Am I being a bulldozer parent

[swamp]

The school is offering a lifeguard course. I told DS he has to take it. He may never work as a lifeguard but I think it’s a valuable skill to have, and if he needs a job, there are always job openings

He’s 15.

I worked as a lifeguard from 16 to 25 and made good money.

[Lizard Queen]

I don't think that's what a bulldozer parent is, and I'd do the same thing. Left to their own devices, my kids would watch a screen 24/7, so we make them do a sport, for example.

[Artemis Windsong]

I agree, swamp.

My GrD2 wanted to take life guard training as a teen. My son called me and said he wasn't paying for it. I told him I would because it's something she's interested in that will be a paying job. He paid for it. She worked as a life guard for years.

[Cookies Galore]

I don't think you're bulldozing but I do think you need to be careful about wanting your kids to do something just because you did it. That's a lot of wasted time for something he's not interested in pursuing.

[pulmonarymd]

One of our parenting mistakes was forcing our middle son to do the junior ski instructor program. He liked to ski, and was a good way to make money. He hated it, and we all were miserable as a result. We let him drop out. He found other jobs, and he now is 26, and has a contract on a condo in DC. He just didn't like it, but he does have a good work ethic. So I am on the fence about your decision. Only you know your child. Our middle one was not a good one to do this to. There are times where no matter what decision one makes as a parent it seems wrong.

[laterbloomer]

Are you making him give up something he wants to do to take this course? That would be a problem, depending what he lost out on.

[Tennesseer]

My first paid job was as a lifeguard.  Where else can you get paid to tan?

[giramomma]

I think more words are needed.

Yes. Life savings skills/safety skills are important. My kids get that through scouts. For them it's also not a one and done. It's a theme that comes back multiple times over 4+ years. They also chose to be in scouts.

If they were not in scouts, I'm not sure what would do. I'm not keen on pushing my kids to do something they won't partake in. At 15, it's a power struggle, and I'm not keen of trying to physically move my teens around to "make" them do something like I still can with the missy, if I need to exercise that option.

If your kiddo is refusing to comply after you have either used very motivation positive incentives (a damn good bribe) or punishment (taking away all funsies for a long time), there's something else going on. And at that point, it's time to listen to your kiddo to figure out what it is. At least, that's been my experience with my kids.

[giramomma]

Jun 2, 2021 16:32:33 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I don't think that's what a bulldozer parent is, and I'd do the same thing. Left to their own devices, my kids would watch a screen 24/7, so we make them do a sport, for example.

We ask our kids to do a sport, too. But, we don't dictate which one. We also hit a couple of times with DS, where we had run out of options/things he was interested in and were restricted in what else he could do, due to age, scheduling, whatever. So, we then just elected to wait it out until new opportunities presented themselves. It wasn't more than a six month time frame when it happened.

[billisonboard]

A thought:
"My parent forced me to take lifeguard treating."
"My parent insisted I take a job as a lifeguard."

Now someone's life is on the line.

I wonder if there is a safer for others direction to aim the bulldozer.

[chiver78]

it's definitely a good life skill, along with bartending classes and working as a waiter. but if he is really resisting, maybe back off this year? he might change his mind next year. (I forget how old he is, and how long he'll still be in town schools...)

[Lizard Queen]

Jun 2, 2021 17:26:54 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jun 2, 2021 16:32:33 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I don't think that's what a bulldozer parent is, and I'd do the same thing. Left to their own devices, my kids would watch a screen 24/7, so we make them do a sport, for example.

We ask our kids to do a sport, too. But, we don't dictate which one. We also hit a couple of times with DS, where we had run out of options/things he was interested in and were restricted in what else he could do, due to age, scheduling, whatever. So, we then just elected to wait it out until new opportunities presented themselves. It wasn't more than a six month time frame when it happened.

Yeah, if we had our druthers, the kids would do little league baseball (DH) and musical theatre (me). They're doing soccer. The only thing we require is some physical activity, especially this year with zero phys Ed in school. If they just wanted to play outside with bikes/running around instead of a formal sport, we'd even be okay with that. But they're couch potatoes, and they just don't.

[Lizard Queen]

Jun 2, 2021 17:05:19 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

My first paid job was as a lifeguard.  Where else can you get paid to tan?

I worked at a local water park when I was 19/20. Best job (tan) ever!

[obelisk]

My son is 12. He was asked to look after our next neighbor's house when they are away for the next 6 months. Meaning indoor plants, water leaks, taking care of their lawn and plants. I do not look after his work during the week. I know he will be diligent in getting the job done.  He will get the job done.

[kadee79]

My son took the lifeguard training when he was 15 & ended up basically running the local public pool where we lived at the time.  He cleaned it, he opened it, he did the schedules for the other life guards...and he wasn't supposed to do any of that until he was 16.  He was the only responsible kid they had working there that summer.  
My DGS also took lifeguard training.  One summer he was head life guard at a private complex pool @$15 an hr. and he also gave lessons in the mornings since the pool didn't open for everyone until 1 pm.  He was getting $25 per hr. for the lessons.  He had full classes all summer.  DGS also participates in triathlons...has won many & that helped pay part of his college education.  He was on the triathlon team & the cross-country team.

[swamp]

Jun 2, 2021 16:55:43 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Are you making him give up something he wants to do to take this course? That would be a problem, depending what he lost out on.

Yeah, playing video games.  

Hes got got nothing else going on.  He’s not in any activity right now. 

[swamp]

Jun 2, 2021 17:49:42 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

A thought:
"My parent forced me to take lifeguard treating."
"My parent insisted I take a job as a lifeguard."

Now someone's life is on the line.

I wonder if there is a safer for others direction to aim the bulldozer.

I’m not forcing him to actually work as a lifeguard.  I just want him to have the training.  We live on the water.  He’s on the jet ski a lot.  

[swamp]

Jun 2, 2021 16:38:31 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I don't think you're bulldozing but I do think you need to be careful about wanting your kids to do something just because you did it. That's a lot of wasted time for something he's not interested in pursuing.

It’s a skill I want him to have.  I’m fine if he never works as a lifeguard. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

I'm not reading that he's against this and is being forced.  Just that it's not something he would have pursued on his own.  I have tons of examples of that with my kids.  Some stuck, some didn't.  My oldest groaned quite a bit about driver's training, but he's pretty happy I forced him.

It's also not what I consider bulldozer parenting.  Bulldozer is more making things easier for them. 

[stillmovingforward]

I think he should have to take the training. You live on the water so it's a good skill to have. Like CPR training.

[CCL]

Did he say he doesn't want to take it? If you are going to insist he take it, you could tell him he can't ride the jet ski til he passes the class.

[finnime]

Not a bulldozer. Just a parent wanting children to develop essential skills.

[tractor]

I think it’s a great idea, if nothing else, just for the safety factor and to make him aware of the hazards of being around water.

[Cookies Galore]

Have your kids ever taken water safety classes? If not, then both kids need to take a class. You framed this as forcing your son to take a lifeguard class because you want him to have the skills and you were a lifeguard for nine years so it's not bad. What about your daughter?

The framing of your OP is different from your explanation to posters.

[giramomma]

Jun 3, 2021 7:52:50 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Have your kids ever taken water safety classes? If not, then both kids need to take a class. You framed this as forcing your son to take a lifeguard class because you want him to have the skills and you were a lifeguard for nine years so it's not bad. What about your daughter?

The framing of your OP is different from your explanation to posters.

I'm guess that life guarding is the best water safety course there is. Living rural, there might not be a lot of other options. There's also issue of quality. Our school's rec department offers swimming classes, but they are a joke. If you want real swimming/safety classes, you go to a swim school (there's only a handful in my city of 200K) or your join a private neighborliness pool and enroll your kid in swim lessons at an additional cost.

If access to training is an issue, the course may be the best option. And, there are age limits. Swamp's daughter is close to if not the  age of my oldest girl and probably too young to do the lifeguard course.

[giramomma]

Jun 2, 2021 23:14:54 GMT -5 CCL said:

Did he say he doesn't want to take it? If you are going to insist he take it, you could tell him he can't ride the jet ski til he passes the class.

This is the route I would take. Natural consequences really do work the best with my kids.

I have no clue about jet skis, but I would assume they need a key to start. I would just put the keys in your purse when you leave the house for work.

My kids also know that if they hound us about how much screen time they be missing out on, that perhaps that's the signal that we need to restrict their screen time. Age doesn't mater.

I'm also going to assume that swamp has made it clear that she is not pushing for her son to be a lifeguard.

Not an exact parallel, but we're a scouting family. DH was heavily involved from 6-32.  We were very clear from the outset that if the kids don't choose to be scouts, it's OK. If they choose to half-assed it, it was OK, to. DS used to walk around with a huge chip about how we were disappointed that he wasn't going through all the ranks to be eagle. Even though we never said that. It was just part of his piss poor 13-15/16 year old stage that we had to work through to get to the other side.

As it turns out, DD1 will likely be an eagle before she hits 10th grade. Her choice. She's well past DS in terms of ranks. Whenver they are in the same room, I tell her it's great that she is progressing, because she is a rock star with scouting. I remind DS that we didn't care what he did with scouting, but that he just had fun and did something. Now, he rolls his eyes into his head and says "I know ma.

I think he finally is choosing to really listen and understand us. But, it took getting through 15/16 to get there.

[swamp]

Jun 3, 2021 7:52:50 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Have your kids ever taken water safety classes? If not, then both kids need to take a class. You framed this as forcing your son to take a lifeguard class because you want him to have the skills and you were a lifeguard for nine years so it's not bad. What about your daughter?

The framing of your OP is different from your explanation to posters.

Yes. They took swim lessons for several years.

DD isn’t old enough for the course. You have to be 15. She’s 13. She will take it too when she’s old enough.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 3, 2021 8:17:27 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jun 2, 2021 23:14:54 GMT -5 CCL said:

Did he say he doesn't want to take it? If you are going to insist he take it, you could tell him he can't ride the jet ski til he passes the class.

This is the route I would take. Natural consequences really do work the best with my kids.

I have no clue about jet skis, but I would assume they need a key to start. I would just put the keys in your purse when you leave the house for work.

My kids also know that if they hound us about how much screen time they be missing out on, that perhaps that's the signal that we need to restrict their screen time. Age doesn't mater.

I'm also going to assume that swamp has made it clear that she is not pushing for her son to be a lifeguard.

Not an exact parallel, but we're a scouting family. DH was heavily involved from 6-32.  We were very clear from the outset that if the kids don't choose to be scouts, it's OK. If they choose to half-assed it, it was OK, to. DS used to walk around with a huge chip about how we were disappointed that he wasn't going through all the ranks to be eagle. Even though we never said that. It was just part of his piss poor 13-15/16 year old stage that we had to work through to get to the other side.

As it turns out, DD1 will likely be an eagle before she hits 10th grade. Her choice. She's well past DS in terms of ranks. Whenver they are in the same room, I tell her it's great that she is progressing, because she is a rock star with scouting. I remind DS that we didn't care what he did with scouting, but that he just had fun and did something. Now, he rolls his eyes into his head and says "I know ma.

I think he finally is choosing to really listen and understand us. But, it took getting through 15/16 to get there.

My brother is 31 and still not there. 

[daisylu]

I don't think so, but this is coming from a mom who forced her children to get their driver's licenses. We live 20 miles from anything, and I was done being a taxi driver.

IMO, sometimes you have to force kids to into life lessons that will benefit them in the future.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Just the fact that you live on water and you spend a significant amount of time on it suggests that having this skill might be a great idea just for safety reasons alone.