Opti said:

Jun 21, 2021 13:34:27 GMT -5 haapai said:

My great-grandmother came to believe that her son was her husband.  Consequently, she treated my grandmother as "the hussy who was sleeping with her husband". 

Not surprised. The oldest memories are the ones that persist the longest. So if the disease makes you think you are in your twenties, only people around you in your twenties seem like contemporaries.

Which is why to engage a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease or other form of dementia play music for them which was popular when they were young. They often come out of their shells for a few moments or even minutes. And it calms them.

[daisylu]

Jun 21, 2021 18:30:15 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

“Once a man, twice a child” always comes to my mind when I think about people with Alzheimer’s.

The beautiful thing IMO about the couple in the OP (I didn’t read the article because I didn’t want to cry) is that he still wanted to marry her, the same woman he’d already chosen years before. I hope that was at least a little comfort to his wife, despite everything else. He didn’t remember that they were already married, and he still wanted to marry her. That’s so sweet.

I read the article, and that last quote in it = .

DH(42YO) had a traumatic brain injury when he was 19. The doctors have always been upfront with us that he is high risk for early onset dementia, and he often does not remember things that happened recently or time lines get screwy in his head - example : he will often say "Remember last week when we were talking about...?" and in reality it was a discussion we had MONTHS ago. At the end of our trip last week he asked me to send him all of the photos that I had taken so that he could add them to an album he created in Google Photos (we actually share an account, so he would have seen them as soon as they uploaded anyway) for the trip "to help him remember". Meltdown ensued, though not in front of him.

[ners]

Jun 22, 2021 10:14:19 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Jun 22, 2021 1:39:31 GMT -5 Opti said:

Not surprised. The oldest memories are the ones that persist the longest. So if the disease makes you think you are in your twenties, only people around you in your twenties seem like contemporaries.

Which is why to engage a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease or other form of dementia play music for them which was popular when they were young. They often come out of their shells for a few moments or even minutes. And it calms them.

 I fed my mom on Saturday evening.  I also played a couple of CD's.  On was a polka CD the other was a Christmas CD that I played all year long. The nurses would turn on the CD's when it was time for bed.  

[Tennesseer]

Jun 22, 2021 19:17:25 GMT -5 ners said:

Jun 22, 2021 10:14:19 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Which is why to engage a person suffering from Alzheimer's disease or other form of dementia play music for them which was popular when they were young. They often come out of their shells for a few moments or even minutes. And it calms them.

 I fed my mom on Saturday evening.  I also played a couple of CD's.  On was a polka CD the other was a Christmas CD that I played all year long. The nurses would turn on the CD's when it was time for bed.  

[thyme4change]

Jun 21, 2021 18:31:58 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Jun 21, 2021 17:42:48 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

My Grandma would tell my Mom that she just talked to my Grandpa on the phone and he was coming to pick her up. Instead of just saying "that's nice" my Mom reminded her Grandpa had been dead for 30 years. And my Grandma would mourn him as this was the first she heard of it. I dont know which was worse, her beloved husband dying every week or so, or the disappointment that he didn't show up - if she still remembered he was on his way.

Your grandma was my mom who had Alzheimer's disease. After dad died mom would ask where dad was. Mom was told he died. Mom cried. Mom asked again where dad was. Mom was told dad died. Mom cried.

I told the siblings stop telling momm dad died. She is always hearing dad died for the first time after she asks. I told them to tell mom dad was just with her and he went back to his room for a nap.

Mom was satisfied.

My Dad is always going somewhere and doing something. He volunteers and has hobbies and plans - all the time. He is just a guy who can't sit still. True his whole life - still true at 82 years old. It will be so easy to tell my Mom that he is over at the place, doing the thing, and you know how he is. And she will say "yes I do know".

[stillmovingforward]

Our neighbor was cared for for a long time by her husband at home when she had alzheimer's. My dog looked just like one of her dad's dogs. She loved her dad dearly. She would see my dog and get excited because her dad was on his way home because his dog always arrived just before he did. Sad but it used to comfort her. DS1 used my dog to get her to walk home with him one day when he found her wandering.

All the kids knew to play along with her reality.

[countrygirl2]

Hubs said his mom was talking to grandson the other day telling him she had 2 little boys. He said I don't know if she knew who I was or not, he told me, he didn't say anything.

I don't think she knows me a lot of the time. My mom thought I was her sister one time.

[Tennesseer]

Jun 24, 2021 17:57:50 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Hubs said his mom was talking to grandson the other day telling him she had 2 little boys. He said I don't know if she knew who I was or not, he told me, he didn't say anything.

I don't think she knows me a lot of the time. My mom thought I was her sister one time.

Two weeks prior to moving my parents from Massachusetts to South Carolina to live with my brother and his wife, we had to put mom in a local nursing home to get her medically stabilized.

When the two weeks were up, I flew up to Newark, NJ airport, rented a rental car and picked up my sister at the airport. We then drove up to Massachusetts to collect my parents and drive them to South Carolina.

My mom was escorted out of the nursing home by my dad, older brother and my mom's best friend. As they were walking to my sister, rental car and me, I walked up to my mom. Mom blankly stared at me as she was absolutely clueless as to who I was.

I didn't take it personally as it was not mom's fault. Family and friends cannot take it personally when someone with Alzheimer's disease or dementia has no idea who they are. Once you introduce yourself the reply from them, if they are in the present is, most times, "Of course."

That's good enough.

[thyme4change]

Given this conversation, have all y'all seen "The Father". It was great and such a great take on the subject. It makes you feel. I Highly suggest.


watch.amazon.com/detail?gti=amzn1.dv.gti.c0bb3509-0f7a-d456-1167-7ea84ddf0bba&ref_=atv_dp_share_mv&r=web

[toomuchreality]

I miss my mom.
This thread made me cry, although it's very kind and thoughtful.

[thyme4change]

Jun 24, 2021 22:02:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

I miss my mom.
This thread made me cry, although it's very kind and thoughtful.

🥀

[toomuchreality]

Jun 25, 2021 4:03:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Jun 24, 2021 22:02:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

I miss my mom.
This thread made me cry, although it's very kind and thoughtful.

🥀

Thank you