High School Graduation Ceremonies in a Pandemic

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Help me with perspective and pros and cons.
Please know that I’m exhausted because of the pandemic in general and the specific time of school year.
It’s 3:30am, I’ve been awake for an hour.
Here’s one of the topics keeping me awake.

Last year, (June 2020) no graduation ceremonies were allowed.
I ran 45 individual graduation ceremonies (of 80 total graduates; the other 35 didn’t have one by choice). I couldn’t not give the seniors some type of commencement. These ceremonies take a total of half an hour. That includes arrival, getting the cap and gown on, explaining the process, the actual ceremony, and family photos. At the beginning of the summer, I could allow the graduate to bring five guests; by the late summer, I could allow the graduate to bring ten guests.

At the beginning of this school year, I told seniors that at minimum, that’s what they have this year. If we were allowed a larger ceremony, I would do that. In mid-April, the state gave high schools its parameters for larger ceremonies. I’ve decided to hold five small ceremonies. Graduates get two tickets minimum if we’re (as a county) in high risk, and at our current risk level they would get four tickets. These ticket would be for inside guests. I’ll have up to 20 graduates at each ceremony.
The portion of the school in which we will have the ceremony has floor to ceiling windows. Each graduate may bring a carload of people to be outside watching the ceremony through the windows. There will be a PA system for the outside guests to hear the ceremony.


I now have a parent demanding that I honor the individual ceremony format. They want their ten guests inside.

Should I honor that request?
Thoughts?

[azucena]

Nope.  You're going above and beyond and not going to please everyone anyway.

The only thing I see missing from your list is a live stream option that's pretty easy to pull off on fb live.  This would allow relatives across the country to watch.  I'm hoping that's an option we keep for special events post-pandemic.

[ners]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe  First you will never please everyone.  IMHO you should not.  Last year you did what was allowed.  This year a decision was made to hold 5 ceremonies with more than 1 student at a time.  If you give in to the one parent how many others will follow.   My college held 6 ceremonies over 3 days.  The graduates were limited to 3 tickets each.  The event was livestreamed.

[Opti]

No. Ten guests is excessive in any year for a graduation ceremony. Are you considering it because they are a special donor to the school or someone who usually gets exceptions made for them?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I believe we only got four for my graduation, maybe six?  We certainly did not get ten people per graduate that is insane.  Our class was 250 people can you imagine if we each had invited ten guests?

I get it is an important moment for families but since cell phone cameras exist, many of high quality, there is no reason every family member you have needs to be physically at the location.  You designate someone to record it and then share it.  That's what I've been doing with the kids' dance routines.

Live feed is also an option.  They did that for Gwen's 5th grade graduation, the school has it's own secure Youtube page so they posted it on there for parents who couldn't make it.  

[giramomma]

I would 99.9% not want to accommodate. But, I also would want to know why the demand...at some point in life, people really do prefer gathering for happy occasions over funerals. If we're talking it's to allow grandma who is in poor health to see a grandchild she was very close to graduate and be in the same room..it would make me pause.

My college only had one graduation.. I think only students were allowed, and it was streamed. So, outdoors, 5K in a venue with enough seats for 80K. But that was a month ago. Within the last couple of weeks, life has been getting back close to normal, including lifting travel bans for employees, free access to offices and what not, etc. As of June 2, our county is done with masking....

I wouldn't jump to a number being excessive. We could well exceed 10 folks watching the missy's HS graduation. Depends on if the older two procreate and how many.

Not everyone has 10 folks come. Just my parents came to my graduation. Never paid attention to the limits, because it was never an issue for us.

[TheOtherMe]

In my class of over 500, commencement was held in the city municipal auditorium.  It held probably 10,000 people.  So there were no limits on how many came.  Graduation in my family was a big deal and I know I had over 25 family members in attendance.  But that was over 50 years ago and not in a pandemic.

In my college class we did have limits on tickets.  So everyone gathered at the house and waited for us to get home.

I would not make an exception to your rule for one set of parents unless it's a dying grandparent's wish.  All the parents are unhappy they can't bring more people.

Been through that at my own niece and nephews ceremonies.  Due to limited space, I would fly from Colorado but I could not attend the ceremony  I could only attend the party.

[wvugurl26]

DH's family could easily be over 10. We've never had enough tickets. Parents and maybe grandparents go. Then godparents.

We've watched a couple of live streams as well. For his niece, they streamed it to the gym. So we were sitting in there and were there after for pictures.

Even in normal times there are limited tickets generally.

[Lizard Queen]

Wow. I'm surprised so many people want to go. Graduation ceremonies are long and boring. I skipped my college graduation--technically all 3 of them. (Being in band, I attended grad ceremonies for my high school 3 years in a row.)

Our city uses the hockey arena for a lot of the high school graduations, so unlimited guests but still most people didn't have that many. Last year, my high school did a grad ceremony on the football field in July. Not sure what they're planning for this year.

Anyway, no, a special individual ceremony for one special snowflake is asking too much.

[daisylu]

May 26, 2021 9:39:09 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Wow. I'm surprised so many people want to go. Graduation ceremonies are long and boring. I skipped my college graduation--technically all 3 of them. (Being in band, I attended grad ceremonies for my high school 3 years in a row.)

Our city uses the hockey arena for a lot of the high school graduations, so unlimited guests but still most people didn't have that many. Last year, my high school did a grad ceremony on the football field in July. Not sure what they're planning for this year.

Anyway, no, a special individual ceremony for one special snowflake is asking too much.

That. Unless you are prepared for the requests that are likely to start rolling in when others find out.

[Miss Tequila]

Absolutely not. That is so entitled for this person to even ask it. Last year you went above and beyond because these kids would have had nothing. That is amazing in itself. But no one had unlimited tickets to graduation and should not expect it now.

[Cookies Galore]

Ten tickets is just excessive. I graduated 21 (gulp) years ago in a class of 800+, so obviously our tickets were limited, even with graduation happening at the HS stadium. Let's say this graduation class is 100 students and every family gets 10 tickets and all the tickets are used, that's 1,000 guests! Insanity.

My nephew is graduating next week (how is he old enough?!?!) and it's four tickets, live stream, sister having a party in July. If people are that hard up for involvement day of them someone can live stream the ceremony for the party waiting for the graduate at home.

[Ava]

If you do it for one student, then you'll have to do it for anyone who finds out and asks for the same.

The individual ceremony was a one-time event because of the pandemic. 
You shouldn't do it.

[geenamercile]

Another no.  I do agree with finding away to live stream it and let the other people watch at home.

[stillmovingforward]

I loved the streaming graduations. We could watch, eat, comment without disturbing others. And some of the speakers did thier speak from home. It was fun to see what background they chose

[imawino]

May 26, 2021 5:50:21 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Help me with perspective and pros and cons.
Please know that I’m exhausted because of the pandemic in general and the specific time of school year.
It’s 3:30am, I’ve been awake for an hour.
Here’s one of the topics keeping me awake.

Last year, (June 2020) no graduation ceremonies were allowed.
I ran 45 individual graduation ceremonies (of 80 total graduates; the other 35 didn’t have one by choice). I couldn’t not give the seniors some type of commencement. These ceremonies take a total of half an hour. That includes arrival, getting the cap and gown on, explaining the process, the actual ceremony, and family photos. At the beginning of the summer, I could allow the graduate to bring five guests; by the late summer, I could allow the graduate to bring ten guests.

At the beginning of this school year, I told seniors that at minimum, that’s what they have this year. If we were allowed a larger ceremony, I would do that. In mid-April, the state gave high schools its parameters for larger ceremonies. I’ve decided to hold five small ceremonies. Graduates get two tickets minimum if we’re (as a county) in high risk, and at our current risk level they would get four tickets. These ticket would be for inside guests. I’ll have up to 20 graduates at each ceremony.
The portion of the school in which we will have the ceremony has floor to ceiling windows. Each graduate may bring a carload of people to be outside watching the ceremony through the windows. There will be a PA system for the outside guests to hear the ceremony.


I now have a parent demanding that I honor the individual ceremony format. They want their ten guests inside.

Should I honor that request?
Thoughts?

I liked your post because I think it's awesome how above and beyond you went for everyone last year, not because you are up all night with work stress!

As others have said, I would very likely not even consider honoring that request.  Because my curiosity would get the better of me I would have to ask why they would want that, which may lead me down a path where I'd end up feeling I had to agree though!  

I find it hard to believe that the child who is graduating would prefer to have an individual ceremony as opposed to participating in the one with his/her classmates and friends.  Do you know the kid well enough to ask?  The individual ceremony is a nice thing to do when there's no alternative, but seems silly when a ceremony with fellow graduates is an option.  If it's just the kid and 10 family members, isn't that what a party at home is for?  I'm honestly perplexed by the ask!

[tallguy]

the other 35 didn’t have one by choice

I would have loved not having to go through mine.  The only reason I did was because my mother and grandmother would have been very upset if I didn't.  I have never been one for silly ritual, and it's not like being able to graduate was ever in doubt.  Do people even consider high school graduation to be a real accomplishment?

I may have been the first (not sure) on either side of my family to go to college.  I didn't go through that graduation, and didn't even tell anybody when it was until weeks afterward.  I gave them the high school one, but that was it.  They got over it.  I think....  



Oh, by the way, tell the woman (and yes, I am 99% certain it would be a mother) no, you are not going to extend a special break for her that is not being made available to everyone else.  She can have her own party/celebration for her little snowflake and invite everyone she knows.  

[imawino]

May 26, 2021 7:36:38 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I would 99.9% not want to accommodate. But, I also would want to know why the demand...at some point in life, people really do prefer gathering for happy occasions over funerals. If we're talking it's to allow grandma who is in poor health to see a grandchild she was very close to graduate and be in the same room..it would make me pause.

My college only had one graduation.. I think only students were allowed, and it was streamed. So, outdoors, 5K in a venue with enough seats for 80K. But that was a month ago. Within the last couple of weeks, life has been getting back close to normal, including lifting travel bans for employees, free access to offices and what not, etc. As of June 2, our county is done with masking....

I wouldn't jump to a number being excessive. We could well exceed 10 folks watching the missy's HS graduation. Depends on if the older two procreate and how many.

Not everyone has 10 folks come. Just my parents came to my graduation. Never paid attention to the limits, because it was never an issue for us.

Agree that's a nice reason, but if that's the case can't one of the 4 tickets they currently allow go to grandma?

[Tiny]

Graduates get two tickets minimum if we’re (as a county) in high risk, and at our current risk level they would get four tickets. These ticket would be for inside guests. I’ll have up to 20 graduates at each ceremony.
The portion of the school in which we will have the ceremony has floor to ceiling windows. Each graduate may bring a carload of people to be outside watching the ceremony through the windows. There will be a PA system for the outside guests to hear the ceremony.


I now have a parent demanding that I honor the individual ceremony format. They want their ten guests inside.

Should I honor that request?
Thoughts?

My first thought about the parent's demand was: Geez, so inflexible (I'm guessing they have boring sex or really infrequent sex as they wait for it to be Perfect... oh wait have to stay on topic ). I guess now is as good as anytime to learn that "Life is Not Fair".

I don't think you should honor their request. Everybody gets the same thing. End of story.

But, I'm wondering why they are demanding the 10 people for view the graduation ceremony? Is it because splitting up their 10 people (8 outside, 2 inside) causes a difficulty (ie outside = 1 adult and 7 small children? or outside 1 adult and 7 frail elders? or some combination of that? ) I'm not sure why one would bring so many "guests" that need "wrangling" but what do I know.

Will there be a photo opportunity so the graduate has pictures/video of receiving their degree/certificate?
Will there be some sort of "photo opportunity" area outdoors for the groups after the ceremony? Maybe a "graduation themed" back drop? or other Props that the family can take advantage of to make a meaningful "memory" photo? 

Are the demanding parents aware of this? I'm becoming more and more surprised by people who have no or little clue as to how something will be because they "envision" something they've seen on TV or in a Movie and think that's the way it is... Maybe the parents think the ONLY memento of the graduation will be their memory of their kid getting handed the diploma.
 

[kadee79]

I have recently watched live streaming of both of my grandkids graduating college.  My DGS graduated last year, however, they didn't have a ceremony until this year for those who were interested...it was on youtube.  At least with not having the entire class there, it was short.
Then last week my DGD graduated in real time from her college.  It took 1 1/2 hrs. before her name was called due to the number of graduates.  Hers was also live streamed, not sure how, I just used the school link she sent me. 
We live in SW Ga. & grandson graduated in N.C. & granddaughter graduated in Malibu, Ca.!  
Each of them only got 2 tickets to their graduations...and both were held outside.

No way would I do a private ceremony with 10 guests!...that is excessive even for those from large families around here.

[susana1954]

We typically have 650+ graduates so each student is limited to 6 tickets.  There is a healthy black market for these since not every student needs that many or even wants to attend.  

I would tell the parent that no private ceremonies will be held this year.  You were upfront about it at the beginning of the year.  Her student should have the opportunity to celebrate with her friends as well as family.

Suggest to the parent that her student start asking her friends for extra tickets.  That should allow her to tap into the black market if there is one without you recommending it. 

And by all means figure out a way to stream it. 

[tskeeter]

May 26, 2021 9:58:05 GMT -5 Ava said:

If you do it for one student, then you'll have to do it for anyone who finds out and asks for the same.

The individual ceremony was a one-time event because of the pandemic. 
You shouldn't do it.

And parents/students who discover after graduation that an individual ceremony was an option will be ticked off because they weren’t informed about the options in advance.  

It’s a no win situation.  Stick to your guns, TWC.  I think it’s OK that you don’t have the energy to do 80 individual graduation ceremonies after spending the last year and a half reinventing the education process to work during a pandemic.

[mamasita99]

My DD is graduating from high school in a few weeks. It will be in an outdoor venue, in fact the amphitheater where II saw Billy Idol. We still only get 4 tickets. She’s graduating in a class of 700. I would never ask for a special ceremony for one kid. I’m just grateful she gets a ceremony.

[NastyWoman]

Absolutely not or you will still be doing this ten years from now. Do NOT set a precedent!

[teen persuasion]

In a normal year, a graduate at our HS gets 5 tickets. If weather is good, graduation is held outdoors, and tickets are only for the official seats, but everyone is allowed to bring a lawn chair and sit nearby. Much of the village watches from their front lawns across the street. The 5 ticket rule is only an issue if it rains and graduation is forced indoors to the auditorium. Which makes it a last minute problem for anyone with more than 5 family members.

Generally the school asks that those who truly need more tickets ask friends for excess/unwanted tickets. If that fails, then ask the administration for a special accommodation.

Can you set aside a handful of extra tickets that you could sparingly grant to cover the shortfall in special cases who specifically ask (nicely, I'd hope)?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Good morning!
Thank you for the thoughts.
I talk to the mom again on Friday.
I’ll let you know how it goes.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Live-stream it.  That's what our high school did last year when we had a parking lot ceremony and the only ones allowed out of the one allowed car per family were the graduates.  It went over so well they're going to keep doing the live stream.

[Tiny]

On the live-stream - my nephew and his wife "live streamed" their backyard wedding ceremony(the whole set up was a gift from a cousin with a photo/art/tech hobby) The ceremony was awesome to watch - I felt more connected watching (rather than being one in a crowd of 50 straining to see what was going on). It might have helped that his cousin is pretty talented and savvy with photography and video.

I think lots of things should continue to be live streamed...

[thyme4change]

First off I want to say that high school graduation is important, and what I will say next may feel like I am denigrating it - hopefully everyone can take it in the spirit intended.

When I think about families that would ask for this - is it someone who struggled through school, a first generation, someone with a disability? Or is it an above average achiever (and family) with an unusual need to be the center of attention?

If it is someone who graduating high school was a real challenge, maybe they have a favorite teacher or something that would offer to go to the family's house and say a few words and deliver the diploma. It would be on the student to seek out and arrange with said teacher, but you would have to bless it.

If it is just a narcissist mother with a child that is more specialer than every other kid merely because of their fine lineage, the answer is no.